


A Wish for Christmas

by morganaDW (morgana07)



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Jared, Emotional, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Time, Holidays, Hurt Jared Padalecki, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Violence, Top Jensen Ackles, Triggers, Trust the Author, mention of death but NOT a death fic, mention of past suicide attempts, tissue warning towards the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-25
Updated: 2014-01-07
Packaged: 2018-01-06 03:24:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 137,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1101814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morgana07/pseuds/morganaDW
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>J2 AU story. Jensen is a single father with a 5-year old daughter who has one wish for Christmas & that's for her new best friend to please come live with them to make her Daddy happy. The first issue with that her best friend is a mannequin in the store her grandparents own. When it looks like Mia and Jensen wish comes true, it is quickly determined that there's more to Jared than meets the eye & soon Jensen's past is coming back to him in a way he never expected, especially when he learns some very startling truths about what cost him his best friend's life 16 years earlier</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is actually the 2nd J2 story I've written (the first is still with a beta) so I'm a little nervous. It's nearly complete so chapters will update regularly.  
> Warnings overall: For language, explicit sexual scenes in later chapters but usually will warn per chapter for anything that is needed such as there will be mention of attempted suicide in a later chapter so please look for warning in the chapter notes.  
> Beta: 1Dean_girl  
> Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy the piece.  
> I don't own anything & this is written for fun.

**Chapter One**

 

 ‘ _It’s time_.’

 ‘ _Do you really think another one of us will be given the chance?’_

  _‘Of course, silly. It’s that time of year where nearly every little boy or girl is looking for a new Mommy and the wish is almost always the same.’_

  _‘What are you talking about? What wish? What chance_?’

 The brightly and cheerfully decorated department store in New York Citywas filled with busy shoppers preparing for the most festive holiday of the year.

 Men and women, some with children in tow, hustled from department to department but as always were too busy or unable to hear the voices of the life like mannequins Westins had become known for using all over their large stories along the East Coast.

 Alec Westin had first started using the lifelike models to display the fashions or just to make the original small store look more inviting 75 years earlier and each new generation had continued the tradition, including the current owners Gary and Laura Ackles.

 The only difference being that Gary was of a more modern mind who also believed the men who shopped his store should be represented and had been slowly introducing a few male mannequins; one of which happened to have been placed in the ladies department surrounded by the other female ones, something that was not lost on how the handsome wide eyed mannequin was treated for the others.

 ‘ _It doesn’t concern you, new boy_ ,’ Lydia, the eldest of the store mannequins replied with just a touch more sarcasm than was needed. ‘ _You’re not the right type to be chosen for this honor_.’

 ‘ _Little children looking for mommy’s come looking for a special mannequin and if their wish is granted then the one chosen gets to live as a human and possibly stay alive_ ,’ a younger model told him, sniffing with disdain at the male with his shoulder length dark hair, gentle looking hazel eyes that appeared alive even then, long hands curved as if to hold something and dressed in black jeans, deep red sweater and black leather jacket that didn’t even fit in with the rest of the girls in their pretty winter dresses and sparkly jewelry. ‘ _No one would choose you. What do you know about children or_ …’

 The male model wished he’d been placed anywhere else in the store other than with this petty grouping who only talked about which one had the better dress or shoes and had laughed more than once at the clothes that a few of the humans had worn.

 ‘ _Mr. Ackles didn’t even think you important enough to name you like he did with the rest of us_.’ Lydia told him smugly. ‘ _You were only given the name you have because she started calling you that and Mr. Ackles is too soft to not give in to_ …’

 Jared knew his place in the store was fragile because unlike the few other male mannequins in the men’s section he didn’t seem to fit in anywhere.

 He wasn’t rugged or tough looking enough to display the hunting gear. He was too young and pretty looking to display business suits or professional wear and so had been delegated to just filling in as a backdrop to the pretty ladies who never let him forget his place.

 The day the little blond haired girl had first ran up to him months ago to put her little hand in his Jared had been lost to her open bright smile and happy laugh. It was her visits to the store that brightened his otherwise gloomy time.

 As holiday shoppers came and went, Jared began to understand this might be his last days in the store as he hadn’t missed the others gossiping about new mannequins being brought in the first of the year and he wished he did stand a chance to become flesh and blood…even if he didn’t know what that meant.

 ‘ _Here comes your little friend, Jared_ ,’ another mannequin, a busty red head in deep royal blue sweater and skirt had seen the child first. ‘ _Don’t see her father with her today. You look like the type he’d take home if you were real…or so the girls on the second floor say. He’s not the kind to go in for hunting either if you get my meaning. Maybe if you’re lucky, he’d take you home for a hat rack if the Ackles decide to scrap_  you.’

 The mocking giggling made Jared upset but like always he remained silent, what more could a simple department store dummy do afterall?”

 “Jared!” the happy voice took all that away as the tiny little five year girl ran up to the platform he was positioned on to crawl up on it and wrap small arms around his waist in her form of a hug. “I missed you! Daddy had to come into the city so I get to play with Granma Laura.”

 Mia Ackles usually hated coming from her quiet home into the loud city but on the times when she knew she’d get to come to the store her grandparents owned she was happier. She was happiest when she could find her way to where her favorite mannequin was.

 It had been Mia who had named Jared and when her father had asked why she’d chosen that name the little girl had just replied that an angel had told her it was his name and that had settled the matter.

 Jared knew who Mia’s father was even though no one in the store, not the mannequins or even the real live store employees saw Jensen Ackles often but the one time Jared had seen him it had certainly made an impact on his unbeating heart.

 Even new mannequins picked up the small talk and gossip that passed around so Jared had heard how Jensen was Gary and Laura’s only son but second child and how the man was a cold, uncaring soul who painted alone in some dreary place further up in the mountains.

 This description had not fit with the man Jared had seen pick the tiny child up, his green eyes soft with some emotion that Jared didn’t understand or know about.

 Jensen was called cold and aloof by Lydia and the others but Jared saw him differently. He saw a ruggedly handsome man built in a way that could carry both the business suits and the casual look of jeans and t-shirts. He’d seen freckles dusting his face the one time when Mia had gotten her father to pick her up so she could kiss Jared goodbye.

 This was not a cold man but a…Jared didn’t have the ability to describe it or why the father and daughter made him inwardly smile and long for something he knew he would never have.

 “Daddy’s sad and lonely,” Mia was speaking, her normally happy face not quite as bright as she sat on the platform to lean her head against Jared’s unmovable legs. “He’s working really hard on some doodles so he can’t be with me all the time but I don’t wanna a nanny cause I’m a big girl. I don’t need a mean old nanny like Mrs. Masters who yells at me if I make noise or if I bring mud in the house,” she huffed out a breath. “I don’t want a nanny. I want a mommy…but…”

 Jared could hear all the other mannequins whispering among themselves but not all of them nicely since he didn’t understand the things they said about Mia’s father. He looked perfectly normal to Jared.

 ‘ _It won’t be her wish that he’ll choose_ ,’ Lydia comment. ‘ _Everyone knows none of us can give her a mommy. Her Daddy isn’t into…_ ’

 ‘ _Stop it!_ ’ Jared hissed, relieved that the child couldn’t hear the others as her soulful green eyes that were so much like her father’s looked up at him.

 “But I don’t want a mommy like my cousin Jenny has Aunt Sarah,” Mia went on, fingers clutching onto the jeans. “I want you, Jared. I want…”

 “Mia!” Laura Ackles hurried through the crowds, releasing the breath she’d been holding from the moment she first realized her granddaughter had slipped away from her. “There you are!”

 The child looked over as her grandmother approached. “I was just visiting Jared, Granma,” Mia scooted closer. “I was just telling him how I want him to be my new mommy.”

 Laura Ackles was nearly as flawless as the female mannequins surrounding them with her perfectly styled platinum blond hair done in a well set style that suited her slim pantsuit. She looked every bit the businesswoman and not a harried grandmother until her only grandchild announced this.

 “Sweetie, I know you like this doll but even if he wasn’t just plastic he couldn’t be your Mommy because he’s a male and your Daddy needs a nice pretty lady to make him happy so you’ll have a Mommy,” Laura refrained from looking around to see if any shoppers were paying attention since, to her chagrin, it wasn’t a secret that her only son was gay.

 “That’s not what Grandpa says,” Mia objected, setting her face into a little scowl while moving back more against Jared’s legs as if defending her new friend. “He says Daddy likes kissin’ boys more than he like wearing fancy…”

 “Mia, it’s not polite to repeat what other people say and also to listen to what your grandfather says,” Laura had told her husband to watch what he said if the child was nearby because the subject of their son’s lifestyle had already come up in Mia’s former school. “He was just joking. Your Daddy does not like…men. Now, come along while I check on the perfume samples and then we’ll meet your Daddy and Grandpa for lunch.”

 The child tried to protest but knew it was useless when her grandmother got that pinched look on her face and slowly got to her feet to look up sadly. “I’ll bring Daddy to see you before we go home, Jared. Don’t look sad. It’s Christmas and if we’re good we’ll get what we want…or so Daddy says.”

 Jared watched as Laura tugged Mia away, aching to be able to curl his fingers just once around that little hand that so often held his with such open trust.

 ‘ _Cute kid. Pity she has to settle for less,_ ’ Lydia spoke as she and the other mannequins began whispering as various children passed through their department through the day.

 It was close to closing when Jared heard a soft sound down from the bottom of the platform and knew Mia was back even before she spoke.

 “Daddy came with me this time but he’s talking with Grandpa,” she whispered as if it was a secret, reaching up to hold Jared’s hand as tight as she could while looking up at his face like she did so often. “When Daddy paints you he smiles. When Daddy paints ugly flowers he’s sad. You make me and Daddy happy, Jared…so if I can have just one wish this year I would wish you were real so you could stay with us, love us, love Daddy and make me not have to go away.”

 Jared heard the tears before he thought he could feel them, confused at why Mia would have to go away or why he wished he could give this child what he thought of was such a simple wish.

 “Now what’s this? A crying child so close to Christmas? I must not be doing my job well then.”

 The deep booming voice belonged to an older man dressed as a typical Santa with flowing white beard, sparkling blue eyes and rosy cheeks who stopped near the platform where Mia was sitting, fat teardrops falling down her cheeks.

 “Santa! Why aren’t you at home in the North Pole?” she asked, not bothering to wipe her eyes as she stared up at this idea of what every child thought of now as Santa Claus.

 “Oh, I sometimes visit stores like Westins to check in on the boys and girls,” the man gazed kindly at Mia but his eyes drifted around to the whispering mannequins in reproach. “May I ask who you are and why you’re crying?”

 Mia’s hand wiped her nose before standing to take a hold of Jared’s stiff one again. “I am Mia Ackles and I want a Mommy or someone who will love me and my Daddy without making him upset or not wanting me but…” she bit her lip while motioning the man to lean closer. “Santa? If I take back all my other wishes for toys and silly stuff can I make a wish for my Daddy?” she asked softly.

 Santa smiled as he took in this blond haired pixie like child with a soft coating of freckles covering her cheeks much like he knew her father still had to this day. “What would you wish me to bring your Father, Mia?” he asked kindly.

 “Jared,” Mia’s smile was bright and innocent as she gazed up at the mannequin and not at any of the more obvious choices. “He makes Daddy smile when I talk about him and he makes me happy. You see, Santa? My Daddy is special…well, that’s now what my Aunt calls him and I don’t know why seeing my Dad happy makes Grandma upset but I just know that Jared would make him happy and I will wish really hard for Jared to come live us.”

 The elderly man wasn’t too surprised by the child’s wish since he’d been watching her with the mannequin for several months and understood better than most the true magic of Christmas could often be as simple as one child’s wish.

 “Mia, Santa doesn’t take into consideration how your Daddy chooses to live so long as he loves and cares for you,” he told her, folding his hand over the one she had encased in Jared’s and winked when only he felt the slightest of movement. “You keep being a good girl for your Daddy and wishing very hard and I assure that I will do my best to give both you and Jensen a Merry Christmas.”

 The child’s smile lit and it got brighter as she spun at her father’s voice coming through the ladies department. “Daddy!” she jumped into Jensen’s waiting arms to wrap her arms around his neck. “Santa’s gonna bring me my bestest wish!”

 Jensen Ackles had learned the fine art of covering his emotions when his daughter was around but this latest round with his Mother made it hard to settle his nerves so his return smile was a little strained at the edges; something that Mia still sensed.

 “Daddy? You won’t let them get rid of Jared will you?” she’d heard her grandmother talking about changing some of the displays and had known one of them was going to be her friend. “Please! Don’t let her take…”

 “Baby, I promise not to let Grandma or Grandpa take Jared away from you,” Jensen had to think twice before saying ‘us’ but he had to admit to a small spurt of anger when his mother decided to remove the one mannequin that had come to mean so much to his little girl and to himself if he were honest with himself.

 Jensen had grown up in Westins and had certainly seen his fair share of the display models so he wasn’t certain what about this one, with his boyish good looks, quirky smile, kind eyes and long hair, that had tugged at him even before his Dad had laughingly told him that Mia had named it Jared.

 It was after that, that Jensen had begun to really paint again, even if it was pieces that weren’t what his agent at the gallery wanted to display.   The mannequin’s face, along with Mia’s were what always came to mind these days.

 Now, his mother’s choice to get rid of Jared was just another layer of stress on Jensen that he could’ve done without right then but for now he chose to focus on his little girl. “So, you went and met Santa without me?” he nudged her up higher on his hip since he knew what she’d want to do before they left the store. “What’s your wish, Mia-Lia?” he asked, using the nickname his good friend Chris often used for her.

 “If I tell you then it won’t come true, Daddy,” Mia admonished him, smiling at Santa while stretching her other arm as far as she could to wrap it around Jared’s neck to hold onto both her friend and her father. “See Santa? A happy family.”

 Jensen’s smile faltered as his eyes filled with tears he forced away, understanding so much what his innocent little girl wanted and also how much he wished he could make it come true for her. “I’m happy so long as I have you, baby.”

 The old man took at the scene before him of the man, the child and the so life like mannequin while remembering another wish he’d heard years before by a traumatized teenage boy longing for his best friend.

 “I can recall speaking to your Daddy one Christmas long ago too,” Santa chuckled as two pairs of sharp green eyes shot up.

 “Daddy, you wished to Santa too?” Mia thought that was just amazing so her smile brightened as she laid her head over against the mannequin’s shoulder like she would do her father. “Did you wish for a Mommy too?”

 Jensen’s smile was pure love as he let her cuddle a moment longer before slowly, almost hesitantly, took her back fully and swore he’d seen a flash of regret in not only Mia’s green eyes but the deep hazel ones that never blinked. “No, my best friend,” he told softly, kissing her hair. “Time to go home, Mia.”

 “Home home or fake home?” even at five Mia had her father’s attitude and hated the apartment on the East Side of New York when she knew they both much preferred the solitude of their home in the Catskills.

 “Just one more day in the city and we’ll go home, baby,” Jensen understood his daughter’s dislike of his parents formal home and also the nanny that came along with it. “Say goodbye to your friend and to Santa.”

 Mia’s lips pouted but she kissed Jared’s cheek while smiling at the rosy cheeked man in red. “Love you, Jared. Bye-bye, Santa.”

 “Good bye, Mia,” Santa chuckled, waiting until Jensen was a few feet away to call out. “Jensen? Do you still miss him?”

 The simple question might not have seemed like anything but to Jensen it made him falter, understanding who the man in the suit truly was. “Only every day of my life.”

 Jensen paused at the end of the department to look back only saw the scattered mannequins. The man dressed as Santa was gone like he’d never been but then Jensen knew that was something he was good at. “G’night…Jared,” he whispered to himself.

 Mannequins were lifeless, unfeeling, unmovable items but there was one in Westins who inwardly wept for both father and daughter.

 Several hours after closing as the midnight hour came close when all the lights were off and the noise of the shoppers and cash registers were silent was when the unseen magic happened; when the mannequins seemed to come to life for a few short hours to move from their statue-like poses.

 It was this time that Jared hated the most because to be mocked and teased while posed was one thing but to have those plastic faces able to shift expressions even slightly to do it made him feel worse.

 ‘ _Don’t be sad, Jared,_ ’ Lydia smiled, holding a new dress up to see what it might look like on. ‘ _I’m sure when they melt you for scrap you’ll get recycled into something useful…perhaps a watch band_.’

 As the others within earshot laughed, one smaller female looked around anxiously. ‘ _It’s almost time. Do you think he’ll choose this store to pick one of us from_?’

 ‘ _Of course he will, Abby_ ,’ Lydia scoffed. ‘ _This is his favorite store and we’re the best of the Westin mannequins…well, most of us are. Poor Jared is just evidence that even Mr. C. has his off days_.’

 “You know I always wondered why no child or adult ever showed an interest in you when they come through the store, Lydia. Now I understand. You are not a nice mannequin and I might have to return you to the shop for some…modifications.”

 The voice wasn’t as booming but it was deep as Nickolas Claus stepped into the department. No longer wearing the Santa suit he sometimes preferred when visiting the store but his casual suit was a soft red but the boots were still a shiny black.

 The older man had been making and supplying the lifelike mannequins to the many Westins stores for years and this one, the first, is the one he always came to when it was time for the Christmas choice.

 He put great care and love into each one of the mannequins so each looked differently and he often tried to imagine the personalities they would have if given the chance but he supposed in so many years he was bound to find a flaw.

 “Kindness, generosity and love is what I instill into each one of you but I fear some of you have been forgetting that these children see in you a chance to have a real family and to be loved. They do not judge and do not accept to be judged…as I hear from some others has been happening here for the past several years,” Nic shook his head sadly while eyeing the array of mannequins. “You have been given a very special gift. The ability to offer love to a lonely child and also to become real so I would like to think you will take that into consideration for next year.”

 ‘ _Next year_?’ one of the gasped from the back. ‘ _What about this year, sir_?’

 “Oh, a wonderfully brave little boy up in infants on the second floor today was crying because his Mother passed to be with Jesus while having his little sister and his Daddy was sad and alone so Darcy was given the gift of life to go heal his little heart while also helping to care for the infant,”Nic replied, still sad as he had listened to the child’s story.

 It was the innocence of children that had caused his family many generations ago to start making the mannequins and whose magic once a year could make a wish come true.

 ‘ _Sir_?’ Jared rarely spoke up when his creator was near because he often felt too insecure. Tonight though he knew he would only have one chance.

 “Yes, Jared?” Nic was pleased that the boy spoke. “I understand you’ve been having problems…finding a place to suit you.”

 Jared wasn’t having the problem. It seems the store just couldn’t find him a correct spot. ‘ _No, I’m…fine_ ,’ he wouldn’t throw the others under the bus by saying how cruel a few could be. ‘ _I understand the Westins will probably…return me to the shop but…I was wondering…well, I’m not sure of the rules for this but…if there any chance of possibly sending one of them to give Mia her wish?_ ’

 Though it would hurt to never see the child again and he hated the thought of one of the meaner mannequin’s being given the gift to be with Mia and her father it hurt to think of her not getting her wish.

 ‘ _A wish was already granted_ ,’ Lydia told him, upset that once again she’d been picked over. ‘ _Only one wish is granted a year and besides, no one would grant Mia’s because none of us could give her Father what he wants_.’

 “That is enough!” Nic had finally heard enough from the head of the ladies department. “Lydia, concessions can be made for special circumstances and I had already decided to grant little Mia’s desperate wish. However, I can certainly say that it won’t be going to you and that I will be making certain that of any of the displays returned you shall be among them for your lack of caring toward a child and also how you treat Jared.”

 As the display’s plastic face fell, the creator shook his head while looking around. “It’s not only children that Santa watches, boys and girls. I have my eyes and ears in many places and have seen how cruel many of you have been to Jared while he’s been here.

 “Just like humans are different in their shapes, sizes, likes and dislikes, each of you were also gifted like this. Jared was given a very special gift when I made him that might make him unfit for modeling hunting wear or business suits but what he excels at he hasn’t been given a chance to show yet. I want you all to remember that,” he finished.

 ‘ _So you’ll send one of the girls to be with Mia?_ ’ Jared asked hopefully, glad he couldn’t blush because he feared he would after that.

 “No, I fear none of these are suited for the wish Mia deserves because I’m also not giving Mia her wish but I’m also giving Jensen his wish,” Nic replied, turning back to Jared to smile at the confused look. “Many years ago when Jensen was sixteen he asked me for something special and I told him that one day when I thought he was ready I would see. I feel he’s ready and because Mia’s already in love with you…it’s time for you to fulfill what I created you for, Jared.”

 Reaching into his pocket, Nic removed a handful of sparkly powder from a velvet bag to smile. “I made you not to model clothes or be a backdrop for housewares but to bring life and light back into Jensen’s eyes,” he lightly blew the powder toward what had become his favorite mannequin, stepping back to just watch the magic as it happened.

 The magic dust as his grandchildren called it was what brought his creations to life in a way that the old man had never fully known as it was a family secret but he watched it swirl around Jared until slowly came the first movement of a finger.

 Startled and confused by what he could feel happening, it wasn’t only a simple act of hard plastic turning to flesh. Jared could feel the change happening inside him as well. He could hear a heart beating, feel his fingers curl and move on his own but it was the rush of images, of emotions coursing through his mind that hit him the hardest.

 The change from mannequin to flesh and blood was never easy so Nic stood with infinite patience until finally with a gasp of breath, Jared went to his knees on the floor; fingers flexing on the polished floor like he was learning how to move them.

 “Jared?” the older man laid a hand on a shoulder that was no longer cold but warm under the leather jacket he still wore. “Take it easy and be calm. Everything will settle soon.”

 It seemed to take forever before Jared’s ears adjusted to actual human hearing and only then did he understand that he could only hear Nic’s voice. He no longer heard the voices of the other mannequins and when he looked up they were unmoving even though he knew they should still be awake. “Where am I?” he asked, voice sounding deep to his ears, unused but with a slight accent that he couldn’t place.

 “Where you are doesn’t matter. It is where you’re going from here that is important to you, my dear boy,” Nic smiled as he helped him stand, wondering if he hadn’t made him a bit too tall because now that Jared was alive, his 6’4” frame might seem a bit too much to some.

 “Where am I going, Sir?” Jared asked, shocked and amazed when he looked down to see his hands were flesh and slowly his time as anything else seemed to be fading.

 Nic laughed his booming laugh, placing both hands on Jared’s broad shoulders to look him in the eye. “You’re going home.”

 

**TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> General warning for mild language.

**Chapter Two**

 

Jensen Ackles stood at the window overlooking the park. It was the middle of the night, a light snow was falling and things were nearly quiet.

 It had taken much longer than normal to get Mia to sleep that night since his daughter also didn’t sleep well anywhere but her own bed, in her own room back at their own home in the hills of the Catskills where she had all her toys, her stuffed animals, and the mural Jensen had painted himself on the ceiling and walls.

 Of course he wasn’t foolish enough to not think Mia also wasn’t upset because she’d heard more than she should have of his last semi-argument with his mother earlier that night.

 It annoyed Jensen that before Mia was born his mother really hadn’t paid much attention to his life or what he did with it. It was only afterward, after Jensen had made the choice to keep the baby that the mother hadn’t wanted that his own mother decided to start telling him how to live.

 It also annoyed him that his Mother thought she knew what was best for his daughter even if that only meant sending her away to some private school in Europe.

 That had been one of their biggest issues since Mia got to the age where she could start school. Laura Ackles had wanted her granddaughter to attend only the best private school in New York State but of course Jensen knew the rumors of his change in lifestyle would affect that because the fancy school would frown on a single father in the first place but a single father who may or may not be gay would also be an issue.

 Smirking into his coffee, Jensen didn’t really care what people thought of him these days. He never said one way or the other what he preferred when dating even though after the mess with Steph had happened as well as a few bad experiences as of late with ‘dates’ his Mother set up he was beginning to firmly lean in the direction that everyone thought he was…the one that he knew he probably would have sixteen years earlier if the accident hadn’t happened.

 Sitting the mug down, Jensen stepped to the door of his room where Mia was laying surrounded by pillows to keep her from rolling out of the massive king size bed to just watch his saving grace as she slept in her pink footie pajamas, her thumb just hovering close to her mouth but not in it since he was trying to break her of that habit.

 Two things had happened to change Jensen’s life. One so bad it had nearly destroyed him and then one that had blessed him with the urge to live again.

 Content that Mia would sleep, the 32 year old native New York stepped back to a small room off the main bedroom to flip the light on, watching dust settle as it was disturbed by the door opening.

 Jensen knew no one came in this room because he kept it locked so his Mother wouldn’t get the brilliant plan to remove his early works and unfinished canvases. Things that he now wanted moved to his home.

The room had been his makeshift studio growing up when his Father had decided that art and painting wouldn’t just be a passing fad for his son. On the wall was still the only surviving portrait of his early teenage years and that was because something had kept Jensen from destroying it like he had every other picture or print that had showed him with his best friend.

 He and Jared had met when Jared’s parents began to work for Westins department store. There was a four year age difference between them but they became the best of friends and had remained like that.

 Jensen had looked after the younger boy in school and had stood up to the taller kids who always picked on the shorter, chubbier boy. It wasn’t until Jared had started to grow that he began to lose some of the baby fat and his long legs hinted that he would one day actually be taller than his best friend.

 Of all the friends Jensen had in his life it was Jared that he’d stuck to, had confided in and had slowly just been settling himself into the knowledge that he loved him a little too much when tragedy struck and Jensen’s life changed dramatically in the space of a night.

 The Padaleckis had been planning to travel to the Hamptons to visit friends for Christmas the year Jared had been 12 but had gotten a late start in worsening weather when Laura Ackles had to have Mrs. Padalecki stay late to help her redo the selection of displays.

 Even now as he looked at the photo of him and his best friend smiling at the camera, both covered in snow, Jensen could still recall the late night call his father had gotten from the highway patrol since he’d been listed as the contact because there was no other family still alive.

 A drunk driver had hit the family head on, killing Mr. and Mrs. Padalecki instantly but Jared had survived another day until his internal bleeding had finally claimed him.

 ‘ _Don’t cry, Jen. I’ll come back one day_ ,’ the dying boy had tried to cheer his best friend up even as he was fighting to breathe. ‘ _Promise. One day…we’ll be a happy family_.’

 “A happy family,” Jensen repeated softly, lifting the cover off of the last piece of art he’d painted before his world crashed in on him and stared into the deep hazel eyes of his best friend.

 Jared had been the happiest boy that he’d ever met. Always laughing with dimples when he smiled and hazel eyes that had always seemed so deep that Jensen had often asked how old his soul was that was the type of eyes his friend had…the kind of eyes the mannequin in his family’s store stared at him with.

 When Jared died it seemed like a piece of Jensen had died as well. He’d stopped painting, stopping living and had just existed. He blamed his mother for delaying the Padalecki’s trip and he blamed himself for not insisting more to get his parents to allow Jared to spend Christmas with them like the boys had originally wanted.

 He spent the next 11 years just coping. Pretending to be fine even as he missed his best friend to the point where right after it had happened he had gone to Nic Claus and begged him to find some way of making a doll that at least looked like his friend so he would have that memory.

 The kind older man hadn’t refused but had just told him that he would consider it when he thought Jensen was ready to handle it. These days, Jensen wondered if Nic knew that would have just made it worse on him.

 He’d stopped painting what he loved and just painted anything to keep busy but he never stopped missing the boy that he often wondered about what kind of man he would have become had Jared been able to live.

 Jensen had humored his parents in their attempts to pair him off with daughters of their friends though he thought his Dad had finally gotten the idea. He wished his mother would.

 It had been a date with a daughter of one of their country club friends, Stephanie, that had ended up saving Jensen’s life because it had gifted him with his beautiful little girl.

 It had been the third date, one neither Jensen nor Stephanie had wanted to go on, that had involved too much drinking and a night of sex that protection or not had resulted in the would-be classical singer finding herself pregnant.

 Jensen had never once considered himself father material. He hadn’t grown up surrounded in warmth or love. He’d accepted his younger sister was his mother’s favorite and his father just loved them both the only way he knew how so the thought of a child, his own child, had scared him to death.

 Of course he’d accepted his dad’s lecture of taking responsibility and his mother’s worries of keeping it low key as to not hurt any one’s reputation. It wasn’t until Steph had threatened to abort the child so she could still move to California to pursue her singing dreams that Jensen had threatened to go public.

 He had paid a hefty amount so she’d see it through and once Mia had been placed in his arms had watched himself while she coolly signed away any future contact with the child she’d just given birth to but clearly didn’t connect with.

 Now as he ran his fingers through his short dark blond hair he recalled the love he’d had for that baby from the first moment he’d seen her and how he’d wished so badly to be able to share her with his best friend.

 “You would adore her, Jay,” he whispered to the photo, unaware of the tears on his face as he once again thought of his friend and then thought of how Mia attached herself to the mannequin that had also pulled Jensen in a way he hadn’t thought possible.

 The first time his father had said what his then four year old little girl was calling the new display it had touched him. When she had given her reply to why she had chosen that name it had broken his heart and when he’d actually seen the mannequin it had stunned him.

 Jensen had seen the lifelike models Nic could make and understood how real they often seemed but it was when he’d first seen Jared that he wondered just what else the old man was doing in that workshop because he was stunned at how close to his own sketches of Jared, all grown up and alive, the display had looked.

 It was why he hadn’t discouraged Mia’s talking to him or her fondness of that one over all the others. It was why he would now fight his mother to keep that display in the store because he’d lost Jared once but he would not allow his daughter to feel the same pain.

 The mannequin seemed out of place in the store and it hurt Jensen sometimes to think of him alone, not belonging because he understood those feelings only too well. In some way it had been the mannequin’s likeness to what Jensen had always thought his friend would look like when they’d become adults that had started allowing him to paint the things he loved even if his manager at the gallery wasn’t impressed and was threatening not to renew his contract if he didn’t make the upcoming show.

 If he didn’t do the gallery showing then it would become necessary for Jensen to have to go into the untouched funds he’d received from a couple trust funds that he’d been saving to avoid asking his parents for help but it was becoming harder to paint what he didn’t believe in.

 He also would not allow his mother to place his child in some cold private school in Europe and in the morning he was putting a stop to the damn callous nannies. If Mia needed someone to care for her while he did paint then Jensen would find someone who could both take care of the child but also love her as well and not look at her as a simple paycheck.

 Slipping out of the room and relocking it, Jensen checked on his daughter again to smile. “Fake sleeping isn’t going to work, Mia.”

 He’d learned most of his child’s little tricks early on and could spot this one a mile away because she’d picked up his habit of not sleeping but looking like she was.

 “I saw a shooting star and wished really, really hard that Jared could come live with us,” she told him, sitting up to rub her eyes with small fists.

 “Maybe one day he will, honey,” he replied, going to lay down so she could curl into his arms like he still loved to do with her. “Maybe one day he will.”

 Mia settled her head under her father’s chin, tiny fingers wrapping around the old chain she could always remember see him wear. “Daddy, if Jared was real and came to live with us to take care of me and make you happy again would he like me?” she asked softly, another habit she’d inherited from her father.

 “Of course he would,” Jensen smiled, loving to touch the long soft honey blond hair. “Why wouldn’t he?”

 “Cause I’m a…bastard,” Mia didn’t know what the word really meant but knew it must be bad just by the mean way Mrs. Masters had said it and it had made her sad.

 Jensen’s fingers stopped moving through his child’s hair. “Mia, where’d you hear that word?” he demanded quietly.

 “Mrs. Masters called me it yesterday,” Mia yawned. “She always calls me names but I don’t like it when she calls you bad names, Daddy. I want Jared cause I know he loves us. The Angels said so.”

 The burst of anger that filled Jensen was huge but he shoved it aside until he could take care of this without his daughter being close to him. “Mia, you’re not what she called you. You had a Mommy once but…it just didn’t work out between us and since she knew how much I would love you she allowed me to have you,” he would go to his grave using that excuse to explain Stephanie’s absence to their too bright child. “The angels told you Jared would love us?”

 Belief in angels wasn’t huge to Jensen but he’d never tell Mia that and would always encourage her to believe in what she wanted.

 “Yep,” she smiled brightly and kissed his nose. “The same angels who told me Jared’s name told me that he would love us because he loved you.”

 There were times when Jensen couldn’t ignore some of the things Mia came up with as odd and would give him the chills. This last one was one of those but he smiled shakily while wrapping his arms around his child so she would sleep and finally allowed himself to sleep.

 It was later that morning when Jensen awoke to find Mia not in bed that had him shooting out of the room to see that his parents had already let themselves in and were at the kitchen table.

 “Where’s Mia?” he demanded upon not seeing her at the counter or able to hear her. “Where is Mia?”

 “Oh, your Mom had Mrs. Masters take her to help her walk that mongrel she swears is a purebred Poodle,” Gary Ackles rolled his eyes while pouring his son a mug of coffee and noticing the change in him the last few days.

 Jensen had always been quiet and nearly always agreeable but Gary had noticed in the last couple months that his son and his wife had been bickering more and he didn’t always blame the boy because Laura tended to be a bit pushy.

 Last night had been tense and it didn’t look like this morning was going to be any smoother because the flash of rarely seen Ackles temper had just shot to the surface on his son’s rugged face.

 “I don’t want that bitch anywhere near my daughter,” Jensen gritted, refusing the coffee to glare at his mother. “I told you last night that I also didn’t need a nanny for Mia and when I went home I’d find someone myself to care for her when I painted.”

 Laura’s mouth went into a small frown at his tone and choice of words. “Jensen, that is no way to speak to me and I certainly do not appreciate you calling such a fine nanny that. She did an excellent job with your sister’s children and…”

 “Sarah’s girls are both spoiled brats who get away with murder but that was alright because she married a doctor. My daughter gets called a bastard and mistreated by the nanny of your choice because I may or may not be gay and won’t marry someone just to say I am,” Jensen snapped back, at the end of his rope with this.

 “You still on the fence over that little decision, son?” Gary asked, hiding his smile behind his mug when he was shot a sizzling look by his wife. “I thought you and Chris had decided you were?”

 “What’s Kane know?” Jensen snorted, rolling his eyes at his friend’s choice of a joke. “He wouldn’t know the first thing about being gay.”

 “And neither do you,” Laura snapped as a knock sounded on the door and Gary went to answer it. “I wish you’d stop fanning those flames. You do have the Ackles’ name to consider as well as an impressionable child. I mean, she was telling that…that doll yesterday that you kiss men,” she could just imagine the embarrassment if that got out. “I think at the gallery opening you should let me set you up with…”

 Jensen’s hand slammed onto the table. “I don’t want you ‘setting’ me up with anyone, Mother!” he snapped, hearing the gallery manager’s voice talking with his father and wondering how much of his temper he was going to lose this morning. “If I want to bring a date to the thing, assuming I go, then I’ll ask Gen but if you keep it up it’ll just be me and Mia or…I’ll get Chris to come up from New Orleans and pretend to be my date.”

 “Jensen Ross Ackles! Don’t you dare even consider that!” Laura gasped, both shocked and angered by her son’s behavior. “Darling, I just want you to be happy. I do understand that a piece of you is still that rebellious teenage boy pining away for…”

 Jensen’s eyes went to lethal green slits. “I would stop before his name comes out of your mouth because I told you once never to say his name,” he spoke carefully and slowly, to the point where whatever New York accent that he still carried vanished.

 “Jensen!” Ben Turner, the head of the upper New York gallery and also Jensen’s art manager, called as he stepped in to see the palpable tension between mother and son. “Sorry to drop by this early but I thought I’d come here rather than you come in.”

 Holding his mother’s eyes for a moment longer, Jensen slowly stepped back to stalk to the window to look down to see if he could spot his child.

 “What is it, Ben?” he asked with a sigh. “Talk fast because I need to go find my daughter. I thought we’d settled most everything yesterday except for the placement of the last few pieces since I wasn’t sure of their size yet.”

 “Jensen, I thought you had better control of your painting than that,” Laura chided, picking her coffee back up. “You know what Ben needs for each showing months in advance so why must you go through this every event?”

 “The temperament of an artist, my dear,” Ben smiled to break some of the tension since it was plain Gary was content to let his son and wife bicker. “I allow Jensen to make most of the choices…usually.”

 Jensen’s eyes had just spotted the hot pink spotted fuzzy hat his daughter had grafted to this winter down amongst the crowded New York City sidewalk. He also noticed the way she seemed to be straining to move away from the person with her.

 He was just about to make an excuse to get loose of the apartment when that last word caught him and he shifted so he could both see out the window and also see his manager. “Usually?” he repeated, an eyebrow lifting. “What the hell does that mean? You get control over how the art is set up and a rough amount but I have full control over what I produce. You have a problem with that?”

 “I didn’t and have always been happy to let you go because I trusted you but…” the shorter man cleared his throat to remove a few photographs. “Your sister dropped by my office after you left yesterday and as you can imagine I’m a little concerned about what you might be painting.”

 Staring at photographs of the art he’d just started to do again, the paintings that made him feel happy to paint. “Son of a bitch,” he was torn between feeling betrayed that someone, his own sister, would go into his private rooms to snoop and rage that she’s taken photos of them to then go tell what he was doing. “Is that why Sarah just decided to drop by my place last month? To spy on me?”

 “Oh, Jensen. I thought you’d stopped this type of thing,” Laura gasped as she looked at the paintings.

 It didn’t matter to her how well done or lifelike the paintings of scenic backdrops or rooms were when all she could see were the pairings that were included in the pieces.

 “You do still have a talent for picking out the raw essence of a subject, son,” Gary had always appreciated his son’s talent even if he didn’t always understand his choice of subject matters.

 “Gary! He’s painting homosexuals!” Laura snapped, furious at how blasé her husband could be at times.

 “No, I’m pretty sure those two are a man and a woman,” Jensen’s father smirked as he tapped one photo only to have it snatched away. “Laura, he paints what he wants and it’s been years since I’ve seen the boy paint anything but rocks and flowers so if he wants to paint a few nudes then let him.”

 Jensen would’ve been stunned by that acceptance if he wasn’t still furious. “These are my private works and not what I’m doing for the gallery,” he replied tightly, trying to pick out Mia on the street again when something made him frown. “I’ll finish the last few pieces when I get back home but what else I paint is my business.”

 “I appreciate that you have an odd…fondness for certain subjects but…it wouldn’t be good for the gallery or your family name if any of those paintings ever saw the light of day, Jensen,” Ben remarked grimly. “We had this discussion a few years ago. If you want to continue to be managed by my agency then I’m afraid I’ll have to insist you burn those and never paint this kind of…thing again.”

 “You expect me to burn my…” Jensen would have exploded right then if he hadn’t just spun back to the window in time to see the older grey haired woman raise her hand to bring it down across Mia’s upturned face. “Oh hell no!” he snapped, grabbing his jacket and was moving toward the door.

 His mother stood up to stop him when Gary laid a hand on her arm. “Jensen! Where are you going?” she demanded. “Ben isn’t finished speaking with…”

 “You’ll have the paintings we agreed to in time for the showing on Christmas Eve but after that we might be rediscussing the terms of my contract,” Jensen called over his shoulder while throwing his mother a dark look. “Your so-called perfect Nanny just slapped my child and now I’m going to go break her face!”

 Jensen ignored the voices yelling for him to come back as he ignored the too slow elevator to take the five flights of steps two at a time until he bolted out into the cold to see the stern pinched face woman coming in the door with the small fluffed tailed Poodle of his mother’s but no five year old.

 “Where’s my daughter?” he demanded shortly, blocking the door as he stepped out.

 Grace Masters huffed at the short angry tone she was being addressed with by a man that she didn’t deem fit to raise an animal much less a child.“Oh, that one. I’ve told Mrs. Ackles what an unruly little Hellion she was turning into and that she’d need some stern discipline in that new school over in London since you certainly can’t manage the thing.”

 White blinding hot rage seemed to come over Jensen at that. “My daughter is not a thing,” he snapped, hearing his father reminding him to mind his words while he mother was pulling on his arm. “She’s a five year old little girl. She’s not a Hellion, she’s not a bastard and she is certainly not attending any goddamn new school in London!” he added this while glaring at both woman, shoving the so-called Nanny aside so he could get outside. “Mia’s been saying how mean you are to her and what you called her but…”

 “The child’s nothing but a liar!” Mrs. Masters snapped, cheeks turning red at the stares of people on the street at Jensen’s voice carried even in the late morning crowds. “You’re a godless heathen and you’re raising…”

 “I saw you hit her!” Jensen was in her face and only a short but firm body shoving their way between him and the Nanny kept him from doing more.

 “Well, a good thing I stopped by here on my way to work,” Holly Adams, a short plump older black woman who worked in the offices Nic Claus maintained, huffed with a well-placed smile on her face even though it was plain she had a few things to say once she took care of this matter. “Have I missed something?”

 Jensen knew better than to try to get around the matronly looking woman because he’d been knocked on his ass by her more than once as a teenager. “The bitch hit Mia and now she’s run off,” he glared. “If it is the last thing I do before I leave the city it will be to make damn certain you never get near another child and if Mia’s hurt when I get to her I will have your ass arrested by day’s end!”

 As both the Nanny and his own mother sputtered, Jensen went to run off in the direction of the park when a gloved hand grabbed his arm. “Holly, she’s scared and has never been in the park alone before so I need to…”

 “Child, Mia won’t be alone long,” Holly assured him, needing to calm Jensen down before letting him go. “Why do you think I’m here? Nic wanted me to come by personally to tell you that he’s finally gotten around to taking care of that little matter you asked him about years ago,” she held his gaze until the realization slowly began to set in so she felt he’d understand. “He’ll find her, Jensen.”

 The fear at not knowing where his only child was in the huge New York City Park was huge but the reassurance that someone would find her helped…and then the rest of it hit him. “He…” he frowned. “Nic said that…” there was only one thing he’d ever asked Nic for and that was… “Jared.”

 “Go on now. You know Mia’s fond of the playground near the duck pond,” Holly shooed the boy along before slowly pulling her leather gloves off to shove both into Gary Ackles’ chest. “Hold these for me,” she told him sternly while narrowing her eyes at the Nanny. “Now, I think it’s time you and I had a chat about what a decent Nanny actually says to a little one or maybe you’d like to feel my purse upside that hard head?”

 Even in the middle of December, the parks in New York City still got tourists and locals walking or running through them. A little five year old running was easy to miss but also easy to be hurt not that Mia Ackles cared right then.

 She hadn’t wanted to go outside with Mrs. Masters or her grandmother’s dog. She had just wanted to eat breakfast with her Daddy but she’d gone so no one would yell at Daddy if she didn’t but she’d been cold because her Grandma hadn’t dressed her in her pink snowsuit and mittens so she’d wanted to back inside.

 Mrs. Masters had called her spoiled and then proceeded to say when she went to school away from her Daddy that she’d be taught to mind her manners or they’d never let her see Daddy again and that was when she began to cry.

 Her Daddy and Uncle Chris had always taught her to be nice but when threatened to not only lose her Daddy but also her grandmother was planning to take Jared away too then she’d tried to run back inside. After the woman slapped her Mia had just run blindly.

 She’d liked the park in the summer because she liked the ducks and the playground and since her way to her Daddy was blocked and she was too far away from Jared she just ran through the light traffic into the park until her tiny little legs couldn’t run anymore.

 The park looked so different with all the snow covering everything but Mia could see the high sliding board that she’d been afraid to go down until Daddy went down with her and then she could see the duck ponds but it was all frozen so all her duck friends were gathered in the grass eating peanuts and popcorn that people dropped for them.

 Wiping her gloveless little hand under her cold nose, she sniffled before dropping into the grass near the ducks; whipping her head up at loud voices and thought for a moment it was mean Mrs. Masters chasing her but the group of teenagers scared her more because they were so much taller than she was.

 “I want my Daddy,” she cried softly, cold and lost because she wasn’t sure how to get back to the apartment. She was also afraid that Daddy would be angry because she’d run off and while he rarely lost his temper Mia knew he did have one because she’d heard him yelling at Aunt Sarah once. “I want Jared. I don’ wanna go away.”

 Soon she was sobbing uncontrollably when a voice calling her name from nearby made her lift her head from where she’d tucked it to see a tall man dressed in black leather jacket, a deep red sweater and black jeans with heavy boots that crunched through the snow as he quickened his pace to get close to the crying child.

 “J…Jared?” Mia blinked her eyes to try to see better, knowing it couldn’t be her friend because her friend wasn’t really real but yet as the man got closer and she was positive it was her name he was speaking all of her fears went away as she began to scramble to her feet, realizing that Santa had kept his promise and given brought her wish to her. “Jared!”

 Being real was taking all sorts of getting used to as Jared had learned. Nic and his employee, Holly, had been given him a crash course on things but most of it already seemed like second nature to him as if he already had some experience with being alive.

 Of course he doubted the older man when he’d told Holly to take Jared to find Mia because he seriously doubted if it would be that simple to find a child in the size of a city like Manhattan much less explain to her father why a strange guy was being brought to his door but both had simply said to trust and that’s what Jared had done.

 When Holly had driven to a section of the city it had been Jared’s idea to get out at the park for some reason. He couldn’t explain why he’d wanted to walk, to get used to the feel of the cold crisp air on his face or why he’d just known he needed to be in the park but Holly had agreed and had given him stern instructions on how to get to where she would be.

 He’d been walking slowly, touching various things when he veered a little to head toward the pond as if a memory of being here before pulled him when he suddenly heard the sobbing.

 At first Jared reminded himself that he was not used to this strange place and to not look into the noise but he decided that no matter what he wasn’t just able to turn away from anyone in distress so he’d walked a little faster to see a small child in a bright pink hat, a simple coat without decent boots or gloves sitting in the grass by the frozen pond sobbing.

 Any child would pull at his heart but as he got close enough to see the soft honey blond hair that curled over the arms she’d wrapped around herself, Jared’s breath caught in his throat. “Mia?” he’s called softly at first and then a second time a little louder until a flushed, tear streaked face lifted and he could see her big green eyes staring at him. “Mia.”

 It only took a moment before he heard her scream his name and then she was trying to get her feet under her to run to him but Jared had already crossed the distance to scoop her carefully up into his arms, reminding himself that she was a small child and he wasn’t certain of his own strength yet.

 “Jared!” Mia’s voice was broken with sobs and how her teeth were chattering when her little arms wrapped themselves around his neck tightly and buried her face against his neck. “You’re real! You really came to us!”

 Jared wasn’t sure what to say about that so he didn’t. Instead he knelt back down to set her on her feet so he could get his jacket off to wrap the freezing girl up in it while slipping her small hands in his much larger gloves. “Mia, why are you in the park alone?” he asked after picking her back up and started to walk. “Where’s your Daddy?”

 “I don’t know,” she hiccupped now that her sobs were slowing down, content and safe with Jared and laid her head on his shoulder. “Mean Mrs. Masters hit me after I started…crying cause she said they were gonna take me away from Daddy to send me away to a school were bad kids and…bastards go and…”

 “What?” Jared had stopped walking, shocked that anyone would say such things to a child but also shocked at the urge to protect that came over him. “Mia, your Daddy won’t let anyone take you away from him. I…I won’t let anyone take you away from him,” he assured her, smiling as he felt her cold nose nuzzling into his neck. “And you’re not what she called you.”

 “That’s what Daddy said too but…I know he paid money to have me,” Mia had never told her father that her Aunt Sarah had said that once to her. “But I still love him and he loves me…and I love you too, Jared.”

 The emotions that came at those innocent words still nearly swamped him but Jared managed to cover it, clearing his throat and wondering how much more he could love this little girl.  “I…I love you too, Mia,” he whispered, hearing a worried voice calling and knowing in his heart who it was.

 “Will you love Daddy too?” she asked him, big green eyes blinking long lashes glittering with tiny ice crystals from her crying earlier.

 Now there was a question that took Jared off guard because while he thought he might already he wasn’t certain how Jensen would take this or if he’d even allow Jared near his daughter.

 He was trying to find an answer when he rounded the corner on the path to see the very man in question running as if his life depended on it and calling the girl’s name.

 Nic had told Jared that some things might come back to him that he wouldn’t understand and Jared wondered how the sight of this tall, ruggedly handsome young man with his short dark blond hair could make other images flash through his mind.

 Right then though he chose to not worry about it as he hefted the girl so she’d look toward the voice yelling for her. “I think someone’s looking for you, pumpkin” he murmured.

 “Hmm?” tired now that she knew she was safe and felt warmer, Mia’s sleepy eyes opened once and then popped back open. “Daddy!” she called, waving and as soon as her feet hit the path she was off and running.

 Jensen was scared and furious as he ran through the park calling for his little girl with every evil and dark thought a father could think running through his mind until he came around the one corner to hear her bubbly little voice call back.

 Making his focus come back, the young father saw his daughter held protectively in a tall man’s arms and his first instinct was to growl but then he saw the face of the man and wasn’t sure if he went to his knees in order to catch his child when she ran to him or because they’d become weak as he realized both he and his daughter had gotten their wishes.

 “Daddy! Daddy!” Mia’s small body was engulfed in her father’s arms and she started crying again. “I’m sorry I run off. I don’t wanna go away and look who found me!” she was trying to get all her words out in a long rush while wanting to look to be sure her friend hadn’t vanished again but saw him walking towards them slowly. “Santa brought Jared, Daddy! He saved me!”

 Burying his face in Mia’s hair, Jensen was just relieved that she was safe and back with him as he noticed what she was wearing and knew that Jared had dressed his daughter in his own outer wear to keep her warm. “I see that,” he murmured, fighting to get his voice to work as he scooped Mia up to hold her in the crook of one arm while standing with an almost effortless grace as he faced the man who was now close enough to see the deep hazel eyes as well as dimples that Jensen knew would be there if he smiled fully.

 Right then Jared looked nervous, stuffing his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans to both warm them and so he’d have something to do with them other than what he suddenly felt like doing. “Umm, hello…Mr. Ackles,” he felt young and unsure as he stood face to face looking down at Mia’s father who Jared just realized with unusual amusement was about three inches shorter than he was. “Um, you don’t know me but my name is…”

 Listening to the quietly nervous voice with the soft Texas drawl begin to speak, Jensen’s head went to the side like Mia often did when considering something and shifted his daughter more so his other arm would be fully free.

 “I know who you are,” he cut him off seriously, his own tone dropping to the lower one he only seemed to use when fighting emotions he hadn’t felt or had to deal with in years. “Do you know who I am?” he asked then arched an eyebrow to ward off the most obvious answer. “I mean besides being Mia’s father, do you know who I am?”

 He shouldn’t but as he looked into the man’s face, into his green eyes and the way his jaw was set Jared slowly came to realize he did know him. “Yes,” he whispered, fingers digging into his palms in his pockets. “I do know you…Jensen.”

 Mia was sleepily watching the encounter between her father and her friend, at first worried her Daddy might be unhappy or not trust Jared but his eyes weren’t his not trusting eyes as she stayed quiet to see what would happen.

 “That’s not what you used to call me,” Jensen remarked, his heart doing flips in his chest at hearing his name spoken with that soft twang but still needing to be more certain before he placed his trust much less his daughter’s out there. “Can you recall that name?”

 Jared’s mouth had gone dry for some reason but he knew the name the man was seeking. It popped into his head almost as if he’d known it all along and he’d begun to shake with this sudden unexpected rush of emotion, of feeling. “Jen,” he whispered as it testing it before meeting the softening gaze of that man watching him intently, a small smile curving his lips as it felt right. “I called you Jen.”

 “God and you’re still the only one who can call me that and in that voice,” Jensen wanted to weep but remembered he had his daughter cuddled against him in one arm. “Do you want this?” he asked, stepping closer to carefully use his free hand to brush it back through the long thick dark hair.

 That question could have applied to so much but somehow Jared knew it didn’t just mean if he wanted to be there with them but more it meant if he wanted what he could see reflected in Jensen’s eyes; the very thing that Jared had wanted from the moment he’d seen the man on the path and also got in that second what Nic had meant when he said he was granting two wishes.

 “God, yes,” he managed to get out before long fingers curved around the back of his neck to bring Jared’s head down to meet Jensen’s lips in a searing kiss.

**TBC**


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minor language.

**Chapter Three**

“Jen…” Jared hadn’t realized he’d spoken against the lips that had gentled until he actually felt the smile.

 “Welcome home, Jay,” Jensen whispered, stepping closer and kissing him again. Neither man was aware of the little lights that appeared to be flicking around them and through the trees all covered in snow and ice as if the angels Mia always said talked to her were fluttering around.

 Mia watched with wide eyes before her excitement finally became too much to contain and she burst into giggles, her small hands still encased in Jared’s gloves flapping as she clapped happily.

 “I told Santa that Jared would make you happy, Daddy!” she squealed, bouncing on the arm that Jensen was holding her with and unaware of how close he came to losing his grip if a strong arm hadn’t slipped out to hold her until her father could readjust his hold on her.

 “So you did, my Mia-Lia,” Jensen murmured, breaking the kiss but not stepping back as he touched the Jared’s cold face. “I have questions.”

 Jared would have been disappointed if he didn’t even if he wasn’t sure how much he could answer. “I can only tell you what little I know,” he replied, shivering as a cold wind blew through the park.

 “Damn, you’re freezing,” Jensen suddenly remembered why, as he quickly set Mia down to do a fast rearranging of clothes as he shrugged out of his jacket to slip it around his daughter to get Jared back into his to give him some protection from the cold air after seeing the red sweater really didn’t have much weight to it or any insulation. “Can you do without the gloves until we get back to my place?” he asked, lifting his daughter back up for the rest of the walk. “I’m not sure how she got out of the apartment without hers.”

 “Grandma said I didn’t need ‘em,” Mia shrugged, wanting to touch Jared but couldn’t reach him until he shifted so he was on the side where Jensen was carrying her. “I wanted my snowsuit and boots cause you said to never leave home without ‘em but…”

 “It’s okay, baby. It’s not your fault. I’ll take care of it,” Jensen soothed her, kissing her hair while watching Jared over her head to meet his eyes. “Warmer?”

 The jacket certainly helped but so did the feeling of coming home as well as the tiny hand still wearing his glove that reached for him. “Yeah, I’m alright now,” he assured him, moving his eyes to the smiling little girl who was trying to talk to both of them. “Is she?”

 “She will be as soon as we’re not in this damn city,” Jensen replied, feeling Jared tense as they stepped out of the park and the noise of the traffic and the crowds all seemed to hit him. “Okay?”

 “I know things about you, about myself that helps me handle being here and yet things like, the cars, the people, the noise, this scares me,” Jared admitted, his eyes growing wider as he took it all in but allowed Jensen to steer him safely across the street and onto the sidewalk to head toward the apartment. “You’re still a natural.”

 “He’s Daddy and Daddy’s all know what to do,” Mia smiled as if it made so much sense and in her small world it did. 

“She’s also biased cause she loves me and I let her stay up past her bedtime sometimes,” Jensen winked at his little girl, feeling relaxed for the first time months…until they were close enough to the apartment that he could still see his parents waiting for him in the lobby of the building.

 Mia also caught what had made him tense and started to shake. “Am I in trouble, Daddy?” she asked in a tiny voice. “I know I’m a nu…nu…I know I’m a lotta work but…”

 “Mia, you’re not a nuisance and where is she coming up with those words?” Jared asked while also trying to reassure the child, his hand smoothing her curls when he suddenly blinked at the armful of cuddling Mia he found himself with. “Jensen?”

 “I know where she’s coming up with them and I also know it’s going to stop,” Jensen had finally had it, glad he grabbed the keys to his SUV before leaving the apartment because instead of taking Jared and Mia any closer he hit the button to unlock the silver and blue SUV and opened the passenger side door. “Stay out here with her while I go grab some stuff?”

 Jared just knew by the tone not to ask questions as he slid into the deeply cushioned seat to allow Mia to huddle into his chest, her small fingers working into the sweater seams. “Jen? What’re you going to do?”

 “Taking care of what’s mine,” Jensen had leaned in over him to put the key in the ignition to start it so the heater would run to help warm both Jared and Mia fully, pausing as he was easing out to give a soft kiss to his little girl’s upturned and puckered lips before lifting his eyes to meet Jared’s.

 The kiss he offered him wasn’t close to the soft and fatherly kiss he had given Mia. This kiss was with slow building heat and a promise of more to come soon. “Stay with her, lock the doors and do not get out or allow anyone in except me,” he told him firmly, moving Jared’s hand to a button on the dashboard. “Hit this if you need me before I’m out but this will take me less than ten minutes…tops.”

 “Unless he gets into a fight,” Mia responded helpfully, giggling when her father tickled her.

 “Stay with Jay, Mia,” he instructed the girl but knew she’d already settled herself in by the way she’d placed her head on his chest.

 “His name is Jared, Daddy,” Mia corrected seriously, looking up to see if the change in name might upset her friend but relaxed at his small smile.

 “Your Daddy gets to call me Jay, Mia,” Jared told her softly while wrapping her in his arms as the door shut, he was careful to adjust the child so she was facing him and not the windshield for what he was certain was going to be an interesting display. “You can call me that too if you’d like.”

 Mia cocked her head so much like her father did that it made Jared smile as he could see her considering it before she shook her head. “You’re my Jared so I wanna call you Jared, okay?”

 “Pumpkin, you can call me whatever you want,” Jared hugged her tightly, resting his chin on the top of her head while seeing that Jensen had just reached the front door of the apartment and could hear the loud voices even inside the running SUV.

 “Jensen! How dare you go running off after insulting Mrs. Masters like you did!” Laura Ackles admonished her son, peering over his shoulder. “Where’s Mia? Who’s that man in your car? Jensen, answer me!”

 The moment her hand touched his arm Jensen was whirling, anger finally breaking the surface. “Insult her? She’s lucky I don’t call the cops for touching my daughter!” he snapped back, continuing to the elevator to avoid standing still and possibly making this situation worse. “Mia’s perfectly safe where she is and as for who that is…that’s none of your business, Mother.”

 By the time he got to the apartment he knew he’d have to tell them something to avoid an even bigger scene that he didn’t want to put either his child or his friend through.

 “So, I took the time while your Mother was chewing your poor Dad’s ear off downstairs to pack what things I could find of yours and my sweet little darling,” Holly Adams was standing there holding out his duffel, portfolio case and Mia’s bag covered in fairies. “You’ll call Nic to assure him his choice wasn’t wrong to make?”

 “I don’t know how he did it or if that really is a piece of my friend brought back but I’m not even going to ask because I don’t care,” Jensen kissed her cheek, one worry still large in my head. “Will it last, Holly?” he asked, concerned. “I lost him once and it nearly killed me. If I let myself, much less Mia, close to him only to lose him…I couldn’t stand it and it would destroy her.”

 The matronly black woman reached up to pat his cheek. “I don’t know Nic's secrets but I know to make it permanent all you have to do is trust and let yourself love. Neither of which  you are good at but just know that he’ll need you as much as you’ve needed him.”

 Jensen understood it then. “This isn’t like what Nic always does once a year or so the rumors have always said,” he began to wonder just how much Mia’s tales of angels might have been true. “He knows me, he knows what we almost had but he won’t know he died will he?”

 “Call Nic when you get a chance and tell my sister to feed the poor boy,” Holly huffed, nudging him out the door with a sigh. “This backfires and I am taking that old man apart.”

 “Gary! There’s a strange man in that car with our granddaughter!” Laura was railing, searching her purse for her cellphone. “I’m calling the police and…”

 Her son’s hand reached over her shoulder to remove the phone from her grasp. “His name is Jared and he’s going to be helping me take care of Mia from now on,” he told his parents, hearing his father’s low cough and thinking he probably got it. “You want to know where he came from then call Nic and ask him. The only thing I know and that I care about is he makes my daughter happy…he makes me happy so if that means anything to either of you then you’ll leave us alone and don’t take this away from Mia. 

“Now, I’m leaving so I can get those damn paintings done for Paul but a word of warning if you send Sarah to my door I will call the cops and have her ass hauled off because I do not want her back in my house or near my family,” he shouldered the bags to shove open the door but stopped at his father’s voice. “Yeah, Dad?”

 Gary Ackles wasn’t a foolish man. He’d been raised in Westins so he knew the old tales so he’d wondered if something wasn’t up when Nic made an appearance himself. He also suspected there was more to this story than was clear but would allow his son to handle this his way.

 “You know your Mom means well,” he caught the tension on his son’s face and sighed. “I didn’t know Sarah had done that and I’ll be speaking to your sister about it personally but…son, are you sure about bringing a stranger into your house with Mia?”

 “Mom let a sadistic bitch near her. I trust him and I know that he would die for her because I would die for her,” Jensen replied, smiling. “Dad…I’ll tell you more when I know more but for right now just trust me to know what I’m doing. Mia is my life and I would never put anything before that.”

 “Not even the chance to have him back?” Gary’s hand was quick to grab the turning shoulder. “Jensen, I know what you asked Nic for and I suspect I know what Mia’s wish was and why she glued herself to that one model in the store so…if you had the chance to have him back? Would Mia still factor in?”

 Running his tongue over his teeth in an effort to keep his temper, Jensen looked down to where his SUV sat and even from there he could see Jared’s face as he talked to Mia and any doubts he might have had left the moment he watched one large hand move to just barely brush the child’s soft honey blond curls, the love so open on a face that had always been open to Jensen.

 “She is my world, Dad,” he repeated, refusing to believe that this once he might not be able to have it all. “I’ll talk to you soon.”

 Jared was afraid he’d run out of things to distract Mia with until Jensen got back but soon learned he didn’t have to worry as the child spoke of her home, her stuffed toys, her Daddy’s ultra-secret work space on the third floor of their house, the cook who bakes the best cookies.

 “Really?” he smiled into her sleepy face, seeing Jensen coming up to the SUV and caught the stress on his face immediately. “Daddy’s coming.”

 “Can we go home now?” Mia asked, lifting her head from Jared’s chest as Jensen opened the door after unlocking it himself to stare in at them. “I wanna take Jared home, Daddy.”

 Jensen tossed the bags into the back before nodding. “Yeah, we’re going home, baby,” he assured her and then stuck his tongue in his cheek. “Which will go faster once you let me hook you into your seat.”

 This was always an issue since Mia had an independent streak a mile wide and didn’t always believe she needed to be buckled into a car seat but his little girl wasn’t tall enough or heavy enough to graduate to a booster seat yet and so it usually took a little convincing.

 This time Mia merely made a little squished face to voice her displeasure at having to leave Jared’s lap before climbing into the back seat to allow her father to hook her into the car seat. “Daddy happy?” she asked softly, a sleepy smile playing on her lips as all of the exertion and cold air had made her sleepy.

 Looking between his daughter and the man in the front seat, Jensen kissed her forehead. “Daddy’s very happy, Mia,” he assured her, making sure his jacket was still around her before also placing her favorite fluffy blanket over her, closing the door to go around and slip behind the wheel. “Okay?”

 “I think I am,” Jared wasn’t sure how he should be feeling really. This was all still surreal to him as he watched Jensen adjust the heater. “Can I ask you something?” he’d been afraid to but he couldn’t stop all the images that were coming back to him now that he was with Jensen.

 “You can ask me anything,” Jensen replied, pulling into traffic to begin the two hour drive back to his home in the Catskills. “I just might not be able to answer everything until we’re home and until Mia’s settled for the night. Fair?”

 “Fair,” Jared agreed, rubbing his still chilly hands against his legs until a warm hand reached over to hold them over the heater. “Do you know what I was?” he stared out the window but still caught the sharp look sent his way. “I mean, do you know…I don’t know how to ask because I’m not sure what I was anymore. It all feels different now and I don’t think it should.”

 “I’ll call Nic when we get home but I’m fairly certain I have an idea on what happened,” Jensen told him, needing to know how much memory Jared had. “What do you remember?”

 “Again that depends on which before do you mean,” Jared sighed, recalling the mocking mannequins that he’d never felt a part of but he also had other memories. He could remember being a child, he could remember deep green eyes and a happy laugh. He could remember…

 “I remember us as boys,” he glanced over finally, slowly turning his hand over so their palms met and feeling something in his chest loosen as Jensen’s fingers meshed with his. “I remember little things but then…it seems to scatter and I can’t recall anything solid until…until I heard Mia in the store.”

 Jensen hoped his memories of the store would fade with time but he also needed to find out just what he was dealing with and how real it was. Right then he would just handle what he knew and accept it as someone giving him and his daughter a long awaited gift.

 “Wait until we’re home, until I speak with Nic and then I’ll tell you what I can,” Jensen didn’t want to reveal the truth about how Jared died but he also didn’t want him to learn from someone else since he would also have to find a way to introduce this man back to the world with an actual life. “Are you hungry?” he suddenly asked, and chuckled at the brilliant smile he was given. “Yeah, so am I and as soon as she smells a kids meal Mia will be awake so a drive thru it is until we’re home.”

 He considered finding a restaurant but for the moment want this time with Jared so he drove through a fast food place and ordered off the top of his head without thinking that the other man might have other food likes. “This alright?” he asked while pouring the child’s drink into a spill proof sippy cup he kept for just such moments.

 Jared took a bite of the double cheeseburger that was loaded with the works and could have wept with the sheer joy that filled his mouth. “God, yes,” he groaned, stomach hungry. “I think I love this burger.”

 “You always did,” Jensen told him, eating his while driving and listening to Mia’s happy chatter as she shared her french fries with Jared when she woke up at the first smell of warm food. “Once we get you settled we’ll have to go shopping cause those clothes are not going to cut it.”

 “I don’t think the sweater cuts it now,” Jared muttered, wincing as he remembered. “I’m sorry. This is from the store your family owns. I shouldn’t…”

 “My father owns it. He lets too many others run it for him,” Jensen replied easily, glancing over to see that after eating and with the heat of the SUV now warming him that Jared had shifted in the seat to rest his head on the door and had fallen to sleep with his bangs falling into his face much like it would before.

 The radio played holiday music softly to have some noise as he drove carefully back home. The roads weren’t bad but Jensen’s inner fear of wrecking came out with even a dusting or a coating of rain and that he had two very special reasons to make it home safely he was even more careful.

 Smiling a little more as he caught a glance of his daughter sleeping in her car seat with her blanket held in her arms with one small fist curled under her chin and a few soft curls falling into her eyes, Jensen’s gaze moved to beside him to see that Jared was sleeping nearly identical.

 “I love them both so much,” he whispered to anyone he thought might be listening to him. “Please just give me this one thing. Don’t take him away from us.”

 Jensen had prayed every night for several years after the accident. He’d wanted to believe that sometime, someway his friend would come back. Now that he had him, he was nearly too scared that he might disappear to open himself to it.

 The drive to Jensen’s home in the Catskills was quiet which gave him plenty of time to think about several things. Including his future with the gallery which has been what he’s supported himself and Mia with the past several years.

 He didn’t like being told if he wanted his contract to continue that he would have to burn paintings that were his privately and would never see the light of day. He hated painting boring landscapes or floral painting or basic ones. He wanted to paint what he loved to do but he got that Ben would never show those and to take the risk of finding someone who would was a huge thing to do if he considered he had a growing child to feed, clothes, and keep a roof over her head.

 Granted he knew he could take Chris up on his offer to move to New Orleans and show his stuff there but it was a big decision to uproot Mia from the only home she’s ever known and move to a strange city.

 “You’re brooding. Why?”

 Jared had woken up to look over at the man driving and just knew by the familiar muscle twitch in his jaw that he was overthinking something. He also knew he’d never liked to see his friend brood and so reached over on instinct to smooth his fingers down the hard line of Jensen’s jaw.

 The simple touch was instinct to Jared as was the response from Jensen when his hand moved from the wheel to cover the one on his face.

 “Not brooding. Just thinking,” Jensen corrected, some stress leaving him as he finally pulled onto the road that would lead to the driveway to his home.

 “Jen? Is my appearance causing you to…think too much?” Jared asked carefully. He understood how the sudden appearance of a strange man might cause some questions or issues.

 The three story old fashioned colonial house came into view as Jensen drove up the winding drive that offered a perfect view of the snow covered front lawn cluttered with what would in warm weather show a swingsetand other toys. Off in the distance set a few outbuildings and a garage had been built close to the house.

 It was into the garage that Jensen pulled now rather than park in front. Shutting the SUV off, he turned in the seat to stare into the worried hazel eyes while placing his other hand on Jared’s face.

 “Trust me, Jay. You would be the last thing in the world that would cause me to overthink,” he assured the man after recognizing the small lines of worry that still showed around his eyes. “I’ve been having some…problems the past few months that are all just hitting now but your arrival will not add to them.”

 Jared wasn’t so sure of that but he nodded, not moving when Jensen leaned closer to just brush against his lips in a gentle kiss. “I think I like that,” he murmured, pleased to hear Jensen when he laughed and followed him out of the SUV, opening the back door so the man could unbuckle Mia from her seat.

 “I am so glad to hear that,” Jensen grinned, unbuckling Mia and then blowing soft kisses along her cheek until she woke up giggling. “We’re home, Mia-Lia.”

 Sleepy eyes looked around for a second and soon small arms were lifting to be picked up. “Can I show Jared my room, Daddy?” she asked around a yawn, taking her blanket with her. “And my toys and…Daddy, where will Jared sleep?” she suddenly asked, a frown creasing her brow much like it would Jensen’s when he made the same gesture. “We didn’t call and tell Miss Ivy we were bringing him home so…”

 “And isn’t it a wonderful thing that I still know everything that goes on around here without the need to be told?” a woman’s voice, heavy in a Southern drawl, spoke from the door that connected the garage to the house.

 “Miss Ivy!” Mia squealed, squirming to be free until Jensen let her go and running to the matronly looking older woman, whose caramel skin looked totally at odds with the deep red that she’d dyed her hair this week. “Look! Daddy and I got our wishes! Jared came to live with us!”

 The woman bent to gather the small girl into his large arms while eyeing the two men curiously, letting her brown eyes examine Jared seriously before finally nodding her approval.

 “I’ve prepared a room, laid out fresh towels in the guest bath and started a fire burning in the fireplaces in the living room, the guest room and the master bedroom,” she replied after kissing both of Mia’s cheeks before scooting her into the warmth of the kitchen.

 “Where will Jared sleep then?” Mia asked, determined that her new friend has someplace to sleep but was soon distracted by the smell of fresh baked cookies. “Sugar cookies!”

 “I know where I want Jared to sleep,” Jensen muttered under his breath, hearing Jared offer a low snort and able to avoid the elbow he knew would be coming but wasn’t able to avoid the slap to his arm by the older woman.

 “You watch that mouth, mister,” she scolded sternly, looking back to see how many cookies she’d lost by this point. “Just because the room I happened to prepare is right next to the master bedroom is no reason to go getting any wicked ideas in that brain of yours…or at least not before your daughter is sleeping.”

 Jensen laid a hand on her shoulder before removing the few things from the back of his vehicle. “I know that, Ivy. Jared’s…still new here,” he’d been kidding or so he told himself but now that the idea was out there it was going to be hard to shove the lid back on. “How’d you know I was bringing someone home with us?” he asked, motioning Jared into the kitchen to see the trail of clothes leading from the kitchen into the den to tell him where his daughter had taken off to. “One day she will learn to not toss stuff on the floor.”

 “We were any different?” Jared asked easily bending to pick the items off while also smelling cookies and frowning a little as something came to him but was lost a second later.

 “No, and this one isn’t any better today since he drops stuff hither and yon when he walks in a door,” Ivy Adams rolled her eyes, taking the items to place them where she wanted them since the kitchen was her domain. “I knew because Nic told me when he came by with some clothing packages and he’s still waiting for you in your office, Jensen.”

 Snatching two cookies, Jensen bit into one while offering the other to Jared but nearly choked at hearing that Nic was actually in the house when the older man rarely left his private workshop in Rochester.

 “Nic’s here? Why’s he here?” he asked, concerned and catching the way Jared had tensed. “Hey, it’s alright. You’re fine,” he promised, fingers lightly rubbing over Jared’s wrist to soothe him. “Let me talk to him and then I’ll show you around and after Mia’s asleep I’ll answer what I can?”

 At first Jared was afraid that perhaps Nic had changed his mind about sending him here and was here to take him back, if such a thing was possible. He was still a little lost on what was happening to him but he knew he didn’t want to leave Jensen and Mia.

 “I don’t want to go back,” he whispered, eyes dropping to the floor before fingers tipped his face back up. “I know I wasn’t liked there and I know your mother never liked me anyway but…I can’t see myself anywhere else, Jensen. I don’t want to…”

 “Whoa, calm down a second. You’re not going anywhere, Jared,” Jensen broke in when he suddenly recognized the signs of a panic attack and knowing how prone his friend had been to those as a child. “Nic’s not here to take you away from us and…what do you mean my Mom never liked you?”

 There was confusion in hazel eyes as Jared tried to piece together why he would say that or how he knew it. “I don’t know,” he shook his head. “It just came out like I knew it but I’ve never met your Mom so…”

 “Let Ivy show you where she put the stuff he brought so maybe you can change into some stuff that’s actually warm,” he carded his fingers back through long dark hair and leaning closer. “Let me talk to him. You go change and I’m sure Mia will want to show you her room,” he lightly kissed the corner of Jared’s mouth until he felt the frown slowly be erased as the younger man returned the gesture. “You’re home, Jay. I’m not losing you again.

Ivy had been removing her latest batch of cookies from the oven while this was going on but hadn’t missed the exchange. She also didn’t miss the change in Jensen since his return. He was more relaxed and she’d seen something in him that she hadn’t in many years…hope.

 “Tell the man he’ll be getting no more of my cookies if he tracks mud in this house again,” she remarked, tossing some warm cookies onto a plate while pouring milk in some glasses to step over to look up at Jared who she decided had a good foot on her. “Let’s go get you settled and make certain the little one isn’t letting that mongrel out so he’ll get mud all over the floors.”

 Jensen watched as Jared seemed to debate on going with the more outspoken Adams sister before slowly nodding and following her out. Only then did Jensen let some of his smile dim as he grabbed another cookie before heading through the house to where his first floor office sat in the back of the house.

 “You’re not taking him away if that’s what you’re here for,” he spoke as soon as he had the door closed and without even a greeting. “You sent him to Mia and you are not…”

 “I sent him to both of you and what makes you think I’m here to take Jared away?” Nic Clause asked from where he sat in one of the wing chairs that were in front of the stone fireplace in the office. “I don’t normally do that unless I see the match wasn’t correct but in this case it’s a little more complicated as Jared’s a bit more or haven’t you noticed that yet?”

 “He knew me, he has memories of his past I think but I’m not sure how much he remembers or what I should tell him,” Jensen sighed, slumping into the other chair to scrub a hand over his face. “He has his accent, his eyes, the dimples when he smiles and…how?” he needed to understand this. “I need to know if this is real, Nic. I need to be able to reassure him that he won’t be snatched back to be used as a…I wanted to slap you the first time I saw that mannequin because you had to know I’d recognize that face as the one I used to sketch of Jared as an adult.”

 “Of course I knew that but Jared was so much more than just a mannequin and I think that’s why he never fit in at the store but I needed you to become adjusted to the possibility as well as to see what Mia would do because a child’s love is always the best way to speak to the powers up above,” Nic explained, leaning forward. “Jensen, do you remember when you were eighteen and decided to go skiing in Vale? Do you remember what you told your grandmother happened to allow you to miss the tree that you were heading right for? Can you remember who you said you saw?”

 Jensen remembered because he’d sworn off skis after that time. “I saw Jared,” he nodded, adding. “Only whenever I would see Jared like that it was never as he was when he…when he died but as he should’ve been at whatever age he would’ve been so that time he was fourteen.”

 “Of course because unlike popular opinion that children remain frozen at the age they pass away at, their souls continue to grow so Jared’s soul aged normally. I was just finally able to provide a vessel for that soul to return to while the love you both shared but hadn’t spoken yet as well as Mia’s innocence and open acceptance to love Jared helped to allow this to happen,” Nic explained. “He was always with you Jensen. Those angels you never wanted to believe in have been with you since you were sixteen and made that promise.”

 The older man stood up to stir the fire. “Unlike those yearly wishes, Jared is as real now as you or I are and the only way you can lose him now is if he makes the choice to leave or…”

 “Or?” Jensen pounced on that, still coming to grips that he might actually have been granted a second chance. “Or what?” he demanded sharply. “And why would he choose to leave? He adores Mia and…well I’ll have to feel it out to how he feels about me.”

 “Oh, I imagine he feels for you the way he felt for you when he was twelve but if he’s pushed away like he was before or if he’s made to feel that it would be best for you and Mia for him to not be with you then he may choose to leave,” Nic replied seriously, laying a hand on Jensen’s arm. “It’s not very often that a soul is found worthy to return to Earth but Jared was deemed special enough to have earned that spot. His heart was so pure that when he was taken so soon those in power wanted to give him another chance but it had to be when both he and you were ready to take what would come with his return.”

 “I will protect him and Mia with my life, Nic. No one will take him away from us and if anyone has an issue with him then I’ll handle it,” Jensen knew this. “Besides, who the hell should have issues with him?”

 Nic held out a manila envelope. “This will help get him readjusted to the world. Since Eric and Nancy didn’t have any other family I left his last name since that will be the one he’ll remember,” he explained as Jensen went through the documents and legal papers that all looked perfectly legit. “As for who may or may not have issues with him, I fear it may be the same ones who had issues with him before. The one who was making such waves that his family felt it wiser not to return before it happened,” he clapped the younger man on the shoulder before reaching for his jacket and scarf.

 “Jensen, his memories will return with time so some things he remembers might not be easy to understand or to hear so just be patient and remember that it’s now up to you to show your love is enough to keep him with you. Jared may be an adult but he hasn’t had all the years that you have to come to understand what that means so in some ways he’s as much a child as Mia is,” he smiled. “I’ll be around or just call Holly if you or he needs anything.”

 “Nic?” Jensen called out before the old man left the room. “Thanks…for everything. I owe you so much.”

 “Just be happy and give that pretty little girl the home she deserves, Jensen,” Nic winked, going to have a last word with Ivy before heading back to his shop to work on some attitude adjustments on a couple of his models.

 Sitting in the quiet office, Jensen looked through the papers again before sliding it all back into the envelope to give to Jared once they’d had a chance to talk alone. 

Nic had relieved some fears but also caused a few more questions than Jensen had wanted but knew that he would tell Jared what he knew, answer his questions as his memories came back and help him adjust to the years that he had lost.

 Right then all Jensen wanted was to find his friend and his daughter and he suspected by now where he could find them both.

 “Daddy painted all this,” Mia was saying as she proudly showed her room off to Jared, holding onto his hand as she took him around to ‘introduce’ him to all her stuffed toys and dolls. “Each year I get older he adds something else but my favorite thing is the little angels watching from the clouds on the ceiling,” she looked up with a smile. “I like to think they’re the angels who told me your name.”

 Jared hadn’t taken much time to look at the room Ivy had taken him to since he’d been impatient to get back to Mia who had wanted to show him her rooms. So he’d just quickly changed into a warmer and less formal sweatshirt and sneakers that he’d found among the many packages of clothes in the room.

 Feeling more relaxed in the casual clothes, Jared had laughed at the little girl’s exuberance but had lost all the words when he stepped into her main room to see the beautifully painted walls that showed various scenes of animals, toys, dolls all amongst a backdrop of lovely seascapes or cities.

 The ceiling showed clouds with little cherub faces staring down but as Jared looked closer to where Mia was pointing he did think he could see something else mixed in with the clouds. He wasn’t sure what it was but it made him smile.

 “You have a very talented Daddy,” he told the beaming child, laughing as she held up her arms so he’d pick her up and did so with ease, the move feeling natural to him as he tucked her into the crook of his arm. “You also have a very pretty room with pretty toys.”

 “She has too many toys that I swear multiply every time I’m not looking,” Jensen spoke from the door, an odd catch in his throat as he watched Jared turn toward him with a smile on his face and Mia in his arms like she belonged there

 He’d known Mia would take Jared to her room before anywhere else and so had been leaning in the doorway watching them for several minutes before finally speaking.

 It had touched him to see the way his daughter’s small hand fit so trustingly and naturally in Jared’s and how his friend hadn’t even hesitated to pick Mia up when she held her arms up when even his own family had never responded that quickly.

 “Pretty little girls need a lot of toys and stuffed puppy dogs,” Jared replied with a warm smile, his eyes alive with a love he never thought possible.

 “Yeah, I can see you’re not going to be much help in reining her stuff animal collection in,” Jensen snorted, stepping into the room. “You’re kinda supposed to be helping me convince her she needs less.”

 “I thought that was your role in this relationship, Jen” Jared smirked at him without realizing what he’d said or how easy the bantering was for him.

 “Oh! I see how this is going to go now,” Jensen laughed, leaning in to tickle his giggling child which also gave him the excuse to touch Jared. “I’m going to end up being the bad parent all the time since it’ll be me telling her no.”

 This sobered Jared slightly when his other hand caught Jensen’s wrist. “You could never be a bad parent, Jensen. It’s just not in your nature to be bad at anything,” he responded seriously. “Mia’s your child and I’d never think about ever…umm?”

 A finger touching his lips cut him off as Jensen smiled. “I was kidding, Jay. Everyone knows I spoil Mia too much but in so many ways she’s already as much yours as she is mine,” he needed to talk with Jared but knew that would have to wait for later. “So Mia-Lia, did you show Jared your playroom?”

 “She’s got more?” Jared blinked, feeling tiny fingers curling around the ends of his hair and understanding how this little girl could so easily have her father wrapped around her finger.

 “Oh, yeah,” Jensen opened the door on the other side of the room to flip on the light and reveal a playroom complete with more toys, shelves of dolls, books but also little action figures and a rocking horse with a complete cowgirl outfit hanging by it. “She hasn’t quite decided if she wants to be a Princess, a ballerina or a rodeo rider,” he rolled his eyes toward the painted mural on the ceiling. “Though I think I talked her out of the whole lion tamer gig, I hope.”

 “I wanna be a race car driver,” Mia piped up and then began to make car noises as she slid down Jared’s body to run around her playroom.

 Jensen groaned. “Great. Another career choice I need to nip in the bud before…Jared? Jay, what’s wrong?” he asked upon seeing how white Jared’s face was going and grabbed for him as he suddenly seemed to stumble. “Jay!”

 It had been fine at first. Jared found it funny that his friend was finding every little thing wrong with nearly everything Mia said she wanted to be when grown. He was fine and was considering a comment when the child innocently crashed into the wall and fell to the floor with some interesting noises that Mia believed to be accurate but whatever they were all Jared knew was that he suddenly needed out of the playroom before he threw up.

 “Jared?” Jensen quickly knelt down beside where he’d slid to the floor outside the playroom door to pull his knees up to his chest. “Jay, talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong.”

 Though Jensen was afraid he knew what was wrong and was positive when wide hazel eyes finally looked up at him and he realized Mia’s innocent sounds must have triggered a memory that Jared, right then, couldn’t understand.

 “It was…I didn’t hear Mia anymore, Jen,” he whispered tightly, still hearing the echoes of metal crashing, of rubber burning and screams. “I heard a real crash. I could see it but…I don’t understand why I’d…” he broke off to try to stand only to be pulled forward against the solid chest of his friend as Jensen’s arms wrapped around him.

 “It’s okay, Jared,” he promised softly, feeling the rigidness in Jared’s body slowly start to ease away and soon felt his arms snake around his chest to hold on. “It’s over.”

 But Jensen feared it might not be that simple. He hadn’t counted on the memories coming back this quickly or with such vivid details.

 “Da…Daddy?” Mia was standing beside them, tears on her face as she watched her father hold and rock her friend like he would her after a nightmare and scared something was wrong. “What’s wrong? Why’s Jared scared? Did I do something wrong?”

 “No, baby, you didn’t do anything wrong,” Jensen assured her with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes as he continued to calm his friend. “There will be times when Jared gets confused and afraid because he won’t understand some stuff but we’ll be there for him, right?”

 Mia sat on the floor to slowly scoot closer until she was able to touch Jared’s arm. “Don’t be scared, Jared. Daddy and I are here. We love you and while I’m too little to do it Daddy can hold you, and talk to you, and sing to you until you feel good again,” she whispered, voice breaking a little as she tried to be brave. “I’m scared if Jared’s scared, Daddy.”

 “I’m…I’m okay, Mia,” Jared forced the emotions down until he was either alone or it was just him and Jensen. Right then he moved his one arm to welcome the tiny child when she curled against his chest. “You don’t have to be scared. I’m sorry if I did. I’m fine. Your Daddy got me through it.”

 “That’s because he’s Daddy and Daddy loves us,” Mia told him with the solemnness of a child, reaching up so she could touch both her father and Jared. “Daddy loves you just like I knew he would.”

 Jensen was fighting to not let the tears that wanted to fill his eyes show but it was hard, especially when Jared lifted his head enough to look him in the eye. “I know he does, Mia,” he replied quietly, holding the deepening green eyes when he finally added. “I love him too.”

 So many emotions went between the two men right then but all Jensen did was shift so he was leaning back against the wall to hold both his friend and his daughter in his arms.

 That was how Ivy found them several hours later when it was time for dinner and while the older woman didn’t know what might have caused this scene it still made her tear up to see the way Jensen’s hand was carding back through Jared’s hair while the other man’s fingers were moving in a similar fashion through Mia’s.

 “You boys want me to set the table or wait awhile?” she asked after a couple minutes, knowing Jensen had sensed her by then.

 “You feel like eating?” Jensen wasn’t sure how much Jared could handle in one day and feared there’d be more to come once they had a chance to talk.

 More than a little embarrassed at his behavior Jared started to apologize when he shivered at the lips that brushed past his ear and also the soft words he heard.

 “If you even start to say you’re sorry for getting upset, the moment I have Mia asleep for the night and we’re alone I will so remind you of every spot that I know you’re ticklish,” Jensen murmured, fairly certain he was torturing himself every time he touched his friend. “Can you eat or do just want to crash for the night?”

 “Oh no,” Ivy had heard that and knew the pattern. “If he doesn’t eat all you’ll do if push some food around on your plate until Mia eats. Have you eaten today, Jensen?” she asked, narrowing her gaze. “Besides junk food and cookies?”

 “I was a little busy,” Jensen muttered, sighing when Jared moved slowly which instantly had Mia popping up. “Looks like it’s dinner time then.”

 Mia had pouted a little about not being able to sit between them but settled down after Jensen assured her that Jared could read her a bedtime story.

 Now she chatted happily to her spoon while eating mashed potatoes with gravy and the occasional bite of meat. Jared wasn’t too hungry but did eat what Ivy piled on his plate but what caught the woman’s attention was the way he shifted Jensen’s thoughts off of whatever seemed to be bothering him to actually get her young employer to take more than a few bites.

 It seemed like the day had gone so fast as after dinner Mia was falling to sleep in her seat so Jensen decided to forego her usual bath/book/bed routine to just do book and bed.

 “Do you want to read her the story?” he asked Jared as Mia picked out her favorite pair of footie pajamas to be put on her before tugging on Jared’s hand to get him to sit with her on the bed. “I promise she’ll be out before you get halfway through Cinderella. She’s had a busy day.”

 “So have you,” Jared remarked, taking the book and settling back on the bed to realize how big he actually was in comparison to Mia and her bed. “Is this bed small or is it me?”

 “It’s a toddler bed and yes, you are big,” Jensen grinned, sitting on the bottom to listen to the soft and easy Texas drawl that came out when Jared spoke and remembering how much he’d loved to hear it even though his friend used to hate it. “I tried her in a normal twin bed but she rolled too much and I was scared she’d get hurt.”

 Jared got halfway through the story before a hand on his made him look down to see that Mia had fallen to sleep with her blanket and her stuffed dog clutched in her arms, a tiny smile on her face.

 “Sleep safe and sweet, my Mia,” Jensen whispered, covering his daughter with a soft blanket and kissing her forehead. “You can touch her, Jared. She won’t break and will probably pout if she thinks you didn’t tell her goodnight,” he told his friend as he noticed his uncertainty.

 Kneeling beside the bed to just lightly touch a finger to one soft curl that seemed to fall into Mia face, Jared’s smile was pure love as he kissed her hair. “G’night, Mia. Love you.”

 He stood up to meet Jensen’s shining eyes. “Is it odd that I can say with full certainty in my heart that I do love this little girl?” he asked, stepping out in the hall to let Jensen pull the door shut after making certain a soft night light was turned on to give light in the room. “Or that I know that I love her father?”

 “No, I don’t find either odd,” Jensen spoke softly as he turned, wanting nothing more than to back Jared up against the wall or down the hall to his room and see where it went but the responsible side of Jensen knew he needed to talk first. “You have no idea how much I love seeing you with Mia. I knew in the park that you loved her and would protect her if you had to. As for the other,” he did pause to groan at the urge to touch. “I love you too and have loved you since…we need to talk about a couple things first.”

 A piece of Jared wasn’t sure he wanted to talk. He wanted to believe that he was real now and not some display model brought to life. He wanted to cling to the hope that this, whatever this was, could work out but he also had questions.

 He had images that he knew he shouldn’t have floating in his head. He had memories that soothed him, made him smile and also terrified him. Especially the memories of metal crunching, so no matter how much he might want to avoid this talk he knew he needed to know what Jensen could tell him or…what Nic had come there for tonight.

 “Did…Nic say anything?” he asked hesitantly, following Jensen up to the third floor that seemed to be where Jensen had set up to paint. “I mean, about how long I have here…with you? With Mia?”

 Opening a door to his main set of rooms that he used as studio and office, Jensen flipped on the light to go and start a fire in the fireplace across the room to take the chill off.

 He ignored the unfinished canvases that he needed to work on to complete his contract for the showing to turn toward Jared, recognizing his worry. “You’re here with us for as long as you choose to be, Jay,” he assured him, motioning to an oversized, worn looking sofa that sat near the fireplace. “No one can make you leave. You’re not what you think you are and that is kinda what I guess we need to talk about so you can make up your mind to what happens next.”

 Jared was suddenly too on edge to sit but noticed that Jensen also looked worried as he began to lay things out from the envelope he’d carried up with them. “I thought I was a…I mean, you saw what I…”

 “You are a living, breathing, wonderfully loving and caring man, Jared Padalecki,” Jensen broke in at the first catch in Jared’s breathing. “Nothing is going to happen to take you away from here unless you choose to leave which I hope you don’t but I need you to understand that regardless of what you took Nic to mean nothing binds you to me or Mia…unless you want it to.”

 This was also something Jensen needed to be clear about. He knew what Jared probably believed but if the man was going to stay, if Jensen was going to break his own emotional walls down to accept this chance then it had to be because it was what Jared wanted and not because he believed he had to stay or feel things.

 “I think I was bound to Mia from the first time she put her hand in mine,” Jared replied, rubbing his head at the low pain he was suddenly feeling. “It’s…it seems harder to remember that time though and I don’t want to lose any memory of her but…”

 “You’ll lose those memories because those aren’t your real ones and I also hope you do lose those because I don’t want you to remember anything bad,” Jensen told him. “Nic isn’t certain what from that time you’ll remember as it was just a…transitory period of time.”

 Jared got up to walk around the room but fought the urge to look at the paintings or what was in the room beyond as he looked out the window at the night sky. “How real am I?” he asked, wondering why that wasn’t so odd a thing to ask. “I feel hot and cold, I can taste things, I pinched my finger earlier and felt pain and…when I’m too close to you for too long a time I feel something else.”

 “That’s not helping me any, Jay,” Jensen groaned, watching his friend’s long legs move around the room. “You’re real. You are not one of those mannequins brought to life by whatever magic Nic uses,” which was beyond his realm to understand anyway. “Nic said it was why you never fit in there because you were given a second chance.”

 “At what?” Jared asked, memories floating just outside of his reach of two boys laughing and playing football and soccer even though the smaller boy that Jared knew on instinct was him was younger than his taller, older friend. “Alright, answer two questions?”

 “Just two?” Jensen knew there’d be more but he’d take them as they came. “Shoot.”

 The kiss in the park that he had known before Jensen had done it was what the man would do, the others since then, the not so casual touches that all served to heat Jared’s blood made him curious. “Are we gay?” he asked even though the word seemed alien to him he still knew it and also knew he’d heard it said not so nicely at times.

 “Huh. You asked me that when you were twelve too,” Jensen ran his tongue over his teeth while he cocked his head like he was prone to do. “I’ll give you the same answer now that I gave you then…I don’t know,” he smirked at the look that earned him. “You were twelve and curious. We kissed once but I was sixteen and refused to take you any farther than a kiss until you were older and sure if I was who you wanted.

 “I can’t answer if you are or not because you don’t have the experience to know if you like women or not. I’ve pretty much sworn them off since I was never really interested in the first place and after Mia was born I’ve only gone out with a woman if I had to and then she was strictly a friend doing me a favor,” he remarked.

 “But Mia…” Jared recalled something the child had said in the park. “Mia said she was told you paid the mother to have her.”

 Jensen blinked, sitting up more. “Mia said what?” he frowned at that since that was the one thing he didn’t think his too innocent baby girl knew about. “Okay, I’ll murder the asshole who told her that but…” he run a hand down his face until he felt the sofa give as Jared sat back beside him. “Mia is my world but I will not deny that she came from a night where I was too drunk and still missing you to know better when my mother set me up with Steph.

 “Steph was angry that she lost a music contract so she was drunk and also a little interested in the Ackles’ money. I paid, or I had my Dad pay her to keep the baby, have Mia and then she signed her away to me and that’s how I became a single father with a beautiful little girl who talks to angels and knew what I was missing,” he shifted a little so they were facing but managed to keep his hands either on his legs or tapping his fingers on the arm of the sofa.

 “How could she not have wanted her own child?” Jared was stunned at this; thinking that anyone wouldn’t have wanted to be a part of that adorable child’s life. “Mia’s a gift and a treasure.”

 “Yes, she is,” Jensen agreed, his love growing steadily deeper for his friend. “I thank God every night I put her to bed and every morning when she runs into my arms that I was blessed with her. She literally saved my life, Jared. I was self-destructing and had been since I was sixteen.”

 As Jared sat there, thoughts filling his head he suddenly realized he couldn’t find any memories of himself aside from that short and gawky preteen while he did almost have foggy and cloudy images of the young man he knew was Jensen through various stages of his life, including a snow covered mountain and a tree.

 “You broke your leg in three places,” he murmured, seeing the jerk of green eyes at that mention. “You were skiing when you shouldn’t have been, you’d been drinking, and you nearly slammed into a tree but…you swerved because I…Jen?”

 Jensen was silently cursing Nic because while memories of car crashes he might be able to explain away, it would be harder if Jared had any other memories of perhaps times when he’d seen Jensen but yet couldn’t understand it.

 “I…I have all these memories of us as kids. We…we grew up together so I have all these memories but then I don’t have any other ones of getting older, like we are now, until I saw you in the park and knowing who you were instantly,” Jared’s thumb reached over to brush over the light dusting of freckles that still covered Jensen’s cheeks if you looked close enough or knew they’d been there when he’d been a boy.

 “You said you’d been missing me still and I seem to recall there being mention of an accident which might explain a little lack of memory except it wouldn’t explain that I remember being a mannequin in your folk’s store and having feelings and longings for a life that shouldn’t have been mine but…I think it was,” Jared was suddenly getting cold, feeling Jensen’s fingers on his wrist and while he wanted to give in to the need to feel those arms around him for this the younger man stood to cross to the fireplace.“Second question, Jensen?”

 “Ask, Jay,” Jensen held his breath for what he prayed wouldn’t come.

 “Did I die?”

 

**TBC**


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The usual language warning and I'll also toss out a possible tissue warning just in case.

**Chapter Four**

“Did I die?”

The silence was thick as Jensen’s heart pounded in his head at the straight out question. He had known it would come because Jared had never been stupid.

Even as a boy he’d picked up on the smallest detail that others might miss or he could get an instant read on people to be able to tell if they were being honest or not.

So it shouldn’t have surprised him that his friend had come upon the most obvious reason for his time lapse or confused memories but yet he’d been hoping for more time so Jared could have adjusted better before having to face the horrible truth.

“Wow, there is still no beating around the bush with you,” he tried to make his voice seem light, to keep the calm shell he’d managed to hold even as he was fighting emotions and his own memories.

“Did I die?” Jared asked again, hands clenched at his sides while he struggled not to pace. “You said that Mia saved you, that you were self-destructing and had been since you were sixteen. I can’t place a physical memory between us after I was…twelve? If we were such good friends, if there was what I think there was between us then we wouldn’t have lost touch. I would have been with you if you were hurting so bad…unless I couldn’t be. Unless I was the reason you were hurting. Is that it, Jensen? Did something happen? Am I dead?”

Ever since the brutal flashes of memory had started, ever since Jared’s memories of bitterness, fear, loss, want and need began to hit him he had tried to come up with any other excuse for it but the moment he looked into Jensen’s deep eyes and saw the pain he was feeling reflected back tenfold he knew it was true even before he heard the soft ‘Yes’.

“Jared…” Jensen stood to go to him but held back the second a hand shot out flat, his heart fearing the break that would come soon. “Please. Please let me try to explain what I can. I know no one can understand what you’re feeling but…”

The shock of learning that he had died was one thing but for Jared right then his thoughts were focusing on something else. “Am I dead now?” he asked, feeling over his body as if trying to make certain he was solid or that he could feel. “Am I a ghost? Am I real? What am I or…oh God…”

The low buzzing that had started now became full-fledged white noise as any confusion that Jared might have had left from thinking he’d simply been a mannequin brought to life because of a child’s wish now tripled and he felt his knees begin to buckle.

“Real,” Jensen had moved in a flash the second he caught the panic attack about to happen, his hands firm when they gripped Jared’s biceps to keep him standing. “You’re real, Jay. You’re not a ghost, you’re not going to vanish, you’re not going away,” he waited to move his hands until he was certain Jared wasn’t going to fall, then he placed them on either side of his neck like he would before to calm his friend down. “You’re flesh and blood, Jared. My best explanation without going into one of Nic’s long winded ones is you give new meaning to the term Guardian Angel.”

Slowly Jared’s breathing began to return to normal at the touch and soothing deep voice. “I’m pretty certain I wouldn’t fall under the listing of anyone’s angel,” he murmured, gasping at the soft lips he felt against his.

“You’re Mia’s angel,” Jensen replied softly, still feeling the tension in Jared but glad that he wasn’t as pale now. “You’ve been mine for years.”

Jared felt a tingle go through him at such calm and easy words, still upset but not feeling like he was going to pass out. “Can you…would it hurt you to tell me how it happened?” he wanted, needed to know but he also didn’t want to hurt Jensen by making him relive the pain.

“I’ll be honest when I say that yeah, it will hurt like hell to tell you about it,” Jensen told him, having spent the last sixteen years trying to forget that nightmare but he slipped one hand up to brush it over soft hair. “But I’ll tell you.”

Wishing he’d done this in the other room, Jensen knelt to build the fire up more and to buy himself the time to try to strengthen his own emotional walls for the pain to come. “Do you remember everything yet or just pieces?” he asked, sensing that Jared was close.

“I mostly remember you and me growing up,” he replied, trying to bring more to the surface but couldn’t yet. “I can’t really recall my folks or anything like that yet. I wonder if I will?”

“Nic said your memories will come back more the longer you’re here so give it time. I think they may come back slowly so you’re not overwhelmed,” Jensen frowned a little. “I wish you’d been given time to adjust before remembering this.”

“I think it came back because it was my…last memory. Except it wasn’t…was it, Jen?” Jared could see the way his friend’s shoulders tensed. “The memory’s blurry like I wasn’t all the way there but I seem to recall you holding my hand. You were crying and…oh my God,” he whispered as the innocent little comment Mia would say about having a happy family now made chills go through him. “Jen.”

Standing to slowly face Jared, the tears were clear in Jensen’s eyes when he offered a sad smile. “The first time I heard Mia say that about us one day having a happy family, that night after I put her to bed I sobbed like I did that day and it was after that that I began to paint what I wanted again instead of what others thought I should but you asked me to tell you and I will,” he rubbed his hands down his jeans as nervousness set it. “Can we sit for this?”

Jared understood how hard this would be on both of them, especially since he was still reeling from recalling what he thought might have been his last words to his friend. “Yeah, we can,” he really was too nervous to sit but would sit for as long as he could.

“Thanks,” Jensen wasn’t sure how to do this so he just went with what came off the top of his head. “Your folks worked for mine at the store. They started when you were four. I was eight and we just…bonded instantly,” he didn’t sit back since he was too tense for that as he sat on the sofa across from the fireplace with his arms crossed over his knees. “You were short and a little chubby as a kid but my grandmother always laughed and said one day you’d surprise us all and shoot up. I guess she was right.

“We were best friends. Closer than brothers in some cases and I looked out for you since you were the quiet shy one that the older boys in school liked to pick on. Damn, I got into some wicked fights but I never regretted a single one because I’d be damned if you’d be hurt while I was there,” he didn’t mention how his mother hadn’t approved but then thought that Jared might already know that by a couple dropped comments earlier.

“You broke your arm teaching me to ice skate on a pond behind a house that was bigger than this one,” Jared suddenly broke in, allowing Jensen to get to the heart of this on his own. “I went to fall, you tried to catch me and we fell wrong, breaking your arm.”

The pain of the broken arm was nothing compared to the fear that his parents might not let him keep being friends with Jared after he’d heard his parents fighting about it one night afterward. To Jensen though, the pain was wiped away the first time his friend had skated on his own, laughing happily.

“And lost a tooth in a fight in sixth grade,” he shrugged, knowing he was avoiding the main question and while he wished he could keep Jared distracted with little memories he knew he had to be honest. “That Christmas you were twelve, your parents were taking you upstate to see friends despite me begging my Dad to let you spend it with me at our place like we’d both wanted,” he began slowly, unaware of how his fingers were clenching until a hand laid over one.

“I was sixteen. I was moody and anxious most of the time except when you were around. You just could make me smile by just being near me. I didn’t want to do the whole expected party scene unless you could go but Mom said I was being selfish and should let you have fun with other people,” Jensen snorted but was too focused on getting through this and missed the tiny flash of confusion that crossed Jared’s face. “Anyway, you guys were supposed to leave in the early morning but at the last second my Mother needed your Mom to help her redo several displays so you didn’t leave until later.

“The weather was supposed to get bad. You were edgy because you hated long car rides, especially at night and you were scared the roads would get bad. I was worried but tried not to let you see it,” he glanced over to see that Jared was watching him intently. “I should’ve done more or done something so maybe your Dad would’ve waited until the morning to leave but I just told you to call me when you got there and…let you get in that goddamn car.”

The guilt was there and Jared could hear it; though he also heard something else as well. “That…wasn’t all you said to me,” he murmured, watching as Jensen’s head lowered so his chin touched his chest with a small knowing smile on his lips. “You whispered something to me when I hugged you the last time.”

“I…I said I loved you,” Jensen remembered those words well because he hadn’t said them again until the day his daughter was born but not with the same intensity or meaning. “You had asked me a couple months earlier that question about being gay and it had taken me a long time to figure out what I think it might have just been something between us. I wasn’t sure but I did know that I did love you in a way that I would never love anyone else.

“I loved you and I let you get in that car. I let you go when I knew I shouldn’t have and some goddamn drunk driver plowed into your Dad’s car; killing them instantly but you…you…” he broke off to try to control his voice as it broke, tears falling as the brutal memories of hearing the phone and then his Dad coming in with the news coming back. “You were hurt, Jay. Third degree burns, massive trauma with broken bones all over but…the minute I walked into the room, after I threw one hell of a fit to be allowed to see you, you tried to smile at me.

“For days you held on, for days I stayed with you begging you to get well, to not leave me alone. I just couldn't process my life without you in it. I think on the third day I knew, I knew you were hanging on because of me. You were in so much damn pain that I finally had to let you go,” he felt the tears falling from his cheeks but didn’t wipe them away, hearing the catch in Jared’s breathing beside him but couldn’t look at those huge eyes right then and make it through this.

“You were trying to make me feel better. You said that one day you’d be back and we’d be a happy family. I ignored all the doctors and my parents when they said I couldn’t touch you more than hold your hand because I refused to let you die alone so I held you in my arms and told you that I’d wait forever for you to come back to me…then you were gone and in a way so was I,” Jensen refused to get into his own spiral downward right then as he finally glanced over to meet Jared’s gaze, seeing the wide tear filled eyes.

“I’m sorry, Jay. I’m sorry I wasn’t there with you or that I couldn’t do more. I know I should be sorry that by coming back however it was granted you had to relive that but I can’t be sorry that you’re here. I can’t be because I have wanted this chance to be with you, to see that smile that can make me as happy as Mia’s smile does,” he reached to touch but held back when the younger man tensed. “I know this upsets you and I wish it didn’t. I can say that Mia and I will try to make you happy and that you don’t regret getting a chance to live your life from this point forward, but I get that it might take you some time to adjust and will I help you as much as you’ll allow me. I’m…”

“Don’t be sorry,” Jared found his voice after several shaky moments. He felt numb, sick, hurt and confused but he also could feel the pain of his friend. That's what he focused on right then when he placed a finger against Jensen’s lips to stop him from speaking. “Don’t be sorry, don’t be sad anymore. Yes, I’m upset. Yes, I’m confused but no, I could never regret the chance to be here with you again. I could never regret being able to meet and be with Mia and to have that chance to keep that promise of being a happy family.”

The emotions were swirling within him and Jared needed a chance to sort out what he knew to what he’d learned to what he feared he did know that perhaps Jensen didn’t. “Give me time, Jen?” he asked softly, letting their foreheads touch and fighting the need to both give comfort and take what was being offered.

“However much you need, Jay,” Jensen assured him, wanting to reach out to his friend but accepting that he had to step back and let Jared cope in his own way. “You want to be alone.”

“For a while,” Jared nodded, easing back to stand. “Can I…”

“My home is your home so do whatever you need to,” Jensen assured him, hesitating before adding just as Jared reached the door. “Jay? I’m here if you…when you want to talk. Just try to get some sleep and I will try to head Mia off in the morning so my little dive bomber doesn’t wake you.”

The slight smile didn’t quite reach Jared’s eyes this time as he shut the door behind him to lean there for just a moment, not missing the unspoken pain he heard with Jensen’s soft oath.

Jared wasn’t sure he was ready to be alone but he also knew he needed the time to settle his own thoughts before approaching his friend again.

Now with Mia in bed, the old house seemed oddly quiet as Jared retraced his steps back to the room he’d been led to earlier. He paused briefly to lay a hand flat on the door that he knew belonged to the master bedroom, to Jensen, but stepped into his to just sit on the edge of the bed.

The memories were there for him. He could picture his mother’s pretty face with her curly dark hair and lively eyes. Jared knew he’d gotten his smile and laugh from her while his quick wit and rare serious side from his father.

He suspected more family memories would surface once he was more settled so he wasn’t too concerned with that. What he was concerned over and why he’d needed to put space between himself and Jensen for a couple minutes was that he had other memories about the weeks and days leading up to the night of the accident that he feared revealing.

Jared also feared revealing the inconsistency in Jensen’s story to his own memory of the accident. He loved Jensen. He knew this and he would die again before causing the man more pain but he suspected more trouble may come in the long run.

Jensen had said that it was up to Jared how long he stayed. He wanted nothing more than to stay here. “She’ll never allow that,” he whispered, staring at his hands while letting his eyes roam around the room to finally take a look at it.

It was a bedroom but the bed was a full size with warm colors making up the quilted down comforter. The carpet looked worn but Jared didn’t look at the furnishings as much as he did the framed pieces of art on the wall.

Each 12x12 piece seemed to tell a story just by the landscape and by the sixth one Jared knew that Jensen had painted these and even though each scene didn’t have any people he knew the locations and also knew the story behind it.

The young man stepped into the connecting bathroom to stare at his reflection. His hair was a dark brown that was certainly longer than Jensen wore his but as Jared ran his fingers through it he seemed to know his hair had almost always been a fluffy and floppy mess.

He tried to put the pieces together that he died at twelve but was looking into the face of his reflection that was…Jensen had said something about sixteen years so that would put him at 26 years old. He was now an adult and fully aware that he was in love with his friend, suspecting that Jensen felt the same for him.

“If I didn’t just scare him away,” he sighed, easing the collar of his sweatshirt aside to see the faint scar line on his upper chest and wondered if it had been intentional to bring him back with some scars as a reminder of who he’d been.

As he wondered the room, Jared knew that since Jensen had faced incredible pain by telling him the truth of his life that he owed the man the truth in return because while he might not be certain of all his memories yet there was one that he was fully certain of.

“There was no drunk driver.”

Jensen had sat still for several minutes after Jared left the room to just try to bring his thoughts and emotions back down.

He’d known telling Jared about the accident would bring all the pain and grief back to him but he hadn’t been counting on feeling like breaking into tears. He also hadn’t counted on the burst of rage that hit him as he remembered how much he had hated everyone after it happened.

Leaving the regular canvases alone Jensen walked into the other room on his third floor to flip the lights on, made a fire and picked up a brush.

This room, larger than the other and more casual and also messy, was where he worked on those pieces that he loved doing. The pieces that he poured his heart and soul into…the ones that the gallery manager wanted burned if Jensen wanted to renewed contract.

“He and that gallery can go to hell,” he decided tightly, allowing the painting to come at will as it did sometimes when he was fueled by emotion rather than a given image in his mind.

The walls were littered with various sized roughly framed pieces of landscapes that reminded him of his happy memories while others were leaning against the walls or on easels scattered around the room.

The scarred wooded floor splattered with paint with the only rug being the large size soft fur one he’d placed near the gated off stone and brick fireplace. The furniture was mostly old leather pieces covered in old throws to protect them from paint or chemicals used when he mixed colors or cleaned up.

Jensen didn’t even notice that he was in his actual good jeans and sweatshirt or care when paint turned the good clothes into more paint clothes. He’d gone deep into both his mindset and the painting to exorcise the inner demons he felt tonight.

He’d been granted his deepest wish by having Jared returned. He’d seen his daughter really happy since normally Mia hated when anyone else was in the house but now he needed to come to grips with the very real chance that Jared might not be able to handle knowing that he’d been sent back from Heaven even if he appeared to be happy.

While it would hurt him, Jensen knew it would break Mia’s little heart to lose her friend because we wasn’t certain how to explain to her yet about how he and Jared knew one another. He planned to address that when she was older, like at sixteen, but if Jared did choose to leave them for even a little while as he found his place again in the world then he would need to tell her.

So absorbed in the painting Jensen didn’t hear the soft, almost hesitant knock on the door. He didn’t hear the voice calling to him and he certainly wasn’t aware of the tears on his face as he gave himself over to the painting.

“Jensen?” Jared had debated with himself for a good few hours on waiting until the morning to see his friend but then couldn’t stand it when after two hours he hadn’t heard Jensen come down from the third floor workspace and had decided to go check on his friend after a quick look in to be sure Mia was safe.

Now as he stood in the door that led to another much larger workspace Jared wasn’t sure what to think or what to do.

His friend was totally absorbed in whatever he was painting. So into it that he still didn’t hear Jared when he called several more times until the younger man was considering going to him, especially when he realized there were tears on Jensen’s face and his chest was heaving as he fought the building sobs while the brush in his hand moved to various colors on the standing palate near him.

Swallowing hard and fearing that telling him what he had had brought too much back to Jensen, Jared began to take a step into the room when a voice stopped him.

“He won’t surface so he can hear you until he’s painted out whatever Devil is chasing him tonight,” Ivy Adams replied from behind him.

The older black woman was dressed for bed but stood in the other room holding a tray with a large plate of various cookies and two mugs of steaming cocoa. “I was hoping I’d find you up here so he won’t be alone when he does come out of it,” she allowed Jared to take the tray while lightly shaking her head as she watched the scene in the other room, deciding she’d lecture the boy later on painting in his good clothes. “Too often when one of these pieces hits him, the kind where it’s all emotion and no planning, he just sits on the floor afterward and whispers your name.”

“You know who…” Jared’s heart ached for what he could so clearly see on his friend’s handsome face when he nearly dropped the tray in his haste to look back at her. “I mean…”

“Boy, I knew who you were the second I laid my eyes on you,” Ivy barked, a fond smile forming for this one while motioning with her hand around them. “Not so much these pieces in the other room but take a peek at some of these more recent ones and you’ll see what I mean. Ever since Mia first came home to tell him about her ‘friend’ Jensen began to really paint again.”

Jared took this in slowly as Ivy watched him and it was if every emotion either of these boys felt could be seen on their faces she hoped things got easier and not harder.

“I’m off to bed but you tell Jensen that I checked on the little one and she’s safe and sound and I expect him to get some decent sleep tonight or if he doesn’t get sleep then he better have a good excuse for it,” she laughed when Jared blushed, slapping her leg with her amusement. “Sugar, you are going to be so good for him and my baby girl. You get some sleep too.”

“I hope I will be,” he whispered, placing the tray on a small stand near the covered sofa while taking a cookie to eat while deciding he’d wait it out because he didn’t want Jensen to face being alone ever again.

Keeping a close eye on his friend, Jared’s more curious side got the better of him as he finally had to look at the few paintings in the first room; a slight frown forming.

While they were certainly Jensen’s work because as Jared suddenly recalled watching his friend paint before and his friend had a certain style, he also noticed the small difference in these pieces compared to even the smaller pieces in his room.

These didn’t have as much color and what color they did have appeared muted. They were mostly stills of flowers in fancy vases or basic backgrounds with birds in the sky or a couple with people that looked almost as drained of energy as what these painting did.

The other paintings in this room Jared felt a little odd looking at without Jensen’s permission except the ones on the wall. Those he did examine to instantly catch the vivid colors used, the bolder brush strokes on some areas. These paintings looked alive, looked powerful and looked like what Jared remembered his friend painting.

He also caught his own face in several of the pieces and itched to look at the rest but held back, turning at a sound that had him moving away from the paintings and back toward Jensen in time to see his take a half step back from the painting he’d been working on for hours.

“I hope you don’t mind me waiting in here for you,” Jared spoke only when he thought his friend would finally be able to hear him. “I knocked and called out but then Miss Ivy said you were buried in the piece and wouldn’t surface until it was done.”

It still took Jensen several moments of blinking to bring his head back to the room, starting to wipe his face with his hand until he caught the paint on his fingers and decided he better clean up first. Then he realized Jared was there and was a little surprised at the rush of emotion he got.

“Ivy’s usually a bit more vocal when she describes how I get at times when I paint. I’m sorry I didn’t hear you,” he carefully cleaned his hands of paint and then washed them to get the smell of the thinner off, looking to see that Jared hadn’t moved while his eyes were. “You can look at it, Jay. I don’t mind.”

“Thanks,” Jared carefully stepped around to see the new painting and was blown away by the depth of intense colors of the landscape scene that portrayed a simple house set in a beautiful field with a lake in the background, the sun just setting while a couple and a small child walked down a lane toward it.

It was a simple piece but yet the vividness of the colors, the brushstrokes and something that Jared could only describe as Jensen’s skill made it all that more intense.

“It’s…is awesome too stupid a word to use to describe something so…beautiful?” he asked, ducking his head a little; embarrassed at his lack of words to tell his friend how talented he was.

“No, I like awesome. Awesome is good,” Jensen chuckled as he dried his hands and returned to stand beside Jared to look at what he’d just done, a little taken aback by it himself but interested in Jared’s opinion. “What do you think of it?”

“I…” Jared blinked at the unexpected question. “I don’t know anything about art so I’m not sure what to say,” he wished he knew more or how to express himself when a shoulder lightly bumped up against his in a familiar gesture.

“You know me so tell me what you’re thinking right now as you look at this,” Jensen smelled cookies and cocoa but he was more intrigued by the plain and simple scent that he knew by heart was just Jared.

“Oh,” Jared could do that then as he looked at the painting again, being careful not to touch until the paint dried fully. “You were great at fifteen. Now you’re brilliant and this piece, not that I looked at many of the others, this is…awesome,” he smiled when Jensen laughed.

“I’m far from brilliant but I appreciate your confidence in me,” he also would hold Jared’s opinion of the painting close in his heart because of all the criticism or accolades he’d gotten over his art no one had ever called a piece awesome before and he would forever cherish that Jared had. “Did you need something?” he wondered after remembering that Jared had said he’d been waiting for him.

Still looking at the photo, Jared shook his head and finally turned when he felt fingers trying to snatch the remainder of his cookie. “No…no, I got worried when you didn’t come down to go to bed so I came up. I knocked before opening the door and I called out a couple times but you were…intense.”

“That is also not what Ivy calls it,” Jensen smiled, eyes on Jared when the man reached up to lightly brush his knuckles across his cheek to wipe the drying tears away. “I worried you,” he knew this just by the way his friend was watching him now.

“You were…alright, beyond intense and I’ll admit that I was a little worried at how hard it seemed to be hitting you as you painted,” Jared admitted, relieved not to see as many shadows in the opposite green eyes as he had earlier. “Miss Ivy said when those moments happen you have to paint through them.”

“I’m sorry I worried you, Jared. I didn’t mean to and I’m sorry for not hearing you. That’s one of the reasons my mother believes Mia needs a Nanny because on the rare times when that kind of emotion hits me I might not always hear her,” Jensen sighed, stretching and feeling his back and neck pop with a painful groan. “It’s actually only been just recently that I started being able to paint like that again. Except for Mia’s room and a piece here and there I…I haven’t really been painting what I enjoy.”

Jared could believe that, slipping his hand through Jensen’s to tug him away from the painting and closer to the sofa where the cookies and cocoa were sitting. “Did this happen because I hurt you?” he asked quietly, carefully folding his hands around the still warm mug after handing Jensen his.

Taking a sip, Jensen decided he’d saint Ivy for the cocoa alone when his eyes rose. “You didn’t hurt me, Jay,” he stared at the man and then sighed. “Yes, it rocked me when I felt the emotions as much as I did but I knew I’d be the one to tell you so I knew what I was walking into. Just like I knew you’d need time to come to terms with everything you know and are learning now,” he bit into a cookie while sitting back to feel his back pop several more times. “I learned how to throw most of the emotion into my work even if the piece isn’t something I like to do. This is one of the kind I enjoy so it brought out more feeling.”

“Is that why those other paintings are out there and are different from these?” Jared had to ask, struggling to explain at his friend’s blank look; going on when Jensen nodded to. “I mean, those few out there…the ones uncovered that I could see because I wouldn’t look under the sheets, they’re yours because you have a unique stroke you use on everything but…the depth isn’t there. The feeling…the colors are…dull.”

“Are they?” Jensen’s tongue ran over his lip while sipping the cocoa to cover his smile as it didn’t dawn on Jared yet what he was saying and while normally if anyone else would have said that to him he’d have been ready to snap their heads off he was interested in Jared’s opinion. “How so?”

“How…just look at one of those compared to any of these,” Jared couldn’t believe his friend didn’t see it and went to grab one of the still life paintings of some rocky shore to bring it back, grabbed Jensen by the wrist to literally pull him over to a bright beach scape with two children running along the sand with a golden dog chasing them. “Look at these two. The difference is so huge a blind man could see it and I don’t know anything about art or painting but it just seems like there’s something about these that don’t…inspire you.

“I mean, they’re good because you’re an awesomely brilliant artist who could bring stick figures to life on canvas if you cared enough to like you do on the paintings in here, the ones throughout the house but these, the ones out there…there’s something different about them besides just being in another room,” Jared couldn’t figure it out and if he hated anything it was not understanding something.

Then it must have hit him what he was saying and who he was saying it to because in a flash his face paled, his eyes got huge and his tongue suddenly didn’t seem to want to work like it should as he began to get an apology out as Jensen stood there just watching him.

“Oh my God!” Jared breathed, kicking himself for being a moron who clearly didn’t a filter for his stupidity when he was sent back. “Jen, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said any of that. I mean it’s your work and I know you must put the same amount of…God, I am so stupid! I’m…”

“The difference is exactly what you said it was. I don’t care enough about those ones out there like I do the ones I do in here,” Jensen interrupted smoothly, taking the dull still life portrait to sit it aside while keeping his eyes on Jared’s stricken face before slowly letting his lips curve. “Those I paint for the gallery in New York. Those pay the bills, buy food, keep Mia in clothes that she constantly outgrows a day after I buy them and supplied her stuffed animal addiction. Those I paint because it’s what I was ‘told’ to paint. These in here are what I enjoy painting and what I love. That’s why they’re separate. Now, do you want to know what I think of your wonderfully open and very straight forward opinion?” he asked evenly, moving toward his friend slowly and not missing the wariness.

Jared knew he’d screwed up and would apologize until he was blue in the face since he accepted overstepping the boundaries. “I spoke too soon and about something I know nothing about so…” he shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans rather than risk letting Jensen see how upset he was. “I know I deserve whatever you say or do or…mmhm?”

He was cut off when Jensen’s hands lightly went against his chest to push him almost carefully against the wall, long fingers running through Jared’s hair before taking a handful in a grip that was tight enough to hold but not enough to hurt when his head was pulled down to meet Jensen’s mouth in a long, deep kiss.

“I loved it,” Jensen spoke softly as he broke the kiss by just pulling back enough to speak before beginning again, this time layering hot kisses along Jared’s jaw, his throat and lips while offering little words betweeneach kiss. “I loved it, loved that you care enough to speak your mind to me, love that you can actually see the difference in my work and Jay?” he paused just long enough to smile up into the slightly glazed eyes of his startled friend. “I love you so damn much.”

This hadn’t been the reaction that Jared had been expecting so it took him a little while to readjust his thoughts, realizing his hands had come out of the pockets of his jeans to go to Jensen’s hips, the heat of the kissing searing his brain enough to nearly make him forget there was something he’d wanted to talk with Jensen about.

“You’re…you’re not angry with me?” he finally managed to get out, nearly groaning at the need building throughout his body; a need he didn’t immediately understand. “I insulted…geez, you didn’t kiss like this back then.”

“No, I’m not angry and no, you didn’t insult anything and…if you had been older than twelve back then I might have,” Jensen smiled at the soft sounds he knew Jared didn’t know he was making or the way his hands was slowly easing their way around Jensen’s waist. “Jay, only three other people have even seen these other pieces and they’d never tell me what you just did. Why did you?”

Jared’s thoughts weren’t on what he was saying as Jensen’s hands had found their way under his sweatshirt to slowly, with a feather touch, work their way up to touch his chest and suddenly he also knew a very big drawback to missing sixteen years of life. He had no clue what the hell he was doing or should be doing since the health classes back then hadn’t covered advanced making out with a girl much less a guy.

“You in there, Jay?” Jensen chuckled when he noticed how distracted the younger man was getting, realizing he needed to slow things down before he took Jared too far too fast.

“Oh, ummm, because I like seeing you happy and it just didn’t look like you were when you painted those ones,” Jared’s head fell back at the feel of calloused finger tips running over his chest. “Jen? Question?”

“Hmm?” Jensen’s lips slid down Jared’s throat to feel the man shudderagainst him, fighting his own needs and the lust he hadn’t felt in years. “I am really distracted right now so it’s a good time to ask me anything. That’s usually how Mia gets past my guard. You used to do it too.”

That pleased Jared for some reason but right then he was trying to not lose what brain cells he still had. “Are we…I mean, what are we doing?”

“Something that’s going to leave me in a freezing cold shower all night if I don’t stop right now,” Jensen replied, lips gentle when they moved along Jared’s jaw to meet his again. “I knew better than to do more than kiss you because I knew the moment I actually touched you, my hand on your skin, I was going to want to do more than you understand about right now so I’m going to pull back now and we’re going to finish these cookies.”

Jared wasn’t sure he wanted to stop what they were doing. It was true he might only have a glancing idea of sex, and less on the mechanics of it when it involved two guys, but he wasn’t scared like he once thought he would be and he wanted to feel Jensen touch him.

“I don’t want to stop but…” he felt Jensen’s smile against the hollow of his throat before his friend finally, reluctantly, eased back but left his hand where it was under the shirt for a moment longer.

“But?” Jensen asked with an arched brow, amusement on his face and unaware of how relaxed he truly felt tonight. “The most dangerous word in the English language is that little one right there. But what, Jay?” he caught the small flicker of concern on Jared’s face and that made him more serious. “Jared? Tell me.”

“I actually couldn’t sleep because I wasn’t sure if I wanted to bring this up with you or not,” Jared sighed, letting Jensen lead him back to the covered leather sofa to sit but still felt the heat in his body when the other man’s hand laid on his leg. “I…I love you and I always have so it think that something I say might hurt you or upset you…it’s not what I want but…Jen, who told you that my family was going upstate to visit friends and about the drunk driver?”

Of all the things Jared could have asked him right then that was far from it but Jensen could tell something was bothering his friend. “My folks,” he replied with a one shouldered shrug. “I was ticked off because they wouldn’t let you stay with us like you had the past couple years and Mom said your family was going to spend the holiday with other friends and Dad came into my room that night because the phone woke me up and said a drunk driver had veered into the other lane and plowed into your car. Jared? Hey, what’s going on?”

Jared’s fingers were clenching nervously before he stood up to walk over to look at the little clay figures on the mantle above the fireplace that were clearly Mia’s work. “They…they weren’t going to visit friends upstate, Jen,” he murmured, flashes of memory coming back of being told in the car where they were going and the rest of it. “They were moving away and weren’t coming back. I wasn’t being allowed to come back.”

“What?” Jensen stared at the broad shoulders, catching the tension in them as Jared kept his eyes averted. “Why would they move? Were they quitting Westins? Mom and Dad didn’t say anything about it and if they knew they would’ve…”

“They knew…or your Mom did because I heard my Mom and Dad whispering in the front seat because they thought I was asleep. Mom was crying because she was upset about it and she knew I’d be upset because I wouldn’t understand why I wouldn’t be allowed to see you anymore,” Jared could see it if he closed his eyes, could hear it.

Your Mom didn’t like me, Jen. She never had because my folks weren’t exactly in the same social circle but your Dad did. Your Dad was cool and always told mine that I was a good influence on you. Your Mom didn’t feel the same, especially that year and…” he broke off, not wanting to do this but also unable to let himself be with Jensen and Mia if his friend didn’t understand what he might be letting himself in for later.

“She offered them both positions at a Westins up in Providence, Rhode Island with a large bonus and salary increase if they took me away from you that Christmas break and made sure I wouldn’t contact you again because while she couldn’t change what I was becoming she didn’t want it ‘infecting’ her son,” Jared tensed as something clattered to the floor and chewed his lower lip.

“Come again?” Jensen was stunned, temper stirring as he listened to the normal Texas drawl get softer and heavier like he knew it would because whenever his friend was upset or worried his accent got heavier. “They said Mom…she gave them jobs at that dinky little store just because she thought it would keep me away from you?” he caught the short nod but knew there was more, there had to be.

He’s always suspected his Mother disliked Jared even though she’d never mentioned it to him except for the most casual comments that perhaps he should spend more time with friends his own age to which he’d always snorted and replied that all the kids his age were either spoiled brats or bullies.

It was after one day that summer that he’d noticed his Mother’s behaviorhad gotten colder toward Jared. It had become so noticeable that Jared would actually hide behind him whenever they were in the house and Laura Ackles came through.

“I don’t expect you to believe me, Jen,” Jared was rushing his words which made it harder for Jensen to understand since the man still hadn’t turned to face him. “I know what I’m saying but before you let me stay, before anything…that might have been going to happen, did…I needed you to know that not everything you think happened did the way you told,” he took a shaky breath.

“There is no way in hell even if they did move to Rhode Island that it would have changed anything between us and she had to know that,” Jensen stated, something cold touching him like it did sixteen years earlier when he’d gone against his parents orders and had gone to the scene where his whole life changed. “You were my best friend and I’d already decided how I felt for you so I would’ve followed you. It would’ve taken an order from your Dad or something drastic to break us up.”

“Like an accident?” Jared whispered; his body cold despite the roaring fire he was standing near.

“The driver, the cops never found…” Jensen no longer felt like eating the cookies as his stomach knotted with the same sick fear he’d felt as he took in the skid marks on the road, one set, the crumpled guardrail, the broken glass and metal that hadn’t been picked up and the damage to the tree.

It had all been an accident but no matter how much his parents insisted or repeated what the police said Jensen couldn’t figure out how another car had smashed into the Padalecki’s and then just drove off.

The local police and state troopers had all refused to speak with him and just wrote him off as a teenager grieving for his friend.

“Tell me what else you remember from that night,” he ordered, voice dropping low enough that he knew his friend thought he was angry with him and while Jensen was getting angry it wasn’t with Jared. “Tell me.”

 “I was angry. I was scared and hurt. I didn’t want to go away and I didn’t want you to think I’d just left without saying anything so I was demanding Dad turn around. I at least wanted to be able to tell you in person that I was moving. I wanted to see you one more time but Dad said if they went back they’d lose their jobs so I had to let you believe whatever Mrs. Ackles decided to tell you,” Jared’s eyes clenched at the sound of metal hitting metal, the tires screeching as his father tried to brake only to have nothing happen.

 “The van came from behind so fast they didn’t see it because I was determined if they wouldn’t take me back then I’d just jump out. I didn’t care how fast he was going or where we were. I just knew I had to get back to you but then it hit the car from the side,” his hand fisted while the other went to grab onto the mantle for stability. “It hit so hard and so fast that it tore the back door off and I heard Mom scream for me. The brakes…didn’t work so when Dad tried to slow down as it rammed us off the road he lost control and all I saw was the tree coming and then…nothing. I don’t…remember…”

 “Don’t lie to me now, Jay,” Jensen’s voice was tight with too many feelings but his hand, when he crossed to his friend, was gentle as he touched the younger man’s shoulder. “What don’t you want to tell me? What else happened that night that’s scaring you to look at me?”

 Jared did remember one more thing but he wasn’t sure how to say it. “I…I was able to crawl out of the car,” he felt the hand tense and decided to just finish it and then handle the reaction. “I was hurt pretty bad but when I couldn’t wake Mom or Dad up I crawled out and up the embankment to the road. God, it hurt and I was crying because I think I knew they were dead and I just wanted them…I wanted you, Jen.

“The van was sitting there in the road. I tried to wave to it thinking in some part of my brain that it would help me even though I knew it was the one that had run us off the road but…the driver saw me and…backed up,” he didn’t realize how badly he’d begun to shake until Jensen’s arms were around him and he gave in to that comfort as he clearly remembered the pain and shock of being hit with the massive black van. “He hit me twice before stopping, getting out, walking over to me and kicked me in the ribs with the ugliest snake boots and said…he said I should’ve been normal. I wouldn’t have gotten my parents killed,” his voice broke on a sob. “I got them killed because I…”

“Jay…Jay, stop,” Jensen was shaking with fury but he reined it in to concentrate on the shaking man in his arms. “You did not get your folks killed. No matter what happened or how it happened or why it happened, you couldn’t have stopped it and they wouldn’t want you to think that,” he held Jared as it must have finally hit him what had happened and tears flowed freely. “One question, Jay. No anger, no guilt will be laid on you but I need you to tell me one more thing. Just nod and then I’ll get you settled in bed for the night.”

 The loss of his parents, of half his life along with the pain he’d felt that night and of knowing he was dying, the childish need to be brave for the best friend that had never left his side and now the knowledge that he might still lose Jensen and Mia once his friend digested what he seemed to be saying had brought the emotions that Jared hadn’t known how to express since waking up again all pouring out in hot tears and brutal sobs.

 “I know you said it was a big black van but did you see it clearly enough to see if there was writing on it?” Jensen’s grip tightened when he felt his friend clinging to him so much like he had at seven when Jared had gotten lost in the woods behind Jensen’s house and had clung to Jensen for hours when he’d found him. “Was it…was it one of Westins delivery vans?” he asked carefully, hating to ask it, hating to think it but suddenly things that had bothered him for sixteen years just made too much sense. 

The moment he felt Jared nod shortly and heard the whispered ‘yes’ that was muffled since his friend’s face had buried itself against Jensen’s neck, it all clicked and Jensen just closed his eyes to hold his best friend as he cried.

 “Son of a bitch…”

**TBC**


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The usual one for language. Also there is some talk of past attempts at self harm so watch for that and I'll also put up the first warning for the usual explicit stuff (yes, we're finally getting to the good stuff).

**Chapter Five**

 

“Son of a bitch.”

There should have been more shock, more denial or disbelief but as Jensen stood by the fire in his one art studio to hold his friend as it all hit Jared that not only had he died but that he’d seen what had happened to him and now he was back alive Jensen was working through his own emotions.

There was no way he could deny what was being suggested because he’d been suspicious of that ‘accident’ and ‘drunk driver’ excuse from the moment he’d heard it but couldn’t find out anything else. Now that he had reason to suspect more, now that the men on the local police force that had been friends with his family were mostly retired, now that he had his own inside track…now he was determined to learn the truth.

But not tonight. No, tonight he knew what he needed to do and the first thing was get Jared settled in a warm bed where he could actually sleep and wake up knowing he was alive, safe and loved.

“Shh shh, it’s okay now, Jay,” he whispered, soothing him like he might Mia after a bad day at school until the worst of the sobs had calmed down. “Nothing I say will take the pain away and I wish to God you didn’t have those memories but I swear to you that I will find some way to make this up to you and to make you happy to be here. Now, let me get you downstairs.”

Jared didn’t particularly want to be alone in that bedroom but he was a little too numb right then to voice that so he waited while Jensen took care of the fire so that it would burn out slowly on its own, shut out the lights in both rooms and let his friend lead him back to the second floor.

“Wait a second,” Jensen paused to step in to check on Mia again, tucking her blanket back around her and picking up several stuffed animals that had been tossed in the little girl’s sleep. “Love you, baby girl,” he whispered softly.

“You’re a good father,” Jared had run a hand over his face to dry his cheeks, a little embarrassed by his actions upstairs and glad his friend wasn’t commenting on it. “She’s lucky to have you.”

“She’s lucky to have us,” Jensen corrected softly, slipping his hand down to find and hold Jared’s hand after he closed his daughter’s door without a sound. “Jay? Where you going?” he asked softly, tightening his grip to give Jared a careful tug backward when he continued to walk past the door to the Master bedroom to the one he’d been given.

Blinking a couple times in confusion, Jared opened his mouth to reply only to find his back bumping up against the wall. “Umm, in there,” he managed to nod his head toward the other door despite feeling his chest tighten at the intense eyes watching him. “Bed or I…I really don’t think I want to be alone tonight, Jen,” he admitted honestly.

“I am so glad to hear that since I didn’t plan on you being alone tonight,” Jensen told him, opening his door while smoothing his fingers along Jared’s face. “Nothing happens that you don’t want, Jay. I just want to know you’re sleeping alright and I’d be close in case you needed me but it’s your choice.”

There honestly wasn’t a choice as far as Jared was concerned. He would always choose to be with Jensen if given an option. “I…I can stay with you?” he asked to be sure and got his answer with the heated kiss that blurred his thoughts.

“Yes, you can stay with me,” Jensen murmured against his lips, not losing his grip or the kiss as he nudged Jared into the room to close the door with his foot. “Ivy might bitch for the first day or so but that’s just Ivy and we can ignore her.”

“I think she scares me,” Jared decided when he took in the bedroom with widening eyes. “Whoa.”

Jensen’s bedroom was large which would be normal since it was considered the Master bedroom but what stunned Jared wasn’t so much the size but the décor.

The walls had been painted a deep rich red color while the floor was a scarred cherry in color. Like the other rooms it had a fireplace that was already burning to warm the room. Massive shelves on one side were filled with various books with scattered pictures and little toys still filled spaces in between the books.

Over the fireplace there was an old guitar and a broken ski as well as other items that might have just been for decoration or they might have also been small mementos of some darker times in Jensen’s life.

Deciding to avoid asking right then, Jared slid his eyes to the huge heavy wooden king size four-poster bed that sat in the middle of the back wall across from the door. The comforter was a soft hunter green with matching pillows tossed all over it.

“You sleep in that bed without getting lost?” he had to ask, hearing the low chuckle from behind him as Jensen ran his hand up Jared’s back in what might have been a casual way if the younger man didn’t know his friend.

“I don’t sleep in it a lot to be honest,” Jensen admitted, keeping his touch and voice light to avoid making his friend more nervous than he figured he might be. “I sometimes sleep on the couch in my office downstairs or in the living room or if I’ve been painting I’ll crash up there so long as I have the little baby monitor on so I know when Mia wakes up. I only sleep in here every once in a while but tonight I want to.”

Jared suspected he knew why the man didn’t sleep in this room regularly turning to face him curiously. “Umm, if I spend a lot of time with you in here…can we talk about some of the decorations?” he asked, deciding to keep up his honesty trend and just go with it. “Some of it seems kind of…”

“Morbid, the word you’re looking for?” Jensen’s smile turned a little sad as he nodded, catching Jared’s chin before it lowered. “Don’t ever be scared of being honest with me, Jay,” he told him. “That was one thing I always adored about you. You were always honest with me even over things you maybe shouldn’t have been. Very few people are that honest with me over anything so if you have something to say I want you to feel safe to be able to say it.”

He moved toward the fireplace to lift a hand up to touch the broken ski. “Nearly everything on the walls, except for a few pictures and Mia’s footprints, are all from that period in my life where I was slowly self-destructing. From the day I lost you until the year before Mia came, you would not have liked the man I was, Jared. I didn’t like the man I was and tried very hard to die on more than one occasion.”

“Jen,” Jared stepped up to see Jensen push up the right sleeve of his now paint splattered sweatshirt to see not only faint scars on his wrist but other marks further up and felt cold at not only understanding what they possibly were but because he seemed to know they’d be there. “You…you tried to slit your wrists?”

“I was nineteen, it was Christmas Eve and the third anniversary of the night you…” Jensen bit the word off in refusal to ever say it again but feeling that he needed to be honest about his past. “I was drunk, I was scared, I was alone in the old barn on my parent’s property that I used to paint in, that we hung out in so much and I decided since the whole skiing into a tree didn’t work the year before I’d just cut out the middle man. I slit my wrists and waited to die.”

The memory was still there if Jensen allowed it to come. He could smell the whiskey, feel the cold that seeped through his body and that had ultimately served to help save his life in addition to one other thing. “I think I laid there for about an hour. The damn cold kept me from bleeding out and then I opened my eyes to see you kneeling beside me,” he smiled with a wry smile, turning his hand over to take a hold of Jared’s. “Whenever I did something rash or stupid as you liked to say you’d appear but it never occurred to me that everytime it happened, whatever age I was you were always the age you should’ve been so it was like you still grew up with me in some way.”

“That and the skiing…those weren’t the only times you tried to…” Jared could recall blurry memories of seeing his friend at other times, of talking to him and pulling him back from a very black edge.

“No, they weren’t,” Jensen agreed, a little ashamed of his actions now that he was older but back then he’d been a teenager looking for a way away from the pain. “I drove too fast, I went with the wrong crowd, I drank, I smoked. If there was a dangerous hobby then I probably tried it at least once until the year I was 24 and someone at a party gave me some bad crap in a needle and I overdosed,” he glanced over to see wide eyes watching him. “That was the closest I came to dying. That was also the only time I could remember seeing you really angry with me.”

“Those memories are so hazy now,” Jared murmured, realizing now that he would probably lose those now that he was back but he could still recall the incident in question. “I think it scared me because I didn’t want you to die but you didn’t want to live and I couldn’t understand why so I…yelled at you to stop…” he cut off as Jensen chuckled.

“You told me to stop being an ass and to straighten my act up or else there wouldn’t be anything for you to come back to,” he glanced at the old scars on his arms that were the only visible reminders of that part of his life before looking up at Jared. “When I woke up, I ignored my mother’s ‘suggestion’ to take a trip to Europe to a clinic and checked myself into a rehab center in New Orleans where I fought to get clean. I’ve been clean for six years and I haven’t drank since the night I slept with Mia’s mother because when I drink anything it’s too easy to lose myself to the dark memories.

“It wasn’t easy to stay clean because I still missed you and as you know my Mother isn’t easy to deal with especially when she doesn’t get her way but then I had Mia. She literally saved my life because from the first moment I held her and those tiny fingers closed around mine I knew I would never do anything to risk losing her,” Jensen blinked, surprised to feel a tear fall as Jared’s finger moved to brush it away. “The second thing I told Mia when she was born, after telling her that I loved her, was that if Jared was here that he would have loved her too and I so wanted you there with me that night, Jared.”

“I think I was, Jen,” Jared told him softly, the memory just a blink but he could recall seeing his best friend holding this tiny pink bundle in his arms with tears on his face like they were now. “Mia’s…not her name, is it?”

 Jensen’s face showed his surprise and then his pure smile as he understood that perhaps his friend had been there because only a handful of people actually knew that Mia was just a shortened form of his daughter’s given name.

“No, it’s not,” he confirmed, feeling himself relaxing again as Jared got a little braver to be the one to initiate the slow touches this time. “Her given first name that you will hardly ever hear used is Amelia after my maternal grandmother but from the first second I called her Mia. The name Mia-Lia is because a friend from New Orleans, my sponsor and still friend, called her that when he came up to visit and she giggled so it stuck.”

“I like Mia,” Jared confessed, silently thinking the other name seemed too stuffy for such a bright and happy child. “I probably would’ve called her that anyway.”

“I know you would have. That’s one of the reasons I started calling her that,” Jensen suddenly wanted away from these items. “In the morning ask her what her full name is. She likes telling people that and I think you’ll understand how important you were to us even then but I’ve had enough of dark thoughts tonight,” he smoothed a hand over the sweatshirt Jared still wore while backing his friend up to the bed. “Right now I only want to focus on one thing and that’s you, me, and me talking you out of that sweatshirt.”

Jared’s smile was shy, his fingers nervously tugging on the bottom of the shirt. “I…there are scars,” he warned quietly, a little uneasy about his friend seeing those when Jensen held out his wrists to show those.

“Scars don’t change a body, Jay,” he told the younger man seriously, recognizing his unease easily because Jared had always been awkward about his body when he was a short chubby boy who hadn’t grown into the tall handsome muscular young man he was now. “I don’t understand why you were given back to me with them but there was a reason and I never want you to feel shame to show them to me…or your body either for that matter.”

The little smile and wiggling eyebrows soon had Jared laughing like Jensen knew would happen because he could always make his friend laugh but the suggestion behind the comment also didn’t escape either man as Jared slowly pulled the sweatshirt over his head to hold it tightly.

“I don’t know what…to do or say,” Jared admitted quietly, still feeling like that twelve year boy who would always get tongue tied when this close to his best friend.

“I know you don’t and we don’t have to do anything but lay here and sleep,” Jensen assured him, wanting more but refusing to rush his friend since he did understand this side of things would be so new to Jared.

“You said it was my choice to what we did, right?” Jared chewed his lip with his gaze locked on Jensen’s face. “So if I…wanted to do more than kiss…we could?”

Jensen’s whole body was on a tightwire right then so the images that innocent question brought to mind had his jeans becoming suddenly very uncomfortable as he groaned softly, hands catching Jared’s face to kiss him slowly. “I might explode from wanting you too much too soon but yeah, we can do what you want,” he agreed, hiding his grin when he saw that Jared’s eyes followed every move Jensen’s hands made. “What do you want to do, Jay?” he asked in a low, husky whisper.

“Other than wanting your sweatshirt off so I can work up the guts to touch you? I have no clue,” Jared replied and then let out a laughing yelp when gentle fingertips lightly pushed against his chest to nudge him back, causing him to fall back onto the bed. “You knew that was going to happen!” he accused, dimples showing until his breath caught on a low oath as Jensen’s shirt was pulled off in a smooth pull. “Umm, honesty is good, right?”

“Usually but just remember I know where you’re ticklish and I’m not above using that knowledge against you,” Jensen smiled, kneeling on his bed to slowly run his index finger down the center of Jared’s chest; seeing the few scars there that had bothered his friend but ignoring them and the brief flash of anger at the reason behind them to focus on the open innocence on Jared’s face.

“You were beautiful to me at sixteen. Now you’re gorgeous,” Jared replied, blushing as he closed his eyes to quickly add. “Greek God type of gorgeous too. Feel free to laugh whenever you like or kiss me to shut me up before I keep talking and embarrass us both or…”

Jensen had blinked at the compliment. He knew he was handsome since he’d grown up with girls eyeing him but even now he would never have considered himself what his friend said. Not when he could have honestly said the very same thing to Jared and probably would one day…once he got his friend more used to things.

Right then the invitation to kiss Jared was too inviting so he did just that, using the strength of his arms to keep himself levered above him as their lips met slowly at first to become more heated until finally Jensen had to break it with a groan.

“Slow down, Jay. There’re no hurry and there’s a limit to how far I’d go with you tonight,” he soothed his friend with gentler kisses over his face before deciding to torture himself as he knelt there to place soft kisses over the first scar near Jared’s collarbone, moving lower as he kissed each small scar before his lips closed over the tony hardening nub, smiling at the sounds Jared was making without even being aware of it.

“What do I know about what we’d do when…oh my God!” Jared’s eyes flew open at the touch of warm lips over his chest, gasping at the feel of that and also the unexpected feel lower that he’d only begun to feel at twelve when close to Jensen…but nothing like he was right then. “Jensen? What?”

“Like or dislike?” Jensen asked, pretty sure which answer he was going to get just by the way Jared’s hazel eyes were darkening in color. “Tell me if you want me to stop.”

Jared’s head shot up to gaze at his friend as if he’d lost his mind. “I don’t…have the words I need to describe what I feel but…” his fingers moved to run through dark blond hair that was long enough for him to still grasp onto. “If you stop whatever the hell you’re doing I will agree with Mia over anything she wants for the rest of my life.”

“You’re probably going to do that anyway so that’s no threat,” Jensen laughed but went back to kissing Jared’s chest to move slowly down his stomach to feel the muscles move under his touch, covering his groan as best he could. “You have plenty of words too, Jay. You just have to get used to expressing them again. Tonight, just go with what you feel. Tell me what you want me to do and I’ll tell you if I think that might be too far too soon.”

“Can you…I can’t think long enough to talk when you’re kissing me like that,” Jared muttered, fingers clenching the comforter instead of touching Jensen like he burned to.

Sitting up so he’d stop the kissing but could still touch his friend, Jensen cocked his head curiously in invitation to what Jared might say.

“Do you remember what you told me that day after we kissed?” Jared knew his friend did just by the flash of emotion that went over Jensen’s face, carefully taking one hand off the comforter to reach for his friend’s now shaking hand. “You said when I was older, when I was sixteen and no younger, that you’d touch me and kiss me more.”

“And there is still nothing wrong with your memory,” Jensen murmured, voice dropping low as his body and head battled to see which would win out with Jared’s innocent wide eyes watching him closely while his hand was moved to lay flat over the younger man’s rock hard stomach. “Jay, be careful what you ask me for right now.”

“Touch me, Jensen. Please,” Jared wasn’t sure what he was asking for but just knew he wanted something more that night before they slept.

He wanted to feel alive; he wanted to be able to feel his friend touch him like he used to daydream at twelve. “I know I may not be want you want or how to be that much less how to give you anything back but…mmm.”

“You were what I wanted when you were twelve, Jared, but you were too young then for me to do anything with which is why I said to wait,” Jensen told him after he broke the heated kiss that cut off the stumbling words. “As for the other, you’ll know what to do when it’s time but…Jay, God…I swear Mia got that look from you somehow,” he groaned at the one look his friend still had that he had no defense over. “How do you want me to touch you?”

Jared tried not to let on how nervous he was as he moved Jensen’s hand down to just barely brush over the spot on his jeans that had grown tight and damp, biting down hard to not make a sound but unable to keep his hips still from even that small act of friction. “Need…I…once when I…I mean…damn it.”

“I know what you want, Jay. I know what you need,” Jensen smiled reassuringly, remembering how hard it had been for Jared to explain his feelings at twelve since he’d been raised by a semi-strict Catholic mother so the very mention of anything sexual wasn’t exactly encouraged by Nancy Padalecki. “I can give you that but if it becomes too much or you want to stop just tell me and…let’s not teach Mia that look, alright?”

Despite the way his body was acting, the heat in his blood from wanting Jensen, Jared still laughed at that order; pushing himself up until he was fully on the bed and then holding his breath as he watched Jensen’s long fingers slowly move over the denim of his jeans and once again his body arched up into the touch.

“That’s perfectly normal, Jared,” Jensen assured him, moving slowly as he unsnapped the jeans to slide the zipper down. “Can I take these off?” he noticed the faint blush, which he had always found endearing, as Jared lifted his hips up to help in the removal of his too tight jeans and briefs. “God,” he breathed lowly after removing the clothes to ease back to take a moment to look at the full gift that he’d been granted. “I’m about to make you blush big time because you’re gorgeous, Jay.”

The faint pink blush on his cheeks turned red and Jared groaned, going to move an arm up to cover his face only to have Jensen catch his wrist. “No, look at me,” the older man waited until slowly his friend’s eyes opened to look and smiled. “You were used to people making fun of you and that little boy isn’t the man you are any longer. You grew up into a tall, taller than me by the way, strong, good looking man whose heart is still so big and loving that it awes me to be able to be the one to show this to you.

“You awe me by giving me the chance to be with you, Jared,” Jensen stretched out beside his friend so he could begin to slowly kiss him as he let him adjust to the feel of his fingers lightly stroking him. “I love you, Jay.”

Jared’s emotions were strung out anyway by this point as he struggled with what he was feeling, what he wanted to do to things he wanted to say when those words just seemed to humble him.

“I’ve loved you since I was ten,” he whispered, blinking the tears out of his eyes to keep his friend in focus. “I never let myself consider this with anyone else because I never wanted anyone else. This feels…” he had to pause to consider a good word since it sure as hell didn’t feel like it had the couple times he’d begun to experiment. “Better than awesome?” he decided on and then groaned into the hot kiss that caught his mouth.

“If you think this is better than awesome than I can’t wait to see what you think of it the first time we go all the way,” Jensen chuckled, licking over Jared’s well kissed lips to shudder when they opened slowly in invitation for more and his fingers began to fully stroke the silky cock that had become slick with precome.

Jared had seen Jensen kiss girls in school and he’d seen kissing on TV as well as other things but the first touch of his friend’s tongue when it slipped past his lips had him moaning while Jensen explored slowly; tongue and hands gentle as they brought Jared to the edge of a need he never thought possible.

“God, so sweet,” Jensen’s own body was on fire and seeking release for the cock still trapped within his own jeans but he knew it was too soon to go there yet when he felt trembling fingers fumbling for his fly. “Jay, you don’t have to…shit!”

“You touch me, I touch you. Fair’s fair, Jen,” Jared was going on instinct as he finally got his fingers where he could touch his friend even if it wasn’t with the skill Jensen had. “Want to make…make you happy.”

“You make me happy just being here,” Jensen also knew his friend was a quick learner because Jared’s innocent touches were going to make this be over a lot faster than he expected. “Kiss me?”

Kissing was Jared’s favorite part of whatever he and Jensen had between them though he thought he could also get to enjoy this other part. He was quickly positive he could when as Jensen’s mouth closed over his in a much more heated and deep kiss, the younger man felt Jensen’s thumb flick lightly over the head of his cock and all Jared could do was give into the kiss when it swallowed his cry of release as he swore lights went off behind his eyes and he felt himself come.

“Just go with it, Jay,” Jensen whispered against his ear, lips and teeth kissing and touching as he continued to stroke and soothe while Jared’s body shuddered under the force of the climax.

Jensen smiled as he watched his friend’s face during this to see the awe and openness there that Jared had always had and he knew he would never tire of that. Then Jared’s still moving fingers over the weeping, hard and needy cock that did not like still being inside tight clothes reminded Jensen that he was about to come himself and did so with a low moan of Jared’s name while his friend’s head moved on instinct to find and welcome the searching tongue back in his mouth.

It had been a long time since Jensen could remember coming as hard as this from just unsure fingers and his own need as he touched Jared to bring him off or course it also had been a long time since he’d allowed himselfto be with anyone since sex was not high on his list of things to do.

He might be changing his mind as he felt Jared’s body slowly coming down, his thrusts into Jensen’s hand also slowing until finally the young man collapsed back on the bed with a sigh of pleasure and contentment.

By the time Jared’s mind began to wake up fully from the rush of that and he could get his eyes open he noticed he’d been wiped off and dressed in new briefs and a pair of sweatpants and tucked under the comforter with Jensen lying beside him, fingers lightly tracing the scar closest to him.

“Jen?” he murmured sleepily, body and mind blissed out and turning so he was closer to the warmth of Jensen’s side and chest as an arm slipped around to hold him.

“Yeah, Jay?” Jensen had known his friend would wake back up once before finally sleeping and had stayed awake for that, watching the shy small smile that lit Jared’s face before soft well kissed lips found his. “I take it you’re happy?” he chuckled, placing his hand over the one that had been laid over his heart.

“Yes, I’m happy. Are you?” Jared still had little doubts that bothered him for what might come for them but lost his hold on those as he was tugged closer so his head could pillow on Jensen’s chest, listening to the strong beat of his heart.

“I am very happy, Jay,” Jensen assured him, shifting his other hand so his fingers could push Jared’s hair back from his face. “Now try to sleep because my little girl will probably be pounding on the door earlier than either of us will like.”

Thinking of Mia had Jared lifting his head with a slight frown. “Should I go sleep in my room, Jensen?” he asked with concern, explaining at his friend’s raised brow. “Mia…she’s just five and she might not understand why I’m sleeping in her Daddy’s bed even though I think I still have the memory of her saying she heard your Dad say you kissed guys. Does she understand about that or have you kissed many…guys?”

The last question was asked with a little bit of a tone that made Jensen smile. “No, I said before I wanted you to sleep in here tonight if you wanted so just close your eyes and sleep,” he kept his touch light as his fingers kept moving through long soft dark hair that he had always loved touching. “I’ll explain to Mia and she’s never seen me kiss anyone except you though I think she might have heard something Dad said one day and except for a couple times back in that time I didn’t kiss or do anything with a guy.

“You’re the only guy I want in my life or in my bed, Jared,” Jensen kissed him slowly until he felt Jared relax again, settling back to watch his friend as he fell to sleep and allowed himself to relax and sleep fully in a way that he hadn’t in years.

The next morning came all too soon for Jared as a loud bang and a high pitched cry tinged with a child’s sobs woke him up in a flash, eyes snapping open as he tried to readjust his thoughts to where he was for just a moment when a warm hand touched the center of his chest.

“Jensen,” he knew the touch even before he opened his eyes to see his friend’s calm wry smile, noticing that Jensen had changed into a worn pair of faded jeans and was in the process of buttoning an equally faded flannel shirt over a long sleeve blue t-shirt but was still barefoot.

“How long do you need to wake up fully?” Jensen asked after leaning forward to offer a soft kiss, hearing his daughter’s feet tearing her way out of Jared’s room and knew what would come next. “Mia woke up and went to your room first. Now she’s worried and…there’s my baby girl,” he smiled at the pounding since the door was still too heavy for the tiny girl to open by herself. “I can stall her for all of three minutes if you’re not awake yet.”

“I’m awake,” Jared assured him, sitting up to shake his head in order to get the sleep tossed hair out of his face. “You should have woken me up when you got up.”

Jensen tossed a look over his shoulder on his way to open the door. “I wake up early on instinct and I wanted to watch you sleep,” he replied easily, winking. “Hang on because as soon as she sees you she’ll dive on the bed,” he warned, opening the door while already kneeling down to catch the running child. “Hello to you my Mia-Lia.”

“Da…Daddy! Jared’s gone!” Mia’s cheek were streaked with tears as she tried to cling to her Daddy while also tug him to follow her. “I went to see him when I woke up and…he’s not in bed and…” she hiccupped, not understanding why her father wasn’t upset and why he was smiling like he knew a secret.

“Shhh, baby, calm down,” Jensen soothed her, keeping her still until she’d slowed down enough to listen to him and only then did he shift his upper body enough to let her look past him. “Jared’s not gone, Mia. He…just didn’t make it back to his room last night.”

Wiping her eyes with her fist, Mia glanced across the room to lock onto Jared’s smiling face and soon let out a happy squeal as she darted forward when he opened his arms in invitation. “Jared!” her broken sobs switched to a happy laugh while she had to struggle to climb onto her Daddy’s much larger bed until strong hands reached to lift her up into Jared’s arms. “Hi, my Jared!” she greeted happily, wrapping both arms around his neck to proceed to give him her normal morning greeting of a faceful of kisses.

“Hi, Mia,” Jared cuddled the child to his chest, forgetting he didn’t have a shirt on until he caught Jensen holding it with a teasing glint in his eyes. “I’m sorry it scared you that I wasn’t in my bed.”

Happy that her friend was still here, she nuzzled her small cheek next to his and giggling as the slight scruff reminded of her when her Daddy hadn’t shaved yet. “I thought maybe you decided you didn’t want to stay with us,” she told him, then sighed as she settled into his arms when he sat back against the headboard. “If you were scared to sleep in your room you could have slept with me, Jared,” she glanced back at her father before whispering not so softly. “Daddy likes to move in his sleep and he snores.”

“Does he?” Jared’s tongue was stuck in his cheek as he met Jensen’s narrowed gaze. “I’ll have to keep that in mind for next time.”

As Mia calmed down, settling her head against Jared’s chest she noticed the change in her father as he came over to sit on the other side of the bed.

Normally when she woke her Daddy up in the mornings his eyes were always a little sad and she almost never found him actually in his room but this morning he seemed happy and relaxed. “Good morning my Daddy,” she reached to pat his face before he leaned close enough so she could give him his kisses.

“Good morning, my little Mia,” Jensen smiled at her, holding out his hands so she could crawl into his lap to allow Jared to pull the sweatshirt over his head. “Is Miss Ivy fixing breakfast yet?” he asked since he knew his daughter’s nose was attuned to her favorite foods.

“Chocolate chip pancakes,” she giggled, clapping her hands happily since those were her all-time favorite food for breakfast. “Do you like those, Jared?” she asked hopefully, not missing the way Jared and her father looked at one another at times like right then.

“I love chocolate chip pancakes actually,” Jared admitted, catching Jensen’s eyes to understand the deep look shared between them and allowing himself to lean into the touch against his face. “I actually like anything chocolate chip or…”

“Or just plain chocolate,” Jensen finished with a grin at both his friend and daughter. “Ivy’s going to need to hide her cookies with both of you in the house or there won’t be any for Santa.”

Mia giggled, glad she Daddy and Jared seemed to be getting along so well and since she was a smart child who knew how to pick her moments she grabbed the chance she could see right then. “Daddy?” she began in her best and sweetest voice.

“Yeah, Mia?” Jensen asked with a grin, rolling his eyes at Jared over the child’s head. He knew when his child was wheedling for something because she tended to use the same tone and big eyes that Jared tended to still have the ability to use.

“Can we have a Christmas tree?” she asked, twisting around so she could see his face and hoping with Jared being here this year that it wouldn’t still show the flash of sorrow it normally did when she asked.

Jensen had known the question would eventually come because Mia always asked since she’d gotten big enough to realize that other people had big trees in their houses while all she had was a small pink one set up in her room.

Normally his answer was swift, after he worked the painful lump out of his throat. He had refused to have anything to do with the holiday and had only conceded to a few things since Mia was born but this year he wasn’t sure how he felt or how it would affect Jared.

“You…you have a tree in your room, baby,” he decided to try the normal response but knew when her face pinched that wasn’t going to cut it. “We’ll…see,” he finally said, tipping her face back to lightly slide his finger down to the tip of her nose. “Let Daddy think about it and maybe we’ll see this year.”

“Yeah!” Mia kissed both Jensen and Jared before starting to scramble off the bed. “Can we play in the snow?” she asked as her feet hit the floor. “I want to show Jared my pony too and show him my swing set and…”

Jensen could only laugh at her energy. “After breakfast and if Jared has warm enough clothes then maybe he can play with you outside. Daddy has to paint something or he’ll be in trouble with Mr. Ben,” of course if he had a choice he would’ve scrubbed the painting to spend the time with the two most important people in his life.

“Mr. Ben is scary,” Mia’s lip jutted out but decided to take what she could get right then. “I’ll get dressed and then we’ll eat pancakes and cocoa!”

“Milk,” Jensen corrected, then suddenly thought of something. “Mia,” he called before she could run off to pick out her outfit of the morning. “Tell Jay your full name for Daddy?”

Jared had still been pondering why the little girl had sounded so hopeful when asking for something as simple as a Christmas tree and why Jensen’s eyes had shadowed for just a moment when he looked up to see Mia’s eyes shining as they did when she learned that she shared something in common with her friend.

“I am Amelia Jay Ackles,” she declared happily and then gave her father an angelic smile. “But Daddy said my name is really Mia Jay though I only get called by my middle name when Daddy’s testy.”

“There’s a wider range than that for the rare full use of all three names but I think you understand her point, Jay,” Jensen knelt to kiss his daughter before sending her on her way, standing to meet Jared’s eyes that were filled with emotion. “I honestly only think my Dad ever really got the meaning behind her middle name because he knew what I called you and he also knew I was determined to include your nickname somehow when I named my daughter.”

“Thank you,” Jared whispered, catching Jensen’s face between his hands to kiss him much like Mia had until his friend was laughing and just pulled Jared in for a hard hug. “Do I have anything actually warm to play in the snow?” he wondered, not having looked too much at the clothes Nic had brought for him.

Jensen knew it wouldn’t be too long before Mia was finished dressing and Ivy was shouting for to come to breakfast and he wanted to enjoy these last short moments before the day began. “If you don’t then we’ll just have to go get you some stuff. Go ahead and change while I go make sure Mia’s not dressing herself backwards again,” he urged, adding. “Plus, Ivy will think wicked thoughts if you’re still wearing the same shirt as yesterday since I didn’t think to grab anything else last night when I grabbed the pants.”

“I think Miss Ivy had a hunch where we’d end up last night since she told me to tell you that if you didn’t sleep you had better have a good reason for it,” Jared chuckled at the low groan that got, pausing with his hand on the door. “Jensen? That painting you did last night? What will you call it?”

Normally Jensen didn’t name his pieces and just let the gallery call them what they wanted but he’d known from the start what he would call that piece. “‘Coming Home’ because you came home,” he replied and could see the happiness shining back at him before Jared slipped out to go see what other clothes had been brought for him.

He was just stepping out his bedroom door as Mia went running by him with her snowsuit half on, her boots untied and one mitten falling off in her haste. “Food first, Mia-Lia,” he called laughing, picking the glove up to trail after her and lean in Jared’s door to watch his friend dig through various clothe boxes until he came up with a heavier sweater that he slipped on over the sweatshirt. “I need to paint today but tomorrow we can go into town to get you more clothes and whatever else you need or want,” he’d already made up his mind that Nic’s choice in clothes was lacking but was relieved to see a decent coat and boots had been brought. “Or I’ll just send Ivy in later since I’m sure she had to go shop.”

“For stuff to bake cookies!” Mia cheered, hopping up and down in glee with that thought.

“And groceries for dinner,” Jensen put in while snatching her up to let her hang upside down from his arms as Jared finished dressing and ran his fingers through his hair. “Y’know, the actual meal you don’t always want to eat?”

“Neither do you, Daddy,” Mia replied promptly while pulling herself back up to use one arm to reach for Jared as she liked to do now. “Kiss!”

“Didn’t we kiss you already this morning?” Jensen chuckled but started to kiss her cheek only to have her shift back to avoid it.

“No, Daddy. You kiss Jared,” Mia’s eyes were bright. “You haven’t yet this morning. You don’t wanna make him sad, do you?”

Jared blushed, worried that Jensen might not want to kiss him too much in front of Mia but felt fingers curve around his neck in a way that told him he didn’t have to worry about that.

“No, making Jared said is certainly not what I want to do, my Mia,” Jensen assured her, pulling Jared down closer to kiss him softly, tenderly; feeling the kiss returned and then Mia was giggling happily. “I’ll have to remember to kiss you more often.”

“You kiss that boy any more than you seem to be doing and you’ll be lip locked  all day long,” Ivy commented from the door where she stood until she felt it was a good moment to announce breakfast was ready. “Breakfast is going to be cold so all three of you get downstairs and eat before that happens because no matter how good I cook that damn microwave turns eggs to rubber if I have to reheat them so scoot!” 

This time Jared’s blush reached his cheeks at the mild scolding but he accepted Mia into his arms fully. “Yes, ma’am,” he smiled at her as he passed with the child chattering about chocolate chip pancakes and how she didn’t like eggs because they came from a chicken and she wanted eggs that came from a rooster.

“If he manages not to lose his mind with all that chatter he has the patience of the saints,” Ivy chuckled with a fond shake of her hand. “Did you sleep last night?” she asked Jensen, narrowing her eyes to take in his more relaxed stance and the fact that his smile was honestly happy. “I take it you did. Did he and should I just move his things to your room to make it easier cause you weren’t planning on trying to convince me he didn’t sleep in there with you, were you?”

“I considered it,” Jensen replied calmly, kissing her cheek to let her ruffle his hair as she always did when not sure what to do with him. “He makes me happy, Ivy. He makes Mia happy. Jared’s spoken to me honestly last night in a way no one but you or Holly will and he does it without even realizing it but there are still issues about his past that I need to handle so please just…give him time to get used to being here before you start lecturing about things?”

Ivy was a good judge of character and she’d seen the innocent soul and soft heart in that boy the previous night but it wasn’t Jared that concerned her but something else. “Your Mother isn’t going to be happy,” she warned as they walked toward the kitchen where Jared could be heard laughing.

It was the instant way Jensen’s face lit at the sound of that laugh mixing in with Mia’s bubbly one that told Ivy what she needed to know and she knew she’d do whatever needed done to make sure nothing hurt this family.

Jensen paused in the door to the kitchen where breakfast was almost always eaten to watch as Jared listened to Mia chatter on about nearly anything but also made certain the child’s pancakes were cut into bite-sized bites or that she wasn’t eating too fast and that she was also drinking the glass of milk sitting close but not close enough to be knocked off.

“He loves her so much, Ivy,” he murmured, watching his friend and daughter with love. “I never thought anyone would love her as much as I do but if you just look at him with her…”

“I know, sweetie, I know,” Ivy had seen that the day before and she was glad both Jensen and Mia had someone to love and who would love them back. “Now, go sit down with them,” she nudged him forward. “Oh, and write out a list of what you want from town since I’m heading in for groceries.”

“Cookies!” Mia chirped, pursing her little lips to give her father a chocolate chip pancake kiss as he passed behind Jared to sit on her other side.

“Dinner food,” both men corrected and then grinned at one another.

Ivy slid a pad over to Jensen. “Write actual things down and it better include some greens and other fruits because if I can’t get you to eat the stuff then the little one won’t and what do we feed this growing boy?” she asked while checking on the batch of cookies already in the over.

“Daddy food!” Mia put in, eyeing Jared and her father. “Daddy doesn’t eat a lot but what he does eat usually tastes good. Except for the broccoli,” that earned a thumb down from the child and Jared would’ve agreed with her except for the warning look his friend shot him.

“Umm broccoli’s good for you, Mia. It helps you grow up healthy,” he managed to quote something his father used to tell him and thought he did it with a straight face, just hoping the girl wouldn’t expect him to actually eat the stuff.

“So do pancakes with chocolate chips,” Mia batted her eyes and liked that Jared laughed. “And cookies.”

Jared took a bite of his own breakfast and could have could honestly admit to never tasting anything better before. “I’d agree with you on that,” he murmured to her, kissing her cheek while noticing the bacon on the plate had vanished. “Hey, eat your own bacon, Jensen.”

“You weren’t eating it,” Jensen smiled, wincing when a wooden spoon hit his fingers as more bacon was placed on the center island in the room. “Does my Mia want bacon?” he asked while holding out a piece to his picky child. “Jared and I both eat it. Try it?”

Mia eyed the piece of food warily before watching Jared take a bite and leaned forward to take a tiny testing bite from the piece her Daddy was holding. She tasted it slowly before smiling and took the piece for herself. “It don’t taste bad,” she admitted, putting a piece between two bites of pancake and ignoring the looks that got. “This tastes better.”

“She eats like you too,” Jensen shot to his friend, eating eggs, bacon and toast while leaving the pancakes to Jared and Mia. “Sometimes it’s scary except she doesn’t like to eat meat which as I recall you did.”

“There’s very little I don’t think I’ll eat except for a couple things,” Jared shrugged, about done with breakfast just as the phone rang on the wall. “Even those sound different.”

“Wait until I show you my cellphone then,” Jensen told him with a smile that faded the moment he picked up the receiver to hear the gallery manager’s voice. “Ben,” he greeted in a much tighter voice, stepping away from the island to step into the mudroom off the kitchen to take the call.

Mia and Ivy didn’t seem to notice the change but because Jared still noticed every little detail he caught the moment Jensen’s whole demeanor changed.

“I wish that boy didn’t have to deal with that man at all,” Ivy sighed from near Jared’s elbow where she refilled his coffee cup. “Every time he calls it seems Jensen broods for hours and since I take it something must have happened between them in New York to cause him to keep calling like he has been all morning I can spot a massive brooding session coming on. Maybe I should take Mia into town with me as I shop.”

No longer interested in the rest of her pancakes, Mia pushed the smaller plate away to crawl from her seat into Jared’s lap. “I don’t like it when Daddy’s sad. It makes me sad,” she told him quietly. “Why do people have to make Daddy sad and unhappy, Jared?” she asked innocently. “Grandma says it’s because Daddy’s choices were bad but I was one of his choices so am I bad? Is it my fault my Daddy can’t be happy or…”

The sound of Ivy dropping something as well as sharp breath told Jared just what the older woman thought of Laura Ackles’ opinions. His concern was for the small green eyed child in his arms as well as her father.

“Your Daddy’s not unhappy all the time, Mia,” he told her while smoothing her long hair back out of her eyes. “He’s just unhappy with a few small things that’s more work related I think but no matter what anyone says, you were not a bad choice. You are not bad and nothing is your fault.”

Jared stood to sit her on the counter while leaning down so he was more on her level, kissing her nose just to make her smile again. “You make your Daddy happy, pumpkin. And I promise that I will do whatever it takes to make him happy too. Now, do you want to play outside with me while your Daddy works?”

“Yes, yes, yes!” Mia chanted, throwing her arms around Jared to hug him tightly. “I’ll show you my pony and my slide and my…”

“Well if you’ll be outside then we need to get you back into this snowsuit and boots,” Ivy stepped forward to take Mia while moving her eyes to the mudroom’s closed door, hiding her smile at the slight nod she received back. “As well as your hat and gloves and scarf…and Lord, I swear it takes all of an hour to get this girl into all this stuff and then she’s only outside for five minutes.”

Jared waited until Ivy had gotten Mia to go gather up her outdoor things that had been removed for breakfast before stepping toward the door, hearing his friend’s normally calm and deep voice get harder and also sharper in a way that he hadn’t heard since Jensen had been fifteen and defending him in a school fight.

“I said you’ll have the rest of the pieces we agreed upon in time for the showing, Ben,” Jensen was fighting to keep his voice low so it wasn’t heard in the house but it was becoming harder with each passing second. “No, you don’t have to come up here to check on their progress. I’ll have them done by week’s end; which is plenty of time for shipping into the city so you can set up.”

Pacing the small room, Jensen began to rub the bridge of his nose where he could feel the pounding headache beginning as it so often did these days. “What?” he had to blink, fingers gripping the phone tight at the same time his temper soared. “No! I’m not burning those pieces. Why? Because for one, they’re mine and they mean something to me and two, I’m not burning them because those pieces have nothing to do with our contract which means they’re none of your goddamn business.

“My mother assured you I would? Well I think both you and my mother are in for a huge shock because I’m not burning or destroying anything and I will paint whatever the hell I feel like painting! You control what I paint for the gallery! You do not now nor will you ever control what I paint for myself or others!” Jensen snapped, rage flying all over him at the condescending tone that reminded him a little too much of his mother.

Jared had hesitated before opening the door since he didn’t want Jensen to think he was being nosy or invading his privacy, which he wasn’t. He was concerned when he heard his friend’s voice get louder and also saw how pale he was becoming so he started to step in only to hesitate until Jensen motioned him in.

“Ben, I’m honoring the contract we have right now. If you don’t want to renew it because you don’t approve of what I paint in my free time then that’s your damn business but I will not let you hold that over my head to try to force me into something I don’t like or won’t do and…” Jensen was reminding himself to hold his tongue and to stay calm since he did still have to work with the man one more time, feeling Jared step into the room.

He was about to offer his concerned friend a wry smile and an eyerollwhen the gallery manager spoke again and all his good intentions went away. “Don’t you ever bring my daughter’s name into this,” he snarled, refusing to ever let anyone suggest Mia was a distraction on his art. “Mia’s got nothing to do with this and if you don’t want me to tell you what you can do with your goddamn paintings, the showing and that contract you keep dangling in front me then I would be very careful the next time you ever mention my child or…you son of a bitch!”

“I’m sorry but Mr. Ackles has another important call to take so he’ll have to cut this short. So sorry, Goodbye,” Jared had grabbed the phone, made the excuse hastily before hanging up the phone to then merely wrap his arms around his badly shaking friend from behind to hold him, unsure what else to do or say except… “Mia and I love you, Jen. Don’t let whatever was just said hurt you this bad. Don’t let them win by destroying your spirit.”

The rage of having his daughter and his lifestyle thrown up to him, at having the gallery manager mention Jared’s name without even knowing him or anything about who he might be except for that clearly his mother was banding about turned to hurt to confusion to near despair at how he could protect those he loved if he did lose the gallery contract left Jensen’s chest heaving, unaware of how badly he was shaking until slowly the strength of the arms holding him, the worry in the soft voice whispering against his ear worked their way into his focus.

“Jay,” he reached up to grasp one of Jared’s hands just to have something to hold onto before he finally turned in his friend’s arms to return the embrace tightly. “I’m sorry you had to hear that but thank you for coming in and being here.”

“What…does he want you to destroy?” Jared couldn’t understand why a man from an art gallery would want Jensen to destroy his art. “I mean I know those flower ones are pretty dull and boring but…”

“Cute. That’s cute, Mr. I Don’t Know Anything About Art,” Jensen chuckled, still amazed that no matter how down he felt Jared could make him smile and relieve his anxiety. “Those are actually for the gallery. It’s the other ones in the other room that now that Ben knows about them that he insists I destroy before he’ll talk about renewing my contract,” he saw the confusion and understood it. “It’s…just not about that since even before he found out what else I’ve started to paint again he’s been more demanding. I’ll probably finish those pieces and then after the first of the year start looking for a new gallery or a new manager. It’s not worth it anymore.”

Jared was shocked that anyone would want those paintings destroyed since there was so much of Jensen put into those. “How could someone who promotes art want such deeply personal and powerful paintings destroyed?” he asked, glad to feel some of the tension leaving his friend’s shoulders as he slowly began to rub his hands over his back.

“Ben and my mother are on the same page when it comes to what should or shouldn’t be promoted and since my wonderful sister only took pictures of the more…intense pieces, ones you might not have seen, they feel I’m painting pornography and gay porn at that,” Jensen slowly felt himself relaxing against Jared, turning his face into Jared’s neck to nuzzle it softly and smiling at the soft sound that he heard.

“Shouldn’t it be more important what you like to paint? What inspires you to paint with passion and not out of…a duty to a piece of paper?” Jared knew he didn’t understand a lot of things right then but it just seemed to make sense to him.

Jensen leaned back to gaze into his face before giving him a brilliant smile and pulling him in for a deep kiss. “If I could afford it, I’d hire you to be my manager or at least handle my PR,” he chuckled, stepping back before he forgot what he needed to be doing. “It should be and probably at some other gallery it might be but I signed with Ben before realizing how close of friends he was with my Mother and since I’m trying to distance myself from depending on ‘family’ money I needed the cash the gallery paid but this latest showing is…stressful.

“The friend I mentioned who gave Mia her nickname, my former sponsor, offered to introduce me to a few people in New Orleans but I wasn’t happy with relocating Mia. Now I might consider it more. Assuming I can get these final pieces finished before the showing on Christmas Eve,” Jensen sighed, hearing the singsong voice of his daughter calling for Jared. “Jay, if you don’t want to play with her outside I’m sure she’d be just as happy with introducing you by name to every single doll and stuffed animal she owns.”

“No, I think an hour outdoors playing with a snow princess will be alright and then I’ll bring her in so she doesn’t get too cold,” Jared replied, running a finger along Jensen’s still tense brow. “I think we used to like to play in the snow.”

Thinking back to the days when he and Jared would build snow forts or snowmen or go sledding made Jensen smile and he tried to not think too hard on his last happy holiday memory before it all stopped being so happy and magical.

“Give me some time to finish these last four damn paintings and maybe you can show me and Mia how to play in the snow again,” he remarked, wanting to blow the paintings off and just take time to play with his little girl and Jared but knew he had to at least make an attempt since he was running out of time despite what he told the manager.

“Jen?” Jared’s hand reached out to stop Jensen before he could open the door back to the kitchen, curiosity once again getting the better of him. “Can I ask why Mia sounded so hopeful that you’d put a Christmas tree up in the living room?”

“Because she’s only had a tree in her room and ever since one of my nephews made fun of her for not having a tree in the living room like ‘normal’ kids do she’s wanted one but…I haven’t put up a tree in 16 years,” Jensen told him without looking back, adding grimly. “I never wanted anything to do with Christmas and avoided it all together until Mia was born and Ivy pointed out that I couldn’t take my issues of hating the holiday out on her so I give her a tree in her room, we do the whole Santa thing, cookies but…that’s been it and she…tries to understand but she’s five so it’s hard for her.”

Jared’s hand closed over the one Jensen had on the door. “You used to love Christmas,” he caught the tiny ticks of the muscles in his friend’s face. “What could have happened to make you stop? What was so bad that you’d even stop putting up a Christmas tree?”

“You died.”

**TBC**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

“You died,” Jensen replied quietly, seeing the pain reflected in Jared’s face as he finally glanced over his shoulder. “The doctors were all hoping you’d live until the 26th but you passed at exactly 11:55 on the 24th and when my father finally got me to let you go and took me home I promptly ripped the family tree apart and every piece of Christmas décor my Mother had paid to have put up.

“I know that Mia deserves to have a normal Christmas with all the trimmings but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it,” Jensen turned to face his friend and wished he didn’t see the pain and guilt shining there. “Ivy takes her to see the lights in town, or to see Santa because until she came home to tell me about her ‘friend’ I didn’t step foot in Westins at Christmas time.

“The fact that Ben made this final showing on Christmas Eve is tearing me up because I avoid everyone but Mia and Ivy on that night and I make sure Mia’s in bed well before that time comes up because it will not fail and I will cry like I did that night,” he reached to place a finger against Jared’s lips when he went to speak. “Don’t apologize, Jay. It’s not your fault and I don’t blame you for my issues. I meant what I told her. I will seriously think about a tree this year but on this…please, don’t push me Jay.”

With that Jensen opened the door to step into the kitchen only to blink as he took in the mountain of pink he caught waddling toward him and fought to keep his smile hidden. “I see Ivy dressed you to go play,” he coughed, kneeling to unwind the huge scarf and unzip the snowsuit a little so Mia could at least move. “You think you’ll be warm enough, Mia?”

“I’m a snow bunny!” Mia giggled eyes bright as she watched Jared reach for his gloves and hat before slipping into his jacket. “Jared! Can we build a snowman?”

“If there’s enough snow out there then we most certainly can build a snowman,” Jared assured her, zipping his jacket before holding out his hand to the child. “If it snows a lot at one time I’ll show you how to build a snow castle.”

“Ohhh, I hope it snows and snows,” Mia held up her face to give Jensen a kiss, smashing his cheeks between her gloved hands like she enjoyed doing. “Don’t worry, Daddy. Jared’ll take care I don’t fall in the snow and I’ll stay away from the pond.”

Jensen hugged her before standing up to reach out to draw Jared closer to him, fingers running up his arm. “Have fun and don’t turn your back because she likes to throw snowballs,” he warned softly.

“Gee, I wonder where she got that from.” Jared snorted. “You used to be good at hurling those things at me. I’ll only keep her out about an hour so she doesn’t get too cold and then she can introduce me to her toys,” he held out his gloved hand to take the tinier one in his. “Jen? I know what you have to paint for that place but…just don’t forget that your art deserves to make you happy too even if it’s not what someone else approves of.”

Nodding, Jensen watched as Jared scooped Mia up into his arms to head out the back door since it was closer than going all the way through the house.

He stood in the door for several moments to just listen to Mia and Jared laughing before making his way up to the third floor to build a low fire in the first room, opening the curtains and taking stock of the paintings he had complete that just needed packing up and transported into the gallery in New York.

Doing these normally didn’t take him long since as Jared liked to point out there wasn’t much to them but these days it was harder to bring himself to paint on something he didn’t believe in or didn’t like.

Still life flowers in various vases or a monochromatic scene with a splash of color didn’t require genius just effort and it was so hard for him to make that effort these days when his heart wanted to paint other things or when his heart wanted to be outside with his…family.

A small smile played on his lips as he thought of Mia’s laugh, happy green eyes and soft long honey blond curls and he wasn’t even fully aware of picking up the brush to begin to paint.

“Daddy says when the snow melts and it gets warm again that he’ll uncover my sandbox,” Mia was telling Jared in between rolling little snowballs and trying to catch the softly falling snowflakes on her tongue. “He promised to teach me how to skate on the pond but Miss Ivy yells that I’ll get hurt and so might he so I’m not sure if that will work.”

“Your Daddy taught me how to skate and he got hurt so that might be Miss Ivy’s concern,” Jared took a slow deep breath of the crisp air to feel it filling his lungs and recalling how much he enjoyed this time of year. “Maybe ice skating isn’t a good choice until you’re a little bigger or maybe we can start with roller skates.”

Mia’s lashes glittered with snowflakes while watching Jared pack snow around the ball they’d rolled to be the base of her snowman or snowpuppy since she decided she wanted to make a snowpuppy. “I have a pony in the barn but I can’t ride her in the snow, we can look at her though.”

Jared heard the wistfulness and considered the trek through the deeper snow on the path that led to either the barn or small stable. “I’ll have to clean off the path before we can do that or else you’d get buried in the snow,” he remarked carefully and expected the small pout. “Let’s build your Daddy a snowpuppy and make a few snow angels for him to see if he looks out the window,” he suggested, pleased when that brought the bright smile back.

Making a puppy of snow was a bit more strategically difficult than a normal snowman but after several false starts Jared finally thought he had figured it out. He was careful to keep looking up to be sure where the child was since it had quickly became plain that Mia was as energetic as he’d been as a child and could lose focus fast.

“Puppy!” she chimed, clapping her gloved hands together in glee as she watched Jared carefully builds the puppy out of snow. “I asked Santa for a puppy last year but they take lots of care and I don’t think Daddy was ready for a puppy since he cried as much as I did when Moe went to see the angels in Heaven,” she curled up against Jared’s back since she was starting to get cold and sleepy.

“Moe?” Jared had to work fast to keep the catch out of his voice since he suspected he knew where Jensen had gotten that dog. “Was Moe your Daddy’s doggie?” he asked, applying the final touches to the snow puppy’s tail to ease back on his heels; just starting to realize how long they’d been outside by the amount of fresh snow in the yard and by the redness of Mia’s cheeks.

“Daddy always said he was takin’ care of Moe for a friend but that he’d lived with Daddy since he was younger,” Mia stepped up to examine the creation with the critical eye of a child before whirling to throw her arms around Jared’s neck. “He’s just what I wanted, Jared!” she exclaimed, kissing his face with cold lips and then laughed in pure joy when he fell back into the snow with her cradled against his chest. “I love you so much and I’m so glad Santa brought you to me and Daddy because Daddy smiles more and maybe he’ll give us a Christmas tree.”

Of all the things he’d learned recently it was that Mia had never known a real Christmas that was the hardest for Jared to accept. He understood the pain Jensen had been put through but he couldn’t see not giving this sweet little girl something as basic as a tree.

He knew what he wanted to do but he also knew he wasn’t in a position to go against his friend’s wishes this soon because while Jensen had taken a lot in the last day the issue over the tree seemed to be the one thing that had made a coldness come into his eyes that Jared could only recall seeing once before.

“If not this year then I’m sure by next Christmas he will,” Jared knew this because he’d make certain that next Christmas Mia would have a tree.

It never dawned on him that there were no doubts in his mind that he would still be here with Mia next Christmas because Jensen had said it was his choice if he ever left though he did know he and Jensen were sure to have some conflicts and would fight Jared just had to hope his friend did mean what he said.

“Promise me you’ll never leave us, Jared,” Mia whispered, laying her head down against Jared’s chest as if laying in a yard full of snow didn’t bother her. “Daddy needs you and I need Daddy and you, so please don’t leave us.”

“I…” Jared wanted to make that promise with his last breath but he was still worried about Jensen’s family reacting to his presence and would not put his friend in a position of choosing their friendship over his family and so struggled to come up with a way to reassure Mia but would keep him from having to actually promise until he could speak with Jensen more.

He was saved from replying the sound of a car horn pulling up and winced as Ivy’s voice shouted from behind the wheel.

“There are better places than a snowy yard to be taking a nap, boy!” she chided, stepping out to begin to remove the bags. “And you better be telling me that you and that child haven’t been out in this cold since I left!”

“We made a snow puppy and snow angels for Daddy!” Mia told her, climbing to her feet to run across the yard; falling once only to have Jared’s strong hands pick her up. “I had fun, Miss Ivy!”

Ivy could tell that just by the rosy cheeks and big smile on both of their faces and despite her best efforts to eye Jared sternly she couldn’t resist his big eyes and innocent smile. “Oh, don’t you be giving me that innocent look,” she scolded, hefting several bags but refusing any help. “I’ve been toting bags heavier than this since before Mia was born so you just get to work gathering her up and I’ll start the hot chocolate to warm you both up.”

“Cocoa with marshmallows!”  Mia ran back to gather up where she’d tossed her scarf and Jared’s hat earlier. “Ivy makes the bestest cocoa! Even Daddy says so and Daddy only drinks coffee,” she made a face at the choice since she could never see why anyone would choose to drink the yucky stuff her Daddy and Grandpa drank over hot chocolate with little marshmallows.

“I drink coffee but I think I’d rather have cocoa,” Jared chuckled at the look of childish agreement tossed his way when the sound of another vehicle pulling up the driveway and something besides the cold air made his shiver. “Mia, come here,” his hand was reaching for Mia as the big black truck came to a stop behind Ivy’s car. “Do you know who that is?”

The little girl bolted so she was pressed up against Jared’s legs, her little arms wrapping around them tightly. “He does work for Granma,” she whispered, wanting to run to her Daddy but not wanting to leave Jared who she seemed to sense was tensing. “He looks at Daddy funny or real mean and he’s not supposed to be here cause Daddy doesn’t like him either.”

Jared was about to bend down to pick the frightened girl up when the driver’s door opened to allow the man driving to step out and it took every ounce of strength inside him to not freeze at the sight of worn and ugly snake skin boots that crunched on the ice and snow in the driveway.

“Well, looks like Ms. Ackles choice of nannies never met her boy’s approval because she kept sending the wrong kind,” the man who stepped from the truck was tall but still not as tall at Jared’s 6’4”.

His slick hair could’ve been a dirty blond or a deep brown as he tilted the bill of an old Westin’s cap back on his face to take in Mia clinging to Jared’s legs, his bearded face carried a scar along one cheek that he still owed the Ackles’ son for but now his attention was locked on the widening hazel eyes of the stranger in the yard with the annoying brat.

“Jensen letting his gay pals play with his precious little daughter now?” he sneered, closing the truck door with a heavy hand. “We know one another, boy?” he demanded, not liking the way this tall well-built young man was staring at him. “I doubt it since I don’t associate with your kind much but Ms. Ackles sent me to pick her granddaughter up so…”

Jared’s whole body had frozen with shock at the first sight of those boots and also the man’s voice but the moment he took a step and Mia went rigid he heard his own voice speak in a tone that shocked both him and the child.

“You stay the hell away from her,” he warned lowly, eyes slitting while his one hand went to Mia while his other pointed to the truck. “Get back in that and get out of here.”

“Well now, isn’t this sweet? Looks like Jensen finally found someone he could pawn the brat off on and maybe use on the side,” the man took another step but his gaze had hardened at he suddenly didn’t like Jared’s tone or the way he shifted his body in front of the child. “Her Grandmother sent me to get her so I’d suggest you back off or maybe I’ll show you what happens to Jensen’s friends who think too much of themselves.”

Mia had felt the harsh tremor that shot through Jared at that. She eyed the distance to the house but knew it was too far to run in her snowsuit but if there was one thing she knew was no matter how scared she was she wouldn’t let this bully scare her friend.

“No!” she yelled, dropping to her knees to begin to throw the array of still scattered snowballs she’d made earlier at the man she wouldn’t go with no matter who said she had to. “You go away and leave me and Jared alone!”

Her little arms didn’t have a good toss yet but a few managed to come close to make the mean looking man take a step back but Mia understood there was only one other thing left for her to do. “ ** _Daddy_**!” she screamed loudly. “Daddy! _Help_!”

Inside the house, Jensen had lost track of time listening to the laughing and giggling outside in the yard while he painted.

He’d originally planned to just work on one painting to at least get a feel for the final ones needed for the showing on Christmas Eve. By the time he heard Ivy return and could hear her good naturedly scolding Jared and Mia for being outdoors too long he realize he’d been painting for over two hours straight.

Looking around he laid the brush down to see that one still life painting had turned into four but he was a little stunned to realize these had some actual color to them.

The flowers were still a pale color but the vases appeared a little more vibrant with a different design to them than his other versions. It was as he took a closer look to a painting with light pink roses spilling from a sleek and curvy vase of deep blue and green that Jensen felt himself smile because inside the array of pink flowers and baby’s breath he could see little eyes peeking out and knew his daughter’s eyes when he saw them.

In all the things he’d painted recently Jensen realized he’d never painted his daughter and he understood why. He was afraid of history repeating itself. He’d painted Jared shortly before it had happened and for the longest time he’d blamed himself and his painting, a painting that still was stored in the barn with all of his other earlier works, for what happened to his friend and was leery of painting Mia for that reason.

A little stunned that he’d actually gotten all the paintings he needed done and they actually looked good to him for once, Jensen smiled and was considering going down to spend the rest of the day with Jared and Mia when the sudden change in noise hit him.

He was walking to the window to see if his snow-loving child had been bribed inside with the promise of Ivy’s hot chocolate when Mia’s shout was heard. “Daddy! Daddy! Help!”

The fear in the last word had Jensen’s legs moving faster as he reached the window on the third floor to peer into the yard.

He caught sight of the obvious snow war as well as the snow puppy but then he heard his little girl’s scream go up a pitch and locked onto where Mia was throwing snowballs even as Jared had knelt to try to gather her more against him when the Jensen saw the problem.

The sight of the big black truck had his stomach clenching. Seeing the trucker cap wearing greasy haired man with the worn snake skin boots had him bolting from the room to take both flights of stairs two at a time in his haste to get outside while viciously swearing.

“Ivy!” he had begun to shout for the older woman even before he hit the landing to the second floor. “Ivy!”

“Jensen Ross Ackles! What have I told you about…what’s the matter?” Ivy’s stern tone changed the moment she saw the young man’s face to see the near panic there but also anger like she’d never seen before on him. “Jensen? What’re you going without a jacket? Was that Mia I heard? Jensen!”

“Call Seth in town and tell him I said he needs to get his ass out here to get this bastard off my property because if he doesn’t then he’ll be hauling away a corpse when I break the asshole’s neck for threatening what is mine!” Jensen snapped, forgetting the last four steps on the main stairs to just jump to the floor and only had a brief wobble as he ran for the front door. “Lawson forgot what I told him the last damn time and I can’t let him get close to Jay this soon much less Mia. Call him, Ivy!”

The name wasn’t unfamiliar to Ivy Adams. She knew the man used to be a delivery driver for Jensen’s parents and now still did odd jobs for Laura Ackles. She also knew neither Gary nor Jensen liked the man, especially Jensen.

“I’ll call the police but then I’m finding Ike’s old shotgun if that jackass thinks he can upset my baby girl,” she mumbled, hurrying to the phone.

“You go…you go away!” Mia was running out of snowballs and she turned to grab onto Jared when he went to his knees beside her as if trying to shield her with his body. “Daddy’s coming, Jared. He’s coming,” she kept saying, tears of fear on her face and in her voice.

“Your Daddy can’t hear you, Princess,” Stuart Lawson snorted, batting away the tiny snowball missile to step forward but kept his eyes on the face of the man with the child; something about those hazel eyes making him worried. “Your Granny is right about you needing to learn some lessons on how to address your elders. In my day, a good old fashion belt would straighten you right out.”

Mia sobbed but then squeaked when Jared put her behind him. “Don’t you dare try to touch her,” his voice was deep and hard, a total opposite to the shaking going on inside him at even a look at the man he very clearly remembered as the driver of the van that ran his family off the road and the man who had made certain there were no witnesses to that.

“Boy, you’d do well to watch that tone with me too or I’ll…”

“You take one more step toward my family and I swear that it’ll be the last goddamn thing you ever do, Lawson!” Jensen’s voice cracked like a whip the moment he stepped from the house to cross the snow covered lawn without care that he didn’t grab a jacket or that his sneakers would need to dry out.

“Daddy!” Mia was torn between wanting to run to her father and also wanting to stay by Jared who she could feel shaking under her tiny gloved hand. “You make him go away! I don’t like him. He’s scary!”

Jared’s body relaxed only a little at the sound of his friend’s voice but the relief was huge in his heart even as he watched Lawson’s eyes slit coldly to glare at him.

“Your mother sent me to pick the kid up, Ackles,” he snapped, hating Jensen more now than he did when he’d been a smart-mouth seventeen year old with a chip on his shoulder and too many ideas in his head. “I’m supposed to take your kid in to her but then I take it she didn’t know about your new little…pal here.”

Jensen put himself between them and Lawson, recognizing the look in Jared’s eyes and knowing he knew who the man was but felt pride and love that despite the obvious fear and shock the younger man felt he still protected Mia as much as he could.

“Mia’s not going anywhere and she sure as hell would never go with you,” Jensen snapped, moving one hand over Mia’s cold teary face before smoothing it over Jared’s rigid but trembling shoulder but keeping his eyes locked on the older man. “Jared, take Mia in the house so Ivy can get you both warmed up?”

It was made to sound like a suggestion but Jared caught the underlying command. He could feel Mia shaking behind him but it was so hard for him to move with the way Lawson’s eyes bored into him the second his name was used.

“Jay? It’s alright. I have this,” Jensen assured him, taking a risk to look back to see how pale both Mia and Jared looked but stepped more in front of his friend as if feeling the hate being directed at him from the other man. “Take Mia inside to Ivy and wait for me. I have this,” he repeated softly, understanding Jared’s shock and probably what else he was feeling but relieved when he reached to pick the now shivering little girl up in his arms.

“Jensen?” Jared hesitated just a moment out of concern. He knew his friend had a temper. It was slow to ignite but he knew the match was lit now so it wouldn’t take much to set it off and he didn’t want Jensen hurt by this man or even close to him when the sight of the police cruiser pulling up the drive caught his eye.

“Take care of Mia until I get inside, Jay,” Jensen held his eyes until his friend slowly nodded, watching until he saw the door close and then all the pretense of calm fled. “You son of a bitch!” he hissed, whirling to shove the man back until he hit the side of the truck.

“My mother didn’t call to ask me if she could get Mia today. After yesterday she should know better than to think I’d even let her near my daughter this soon much less to take her out of my eyesight,” his fists were clenched in the man’s jacket. “And she also should know better than to send you within ten feet of me much less my child! I have hated you since before I was sixteen and I hate you even more now!”

Lawson brought his hands up to hit but the low cough of the police officer that was taking his time to approach kept him from doing more than just shoving the punk back. “Looks like you finally got around to replacing your buddy that you’ve been obsessed with since he…died,” he sneered, always curious to what this spoiled little rich boy would do if he knew the truth.

“Don’t you ever mention his name or come close to us now, bastard,” Jensen’s voice dropped low into the tone that he only went into when rage and emotion were high. “I know why my mother sent you. I just don’t think it’s dawned on you yet but now that I know what I know about that night sixteen years ago when Jared’s family was run off the road…when my friend was hit with a delivery van multiple times to make sure he died…you and my mother can see what I do with that information.”

Jensen smiled tightly but with a lot of satisfaction at seeing the first flash of concern on Lawson’s face, glancing over at the sound of a step. “I want this asshole off my property, Seth,” he told the Captain of the police force of the tiny town in the Catskills.

Captain Seth Welling had gone to school with Jensen so he was only too aware of the temper the man had. He also was only too aware of how much his school friend hated the man whose chest he just laid a hand against in warning when he started to move forward toward Jensen.

“There anything I should know about this, Jensen?” he asked curiously, having gotten enough from Ivy’s stern and concise report on the phone to suspect what might be happening here.

“My mother seems to think Mia would be better off…elsewhere and sent this piece of trash to get my daughter. I’ll handle my parents but I want him hauled off my property and kept far away from both my little girl and my friend,” Jensen replied, pausing a second to let that sink in before adding with careful stressing. “If he comes close to Jared I’ll press charges that will turn both his head and my mother’s.”

Seth was just in the process of giving the usual trespassing on private property speech when something in Jensen’s tone made him snap his gaze back to those green eyes to see something in them that he hadn’t noticed in sixteen years.

“Big man thinks he knows so much,” Lawson spat, not intimidated by the cop until he had a gun in his face. “I was paid to…”

“If Jensen didn’t give permission for anyone to take his daughter and you persist in that line of thinking then I’ll run you in for something a lot more serious than trespassing, Lawson,” Seth warned sternly, feeling the hate and tension pouring off his longtime friend. “Right now I’m going to recommend you leave and stay off of this property and well away from Jensen and his family and friends or else the next time I get a call I will be using the handcuffs.”

Lawson sneered and nearly spit at the cop since he knew the man was a friend of Jensen’s but since he didn’t feel like getting arrested right then he got back in his truck with a slam of the door, tossed another glare before backing up to spin snow, ice and gravel as he left.

“What the hell is going on?” Seth demanded, no longer talking like the Captain of the small police force in the town but as a friend. “I know you and Lawson have had issues but…why would your Mom send him out here? And…Jared?” he arched a brow in question.

He’d been there while Jensen had dealt with the loss of the younger boy. He’d watched the pain his friend had gone through; a pain that he’d still see now and then but was now gone. “Should I ask or will you tell me?”

“I…I will after he’s more used to this again, Seth,” Jensen’s eyes moved to the house and knew he needed to get inside but while he had his friend there he decided to bring something up. “I also need a favor.”

“A favor as in something I can do easily or the kind of favor that is going to require me getting growled at by my Grandfather?” being a cop was a long family tradition in the Welling family and it had been his grandfather who had been head of the local police force sixteen years earlier.

“I need you to find the real records for both local and State from the night the accident happened,” Jensen understood how hard it would be to uncover anything since most of it was probably still buried or just plain wiped away. “Lawson used one of my father’s vans to run the Padalecki’s off the road on purpose, Seth. He then backed that damn van up and used it to hit Jared several times and that’s what caused all the broken bones,” he took a shaky breath before making the choice to trust his friend. “My mother hired him to do that because she’s the only one with enough reason to. The cops would never talk to me about it. Now I want to see the files because I want that bastard to pay.”

Seth stared, seeing the depth of emotion in those serious eyes. “Damn, Jensen,” he breathed, recalling how uneasy his Grandfather had been during that time. “It’s still technically listed as unsolved so I can get to the files but…what makes you so sure Lawson or your Mom were involved?” he asked, already knowing the issues this could bring up.

“Because Jared told me,” Jensen replied simply before shivering and realizing he was freezing and also that he needed to be inside. “Call me if you find anything. Now I have to go calm Mia down.”

The cop was left staring as the man walked back to the house and he just rolled his eyes. He could have dismissed Jensen’s comment as still the grief and longing talking but he’d known Jensen too long to dismiss anything he said with that amount of certainty so easily and would just wait until his friend was ready to tell him.

The warmth of the house was immediately welcomed as Jensen stepped in to close and lock his door, kicking off his soaking wet shoes to head toward the kitchen to see Ivy hovering where Mia sat by the counter wrapped in a heavy blanket while her little feet encased in warm slippers kicked restlessly.

The kitchen was warmed by the heat of the oven and also the fire in the hardly used anymore small fireplace across the room. Mugs of steaming coffee and cocoa were sat out along with cookies and small sandwiches. A pile of wet snow clothes, boots, hats and gloves had been placed by the fire to dry.

Mia’s face was still pale despite the pinkness of her cheeks the cold air had caused and she still sniffled into her mug of cocoa that was overfilled with marshmallows but it was as Jensen’s eyes looked around the kitchen that his concern began to grow because he didn’t see his friend like he thought he would.

“Did that fool cop shoot the jackass?” Ivy asked without looking up, knowing by instinct that Jensen had entered her kitchen.

“No and remember the last time you used a word that you shouldn’t have in front of her and then complained to me when all Mia did for two weeks was repeat it?” Jensen stepped up to pick his daughter up and sit her on his lap. “It’s all over, baby. That man went away and he won’t be back to scare you again,” he assured the child, resting his chin on the top of Mia’s soft hair while lifting his eyes to gaze at Ivy while silently asking where Jared was.

Ivy sat another mug of cocoa near Jensen. “He helped me get Mia settled down and all those wet items by the fire and then once he knew she’d be alright with me or until you got inside he excused himself,” she replied quietly, also concerned when her hand lay on his arm. “He said it was to change but that was a good bit ago and I swear that boy was paler and shaking more than Mia by the time he got her calmed down.”

“He scared Jared!” Mia’s head shot up to stare at her father, her lips pursed like they got when she was angry. “I was scared but Jared protected me, Daddy. He didn’t leave me or let that man take me even though I knew he was scared. I yelled for you and tried to protect Jared too. Did I…did I do right?” she asked with a sniffle, still upset and worried for her friend as she turned to stare into her father’s identical green eyes.

“You did just fine, Mia-Lia,” Jensen assured her, wrapping his arms around Mia tightly as the thought of anything happening to this precious little girl once again washed over him and he once again fought the surge of anger that also came. “I’m sorry I wasn’t out there with you to keep both you and Jared safe and I’m sure Jay just went up to change. He’s probably taking a hot shower to warm up which after your cocoa I think Ivy can run you a warm bubble bath to help you get warm,” he knew that idea would happen even if the older woman didn’t shoot him her usual look when he stated the obvious.

Mia didn’t mind the idea of a warm bath since she was cold but her concern was for her friend. “Okay but only if you go check on Jared,” she would not be happy unless she knew her Daddy could make Jared feel safe again. “You always hold me and sing to me when I’m scared and I cry. Jared tried to not let me see but there were tears in his eyes when he hugged me before going upstairs,” she chewed her lip in a way that reminded Jensen so much of a bad habit his friend had as a child. “I don’t want Jared to be scared and leave us, Daddy. I want him to feel safe like you make me feel safe so…you go see Jared now.”

“I’ll go check on Jared as soon as I make sure you’re alright, honey,” even though every piece of Jensen wanted to go upstairs the second his child told him there had been tears in Jared’s eyes, the father in him kept him in place.

Unfortunately the child he was trying to make certain was calm after the encounter outside could be very stubborn when she set her mind to it and right then she didn’t want her Daddy to be soothing her. She wanted her Daddy to soothe and make Jared safe again.

“No. You go check on Jared now, Daddy,” she told him in her most serious voice while trying to crawl out of Jensen’s arms back to her own seat. “You made the bad man leave and Miss Ivy’s with me but Jared’s all alone. So you go. Shoo, Daddy,” she motioned with her hands as she’d seen Ivy do when motioning her father out of the kitchen.

“Seems like your daughter had her mind made up on where you need to be,” Ivy had been preparing a tray of cookies with mugs of cocoa and tea. “I’ll get her to finish her drink and then into a nice warm bath to take the chill off while you go check on him,” she pushed the tray while tapping on mug in particular. “You get him calmed down from whatever shook him up this badly and make sure he drinks this one. This one and you keep your fingers off of this mug.”

That warning told Jensen why that mug of tea was specifically for his friend, nodding his understanding and knowing that meant the woman had probably put more whiskey than warm tea in the mug. “Once she’s out of the tub just put her in her warmest footie pajamas and keep her with you until I get him calmed down. Then I’ll deal with what caused this to happen.”

“You be careful how you handle that boy now, Jensen,” Ivy warned, her motherly instincts coming out. “I don’t know what that man might have said to upset him or what happened but he looked nearly shattered when he walked outta here.”

“It probably wasn’t what was said but just seeing Lawson to begin with, Ivy,” Jensen didn’t want to say too much in front of his daughter whose head he kissed before picking up the tray to walk upstairs but not without hearing the shout for him to get out of his own wet clothes before he got sick.

A look in the room that Ivy had set up for Jared to use told Jensen that his friend didn’t go there for more than to grab some clothes but what concerned him was the way the clothes had been tossed in haste and he made a silent note to just tell Ivy to move his friend’s clothes over to his room.

“Jared?” he called quietly after having a brief struggle to open the door to his room while holding the tray of mugs and cookies. “Jay? You in here?” he asked with a slowly building worry that perhaps his friend had been more upset than he’d thought if he wasn’t in this bedroom.

Jensen was about to place the tray down to go search the house when a noise from the far corner of the room, the corner farthest away from the small flame still burning in the fireplace, made him shift to look and then he was setting the tray down to grab a quilt from the bottom of the bed and quickly move to where his friend was sitting.

He noticed that while Jared had clearly changed out of his wet clothes into dry and warmer ones he was still shaking. His head was down so Jensen couldn’t see his face but just the way the broad shoulders were shaking told him what was happening as he knelt to slowly wrap the blanket around him.

“Is…Is Mia okay?” Jared’s voice was muffled from where he had his face buried against the knees that his arms were wrapped around.

“She’s drinking marshmallow laden cocoa and is trying to boss me around so I can safely say that yeah, Mia’s good,” Jensen replied in an attempt to lighten the heaviness he could feel in the room but frowned when he didn’t get the response he’d hoped for.

“I should’ve stayed with her. I should’ve stayed down there with Mia until you got back in,” the younger man’s voice was hushed but the tears could still be heard by a man who knew what to listen for.

“Mia’s safe, Jay. You kept her safe,” Jensen sat down next to his friend but waited to reach out until he could see what Jared needed. “She’s worried about you now.”

Jared fought for control as he had been since he first saw the snakeskin boots getting out of the truck but it was hard now; now that he didn’t have to be strong for Mia and could feel the strength of his friend as he slowly leaned over against Jensen’s side and felt an arm slip around him.

“It was the boots,” he whispered, stretching his legs out while seeming unaware of the tears on his face as a hand gently coaxed his head over to rest on a solid shoulder. “As soon as I saw the damn boots I was twelve again and I just wanted to curl into a ball but I knew I needed to keep him from touching Mia. I would not let him touch her, Jensen. I would die first or…again or…”

“Shhh, no talk of dying and I know you wouldn’t let her be hurt, Jay,” Jensen assured him while wrapping both his arms and the quilt tighter around his friend as the trembling got worse. “I’m sorry I didn’t know what was happening and that I wasn’t out there. I had no idea my Mother would actually send that bastard here but I’ll handle that.”

“She’ll never let me stay with you and Mia, Jen. Once Mrs. Ackles learns about me, about my memories, she’ll do anything to force me away,” Jared shuddered harder at the thought of leaving but he wouldn’t allow anything to hurt Jensen or his daughter. “I…I don’t want to leave. I don’t really have anywhere else to go but…I’m afraid of what you’ll lose if I stay or…”

Jensen shifted so he could ease Jared back only enough that he could meet and hold his eyes. “Look at me and listen to me, Jared,” he ordered firmly but kept his voice soft, fingers stroking pale cheeks to wipe the tears away. “You aren’t leaving unless you decide it’s what’s best for you at this moment. You are not leaving because you’re worried that my Mother might try something or that anything she does could hurt me,” he’d already decided that since he wasn’t foolish enough to not know how this would play out.

“I can only lose something if I lost you over this and I am not planning to let anyone or anything take you or Mia away from me,” he reassured his friend while making sure their eyes held so Jared could see the seriousness in them.

“Jay, I can’t take back the fear you feel for seeing Lawson because it’ll probably take you a long time to begin to cope with knowing what happened and I can’t promise to be able to bring him to justice for that since it would be hard to prove without trying to explain how you know what you do and I wouldn’t put you through that but I will make certain he never comes near you or Mia again,” Jensen promised, seeing the unshed tears still shining and understanding those were more for the parents Jared would never see again and the emotions he still wasn’t sure how to express. “I’ll make this right no matter what I have to do.”

Jared knew realistically that this shouldn’t bother him, that he was no longer a child that the man can hurt but he also knew how easy it would be to hurt Jensen and that was something he didn’t want to happen over him.

However, at that moment it was also too hard to forget the fear and pain the man in the snakeskin boots caused him that no matter how much he tried to forget, to move on and get past it and slowly Jared turned until his face was buried in the crook of Jensen’s neck and his fingers gripped onto the still cold and damp shirt his friend wore.

“I can’t get warm, Jen,” he whispered tightly, teeth nearly chattering as his body fought to accept the warmth around him but the bitter memories were making him cold. “It’s just like it was that night and…I can’t get warm again. I played outside for hours without feeling anything but one look at those boots and I’m like ice. Like when I…”

“Don’t,” Jensen had to stop this and bring Jared back to him. “Let’s get you in bed so I can build the fire and change, then I’ll warm you up,” he hadn’t meant it like it came out but just the small curve to Jared’s lips gave him hope that he could break through the darker emotions.

It took a couple of tries before Jared’s legs would work to stand up and then he had to allow Jensen to support him until he regained his balance enough to make it to the unmade bed.

“No, keep the quilt wrapped around you and just get under the comforter,” Jensen’s fingers carded back through Jared’s hair calmly as he made certain his friend was covered before starting to step toward the fire only to feel fingers trying to grab onto his wrist. “Jay, I’m just going build up the fire again to start getting the room warm. Then I need to change. I’m staying in the room,” he promised, leaning down to brush long hair off Jared’s forehead to kiss him there. “You’re not alone anymore, Jay.”

Jared kept his eyes open despite how tired he suddenly felt to watch as Jensen added more wood to the fire, stoking it until the flames were once again burning hot and the room actually began to lose the chill that a piece of him had worried was just him.

“Where’s Mia?” he asked through a yawn, still worried about the little girl.

“Ivy’s giving her a warm bath to finish taking the chill off,” Jensen told him while pulling on another pair of jeans and a heavy sweatshirt while glancing over his shoulder to see barely open hazel eyes watching him. “That’s probably what I should’ve done with you and if you’re still cold when you wake up that will be what I do,” he decided, coming back to sit beside his friend to pull on heavy wool socks and his actual boots. “Any warmer now, Jay?”

He was and as Jared felt his body relaxing more as warmth returned it was so hard to stay awake. “Honesty, right?” he murmured, lashes blinking rapidly as a warm hand gently touched his face.

“Tell me,” Jensen’s heart hurt to see so much of the unsure little boy he once knew still in this young man but understood that it would take them both time to adjust to things. “You can always be honest with me, Jay,” he told him, keeping his touch light as it seemed to help soothe Jared more. “I won’t promise to always take it well since we both know I have a temper at times but I will promise to listen and to never hurt you.”

“I’m scared to sleep,” Jared admitted, too tired now to try keeping his eyes open. “I’m afraid when I wake up this will all be a dream. That you and Mia were just a dream and that I’m…mmhm,” he whimpered a little against the warm lips that touched his. “I think I like it when you shut me up that way.”

Jensen smiled against the lips that still felt chilled to him, fingers reaching to find and hold Jared’s under the comforter; relieved to feel him warming up slowly. “You’re going to sleep because you always crashed after being outside for too long and I’ll have to remember that the next time my little Polar Princess gets you into the snow with her,” he chuckled at Jared’s soft smile, ears picking up familiar sounds from down the hall.

“You’re perfectly safe to sleep because you are real, I’m real and so is Mia,” he curved his fingers over Jared’s jaw to smile at the all too familiar way his lashes fluttered as he tried to stay awake. “Sleep, Jay,” he whispered, brushing another kiss along his friend’s cheek a second before there was a knock on the door and Ivy’s head poked in.

“Mia won’t take a nap in her bed until she makes sure you got Jared settled,” the older woman spoke with her tongue in her cheek as a little head slipped in to peek. “She also chose her pajamas with this in mind.”

The bond his pretty little girl already shared with Jared made Jensen so happy that the sight of her in her soft pink footie pajamas with the matching attached cape didn’t seem odd at all.

“There’s my pretty little superhero. C’mere, baby,” he held out his arms to pick his daughter up, allowing himself the moment to nuzzle her softly like he always seemed to do right after she’d had a bath or just waking up to be able to smell the baby powder smell that he would always associate with his baby girl. “Sleepy, Mia?”

The child’s eyes were just as heavy and fluttering as Jared’s had just been but she was still fighting it by rubbing her fists against her eyes but the yawn gave it away. “Yeah,” she mumbled, eyeing Jared who had finally drifted off fully. “Jared…sleeping too, Daddy?” she asked, reaching past Jensen to lightly touch Jared.

“Yeah, Jay’s taking a nap too,” Jensen confirmed, moving a little so he could slip his child under the comforter to lay curled against his friend’s chest.

He wasn’t surprised when the moment Mia’s small body settled that Jared instinctively shifted more to the center of the bed while lifting his arm so that she was both held protectively and also covered by the quilt as well as the comforter.

“Mia? I want you to stay and nap with Jared, alright?” he got her nod and little murmur of agreement, lightly ghosting his hand over her honey blond hair before making a similar motion over Jared’s hair.

Jensen gave each a kiss before easing from the bed to just stand there another moment to gaze at what he had and knew what he’d have to do to keep it.

“Love you, Mia,” he whispered, placing pillows along the side in case his daughter started to roll; assuming the second she moved Jared wasn’t awake. “Love you, Jay,” he also placed pillows behind his friend out of some habit he had from years earlier but it also gave him the excuse to touch his friend before finally certain they’d be safe while sleeping. “I’ll be back in a couple hours. Watch them if they wake up before I’m back but they shouldn’t.”

This he directed at Ivy as he walked out of the bedroom to head downstairs to grab his jacket, phone and keys. “If Jay does wake up just tell him I went into town for something you forgot and call me on the phone but I really should be back since this won’t take long.”

“What won’t take long?” Ivy had hurried after him, not caring for the look in her boy’s eye because he had the wild one that meant he was angry and not bothering to shield it. “Jensen? Where’re you going, boy?” she demanded from the door to the garage. “Jensen?”

“To see my parents about cutting some strings and also to remind my Mother that she’s not costing me anything again,” he returned as got into his SUV to look at the woman who had been the first to offer him any real support. “You told me once that I’d know when it was time to finally make the choice to be my own man. That I’d know when I’d needed to choose between what was important to me and what others thought. Well, you were right. I know what I need to do and I’m starting that right now.”

Backing the SUV out of the garage, Jensen pulled away. His emotions were a mix of anger, concern and a little fear but he accepted what he had to do. The issue would be to get it all put together so the hassles could be made as small as possible.

A call to his father’s secretary told him that his parents were both visiting the small Westins outlet store they’d opened near the town where Jensen had chosen to live; a store that he had no doubts had been his father’s way of trying to get him to take more of an interest in the family legacy and also his mother’s way of keeping an eye on him.

Knowing they were there or actually that his mother was so close on a day when she sent that bastard Lawson to his door did nothing to make his temper less but as he drove he made two other calls to handle details for things while he was in town including with his lawyer and the bank manager.

The final call he placed was a little harder because while Jensen accepted what he needed to do this one would be a huge decision for his little family even if it could be done but one thought back to the haunted look in Jared’s eyes today and the fear on his baby girl’s face strengthened his resolve to hit the number saved on his phone.

“It’s been awhile since I’ve gotten a call out of the blue from you,” the deep husky voice that was still tinged with an accent that was part Texas and part New Orleans spoke from the speaker on the dash of the car. “This a social call, business or should I be worried given what time of year it is, Jensen?”

You can take the former FBI agent out of the man but it was always harder it seemed to take the former sponsor out since for Chris Kane it was something that never left him, especially when Jensen called him unexpectedly and the man knew how hard Christmas was for the younger man.

“A little of everything though if I tell you the one thing you’ll be certain I’m using or drinking again,” Jensen replied with a tiny grin at the low curse that brought and could picture his friend shutting the door to his office above the busy and loud Bourbon Street.

Chris had been an FBI agent until a gunshot wound forced his retirement back to his adopted home city of New Orleans where he had many businesses that he tended to but it was his volunteer work in a recovery clinic that had introduced the two men.

He’d been responsible for pushing Jensen in ways that previously only Jared had been able to. He was also the reason Jensen was still alive and that was something the younger man would never forget. Even after he’d cleared the clinic, he’d lived with Chris for a short time before going back up to try to start his life again.

They kept in touch and while Jensen had never returned to New Orleans his former sponsor did come up to the Catskills a few times to visit him, especially after Mia was born.

“What’s going on?” Chris demanded after shutting out the noise from the street. He could hear the odd strain in Jensen’s normally calm voice and that strain worried him. “Is my little Fairy Princess, race car driver, cowgirl driving you nuts wanting to know what Santa’s bringing her?”

“As far as Mia’s concerned Santa brought her the best gift the other day when Heaven and or the God I used to fight with you over existing sent Jared back to us,” Jensen counted to five as he could picture his friend digesting that news and so wasn’t surprised by what he heard back.

“Huh, I see,” Chris was now on his feet to pace the office above the small gallery he owned and managed. “Jensen? Straight answer. Are you drinking?” he knew the name because it had been all the young man had spoken of usually so he understood how much the death of Jensen’s friend years earlier had hurt him.

Chris also wasn’t unaware that no matter what Jensen said or portrayed to others he would never be over the death of his best friend so this last comment worried him a lot.

“No, I’m not drinking and no, I’m not doing anything,” Jensen assured him, trying to explain what he could of Nic and Heaven’s little miracle and Jared’s return; a return that also included all his memories…good and bad. “He remembers us growing up, Chris. He also remembers dying and more importantly to me now he remembers how it happened. He told me about the van running his family off the road and then hitting him. He described the man who hit him down to the damn snakeskin boots…boots he saw again today when my mother sent the asshole to my house to get Mia.”

“Shit, Jensen,” Chris breathed, picking up on what wasn’t being said as well as his FBI side began to surface as well as the sponsor side that was worried about his friend. “Do you understand what it is you’re really saying? What he was saying?”

“Yeah, I do…and I’m going to handle that but that’s not why I called you,” Jensen slowed down as he entered the village to head toward the outlet store on the other end of town. “Do you remember a last year when you were up here for Mia’s birthday and you said you knew a couple people down there that might be interested in my paintings?”

“Oh, the time I mentioned that I knew more than a few people who would love to get you and that talent of yours down here?” Chris smirked, recalling the conversation well since he hated to see his friend’s talent wasted like it was being up there. “Yeah, what about it?”

Jensen took a shaky breath while pulling the SUV behind the store to see his parents sleek black Mercedes parked there as well. “I was wondering if you thought they still would be interested if you could set it up. I know I said I didn’t want to relocate Mia but…I’m tired of living under the shadow of my parents, Chris.

“My mother is insisting on sending my child to a boarding school in Europe and I know that’s what she was planning today. I know there will be issues over Jay and I am not losing my family. I’m also sick and tired of being told what to paint, when to paint and then to burn things that I’ve poured my heart into,” he shut the SUV off to just sit back, rubbing his face tiredly. “It’s time to move on but I need to know I have something set up to support us during this move. I…I need help, Chris.”

And there was the line that Chris had been waiting to hear. From the time he’d met Jensen he’d picked up on the strong streak of independence he had so he understood how hard it was for him to ask for help from anybody.

The fact that he was asking now told Chris how serious the situation must be. “Okay, I was planning on coming up for this showing on Christmas Eve in a few days so I’ll call a few people I know and see what I can pull together so I’ll have something to tell you then,” he declared, adding quickly and firmly. “Just whatever the hell you’re planning right now, keep your damn temper in check.”

“I always do,” Jensen returned, stepping out to enter the back entrance to exchange nods with a security guard he knew had worked there since the store opened. “Oh, stop choking and just come visit Mia, smart ass,” he growled at the choking laugh he could hear from the other end of the phone he now disconnected from to slip it inside his jacket.

The outlet store was tiny compared to the other main stores in the line but it served the village well and was managed well by a competent young woman since Jensen had flat out refused the offer to run it.

He had never shown in an interest in running the store which he knew was a disappointment to his father since it was also clear Gary Ackles would rather have Jensen running the family owned business than this stranger but despite many concessions Jensen had made over the years this would not be one of them.

“Good morning, Mr. Ackles,” the perky young woman working the desk greeted after her eyes stopped widening at the sight of Jensen actually in the building. “Your parents are in with Miss Castle if you’d like to wait a couple moments I’m sure they’d be thrilled to see you.”

“My Dad might be thrilled to see me but I doubt if my mother will be and no, I don’t care to wait,” Jensen replied, ignoring her squeak of protest as he walked past her into the store manager’s office. “Hey.”

Gary looked up from the quarterly sales as soon as the door opened, his face breaking into a smile as soon as he seen his son. “Well, this is a surprise. It usually takes an act of God to get you close to this place,” he chuckled, noticing the way his wife tensed as he stood to motion Jensen into the office. “Your mother decided to come up to personally inspect the Christmas displays and I was going to call you about lunch but then figured after yesterday I better not.”

“Why? It didn’t stop Mom from sending that bastard Stuart Lawson to my door today with the excuse that she wanted to spend the day with my daughter,” Jensen’s eyes narrowed as they pinned his Mother with a tight smile. “The next time you send him close to my family, assuming the Sheriff doesn’t arrest him for trespassing I’ll handle it in a much different way than I did at seventeen.”

Sensing the tension between mother and son, Gary offered a smile to the clearly uneasy store manager. “Maxine? Would you please excuse us? I think there’s something I need to handle here.”

“Of course, sir,” Maxine Castle nodded, gathering her files up to smile brightly as Jensen as she passed him. “It’s good to see you again, Jensen.”

The obvious flirting was ignored as Jensen just kept his gaze on his mother as she sipped her tea. “Why did you send him out there, Mother?” he demanded tightly. “You know how I feel about him and that was before I’ve learned what I did last night.”

“Maxine is a very nice girl, Jensen. You shouldn’t have snubbed her just now,” Laura sighed, dismissing his tone and question like she did everything else that she didn’t care to deal with. “I think she’d be a good companion for you to take to the gallery showing.”

“Right now you’ll be lucky if I show up at all for the showing and if I do it will not be with some woman you think would give the correct image of what your son should be,” Jensen snapped. “You can’t ignore this one, Mother because I’m not dropping it. You sent Lawson to my door as if I’d seriously allow you near Mia after yesterday. Did you honestly think I’d let her go with a man I detest?”

“Laura, why the hell was Lawson even around?” Gary wanted to know. He shared his son’s dislike of the man but could also tell there was more to Jensen’s mood than just this matter. “I thought we agreed after I fired him from working for Westins that I didn’t want him around anymore for anything, period,” he frowned while moving the files over to sit on the edge of the desk to gaze between his son and his wife. “For that matter, why would you have sent him to get Mia? We’re not going to be in town long enough to spend time with her so…”

“I just thought we could bring Mia back to the city with us while Jensen finishes his project for the gallery and takes care of that other matter without the distraction of a child in the house,” Laura replied simply, lips thinning when a hand slammed onto the desk. “I see your temper did not improve since yesterday, Jensen.”

“My temper hasn’t been improved since I was told last night that you basically lied to me for the last sixteen years, Mother,” Jensen gritted, seeing able to hear the pain in Jared’s voice as he related his last memories of the ‘accident’. “Now whether Dad knew about it all or just parts of it or maybe he was just going on what he was told, I haven’t decided but I know you lied. I know you threatened to fire Eric and Nancy Padalecki if they didn’t take Jared and move away.

“I know you offered them jobs at the store in Rhode Island if they took my best friend away from me but that isn’t all I know, Mother,” he ignored his father’s confused looks to focus on the way his mother’s pretty but stern face hardened as he got up close. “I also know that one delivery truck that was reported as stolen during that period? It wasn’t stolen. It was scrapped. It was scrapped to hide the fact that you hired that goddamn lying bastard to run the Padalecki’s off the road because you didn’t trust them not to give into Jay’s pleas to let him see me one more time to say goodbye.

“It had to be scrapped to hide the evidence of blood from where Lawson used that van to hit and run my friend over more than three times to make sure he was either dead or would die,” he fought the rage but it was hard right then when he still remembered the last sixteen years and also the fear in Jared earlier at seeing the man. “You hated a little boy so much, my best friend, that you hired that asshole to kill him. You tried to kill Jared, Mother! Now deny it and I’ll tell you what a hypocrite you are.”

Gary Ackles was staring between son and wife in shock at what he was hearing but nothing like the shock of what he heard next.

“No, not tried because he did die. He died and that ended the risk of him turning you into what he was becoming,” Laura remarked calmly while reaching to pour more tea into her cup. “Now, can we discuss the travel arrangements for Mia’s departure for the wonderful school I enrolled her in?”

**TBC**

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The usual warnings for mild language and a slightly hot scene.

**Chapter Seven**

The calm, almost callous way Laura Ackles just spoke the words that confirmed what Jensen already suspected made him sick and numb at the same time but what sent his temper soaring was just the casual assumption that he would go along with the already made arrangements to send his five year old child away.

“No, I don’t want any tea and no, we are not discussing Mia’s ‘travel arrangements’ because there are not going to be any ‘travel arrangements’ for my daughter!” he snapped, knocking the porcelain tea pot out of his mother’s hand and across the office to break on the floor. “How dare you! You just admit to me that you lied to me, that you sent Lawson to run my friend’s family off the road and now you think I’ll just stand by and let you send my child off to some godforsaken school in Europe? What in the hell is wrong with you, Mother?”

A swift and hard slap across the face sounded in the office as Laura’s reaction to being confronted in such an outrageous manner by her son but instead of backing him off like it used to she frowned more when Jensen’s eyes just went to lethal green slits.

“You will mind your tongue when you speak to me, Jensen,” she replied coolly. “Whatever I’ve done has always been in your best interest, then and now. You should thank me rather than pretend to be shocked.”

Gary moved to quickly pull his boy back, putting himself between them but the shock was plain on his face. “Laura? What the hell did you do?” he demanded. “You told me that Eric came to you and asked to be transferred up to the Providence store because Jared was having trouble focusing in school and he and Nancy thought a new place would help him.”

“Jay had straight A’s across the board in all his subjects except gym and that was only because the jocks hassled him for being short and chubby,” Jensen spat. “They didn’t want to move but she wanted him away from me. He was my best friend!”

“Your sister saw you kiss that little heathen!” Laura snapped, shooting to her feet to point a finger at her son. “I always knew he was an odd boy but then when she told me that I knew I had to put a stop to his influence over you. I told Nancy plainly that while I couldn’t change what her child was I most certainly would keep him from infecting my son with his ways.”

“Being gay is not a disease nor is it something that can be caught like a cold, Mother!” Jensen felt his father’s hand on his shoulder but jerked away from it. “Jared was a scared confused 12 year old kid just trying to find himself and I’d already pretty much decided by then so if anything it would have been _me_ influencing _him_ ,” he smirked at her shocked outrage. “You hated him even before I was sixteen and I kissed him once because he asked me to. You hated him because they weren’t in your social line and you were ashamed that I wasn’t as shallow or self-absorbed as you wanted me to be.”

The slap didn’t hurt him or even shock him as it might have had once. It just served to remind Jensen of how cruel his mother could be when not getting her way. “You were so worried about your damn image that you cost a family their lives. You cost me sixteen years with my friend but you won’t cost me anything else.”

“Jensen, not that I’m excusing anything Laura’s done as right because it certainly wasn’t but…how can you be so sure what you’re saying is correct?” Gary still was having a hard time accepting that the woman he married could have actually done what their son was accusing…even though she had come very close to admitting to it. “I spoke with the police; I told you what they said about the drunk driver and…”

 “You were told what the damn cops were bought off to say,” Jensen shook his head, fingers clenching restlessly while trying to not be too disappointed in his father. “The cops, both local and state were friends of yours and Mom’s. She probably paid them to fake the reports since there shouldn’t have been any witnesses to say different,” he slid his eyes over to his Mother. “Both you and that scum you hired thought there weren’t any witnesses to say how a Westins van forced Eric’s car off the road or how when Jay managed to crawl out of the wreck to the road to try to get help the damn van hit him over and over until the driver got out and kicked him back down the embankment.

“Those snakeskin boots are kind of hard to forget. Jared remembers them. He remembers seeing them and hearing the voice of the man who killed him. He remembers hearing that he shouldn’t have been different and his family wouldn’t have had to die. He remembers every damn thing” he watched as various emotions flashed over his Mother’s face but smiled as he read the final look.

Laura had been bothered with how her son had learned too many details that she’d long ago stopped worrying about. Now she merely smiled. “You’ve been drinking again,” she chided softly. “If so then Mia’s going to school abroad will help as you try to recover yet again from this…”

“I’m not drinking, I’m not using but I just thank God that someone in Heaven saw fit to correct the wrong that cheated Jared out of half his life,” Jensen cut her off, seeing his father slowly catching up. “I thank Nic for allowing Heaven to send mine and Mia’s guardian angel back to us but this time…this time Jay’s not a short, chubby little boy who can be made to feel ashamed of who he is or what he is.

“Heaven sent back a beautiful, caring young man who loves me and loves Mia like she’s his own and this time you will not take him away from me,” he caught the wrist before the open hand could connect with his face. “I may or may not choose to attend the showing because Christmas Eve is still going to be hard on both of us but if I do attend then it will be with my daughter and my friend.”

“Jensen Ross Ackles! You will not arrive at the gallery with some…some man!” Laura yelled, voice going higher as her anger came out more. “I will arrange a nice companion for you and I’ll arrange for whomever you picked up at the park to be removed from your home and…”

“Laura, for God’s sake stop,” Gary snapped harshly, watching the rare signs of rage hit his son’s handsome face. “You’ve done more than enough…to ruin our son’s life. Sit down because I’ve heard enough.”

The woman stared at her husband as if not believing he’d spoken to her in that tone. “I haven’t done nearly enough if he still needs to carry on this charade that he wants a man rather than a lovely young woman suited for his station in life,” she countered, still refusing to see her errors. “I think we need to…”

“I think you need to stay the hell out of my life,” Jensen remarked firmly, so angry that he could feel himself shaking but refusing to let his father touch him. “Understand this, Mother because I don’t plan on repeating myself again.”

“I am 30 years old; I will make the choices in my life that make me and my child happy. If that means wanting a man…no, if that means having Jared in my life finally the way he always should have been, having him in my bed then that’s what I’ll do. I will no longer pretend to be something I’d not even though Jay has been the only man I’ve ever been interested in I also don’t want some shallow spoiled rich girl trying to mother my daughter,” he held up a hand to cut off the interruptions that would come.

“Also, if you think you were ever going to send Mia to school anywhere it would be over my dead body,” Jensen’s green eyes went hot as he gazed between his parents. “She will go to school where I am. She will attend public school in whatever town Jay and I choose to settle in and she will grow up happy, healthy and knowing she is loved.”

While his wife shouted and ranted at their son it was Gary Ackles who caught the exact words and frowned. “Jensen? What’re you talking about?” he asked carefully, seeing for the first time a change in his boy that he hadn’t seen in a number of years; not since he and Laura had gotten into the fight over him keeping Mia to begin with. “You live here. Your art is shown in New York at the gallery so…”

“I have the last paintings needed for the showing and I’ll have them packed and shipped tomorrow but it will also be the last I do for Ben and his gallery,” Jensen told his father, explaining simply. “I will not be told what I can paint or what I can’t paint and as a very wise young man recently told me I paint better and with more passion if it’s something I want to do. So I’ve decided it’s time to make some changes and that includes where I live.”

“You think you’ll be able to support that child on those sinful paintings?” Laura scoffed, amused at the thought but knowing the truth. “If I hadn’t gotten Ben to take you on you would have been crawling back to your father and I when you realized this need to raise Mia alone was foolish. You’ll never find another gallery willing to take you on once I…”

“Once you what, Mom?” he asked, having been hoping she wouldn’t make that cut off threat. “Once you and your friends spread lies about me all over the community? Once you try to ruin my life more than you have? Yeah, good luck with that because the first smear campaign you throw at me and I will come right back at you because I know Nancy Padalecki still has friends in your circle who wouldn’t be too impressed to know the truth about how they died.”

Jensen was subtly pleased to see his mother’s mouth clamp shut with that very real promise. “If I didn’t know how much it would hurt Jared to go through it again I would make sure you and Lawson paid for what you cost him. I won’t do that though because I don’t want to see him hurt but if you send that asshole near him or Mia again, or you try anything to hurt my family then all bets are off and I will ruin you and see Lawson behind bars.”

“You’re threatening your mother?” Laura’s lip curled up in anger and disbelief. “You have no proof other than the word of some…man with no legal identity so no judge would believe him and with your background it’s not like you’re very…believable either.”

“I’m promising, Mother,” he responded tightly, holding her gaze as he went on seriously. “I have friends in the Sheriff’s office this time and I’m sure if I asked Chris could also do something to find the real records from that time. Jared is legal because Nic saw to that but I really don’t want the hassle,” he admitted honestly. “I want to finish the showing and then move on with my life and to do so…I want you to buy me out.”

Gary had been shooting his wife urgent pleas to shut up so he could possibly contain this situation when those words rocked him. “Buy you out?” he repeated in a stunned voice. “Buy out what?”

“Both the shares of Westins that are mine and also the shares I got when Gramps passed away,” Jensen shook his head sadly. “Dad, I’m not taking over the store. I never wanted to and now this finishes it. I love you and I wish it could be different but she’s never going to leave it alone.

“She will never accept who I am or what I want to do. She never wanted me to raise Mia and tried everything to make certain I almost didn’t get the chance to have my daughter. Now she won’t stop until she takes Mia away from me in some way and that’s not happening,” he ignored the ranting shrieks of his mother as he looked at his father. “I will do whatever it takes to protect my child and the man I love so I’m offering you the chance to buy my shares out in order to keep them in the family or if you won’t then I’ll sell them to the first person who offers me fair market value but I will sell and I will also move my family away from all the hate and pain that Mom seems to want to create.”

Laura had heard enough, shooting back to her feet to grab her son when he went to turn to leave. “If you think for one moment that I will allow you to raise my granddaughter in a home where you’re sleeping with and having sex with that…that man then you are mistaken,” she knew her son’s weak point and would use it to keep her claim on him. “Your father and I will file for temporary guardianship of…”

“No, we won’t,” Gary cut her off, ignoring her shocked look to shake his head. “I might have been blind to a great many things you’ve done, Laura but I will not stand here and allow you to threaten to take our son’s child away from him.

“No matter what style of life Jensen chooses there is no way anyone could ever doubt his love or dedication to Mia so you will not use that threat to try to get him to cave into your demands as you’ve done with so many other things in his life,” he turned his back on his sputtering wife to gaze at his son. “Let me speak with my lawyer and accountant and I’ll get back to you about the shares soon?”

Jensen merely nodded since he knew his father was too much a businessman to just act without having to speak with others. “You have until Christmas Eve to decide. On the 26th I put the shares up for sale and you’ll lose a good bit of control if they sell outside of the Ackles family. Oh and one more thing?” he paused at the door to glance back, taking a chance but feeling he needed to say it.

“Just in case you’re thinking you can get custody of Mia if anything happens to me? Don’t bother considering it because you won’t,” he turned to see the honest shock on his father’s face at the suggestion but didn’t miss the expression on his mother’s. “I’ve had my own lawyer contact Stephanie out in California and she’s faxing him a signed and notarized letter restating how she will not ever seek custody of Mia and that she also agrees with my choice of guardian for our daughter in the case of anything unforeseen happening to me.

“Should I ever get sick, or have an accident that might incapacitate me or even in the event of my death then Jared will become Mia’s legal guardian until she’s eighteen. It will also be stated that in the event of my death that he can also legally adopt her if he chooses to with my blessing and he will have full control of any and all of my assets so I’d reconsider any odd little jobs you might hire Lawson out for again, Mother,” Jensen’s smirk was there despite the clenching in his gut at even the thought.

“In public, like at the showing if I choose to attend, I’ll be cordial and polite assuming you return the favor but if you show up at my house whether I am there or not you will not be welcome. Ivy will have orders to have Seth on speed dial because if you try to take my daughter at any time I will call the cops because Mia is off limits unless I am present and once I move while Dad will be welcome to visit it’s going to take me a long while to extend that offer to you or Sarah,” he opened the door at that.

“Jensen, we’re your parents,” Gary was startled a little at how cold his son’s normally quiet and calm voice was now much less at what he was thinking. “Surely you don’t believe that we’d…that your mother would…hurt you?”

Stopping with his hand on the door, Jensen glanced back with an unreadable expression. “I never believed she would have hurt Jared either, Dad. Now I don’t know what to think except that I will do whatever it takes to shield those that I love from any more pain. I’ll talk to you later. Now I’m going home.”

With that Jensen walked away from the sounds of his mother screaming for him to get back there. He walked away from the curious looks of others in the store as he left to get back in his SUV to pull away from the store and across the small town to make stops at the bank and his lawyer’s office to sign some papers.

It never failed to amuse Jensen when he did choose to come into town the looks he got. He was known around the small town but since he hardly ever came in himself people always seemed to look or stare when he was spotted.

The looks only bothered him when he had Mia with him and some people whispered and looked down their noses at his bright, happy little girl all because of things he was supposed to have done as a teenager and what they believed he did now.

Moving away from the looks and rumors were things he wouldn’t miss. He would however miss the local pizza place in the square that had, in Jensen’s opinion, the best pizza ever. It had to be good since it was also the only food his picky child would claim as her favorite all-time food.

Because Ivy wasn’t thrilled when he brought home pizza it was usually done on special occasions but this time Jensen felt they all needed the treat because chocolate wasn’t the only food Jared and Mia had in common as he remembered quite well how his friend had also loved pizza too…even if they might disagree on the toppings.

While he waited for the pizza, Jensen walked across the square to a small little seasonal store that seemed to specialize in unique and handcrafted items.

Since he normally avoided Christmas and all its trappings he hadn’t been in a store that sold the stuff in quite a while but he smiled when something caught his eye.

By the time Jensen left the small store and picked up the pizza, it was getting dark. The softly falling snow troubled him a little because no matter how much he told Chris he was coping there were still things that bothered him.

Bad weather and driving at night were two of those things. Jensen wasn’t sure he’d ever get over being anxious and he would never drive with either Mia or Jared in the car during those moments.

He pulled into the garage and that was when it slowly began to hit him what he had done today and how easy it would be to lose everything he loved if he let his mother win.

Jensen couldn’t recall the last time he shook as badly as he was right then as he sat behind the wheel to let his forehead rest against it, still seeing the actual hate on his mother’s normally pretty, well controlled face and wondering how he’d never noticed it before.

The soft sound of bells caught his attention along with something feathering along his cheek like gentle fingers or fairy wings had him reaching up to wipe his face. It also allowed him to see Ivy’s worried face staring at him through the window.

“Boy, I’ve been calling to you for ten minutes,” she scolded, swatting him on the arm as he opened the door finally. “Any longer and I was getting Jared in here to pull you out or…Jensen? What’s wrong with you?”

Ivy had seen Jensen go through an awful lot since she started working for him but she couldn’t recall ever seeing him this pale or this shaken before. “What happened?”

Shaking his head to force the rest of the emotions aside now that he was home and unwilling to bring that in to his family, Jensen handed her the boxes of pizza while he grabbed the bags from the little shop and all the papers he’d brought from the lawyer’s office and the small box he’d picked up from the bank.

“I started cutting ties and I really don’t know how it’s going to go from here,” he told her quietly, stepping into the warm kitchen to smell both the aroma of a roast cooking and also gingerbread baking and bit his lip. “Umm, pizza?”

“You are damn lucky that I adore you and that smile or I’d beat you with those boxes of pizza,” Ivy shook her head fondly, taking his coat to hang it up. “I’ll use the roast to make lunch for tomorrow then. For now, you can shake off all the gloom you’re carrying and go into the living room to play with your daughter so it’ll give that poor boy a break,” she reached up to lightly touch his face to feel the tension there. “You’re home where it matters now. I’ll bring this so-called dinner in soon.”

Jensen paused to lean down to kiss her cheek, knowing he never would have made it this far without her. “Thanks, Ivy,” he murmured, dropping the papers and one box off in his office to be dealt with later but keeping the bag with him as he followed the sounds of laughter into the rarely used living room.

Like most rooms in his house the large living room with its high ceiling, vaulted over the one big front bay window, a large stone fireplace that was original to the old house but unlike most rooms this one had been carpeted when Mia had started to crawl.

The furniture was a mixed of styles but everything was a little worn and always comfortable from the large sofa to the two chairs to a little beanbag chair for Mia. A large soft fur area rug lay in front of the sofa and also the fireplace that had been carefully grated to allow for the heat and ambience but not to allow little fingers to touch.

Jensen stepped to the door and then stopped to merely watch as he realized he was doing more and more these days because it always lightened his heart to see his daughter laugh and play with someone who adored her and honestly did love her.

Mia was still dressed in her super hero footie pajamas while lying on the rug in front of the fire with her little legs moving like they almost always did because even when she was still it seemed like a piece of her needed to be moving.

Her one hand was curled under her chin as she laid to listen to Jared tell her a story about a princess and a cowboy and Jensen smiled as he leaned in the door to also listen to the soft deep drawl that his friend’s voice naturally took on when speaking or telling stories that it reminded him of telling Jared years ago what a great storyteller he could be.

“Will they have a happy ending, Jared?” Mia asked in a hushed voice, eyes wide as she listened to the story; her fifth since waking up.

“Pumpkin, every Princess gets a happy ending,” Jared smiled into her eyes, hand gentle when he smoothed her soft curls back. “Even though things might get tough and look bad, there will always be a happy ending.”

“Like with you and Daddy?” she giggled. “You’ll have a happy ending too right?”

Jared was a little thrown by the question because he wanted to certainly hope so but he also wasn’t sure what would happen when it became known he was here with them and who he was. He was fumbling a little for an answer when he was luckily saved when the answer was given from the door.

“Always,” Jensen finally spoke up after watching the flashes of worry and a little fear that crossed Jared’s face and knew his friend was worried. “I will promise you that Jared and I will have a happy ending too, my Mia.”

Mia’s head turned just as Jared’s did, both looking right as Jensen as he entered the living room. “Daddy!” Mia squealed and scrambled to her feet to run to greet her father happily. “Hi, my Daddy!” she laughed as he picked her up to kiss her cheeks. “Jared and I napped like you said to and then we had a tea party with cookies while I showed him all my toys. Then we came down here to play in front of the fire cause he was still chilly so we played pony for a while until Miss Ivy said Jared needed to rest and then he’s been telling me stories and…”

As his child rattled on about all the things that she and Jared had done since waking up from their naps, Jensen walked over to easily sit beside Jared on the rug. “Hey,” he greeted softly, leaning closer to meet the warm lips that met his. “You get enough sleep or did this one wake you up?” he asked while brushing his thumb across Jared’s cheek to move his hand to the back of his neck so his fingers could curve gently.

“I was actually awake before Mia,” Jared admitted, moving more into the touch as Mia crawled out of her father’s lap to go grab her favorite stuffed toy that she’d brought downstairs. “I probably slept for an hour or so but it was like I knew as soon as I woke up that you weren’t in the house,” he murmured, feeling the fingers on his neck shift his head so soft lips could continue to innocently kiss his jaw. “Ivy said you went in to town for something she forgot but…hmm…where’d you go, Jen?”

“I don’t remember you being quite this suspicious,” Jensen remarked, not wanting to get into that this soon or not before Mia was in bed but he also didn’t want to lie either. “There was something I needed to take care of in town that took a little longer than I thought it would have or I would’ve been back sooner.”

“Jen, I don’t want to cause you trouble and I know that your Mom won’t…” Jared started to say only to have a finger press against his lips to stop him.

“My mother is no longer an issue and will never be an issue again as far as I’m concerned,” Jensen told him, taking a quick look to see where Mia was at before giving a more heated kiss. “There are some things I do need to talk to you about once she’s in bed but that’s then and not now. Now…” he smiled as he motioned Jared to move back with him so they could sit on the floor in front of the sofa on that rug while Mia played with her toys. “Now I just want to put all of that behind me and spend the night with you and Mia.”

Whether it was the calm confidence in Jensen’s voice or the gentle way his fingers knew just where to touch, Jared wasn’t sure. All he knew was that he relaxed so long as his friend was near and he so wanted to believe in that happy ending this one time.

“Ivy said she’d have dinner ready soon,” he remarked, letting Jensen’s arm slide around him so he was settled more against his side as they watched Mia laugh as her toy truck knocked over the row of dominoes she’d so carefully set up. “I think I ate too many cookies while at Mia’s tea party to really do dinner justice but…why’re you grinning like that?” he asked after catching the small smile and knowing it was the one his friend used to pull when he knew something no one else did.

“Yeah, dinner’s going to be hot roast beef sandwiches for lunch tomorrow since I decided we all needed a treat and brought pizza home tonight,” Jensen smiled at the low sound he heard from beside him. “You still like pizza, Jay?” he asked softly.

“I am fairly certain I do,” Jared grinned, chuckling as he felt fingers trailing up under his sweatshirt to move against his back. “Jen,” he offered in low warning since he knew there was a strict limit on what either would do with the child in the room.

“Daddy, you and Jared are kissing and stuff all wrong,” Mia proclaimed seriously from where she was now standing close to them.

Both men exchanged looks before Jensen moved his one hand but kept his arm locked to keep Jared from moving away. “This should be good,” he muttered out of the corner of his mouth while smiling at his daughter. “We are, really? And should I ask what we’re doing wrong and how exactly you know that, Mia?”

“Because that’s not what Aunt Sarah does with Uncle Mitch,” the child rolled her eyes much too close to the way Jared used to do as she crawled so she was close enough so that both her Daddy and Jared could hear her as she explained what she and her cousins had witnessed.

“Holy shi…” Jared managed to clamp his mouth shut before his startled exclamation could come out, eyes wider than he figured they’d been at twelve when he first began to understand his feelings for his friend. “Jensen?”

It took Jensen several long seconds to be able to do anything but stare at his sweet faced smiling child as he worked to process the fact that she’d just pretty well explained a very difficult, complicated and highly inappropriate sex act that she’d clearly witnessed his sister preforming.

“Sweetie, this is going to be one of those very rare times I use your full name when I very calmly tell you that I never want you to ever repeat anything your Aunt Sarah does or says because that was something you should not have seen and something you will never see go on between Jay and me,” he finally responded, not wanting to yell at her for something that wasn’t her fault but also needing to make sure she understood.

“But…but Daddy if you and Jared don’t kiss and do that then you don’t love one another and he’ll leave us,” Mia’s lip trembled as her big eyes slowly began to fill with pools of tears until Jared slipped her fully on to his lap to cuddle her.

“Mia, your Daddy and I love each other a lot and while we may kiss, hold hands or even touch a little there are things that we’re just not comfortable doing when you’re around because you’re a very little girl and there are just some things that you shouldn’t see,” he explained gently, lifting her above his head to hear her giggle before settling her back against his chest for the hug. “But just because you don’t see us doing the stuff like you did there, which you shouldn’t have seen, doesn’t mean we don’t love one another because we do.

“Jen and I have been best friends for a long time so what we have is much deeper than what a lot of people have. Where they show things more outwardly your Daddy can show them to me with just a simple touch or kiss but I never want you to think that we don’t love one another or that I’d ever leave him or you for that reason. Okay?” he asked with a kiss to her forehead.

Mia sat back to stare into his eyes, glancing over to look at her father’s face and while she might not have understood everything she did get most of it; smiling brightly as she watched her Daddy’s hand move up just enough to brush his fingers lightly over Jared’s neck.

“You and Daddy don’t have to do all that icky stuff in public cause you share a heart,” she laughed and then hugged Jared tightly. “I love you so much too, my Jared!”

“I love you too, Mia,” Jared whispered past the lump in his throat, gazing over her head into Jensen’s eyes to see those brilliant green eyes filled with tears of emotion and need. “Did…did I overstep my bounds again?” he asked warily, not realizing that perhaps he had or that maybe Jensen should have explained to Mia until once again he’d opened his mouth. “I’m sorry if I did. I…”

Jensen had to swallow a few times to be able to speak clearly as nothing had ever moved him more than listening and watching Jared just then with Mia. “No and you never will,” he told him, voice deep and husky with emotions as he leaned up to press a kiss against Jared’s temple. “No one could have explained that any better to her or in a way that she’d understand. Thank you, Jay,” he whispered as they shared a simple more chaste kiss while Mia snuggled between them.

“I love her like I love you, Jen,” Jared told him as he began to settle again, the smell of warming pizza making his stomach grumble. “I’m sorry that your sister and her husband had to do that in front of her.”

“Yeah, except my sister’s husband is Larry,” Jensen told him, seeing Jared’s eyes lift to his as he went on. “Mitch is her driver.”

“Oh,” Jared blinked, deciding that while he hadn’t been fond of his friend’s sister to start with he definitely didn’t care for her now.

Jensen sat still to watch the fire and talk softly with Jared as Mia lay between them until a step sounded in the doorway and as he expected his little girl’s head popped up at the smell of her favorite food.

“Pizza!” Mia cheered, running to Ivy who was smart enough to hold the tray of freshly warmed pizza up out of her reach. “Jared! We’re having pizza!”

“I heated up both kinds since I wasn’t sure who was eating what,” Ivy sat the tray down while a long arm wrapped around Mia’s waist before she could dive for it. “You’d think the child hasn’t eaten all day.”

“Pizza is a serious food,” Jared’s smile showed his dimples as he slid his eyes toward his friend with a mock shudder. “Unless it’s Jensen’s and then it’s gross.”

Offering a mild snort in return to that, Jensen took a slice of pizza that had the extra toppings on it. “You and my child are pizza snobs,” he remarked, taking a bite of hot pizza but managed not to wince at the heat of the melted cheese when it landed on his chin.

“No, we just know what we like,” Jared snickered, kneeling down to pick a slice that he noticed had been set aside and wasn’t steaming so he knew those were for Mia. “Straight pepperoni and cheese is the best right, Mia?” he asked after handing her a small slice to watch her bite into it much like her father had and adored her look of enjoyment at the taste.

“Yep!” she chewed carefully before lifting her eyes to her father as if knowing the game. “Daddy’s pizza is yucky and if he doesn’t brush his teeth after he eats it he can’t kiss us,” she decided with a nod.

Jared had to be quick to hide his laugh when Jensen nearly choked since that was clearly a new decision from Mia and his friend look flustered that he couldn’t help but force his face to be straight as he looked up to nod in agreement with the child which made her even happier.

“Really?” Jensen’s eyebrow arched as he finished his slice, managed to remember to wipe his hands on the supplied napkin rather than his jeans and then curled his fingers into the collar of Jared’s shirt to pull him closer. “I don’t recall you complaining about me eating sausage and onions in addition to the pepperoni and cheese before, Jay,” he told him, smiling as Jared ducked his head enough so their lips played close to one another but never touched.

“You never kissed me after eating it before either, Jen,” Jared pointed out with a grin, not really minding but enjoying the teasing and also Mia’s giggles as she watched them. “Though I can probably be convinced to let you I’m not so sure about Mia,” he grinned at the face she made a second before Jensen’s lips found his for a light and playful kiss that sent the little girl into a fit of giggles.

A knock on the door broke the kiss as Jared tensed without knowing why, eyes locking with his friend as Jensen eased back with a muttered oath about bad timing. “It’s nothing to worry about, Jay,” he assured his friend even while the brief look at Ivy, who had opened the door, didn’t exactly reassure himself of that. “You stay and eat the boring pizza with Mia-Lia while I toss whoever decided to drop in without calling.”

He could tell that it would take a long time to get his friend used to the fact that no one was going to come to take him away. Jensen hoped what he told Jared later would go a long way to helping with that fear but right then he just wanted to get rid of whoever the hell was at his door.

“It’s the Welling boy,” Ivy told him as he passed, not caring that Seth Welling was the Sheriff. To her he’d always be that Welling boy.

“Thanks,” he glanced back to see Jared kneeling to split a piece with Mia while also trying to coax her into drinking the milk Ivy had brought in.

He stepped out to quietly pull the sliding doors closed as he noticed that Ivy hadn’t allowed the Sheriff any farther than the front door. “Seth,” he greeted carefully since normally his friend would rather call than make the drive out, especially in the dark. “What’s up or should I ask?”

Seth pushed his hat up to take a look at Jensen and once again noticed the huge change in him compared to even a week before. “I thought I’d make the drive out to tell you that your mother has been calling the office today, about four times, wanting one of the deputies to come out to remove an escaped mental patient that has taken you and Mia hostage,” he had his tongue in his cheek as he watched the vein on Jensen’s forehead begin to twitch. “Luckily she didn’t get any of the newer guys who don’t know Laura Ackles and her ways as well as I do. Margie got the first call, routed it to me and I made certain all of the office knows she’s to be ignored no matter how many times she calls.”

“God, I didn’t think she’d do this,” Jensen rubbed his face with both hands. “Do you want to see his ID?” he demanded a little sharply. “No matter what else he has a legal birth certificate and ID, Seth. I just didn’t want to start explaining things in too much detail yet or…”

“Jensen, if I thought there was anything wrong then I’d have come in a more official manner. It’s all cool…even if your lawyer hadn’t showed up in my face to hand me legal papers stating all of that,” Seth’s eyes moved to the living room door at the burst of mutual laughter he heard. “His laugh’s the same,” he held his friend’s gaze before nodding. “I know not to ask too many questions if that crazy old man had a hand in anything and I’ll cover for you as much as I can but we both know your Mom can be a petty bitch and I’m sorry to say that.”

“Why? I almost said that myself today,” Jensen shook his head while seeing headlights coming up the drive and this time he did tense. “You happen to have your gun on you?” he asked tightly as the Mercedes parked a bit behind the Sheriff’s cruiser and Gary Ackles stepped out.

Seth lifted his brow but didn’t deny that he was carrying as he watched the senior Ackles step up to the door with a shorter bald man in a dark suit and briefcase bringing up the rear. “Evenin’ Mr. Ackles,” he greeted cordially.

“Seth,” Gary had a hard time calling the young man who had gone to school with his son by his official title though it did worry him a little to find the Sheriff here. “Is there some problem that brings you out this late?”

“No, just needed to tell Jensen something,” the Sheriff smiled as he stepped back to leave but paused. “Oh, but do me a favor? Tell your wife to stop calling my office to get Jensen’s friend arrested as an escaped nutcase. If she keeps it up I might be paying you a more businesslike call,” he advised, nodding to his friend. “Call me if you need me, Jensen.”

Gary’s face didn’t reflect the emotion that comment brought. He simply nodded his understanding as he gazed at his son. “I’m sorry to come out so late without calling but since I had Sal with me I thought we might be able to discuss that matter you brought up earlier?” he raised his one brow. “May we come in the house, Jensen?”

A piece of Jensen did not want to let this happen in his home so close to his daughter and Jared but he also didn’t want to put it off if he could handle this part of it now so he nodded, hand on the door. “Come in,” he exchanged nods with his father’s legal advisor. “Do I need to ask where she is?”

“Your mother is still at the store waiting for me and apparently bothering the local authorities,” Gary sighed, lifting a hand to ward off what he knew was coming. “I will make certain she stops harassing them and him, Jensen. I…I wish I knew how to fix this without losing you, son.”

“I want to say you’re not losing me, she is but I know that she’ll make your life a living hell if you stay in touch,” and he did know that because now that he’d taken the blinders off he understood his mother’s ways only too well. “We can go into my…”

The sound of the sliding doors opening cut him off and all Jensen could do was fight not to tense when Jared’s voice was heard.

“Jen, I don’t mean to interrupt but before I stick my foot in my mouth or she convinces me she’s right I need to ask you a question,” Jared’s smile and laugh could be heard in his voice as he stepped out without looking to see who his friend was talking to. “I think I know the answer, which is not going to be the whole tray, but how many slices of pizza is Mia allowed to have at one time?” he asked, turning finally and that was when the smile froze, his face went white and his chest tightened. “Oh.”

Gary’s eyes had gone to the tall well-built young man whose dark hair brushed his shoulders and tended to fall into widening hazel eyes and he felt a small kick to his gut as he recognized those eyes as well as the soft Texas drawl, feeling a little sick as he realized what his son had said might have been true in so many ways.

“If she’s had two already then she can split one with you but that’s her absolute limit or else we’ll be up with her and the monster tummy ache the rest of the night,” Jensen replied, locking his eyes firmly on his father in sharp silent warning when the older man went to speak; reaching a hand out behind him without looking. “It’s alright, Jay. My father and his lawyer are just here to speak with me about my shares in Westins,” he added to explain why they were there and adding softly to his scared friend. “C’mere, Jay.”

Jared had instantly recognized Jensen’s father and also had an instant moment of just wanting to curl up like he had felt earlier upon seeing Stuart Lawson but the warmness of Jensen’s voice when he spoke to him, the way his friend moved to put himself between them while holding out a hand to him did manage to relax the small knot in his stomach.

“I’m sorry. I should have waited to come out or…” he slipped his hand into Jensen’s and feeling a hundred percent better the moment those long fingers closed around his, stepping up but staying slightly behind his friend as he slowly made himself look at the senior Ackles. “Hello, Mr. Ackles,” he murmured quietly, feeling all of four years old again and meeting the man for the first time.

Gary had seen the drawings and the one painting his son had done of what he felt his friend would look like as an adult. He had simply put it off as Jensen’s way of still coping with a death that had never left him but now as he stared at this handsome young man he realized how eerily correct those pieces had been.

“Jared,” he finally managed to nod, seeing the caution in those big eyes and also the fear; a fear that seemed to lessen the moment Jensen stepped back a little to murmur something to him that only they could hear and he smiled a little while recalling two boys sharing secrets. “Jensen, if this is a bad time we can…”

“No, you’re here and I’d rather have this out of the way so I can focus tomorrow on packing those paintings up, making arrangements for the showing, if I choose to go and taking Mia to pick out her first Christmas tree,” Jensen saw his father’s surprise but was more attuned to the sharp intake of breath he heard from behind him and the feel of fingers gripping his tighter as Jared’s response to this news. “Jared, could you distract Mia for a bit more while I…never mind.”

The aforementioned child had gotten bored waiting for Jared to come back with her Daddy’s answer and since she actually knew the rule for pizza eating she decided to go see where everyone had gone. Peeking out, she gasped and then squealed as she ran to greet her grandfather.

“Grampa!” she slid across the hardwood floor, nearly falling if both Jared and her father hadn’t reached out to slow her down. “Hi! Pizza kisses?”

Gary smiled, starting to bend down like he normally would but hesitated to look at his boy to see him nod that it was alright and then bent down to hug the energetic happy girl. “Mmhm, your pizza kisses are the best I ever get,” he told her while reaching into his pocket to retrieve one of the grape lollipops he always made sure to keep on hand if he knew he might see his granddaughter as they were one of her favorite treats.

Unlike his daughter’s children who always seemed to expect money or small gifts when he visited, Mia never expected anything. It made her happy smile that much more special when he handed her a piece of candy or on the rare occasion that he could get Jensen to agree a small gift since it had been made clear early on that his son was determined his daughter not act like his sisters two kids.

Mia’s eyes lit at the lollipop but as she took it, a little frown crossed her face and she tossed a quick look over her shoulder before leaning closer to share a whisper with her Grandfather. “Grampa? I know I don’t ask often but…can I have another lollipop so I can give it to Jared?” she asked with big eyes that never failed to melt his heart. “Santa sent him to me and Daddy so Daddy would be happy and I think a grape lollipop would make Jared happy so…can I please? It’s not right if I have one and he doesn’t.”

“I…I think I might have another one and I think you’re very right,” Gary’s voice thickened a little as he reached to retrieve another sucker as a long forgotten memory came back of another child he’d stocked the grape flavored treats for. “Here you go, Mia,” he chuckled at her laugh, watching then as she spun to run back to toss her arms up into the air not to her father but to Jared.

Gary noticed it didn’t seem odd to Jensen that his child would so trustingly want picked up by a man she’d just met but what honestly amazed him was the way he watched Jared just reach down to lift Mia up into his arms without a beat of hesitation to support her protectively in the crook of his arm while his still worried face lightened into a smile at her smacking kiss to his face.

“Lollipop for you, Jared,” she told him while holding it out to him. “Grape’s the best. Even Daddy says so and Daddy hardly agrees on candy. I got two so we’d both have one.”

“Thank you, Mia,” Jared murmured, kissing her forehead while holding the lollipop tightly in the hand that he supported her back with. “I love grape lollipops too but we might have to start sharing with your daddy cause he used to swipe mine.”

“Once. Once I swiped it and you’re still not letting me live it down,” Jensen snorted, meeting and matching the soft smile his friend offered while rubbing his hand down Mia’s back and also Jared’s arm before brushing his other hand back through his friend’s hair to offer reassurance that all was fine. “There is one thing other than chocolate that you loved and I happen to know Ivy’s baking it in the kitchen,” he smiled as Jared eyed him curiously until the smell of gingerbread must have hit him. “Take the cookie monster in the kitchen for a bedtime snack while I handle this and if Ivy talks you into helping give Mia another bath, which she shouldn’t need, run for the hills or else you’ll end up changing clothes again.”

Jared seemed to hesitate about leaving his friend but as Mia’s head nuzzled against his neck and he and Jensen exchanged another glance he slowly nodded while bouncing the child to make her giggle. “Is little Mia a mermaid in the tub?” he teased her softly as he turned to head for the kitchen.

“No, she’s more like an octopus who is all over the place,” Jensen called over his shoulder, waiting until he heard Ivy’s voice before he turned to offer his father a slightly challenging look as if daring the man to say something against what he’d just witnessed. “Go ahead. Tell me what a threat he is to Mia. Tell me what a bad father I am for allowing such an influence near my child.”

In all honesty Gary had been concerned for bringing such a drastic change into the house with Mia but all it had taken was one look at his granddaughter, his favorite of all his grandchildren if he were honest, with Jared and he’d seen all he needed to.

“She adores him,” he told his son, going on at his cocked head. “I’ve never seen Mia run to anyone like that much less to be picked up so easily and held that way. Only you have ever done that. You said he loved her but I guess I had to see it, see him, with my own eyes to believe it.”

Jared, as he recalled, had always been a bright and open boy. This young man now was still as open and he suspected able to smile as brightly when he wasn’t worried or scared over losing what he’d gained back.

Now that the older man had seen them together, had seen Jared with his son and granddaughter, Gary would do everything in his power to give Jensen the freedom to have the family that he’s always deserved…like the one he had now.

“Let’s talk about these shares so you can get back to them before there’s no gingerbread left, son,” he declared and hoped it would be that simple.

“She’s going to be running around all night before the sugar high wears off,” Ivy sighed as she watched Mia take careful bites out of the gingerbread star she had finally agreed to taste only after Jared had polished off four of the cookies. “I’m also cutting you off too.”

Jared smiled as he ate the last of his cookie while Mia played on the floor as they waited for Jensen to join them. It had worried him as soon as he’d seen his friend’s father because he knew if Jensen had problems over him from anyone it would be his parents or his mother actually.

He didn’t know what his friend had gone into town earlier for and now was concerned at what Jensen might have done to warrant a visit from his father and a man in a suit.

“He’s a big boy and can take care of himself, sweetie,” Ivy told him as she cleaned up the kitchen for the night. “Jensen needs to look out for what is his and if that means knocking some things down to build them up again stronger than that’s what he’ll do. Don’t you worry about it,” she offered him another gingerbread cookie. “You have made such a difference in Jensen in such a short period of time, Jared. Usually I hardly see that boy this soon to Christmas and it’s just me and the little one puttering around. I could just hug you to pieces for that.”

“You’ll break his ribs if you do that and then that takes away from all the fun I have planned,” Jensen joked as he stepped into the kitchen carrying the one bag he brought home earlier.

“You better keep those thoughts clean in my kitchen, boy!” Ivy scolded with a motherly roll of her eyes, slapping the fingers that moved around her to get to Jared’s cookie. “Jensen! Stop stealing that boy’s cookie and get your own now!”

“More fun this way,” Jensen told her, avoiding the next slap to step up to meet Jared’s smile and accept the half of cookie he was offered. “He shares. My child doesn’t.”

“My cookie, Daddy,” Mia called back while guarding her treat. “Gingerbread is good!”

This made Jensen look to actually see the child was eating Gingerbread, a food that she had always refused to even try for him. “How’d you get her to taste it?” he asked curiously, sitting the bag on the counter to grab his own cookie. “She always refused to eat it for me.”

“I…uh…kinda bribed her,” Jared admitted sheepishly, looking away until two fingers curled under his chin to lift it back up to look into the curious face of his friend. “I sort of promised her that you and I would help her make an actual snowman sometime if she tasted a bite of my cookie and she did so…now you kinda have to help me make a snowman…sometime,” he flashed his best smile with full dimples. “Okay, Jen?”

“Uh-huh, I see,” Jensen ran a hand over his face before leaning closer to run his lips over Jared’s cheek. “Yeah, Jay. I’ll help you make Mia a snowman though I liked the snowpuppy you built for her today.”

It always made Jensen smile to see Jared smile just like it did when Mia smiled. “Maybe we’ll do that tomorrow sometime or on Christmas Day,” he reached for the bag to take out the box. “There’s something else we need to do tomorrow after I get those damn paintings shipped into the city.”

“You got them all done?” Jared knew his friend could once he put his mind to it. “Can…can I see them before you pack them or is that against the rules?”

“Ben can take his rules and shove them…” Jensen cut off from a sharp cough from Ivy, seeing his daughter’s head poke up at the sound of the bag. “Of course you can see them, Jay. After we get Mia settled in bed tonight we’ll go up so you can give me your opinion on these. We can talk up there anywhere.”

Jared waited until Mia wasn’t looking to stick his tongue out. “That was totally unintentional because I wasn’t thinking. I don’t know anything about art so I’ll try to keep my opinions to myself or…”

“No, I want your opinions. I want them because you know so much more than you give yourself credit for and because you know me better than nearly anyone,” Jensen remarked, giving him a smile while nudging his shoulder. “I like being told my art is awesome which is a lot better than what I normally get told.”

While Jared gaped at this, Jensen caught Mia’s drooping eyes to motion her over so he could lift her up. “Take a look at what I picked up today while in town, baby girl,” he opened the box to reveal a beautiful angel dressed in pink and whites with long curly honey blond hair holding two candles.

“Ohhh, pretty,” Mia whispered, reaching a finger out to lightly touch. “Is she a new doll?” she asked, knowing that normally she didn’t get new toys this close to Santa coming.

“No, she’s what people call a tree topper, for a Christmas tree,” Jensen explained to her and then waited for that to sink in.

Ivy had just been finishing putting away the dishes when she heard this, bobbling a dish in her haste to spin around to see if her boy was joking and felt her eyes pool with tears upon realizing he wasn’t.

It took Mia a little longer to understand and then she stared at the Angel to her father with widening eyes. “A Christmas tree?” she asked, glancing to Jared to see his small nod and then gasping. “We can have a Christmas tree this year for really real, Daddy?”

“Yes, my Mia. We can have a Christmas tree this year,” Jensen replied, voice husky as he watched her little face light up in joy and then Mia’s arms were wrapped around his neck tightly. “In fact, tomorrow after I pack up my paintings to go into the city you, Jared, and I will go into town to the tree lot and you can pick out the tree,” he told her while mentally crossing his fingers on the wiseness of that choice.

“We can have a tree!” Mia screamed happily, laughing as she kissed her father’s face before launching herself out of his arms at Jared who’d been expecting the move and easily caught her to receive the same treatment. “Jared, we’re getting a tree! I knew Daddy being happier would make him want to give Santa and the baby Jesus a pretty tree,” she exclaimed, swinging around to smile at Jensen. “I’ll pick out the best tree, Daddy but…we don’t have lights or…”

“I’ll take care of all that,” Ivy spoke up once she’d dried her eyes. “You’ll have all the correct tree trimmings in time to decorate that pretty tree you’ll find but you better let these boys tuck you in so you’ll have plenty of energy to go look for one.”

Mia didn’t always want to go to bed, especially on nights when she was excited but she also wanted to get to sleep so she could get up to go find their tree; squirming until Jared let her down. “Bed time, Daddy!” she took a hold of both her father and Jared’s fingers to pull them toward the door. “Gotta go to bed so we all have energy and…Daddy that means no keeping Jared awake with your snoring.”

“Shut up, Jay,” Jensen muttered after hearing the low snort. “I will drown you in snow the first chance I get.”

“No, you won’t,” Jared replied, bending to scoop Mia into his arms as they took her up to her bed. “Mia would protect me.”

“Yeah, I would protect you, Jared,” she cozied her head against his shoulder, eyes getting heavy again. “I’m sleepy, Daddy. Instead of reading, can you sing me a song?”

It had been a long time since his daughter had asked him to sing to her but Jensen smiled, sitting beside her near the top of the bed but reaching to keep Jared near. “Stay. I think you’ll recognize her favorite lullaby.”

Jared settled on Mia’s other side, handing her several stuffed toys she pointed to while Jensen settled back to sing in a low soft voice that took Jared back to when he’d been growing up and listening to his friend sing while he painted or when they were just hanging out or when Jared was upset and only a certain song seemed to calm him down.

As his listened to Jensen sing to the sleepy child it only took Jared a short time to realize the song that was being sung was the same song he used to sing to him so often.

By the time Jensen got to the second verse, Mia was sound asleep with one hand curled under her chin. “G’night, my Mia,” Jensen whispered as he brushed a kiss over her forehead while standing up to turn on her nightlight while Jared did the same before they met at the door.

“You still sing?” Jared asked, closing the door softly and leaning into the touch as Jensen’s hand curved around his neck to bring him in for kiss.

“Only to Mia, I’ll catch myself humming sometimes but I don’t sing as often as I used to,” Jensen admitted as they walked up to the third floor to his studio. “When she was a baby she had colic and would cry all night. One time I was just rocking her and began to sing the same song I used to sing for you. She quieted down almost instantly and that was her lullaby.

“These days she either wants me to read to her or sing. I wasn’t certain if you’d remember it or not,” he flipped the light on in the first studio, nodding to the paintings he had done earlier. “Go ahead and look at them while I start the fire but we’ll probably go into the other room since there’s a sofa in there.”

The four new paintings were set where they’d been as Jensen finished them earlier and as soon as he caught a glance of the first one Jared could see the difference. It wasn’t huge and perhaps no one would notice but he was able to see the splashes of faint color on each one.

But it was what else that Jared noticed that made him smile. He leaned a little closer to be certain but then chuckled, feeling the warm pressure of a hand on the small of his back. “Mia’s eyes,” he glanced over his shoulder to see the smile in Jensen’s eyes along with a sense of pride that Jared had noticed. “They’re just like little fairy eyes mixed in with the flowers. They’re great, Jen,” he grinned as he added. “Not as awesome as those other ones, but a lot better than these other ones.”

“I’ll take that,” Jensen knew he had time to crate the paintings in the morning before the truck was due, nodding to the other studio. “I had Ivy bring up cocoa and cookies so go sit down while I get that fire started. There are just some papers I need to show you and then we can relax or just go to bed, whatever you want.”

After the day he’d had so far Jared wasn’t quite ready to try to sleep but he also didn’t want to worry Jensen so he nodded, seeing the envelope from a lawyer sitting on the side table but took a mug of cocoa to merely watch as his friend knelt to start the kindling in the fireplace before lighting a match.

It had always amazed Jared about the easy grace his friend showed in everything he did including just kneeling in front of a fire in jeans, sneakers and a sweatshirt. The simple act also allowed Jared to now see the muscles moving along Jensen’s back as he tossed some wood on the fire to help heat the chilly room before standing to join him on the sofa.

Instead of sitting down to reach for the papers that must be important if they came from an attorney or so Jared assumed, Jensen’s fingers splayed in the center of his chest to gently ease him back all the way and then moved so his legs straddled Jared’s as he sat.

“Thank you for playing with Mia today,” he began with a soft kiss to the corner of Jared’s mouth. “Thank you for protecting her even though I know what seeing that asshole must have been like for you,” another kiss on the other side of his mouth but a little deeper this time. “Thank you for being with her as she slept and for playing with her all day while I took care of things in town.”

This kiss was a feathery touch over Jared’s mouth that he deepened only when he felt the younger man lean into it more. “Thank you for pointing out what should have been so obvious to me and for being here with me now as I try for my first real Christmas in sixteen years and…” Jensen’s teeth and tongue lightly played over Jared’s until both were beginning to feel the effect of the closeness and seeking more from each kiss. “…thank you for just being here, Jared. Love you,” he murmured into the next kiss that he allowed to heat and deepen until he felt still cautious fingers on his waist.

The huskiness in Jensen’s voice had never failed to make Jared tremble inside. Now was no different as he gave himself permission to let his fingers explore a little when they slipped under his friend’s sweatshirt to trace the rock hard muscles along Jensen’s stomach.

“I…love you too, Jen,” he whispered, still uneasy with admitting his feelings or touching. “You know I wouldn’t have let anything happen to her and I enjoyed playing in the snow with her,” Jared’s eyelashes lowered to hide his eyes as he smiled shyly. “I’ll also enjoy it when we can play in the snow too.”

“God, the first time I can get Ivy to take Mia shopping for a couple hours I am taking you up on that,” Jensen groaned, lightly running his lips along the hard line of Jared’s jaw while letting his friend get used to touching him.

He almost hated to put this on hold but did remember the damn papers he wanted to talk to Jared about. “You never asked what I was doing today or why Dad dropped by,” he fought down the groan when long innocent fingers brushed over his ribs in a way that immediately had another part of him taking notice. “You used to be a bit more curious.”

“I figured you’d tell me what you wanted me to know when you wanted me to know it,” Jared shrugged, his head falling back on the sofa when Jensen shifted more and he felt the slight bulge in his own jeans get tighter as the feel of his friend’s obvious erection pressing into him. “Ummm, wasn’t there something you wanted to talk about?” he managed to remember that at least.

“Yeah, there is,” Jensen muttered with a sigh, slowly sliding off to sit beside him but not before letting his fingers tease lightly over Jared with a teasing smile as his friend groaned softly. “I hope that never changes,” he licked over the younger man’s slightly parted lips before forcing himself to settle down or else those papers and all talk of serious matters would be shelved for later. “Dad came by because I told him today when I went by the store in town that I was offering him the chance to buy out my shares in Westins or I was selling them to the first person to offer fair market value.”

It took Jared several seconds to calm his body and thoughts down to be able to catch what Jensen was saying. The moment that sank in, when he figured out what he thought his friend had said his eyes shot back open to stare at him. “Wait. What? You want to sell your shares in the company your family has owned for generations?” he blinked at the simple nod. “Why? Jen, I don’t want you to do anything that you’ll regret later on or take away from Mia what…”

“My father knew I’d never take over the store like he wanted. I never wanted to be in retail even when I was younger and this just made him see that I was serious,” Jensen assured him, sitting back after taking the envelope from the side table. “I went to the store to make certain my mother knew to never send Lawson near what was mine again and to tell her that I knew the truth.”

“Jen, I don’t want to cause you more trouble with you Mom. She hated me then. She will never accept this or me being here with you and Mia but I’m sure she wouldn’t send him back around Mia again,” Jared sat up to turn to face his friend, face paling a little that the thoughts of what Laura Ackles could do to cause Jensen trouble. “Please, don’t do anything that will make her…”

A gentle kiss cut him off but he still felt his hands tremble until Jensen’s took them in his to hold. “I said I didn’t want Lawson around what was mine and that possessive pronoun includes you too, Jay,” he told him, hating the confusion he saw on Jared’s handsome but still too young and innocent face, going on to explain. “You’re mine if you choose to be, Jared.

“You and Mia are my family and this all just helped me come to the decision that I’ve been putting off. I’ll use the money from the sale of the shares to keep up afloat until I find a new gallery or manager elsewhere but by this time next year we, and I use that word with every hope that you’ll choose to stay with me, will be living as far away from here as we can get,” Jensen told him, watching the myriad of emotions that crossed Jared’s face and told Jensen everything he needed to know. “Do you want to be with us, Jay?”

“God, yes,” Jared responded instantly, turning his hands to grip his friend’s. “I can’t even think of not being with you and Mia, Jensen. I just…don’t know what to do or what I should do or…I’m…” he bit his lip until a thumb brushed over it. “I know you said I can be honest but…”

“Tell me, Jay,” Jensen urged, soothing him with a gentle touch of fingers brushing along the back of Jared’s neck. “What is it?”

“I’m scared of her,” Jared knew it sounded silly that he was an adult now but still the very thought of his friend’s mother scared him. “I know I shouldn’t be and I know she’s your mother but…”

Jensen had known his mother had always frightened Jared and now that he knew the truth he suspected that wouldn’t change anytime soon. That was another reason he was working hard to make certain his mother never came close to his friend or his daughter again.

“My mother is not going to hurt you or do anything to take you away from us. I’ll handle it,” he assured him gently, letting his fingers lightly ruffle the back of Jared’s hair because he knew it had once made him smile and he wanted to see that smile again. “She’s not happy with my choices and I figure she won’t be happy to learn that Dad did buy me out, for more than market value, but it’s not her damn business what I do, how I raise my daughter or who I love. Now, are we good with that issue so I can show you these papers?”

Nodding, Jared settled back again to listen to what else Jensen needed to talk about. “If I have to sign anything, am I legal to do that?” he’d never considered that before now. “Technically, I died so…I know you said Nic took care of things legally but…”

“You are a lot more into the little details than you used to be, Jay,” Jensen chuckled but was actually glad to see Jared paying attention to details that normally might not seem important. “True, a twelve year old Jared Padalecki died sixteen years ago but since Eric didn’t have any other close family Nic just changed a couple dates and got you a new social security number, etc so your name is the same and you can sign documents, like this one.”

A paper was held out to him and Jared had to blink to try to figure it out before rolling his eyes. “Just tell me what it is and where to sign?” he might be good at some things but fine print or big fancy words stumped him.

“That paper assures you legal and full guardianship of Mia in the event that anything happens to me,” Jensen replied, hurrying to add when he caught the brief look of fear that flashed over that face. “Not that it will but I’ve been paranoid ever since becoming a father so I had my lawyer make you her legal guardian,” he hesitated but felt he needed to tell Jared everything. “That also allows you to make decisions if I can’t, about both my care, my money and Mia’s care. It…will also allow you to adopt her without issues from anyone including her mother.”

“You…this…shouldn’t that go to your parents?” Jared was stunned that Jensen would trust him that much this soon since he was well aware that he’d only been alive technically for less than two days or so. “I mean, I love her so much and of course I’d take care of her but…Jen, I’m not…I mean, what am I?”

“Besides the man I love and have loved since before I was sixteen?” Jensen smiled, sitting the papers aside to show they weren’t a threat to Jared and there was no pressure. “You’re my best friend, Jay. You’re the only person besides Ivy, Holly or my friend Chris that I would ever allow to raise my daughter or have any say in her upbringing or my own health.

“I know this is a lot to take in when you’re still getting used to things and like I said the legal stuff is just me being a little OCD about those pesky details but if you don’t feel good about signing them yet then I understand and we’ll wait until you are ready,” he replied easily, starting to slip the papers back into the envelope when Jared’s hand stopped him.

Taking the papers back to read them himself, Jared struggled over some parts and had to have Jensen explain a few others but after about thirty minutes of going through them roughly he reached for the pen that was lying on the table. “Show me where to sign?” he asked, seeing the bright smile as Jensen pointed out each place that either needed his full name signed or just his initials.

Signing his name seemed odd to him so before he actually did it on the papers, Jared practiced the on the envelope to be certain he still remembered how.

“Jared Tristan Padalecki,” he murmured after he signed each place on all the various forms, beginning to shake as it hit him what he’d just signed and what it could mean. “Please, please don’t let anything happen to you, Jensen,” he urged quietly. “Mia and I need you too much to lose you, so please just…mmhm,” he leaned into the kiss that had found his mouth to stop the shaking words. “That’s getting to be a habit when you want to shut me up, Jen.”

“Yeah, but you’ve gotta admit it’s a habit we both like,” Jensen smiled, placing the papers back into the envelope so he could drop them off at the lawyer’s office tomorrow when they went tree shopping. “Nothing is going to happen to me but I’ve learned the hard way to not take chances and I want my daughter taken care of by someone I know loves her and will never let her forget how much she’s loved.

“True, some people may say I’m moving fast but the way I look at it, I have sixteen years to make up for and no matter what else I still feel like I grew up, in a way with you so there was no other choice for me to make in this area. Thank you for wanting her enough to sign those. Now, enough business, enough seriousness for the night,” he ran his hand slowly down Jared’s arm until their fingers met. “You still cold? We can…sit over in front of the fire for a while or just go down to bed, your choice.”

Jared was still a little tired but he wasn’t ready to try to sleep again and the idea of sitting by the fire with Jensen actually had a certain appeal. “We can sit by the fire,” he replied. “I am still a little cold but I think that’s just from what happened out there today. Plus I was never a huge fan of being cold.”

“I remember,” Jensen stood up to extend a hand. “You carry the cocoa and cookies over and I’ll build up the fire. Are you sure you want to build a snowman with Mia?” he worried about Jared’s system still being weak and that he might get sick. “I can get us out of that.”

“No, I enjoy being out with her, with you. Maybe just not as long as I was today,” Jared placed the mugs and plate of cookies off to the side before settling down on the soft fur rug and feeling the heat of the fire already warming him. “Do you have more painting to do?”

“Any painting I do now will be for us. I won’t paint anything for any other place until I get a better handle on things,” Jensen told him as he sat easily to stretch his legs out and lying back on his elbows. “But I wasn’t planning on doing any tonight no,” he admitted, moving his hand to place the box he’d picked up from his safety deposit box between them on the rug. “I figured tonight we’d just sit by the fire and talk or…kiss and fool around until you’re ready to tell me why you don’t want to sleep.”

Jared’s mouth had opened to reply when he shut it to give his friend a narrow look, remembering that it took a lot to fool Jensen. “What makes you think I don’t want to sleep?” he countered, eyeing the box curiously but resisting the urge to look inside it.

“Because you’re blinking your eyes like you always did when tired but fighting it,” Jensen shrugged, nudging the box closer to his friend. “Did you wake up with a nightmare today, Jay?” he asked, catching the way Jared’s lashes lowered. “Is that why you don’t want to sleep?”

“I woke up to the sound of his voice again and seeing those boots,” Jared sighed, chewing his lip before taking the box to shake it like a child on Christmas morning. “I think if Mia hadn’t been sleeping against me I probably would’ve thrown up and I’m afraid if I sleep I’ll…I’ll relive it,” he blinked at the feel of wetness on his lashes. “I don’t want to relive watching my folks die, Jensen.”

Jensen moved closer to lightly brush his knuckles along Jared’s cheek to wipe the few tears he found there away. “It’s going to probably be a long time before you stop reliving that and especially so long as we’re around here but I’m with you and I’ll always be with you when you need to talk about it,” he promised, nodding to the box. “You going to open that?”

“I was considering it,” Jared smiled, flipping the top up to feel his breath catch; his eyes shooting to Jensen’s. “You…you kept them?” he asked in a stunned voice, lifting a half a medallion and a braided bracelet while seeing the matching set still in the box along with what looked like a graduation ring. “You…”

“The staff at the hospital took them off of you when you got to the hospital and I made them give your stuff to me. I put both your half of the best friends medallion I gave you as well as the bracelets we shared along with my set of both and my school ring in that box at the bank because I couldn’t wear mine without hurting,” Jensen’s fingers touched the other set lightly while watching his friend lightly run the bracelet through his fingers as if remembering so much. “I wasn’t sure if you’d want them back or if you’d rather I just get you something else or…Jay!”

Jensen broke off with a laugh when he found himself flat on his back on the rug with Jared kissing him happily. “No, I don’t want anything else and yes, I do want these back,” Jared told him in between kisses, finally taking a break to slip the braided bracelet back onto his wrist while trying to hook the chain around his neck until Jensen sat up to do it for him. “Will you…I mean, would you ever consider wearing yours again?” he wondered.

“That’s why I got them out of the bank today,” Jensen told him, easily putting his own half of the medallion back on before sliding the bracelet on his opposite wrist but held out the ring to Jared; explaining at the confused look. “You can wear it on its own chain or with the medallion if you want or just carry it but…I’d like for you to accept it since from the moment I got it senior year I always knew it would just sit there since you weren’t here for me to give it to.”

Jared’s fingers shook a little as he took the high school ring to look at it before putting it on a finger on his right hand to see that while it was a little loose it fit and felt natural to him. “Y’know, giving a person your school ring usually meant we were going steady or something,” he mused, long lashes covering his eyes to shield whatever emotion might be there until a finger curled under his chin again to lift his head.

“Is it too soon for me to just flat out say I plan on doing a lot more than just going steady with you?” Jensen asked, smile teasing while putting his hand over Jared’s chest to lightly push until this time it was his friend with his back on the plush fur rug.

“Not really since I was kind of hoping you would,” Jared’s eyes were bright and relaxed now as he stared up into Jensen’s face, watching as it was lit by the flickering flames. “I think I’ve finally warmed up,” he admitted with a cough, finding it hard to focus at the feel of fingers slipping under his sweatshirt to just skim over his skin. “You seem to be able to warm me up whenever you touch me.”

“That’s always good to know,” Jensen let his body slowly settle over Jared so his friend could adjust to the closeness as well as the new feelings of being touched and touching back. “Warm enough to lose the shirt or for tonight would you be more comfortable with just touching me?”

Allowing Jared the time to get used to all the new things being physical brought out in both of them was vital to Jensen because he had sworn to himself to not go too far or too fast until he thought his friend understood more.

“I…I don’t know how to touch you to get the same responses you do from me, Jen,” Jared argued quietly, tongue running over his teeth as he watched Jensen pull his shirt off smoothly to finally go back to straddling Jared’s waist and placing one of the younger man’s hand on the flat of his stomach.

“Touch me how you want, Jay,” he invited huskily, the green on his eyes darkening slowly just from being this close and the innocent movement of his friend’s hesitant fingers over his stomach and up his chest. “I want you to get used to touching me because this, what we do, is about more than my pleasure or what I get from it. I want to know you enjoy it as well.”

“I do enjoy your kisses and when you touch me or smile at me or…” Jared gasped as the feel of Jensen’s weight settling as their chests touched and he was suddenly very much wishing he had removed his own shirt so he could feel more of his friend’s skin touching his. “Mom always said sex wasn’t very enjoyable and…you’re smirking at me, aren’t you?”

Jensen had bent to kiss Jared’s neck when he heard that and as much as he had adored and respected his friend’s mother that one just made him smile against the warm skin that still managed to have a faint smell of innocence that he’d always associated with Jared.

“Trust me, Jay. Sex, when we actually have it, will be enjoyable if you trust me to take care of you,” he murmured, knowing the younger man wasn’t really aware of when his hands trailed around to begin to slowly touch and familiarize themselves with his body; fighting back a low groan at the feel of one large hand slipping down to mold itself over Jensen’s denim covered ass. “God, I have to say this. I love the feel of your hands, Jay.”

Jared blushed but didn’t move his hand except to bring it back up to spread it over the small of his friend’s back to not only feel the warmth of his skin but to also bring their hips and legs that were beginning to get tangled closer to feel the heat and hardening erection pressing against his own.

“I want to feel you more, Jensen,” he whispered, meeting and matching the heated kisses that Jensen gave him as both men slowly began to lose themselves in each other until after a couple rolls on the rug Jared’s shirt had been tossed somewhere and the urge to throttle the maker of blue jeans with a button fly was now huge on Jensen’s bucket list.

While Jensen worked on Jared’s jeans, it hadn’t taken Jared any time at all to get his friend’s opened so his fingers could slip inside with a little more courage.

“Oh, we are so tossing these jeans and buying you new ones,” Jensen groaned, hips wanting to move into the touch of Jared’s fingers stroking him through briefs that were also beginning to become too tight. “Jay…” he had a very bad feeling that when Jared got used to touching and making love that his friend would very easily drive him nuts with his innocent touches.

“It didn’t take me this long to put them on,” Jared teased without thought to what he was doing or how his own hips were thrusting or wanting to thrust into the fingers brushing along his erection while unhooking each little closure until he was then gasping under the heat of Jensen’s mouth as soon as the jeans came undone to allow his hand to slip inside to find and return the favor of what Jared was doing to him.

“It won’t take me long to have you out of them now either,” Jensen’s voice had dropped to low and husky, wanting Jared’s jeans off when a sudden high pitched cry from the baby monitor set across the room had his head jerking up at the sound of his daughter’s sob. “Mia.”

“Daddy! Jared! Don’t let ‘em take me!” the little girl’s frightened voice sobbed over the tiny speaker. “Daddy!”

**TBC**


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one includes the usual mild language warning and also a slightly bigger one for an interesting shower scene.

**Chapter Eight**

“ ** _Daddy_**!”

The fear in Mia Ackles’ voice had both men’s thoughts instantly shifting from sex and each other to getting to her to see what was happening.

“Jay, I…” Jensen started to say when a hand covered his mouth.

“Go to her now, Jen,” Jared cut him off, pushing until he was sitting up to search for his shirt. “Go, I’ll catch up as soon as I find where you tossed my shirt or…okay, screw the shirt,” he decided as Mia’s shouts had turned to sobs but seemed quieter. “Jen, why isn’t she as loud?”

Jensen had just pulled his shirt on to zip his jeans but left his shirt and shoes off when he caught the change and suspected he knew why; a tiny burst of relief filling him that perhaps his inner terror of someone breaking into his home to kidnap his child wasn’t taking place.

“She’s on her way to us,” he told his friend, hurrying to the main door and the sounds of choked sobs could be heard getting closer. “Mia!” he called, dropping to his knees in the hall as soon as he caught sight of his daughter’s blond head appearing at the top of the third floor stairs.

“Daddy!” Mia sobbed, launching herself into her father’s arms; her whole body shaking as she sobbed and cried. “I don’ wanna go! You and Jared won’t let anyone take me, will you?” she asked, broken little voice muffled from where she’d buried it against Jensen’s neck.

“Baby, no one will ever take you away from us,” he promised the frightened little girl, easily standing with her in his arms to carry her back into the other studio room where Jared was just coming out the door, fear and worry filling his eyes until he saw Mia held in Jensen’s arms and then he just leaned in the door as relief washed over him.

“Is she alright?” he asked, going to step back to allow his friend to move past him when Mia’s head lifted at his voice and then so were her little arms.

“Yeah, I think she might have had a nightmare but if you’ll take her for a couple minutes I’ll run down to make sure everything’s still locked up and get a couple of her toys,” Jensen met Jared’s eyes to reassure him that it was alright to take the slowly calming down little girl. “Mia, can you stay with Jay while Daddy goes down to get your blanket and teddy bear?”

Instead of answering, Mia’s arms just reached for the other man to go easily into Jared’s arms to wrap one arm around his neck while the thumb of her free hand then popped into her mouth in a way that told Jensen how frightened his daughter was since he’d been trying to break her of that habit.

“Shhh, it’s okay, pumpkin,” Jared assured her softly, kissing her hair as he debated between the sofa and the rug, finally deciding on the rug since the fire would offer some warmth until Mia stopped shaking. “Your Daddy and I are right here with you. No one will hurt you.”

Not worried that his friend couldn’t handle Mia since Jensen knew if his daughter was still too scared to be without him then she would have said so.

He hurried down to double check all the windows and doors on the first floor, making certain the alarm was on even though he hardly ever used the damn thing that Chris and Ivy had both harped until he gave in and had it installed.

Confident that no one had gotten in, Jensen headed back to the second floor to meet Ivy on the steps and was reminded that he needed to tell Jared that the matronly little black woman did keep a shotgun in her room.

“What happened?” she demanded, not making any comment on his lack of a shirt or shoes since her biggest worry was for the child who was not in her bed. “I heard Mia scream and now she’s not in bed.”

“I think she had a bad dream, probably over what happened today, and is upstairs with Jay right now,” Jensen told her while grabbing Mia’s favorite blanket as well as her most loved two stuffed toys. “She’s alright, Ivy. I think I’ll just keep them upstairs for a little while longer and then Mia can sleep between us tonight.”

“Am I going to get to take a shot at someone before this gets settled?” Ivy asked curiously, not sounding too concerned that she might.

Jensen wished he could tell her no but in all honesty he wasn’t even certain that she might not even though he hoped his mother would take the hint to back off.

“Just don’t go shooting at the mailman again or else Seth might object and then he threatens to take your shotgun away,” Jensen kissed her cheek on his way back to the third floor after making a quick stop in the master bedroom to see that sometime today Ivy had found the time to move what clothes Jared had in here.

By the time he got back up to where he’d left Jared and Mia, Jensen stopped inside the first room to listen as he built that fire since he didn’t like the idea of being cold while packing the paintings up but when he realized that he couldn’t hear either his friend or daughter he quickly went to look in the other room.

Mia wasn’t prone to nightmares often but when she did have them it usually took a while to calm her down so it had worried Jensen that maybe Jared might not be able to soothe her until he got back but as he stepped into the room to look, a small smile curving his lips up Jensen realized he didn’t have anything to worry about.

Both were sound asleep on the rug in front of the fireplace. Jared had turned so his back was to the fire while he balled his sweatshirt up so Mia could use it as well as his arm for a pillow as she lay facing his chest with one fist curled under her chin and her other thumb hovering close to her mouth.

Crossing over silently, Jensen knelt down to carefully place Mia’s blanket where she could reach it in her sleep. He slipped her head onto a pillow to free Jared’s arm but wasn’t surprised when his friend’s arm just curled around Mia to bring her closer.

The times when they were younger allowed him to know how to shift Jared’s head just enough to lay it on a pillow instead of the awkward angle it was currently at, noticing that his friend’s face appeared calm as he slept and all Jensen could hope was that he could offer Jared those peaceful nights all the time once they moved away.

“Jen?” Jared mumbled sleepily, lashes fluttering as his tired eyes tried to open but only managed part way. “Mia?”

“Mia’s sleeping and so are you, Jay,” Jensen assured him softly, laying the soft blanket he’d brought from the bedroom over Jared to smile as he watched him move more into the blanket while making certain Mia was also covered with it. “You’re both safe with me and I’ll be right here.”

Jared shifted a little on the pillow until he was comfortable, fingers reaching out to search for his friend. “Sleep?” he asked through a yawn, already halfway back to sleep even before Jensen’s fingers stroked through his hair.

“I’ll sleep soon, Jay. Right now I just want to sit here with you and Mia and thank those Angels she always said talked to her for what I was given,” Jensen leaned over to brush his lips first over his daughter’s cheek and then along Jared’s lips. “Love you, Jared,” he whispered, sitting back to just watch when an urge hit him that he hadn’t felt since Mia was an infant.

Jensen’s love was painting and he normally didn’t paint from anything but whatever thoughts or emotions drove him but as he gazed at his sleeping friend and daughter he moved to find an empty canvas and soon was just painting.

It was daylight before Jared began to wake up to the sounds of hushed voices from the other room. He started to tense until he heard Jensen directing someone to be careful when they loaded those into the truck and figured sometime between the time he fell to sleep with Mia and now his friend had managed to pack up the paintings to be shipped to the galley without waking them up.

By the time all the grunting and sounds of things moving had gone silent and the sound of a truck driving off was heard Jared was fully awake. He had debated on moving until Mia’s arms wrapped around his and he hated to wake the child up so just laid there until he noticed a painting that wasn’t in the room the night before.

It took a couple minutes of moving cautiously before the young man could get up without waking Mia who just rolled until she was hugging his pillow and cuddled under the warm blanket with the small fire still burning which told Jared that Jensen must not have slept much last night.

Walking around to peek at the painting, he had to rub his eyes to wipe clear the wetness he could feel filling his eyes as he looked at the painting of a beautiful roaring fireplace covered in Christmas garland and lights, a massive brightly lit tree sat back in a corner but it was the near perfect image of himself and Mia sleeping on the rug in front of the fire that took Jared’s breath away.

“You are a master at this,” he spoke quietly, voice a little rough from just waking up and from the emotion he felt. “Mia looks so real it’s like I could touch her.”

Jared spoke without looking because he had quickly come to know that he almost always knew when his friend was close. A touch to the back of his neck as Jensen stepped up to him assured him that he was right even before he was greeted with a soft kiss.

“I paint what I love,” Jensen replied, going on as he took in the finished painting. “I don’t normally paint so lifelike since it takes a lot more emotion to invoke that ability but last night as I watched you and Mia sleep over there I just wanted to capture it as I saw it in my mind so I added a bit to the scene,” he grinned. “Artistic license I guess.”

“Artistic genius is my opinion but I don’t want you getting a big head so I’ll keep that to myself,” Jared grinned, ears attuned for any sounds that Mia might make to show that she was waking up. “We still tree shopping today?” he asked, shivering when he felt fingers slowly teasing their way up his still naked back which reminded him that he’d just allowed Mia to use his shirt for a pillow.

“As soon as she wakes up, gets a bath, Ivy makes breakfast and I shower away a night of painting and building the containers for the paintings I just sent to the galley,” Jensen nodded, leaning closer so he could lightly tease his lips over Jared’s collarbone, considering to himself what it would take to get his friend into the shower with him. “Just try to remember that we need to coax her away from trees taller than ten feet.”

Jared was about to ask what height they were shooting for when he lost the ability to form words the second his back touched the wall and hot lips closed over his chest. “God!” he groaned, fingers fisting just as a soft sound was heard. He grinned at Jensen’s soft oath “little girls don’t always have the best time it seems,” he joked with his voice a little ragged.

“Mine doesn’t,” Jensen agreed with mock exasperation, giving another deeper kiss before stepping away to watch his little girl wake up fully, feeling the touch of fingers in his. “She wakes up like you always did,” he nodded to how Mia’s fists were rubbing her eyes while she yawned before blinking owlishly to look around a little confused at first until her father’s voice had her flushed with sleep face lighting up.

“Hi, my Daddy!” she waved and then rolled off the rug to run the distance to her father and Jared but couldn’t seem to decide which man she wanted to latch onto first, finally settled on just wrapping an arm around each one as best as she could. “Hi, my Jared!”

“Hello, my Mia,” Jensen lifted her so she could give her morning greeting to both him and Jared, grinning as she ran her smooth fingers over his jaw before doing the same to Jared. “Scruffy?” he asked knowingly as he recalled that he’d skipped shaving the day before.

The child nodded, her little face turning serious. “Daddy, you and Jared need to shave before we go get our tree,” she informed them.

“That’s what I planned on doing while Ivy’s giving you a bath and helping you pick out something warm to wear,” Jensen informed her, letting her go to Jared with a chuckle as the young man caused Mia to laugh by jiggling her while he dampened the fire in both rooms so they’d go out on their own. “Honey, can you tell us what scared you last night?” he asked curiously, seeing the way Mia’s arms tightened around Jared’s neck.

“I dreamed you got hurt real bad and Grandma wanted to let people take me away from Jared,” Mia’s voice was soft like it got when she was still scared. “I didn’t want to go cause I didn’t want to leave you and Jared but I couldn’t get away. Daddy, you’re not going to leave me and Jared, are you?” she asked quietly, bottom lip trembling.

“No, baby girl, I’m not leaving either of you and no one will ever take you from me or from Jay,” Jensen assured her, content that the fireplaces were good and finally standing. “Let’s go see what Ivy made for breakfast today and then while you’re getting ready I’ll shave.”

Mia’s cheek rubbed against Jared’s until she giggled. “Jared needs to shave too!” she laughed but kissed his cheek again.

“Jared and I’ll shave while you’re getting ready then,” Jensen amended, sliding his hand down Jared’s back to wrap around his waist as they headed downstairs to the smell of bacon frying and waffles this morning. “I swear she never cooked like this before you got here,” he told his friend with a playful smile.

“Maybe I would’ve if you’d shown an interest in eating anything besides coffee and boxed donuts, mister!” Ivy Adams’s voice snapped from the kitchen where she already had Mia’s plate of bite sized waffles and syrup arranged by her chair with a spill proof cup of milk. “You boys eat up and then go take a razor to that scruff you both seem to have this morning while Mia and I do up the breakfast dishes and then go find her a nice warm outfit to wear to hunt down this elusive Christmas tree.”

Taking a piece of bacon off Jared’s plate, Jensen sat on the other side of his daughter to offer her a piece and was pleased that she seemed to want to try new foods…so long as it was something Jared ate. “While we’re gone can you have one of your sons come over to move the furniture around in the living room so we can just bring it in and put it up?” he asked, sipping his coffee and wincing at the amount of syrup his friend had just poured over his waffles. “Want some waffle with that syrup, Jay?” he asked curiously, thinking back to his friend’s fondness for maple syrup as a boy.

“Now you hush and let that boy eat,” Ivy scolded while handing him a plate of scrambled eggs and hash browns. “He needs to eat to help build some muscle on that body. Of course I won’t be the one dealing with two hyped on sugar people while in town so I can say that.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Jensen snorted but stood to go behind Mia to refill his coffee cup and bent low so only Jared could hear him. “I’m kidding, Jay,” he whispered, smoothing his fingers along his friend’s neck when he noticed that he’d slowed down eating and had to remind himself that in a lot of ways Jared was just as innocent and naïve as he had been at twelve. “You know I always kidded you about how much sugar you ate. It’s fine.”

Jared knew his friend had been kidding because it was something they’d always teased each other about but it also brought back some other memories. “Maybe I should lay off the sugar though. I’m not fat like I was and I don’t want to eat and get that…”

“You weren’t fat,” Jensen corrected, kneeling down and glad that Mia was distracted by eating and telling Ivy about the tree they were going to get. “Who called you fat?” he asked, knowing that a few bullies in school had but he had a hunch this was about more than bullies and silently wondered how in the hell he’d grown up as normal as he was with the mother he had. “Bring the waffles and coffee and come upstairs with me.”

“Huh?” Jared blinked as he was tugged up from the chair while Jensen leaned over to kiss Mia’s hair and tell her they were going to go shave while she finished eating. “Jensen? I don’t think Miss Ivy will like it if I…”

“My house and I say it’s okay to bring the food with us,” Jensen knew he had a limited time for what he needed to do, what he wanted to do what he could do before his cheerful but sometimes very impatient child was ready to go. “You can finish eating while I shower and shave.”

Jared took another bite of waffle as he followed Jensen upstairs, a little curious to his friend’s hurry until they stepped into the bedroom and both the plate and mug of coffee were whisked out of his hands a moment before he found himself with his back to the bathroom door and Jensen’s hands were pulling the sweatshirt over his head.

“Ivy can only keep Mia distracted for a little bit since she’s excited today so while this isn’t quite what I originally had planned for getting you up here while we shave and shower it’ll have to do,” Jensen turned his friend so Jared was facing the full mirror that hung in the bathroom. “Look and tell me what you see, Jared.”

It was still a little odd for Jared to look in a mirror at his own reflection and try to recall that the tall broad shouldered man with dark hair that brushed those shoulders and fell into hazel eyes that looked back was him instead of the short pudgy little boy he could remember being.

Jensen still looked the same to Jared. Only his friend was a little taller and his ruggedly handsome face had gotten more so in the younger man’s opinion. He suspected he knew what Jensen wanted to hear but it was a little hard to admit.

“Us,” he finally replied, lashes lowering to cover his eyes but lifted to watch Jensen’s fingers move slowly across his chest and up. “One day you’d gone to grab your jacket. I was waiting for you by the front door since it used to make me nervous to be in your house without you right with me.”

Jared watched the fingers move over his skin to lightly tease and trace the muscles along his lower abdomen as Jensen stepped up closer until he was pressed up close and the younger man could feel the definite interest his friend had to being this close even though he was keeping his touches light.

“Your Mom came through on her way out to a business lunch or something. She paused by the door to look at me and it wasn’t anything that I hadn’t heard before from kids in school since I knew I was fat but it was more the way she said that I was just too small, too fat to be a good friend to her son, that bugged me,” Jared’s voice dropped when his chin did but a firm palm cupped his jaw to lift it back up so their eyes could meet in the mirror.

“You were twelve, you hadn’t begun to grow or lose the baby fat like my Grandmother always said you would,” Jensen was fighting the urge to call his mother and tell her exactly what he thought of her right then but knew that wouldn’t help.

His friend had always been uneasy and self-conscious and Jensen knew it would probably take some time to remind Jared that he wasn’t that same little pre-teen boy any longer.

Of course he also knew it was often easier to show than tell his friend things. “You’re a grown man now, Jay,” he turned Jared until they were face to face. “You’re a tall, well-built, handsome man and if you wanted to give one a chance any female within 50 miles would be breaking their necks to look at you,” he reached around to turn the shower on so the heat and steam would build slowly. “I know you were shy in school but if you wanted to take the time to explore other things I’d…”

“No!” Jared’s eyes had widened at the thought of anyone but Jensen in his life. “I…I think I knew even before the crash, even before we kissed that I only wanted you but,” he had to also think what was best for his friend. “If you want to look more or at women then…”

“Jay, if I wanted a woman I already would have had one despite my mother’s blatant attempts to fix me up,” Jensen smirked, wrapping his fingers around the back of Jared’s neck to bring his mouth down for a slow kiss that he only allowed to deepen when he felt his friend make that move. “Now, I don’t want you to worry about what you eat, or how you used to look because even back then I loved you and I love you now,” he drew on the soft and full bottom lip with his teeth just lightly enough to hear the soft sounds he knew Jared still wasn’t aware that he was making. “If anything I say when I’m teasing you upsets you then you tell me and we’ll talk about it or I’ll stop.”

Right then all thoughts of what he was thinking earlier was far from his thoughts as Jared felt his body heating and hardening at the simple touches over his chest and back; totally oblivious to anything but Jensen’s touch and kisses when he finally realized his jeans were being removed with deft fingers.

“Jen?” he managed to get out between hot kisses that were melting his brain and making his long legs into jelly. “I…God, I love it when you kiss me there,” he bit his lip as Jensen’s mouth found the hollow of his throat to begin to gently suck until Jared was trembling. “Weren’t you going to take a shower before we go?”

“Yeah,” Jensen murmured, managing to keep his hand on Jared and adjust the shower so it was warm but not scalding before lifting his head to show the glint of suggestion in his green eyes. “We’re going to shower and shave.”

Realizing what was being suggested made Jared hard as his briefs went the way of his jeans leaving him naked and more than a little shy but then just watching Jensen easily peel his own shirt and jeans off left him speechless.

“Is it possible to do this kind of thing standing up?” he had to ask, fighting not to blush as the closeness of the small shower and almost not feeling the hot water as it beat against his back when Jensen stepped in with him to press him against the wall.

“Yeah it is but the first time I make love with you it won’t be in the shower and it’ll be when I have the time to give you the attention and focus you deserve,” Jensen smiled while taking a bar of soap and a washcloth in his hands. “This is taking care of a couple things at one time,” he leaned in to kiss Jared, feeling the tension slowly melting away. “We get to shower and I get to watch your face as I make you come with just a few touches. Then we’ll see about shaving and actually be dressed by the time Mia’s ready to go.”

“God!” Jared figured it wouldn’t be hard to make him come considering just the low husky voice of his friend when it was just them like this made him hard. Though he did still have one concern about what was happening between them. “How…how do I make you…” he blushed as he tried to use the same words his friend did but was soon gasping at the touch of slick soap and hands rubbing over his body.

Jensen knew what was being asked and he smiled softly at the blush he caught spreading over Jared’s cheeks. “Touch me like I’m touching you but its not important to me if I come now or not, Jay,” he wasn’t sure how to explain this. “I want you to get more used to being intimate with me, feeling my hands, my mouth on you so you’ll be more at ease when we do take the next step.

“You were shy before so I know it might take you a little bit before you’re more comfortable with touching me or…not,” he decided to rethink that opinion when, despite being unsure and a little nervous still, Jared’s long fingers were sliding down his chest to wrap tenderly around the length of his hardening cock. “You are still a fast learner.”

“When it suits me I guess,” Jared’s smile was buried against his friend’s throat as he got a little braver with how he touched Jensen and also in his kisses. “Of course you were always a good teacher.”

“Yeah, say that when I don’t have time to do everything I want to with you right now,” Jensen groaned, no longer interested in the soap and rag as he felt himself getting a lot closer to coming than he thought he would this soon. “Jay, I wanted you to enjoy just feeling and experiencing this side of things. You don’t have to…”

Jared’s fingers had finally found a rhythm that he could see his friend enjoyed by the change in Jensen’s darkening eyes. “I know I don’t have to do anything, Jensen. But I don’t want to be the only one getting something out of this,” he felt his own cock leaking steadily and hoped that was supposed to happen but refused to embarrass them both by asking. “What I feel when you touch me like this is…awesome doesn’t begin to cover it and…I want to hopefully one day be able to give you this same kind of pleasure back.”

“You already do, Jay,” Jensen whispered against his ear, pulling them out of the spray of the water for a moment while adjusting his grip to be able to stroke Jared’s cock from base to tip with skilled fingers that shook a little as Jared’s grasp seemed to copy his movements. “You give me pleasure just by allowing this between us,” he told him with a heated kiss.

It both amused and touched him as he watched Jared’s intense concentration as he moved his hand over Jensen’s fully hard, red and ready cock but seemed unaware of how his own hips were thrusting into Jensen’s hand.

Heated kisses, hard wet bodies moving against one another in the small shower and soon both men were coming hard and gasping, white streams of come shooting onto them before being washed down the drain.

Jared’s legs felt weak as he slowly came down from that high, feeling Jensen supporting him while slipping them back under the now lukewarm water to wash off and giving in to the warm arms that held him. “Will it feel like that when you…y’know…are inside me and…God,” he blushed burying his face into Jensen’s neck but looked back up at the low chuckle.

“It’ll be so much better and…” Jensen fingers lifted Jared’s chin up so he could see his face. “…you don’t have to be embarrassed by anything we do so long as you enjoy it and feel alright either letting me touch you or when you touch me back. Okay? Are you okay with this, Jared?” he asked with a little concern. “We can slow down until you’re comfortable.”

“I feel fine with what we’re doing, Jen. I just want to be able to do more cause when you touch me it’s like I either want to explode or jump out of my skin and…I don’t want to disappoint you if I’m no good at it,” Jared replied, surprised that he did feel more relaxed after what they just did and also surprised that he still responded to the softer kiss placed against his lips while shampoo poured into his long hair.

“You’re naturally responsive to touch and I promise to go slow until you’re ready so I don’t think we need to worry about you not being ‘good’ at sex,” Jensen smiled against his lips, licking over them lightly until Jared’s mouth opened in invitation. “Once we’ve done it and you see that it’s not like what I think you think it’s like then I’ll be worried about not pleasing you. I wish we had the time now but…” he smirked at the sound of running feet and a door slamming. “Mia’s now picking out her outfit so we need to look presentable at least or else Ivy’ll be slapping me senseless for being a bad influence on you.”

Jared laughed but took over washing his hair so Jensen could finish with his shower and start to shave. The faint smell of lavender and green apples from the shampoo had the taller man pausing a moment to let memory wash over him. “They still make this stuff?” he asked in a voice that shook as he remembered complaining to his mother about the smell of the shampoo she always bought him.

“Yeah, it got more popular since you used to complain about it,” Jensen finished his shower to grab a towel, wrapping it around his narrow waist but letting it slide a little lower while he reached for his razor. “We can grab something else while in town or…I’m sure Mia would let you use her bubblegum scented shampoo,” he added with his tongue in his cheek and a smirk as a hand came out of the shower to use a gesture that he knew Jared had learned from him years ago.

“This smells better than whatever the hell you’re using out there,” Jared pointed out, wrinkling his nose as he finished rinsing his hair and body of soap to accept the towel that appeared by his searching hand to step out to see his friend using a cordless razor over the faint stubble on his face. “What is that stuff?”

“Cedarwood pre shave lotion,” Jensen’s gaze moved from the mirror to the way the towel seemed to hang low on Jared’s hips and had to remind himself that he was on a time limit right then. “The aftershave is better.”

Jared ran another towel over his hair to help it dry when a hand touched his to make him look to see the hair dryer. “You have a pink flowered hair dryer, Jen?” he teased, yelping as fingers lightly pinched his side.

“Sometimes I dry Mia’s hair in here if she’d running late for school, wise guy,” Jensen ran a hand over his now smooth jaw to splash after shave on while turning to just watch Jared dry his hair quickly. “Ivy won’t let you out of this house with wet hair and since yours is longer than mine it would take longer to air dry so use that while I dress.

Turning so he could still see his friend as Jensen quickly dressed, Jared tested his still slightly damp hair before giving it another run over with the dryer before eyeing his own faintly stubbled jaw and the razor on the sink.

He could remember watching his father shave in the mornings and he’d seen Jensen when he first started to shave even when he didn’t have to so he had the basics down but it was understanding how many normal things that should have been easy would be a first for him.

“Can we talk about a different scent for this stuff?” he was not a fan of the pre shave smell but used it as directed, feeling Jensen close to him even before he saw him.

“I think I can find something you’ll like better,” Jensen laid Jared’s clothes on the vanity behind them before leaning against the sink to watch his friend use the razor with a careful hand. “I also have a regular razor if you’d prefer that and some shaving cream,” he smiled behind his hand as those eyes moved subtly to glance at him. “The electric one is faster but sometimes I still prefer the feel of using the shaving cream and the way the razor feels as it glides through the foam to take it off.”

As he spoke, Jensen’s fingers stroked along the now smooth side of Jared’s face as if demonstrating what he was saying; lips close to his ear as he whispered in more detail about the feel of the shaving cream covering his skin and what it would feel like when the hand razor scraped over it to leave it bare and smooth.

The words should’ve been innocent but Jared still knew enough to pick up the hidden meaning behind them and went from calm to full blown hard and wanting in the space of a heartbeat. “That is so not fair, Jen,” he groaned, feeling himself twitching under the towel and knew he’d need a moment alone to get calm again before even thinking of putting those clothes on. “I can’t get dressed and go out there right now,” he whimpered as his friend pressed against his back to kiss his neck.

“Yeah, I know that,” Jensen pushed the bathroom door back closed while taking the razor out of Jared’s tight grip to lightly nudge his friend back so he was leaning against the sink. “I didn’t plan it, Jay,” he flicked his eyes from Jared’s widening eyes as the need built with his innocent touches to down to the way the towel was now tented out by the building erection. “This is all new so your body is still getting used to the feelings and in a lot of ways you’re like a teenager filled with lust and need. You missed all of that so I feel it’s my sworn duty as your best friend to make sure you experience everything.”

“Umm, uh-huh,” Jared managed to get out, teeth gnawing on his bottom lip. “Thought we were in a hurry?” he gasped as a denim covered knee shifted to rub against the blatant outline of his cock through the towel even as he felt his hands being moved to grip the front of the sink. “Jen?”

“This won’t take long because you are so wonderfully responsive to me,” Jensen licked over bitten lips until the opened to his tongue, feeling the trembling go through his friend and also the way Jared’s hips arched forward more against his knee. “Trust me, Jay?”

Trusting Jensen wasn’t a problem for Jared. It was finding the ability to form words right then that was. He finally managed to nod, managing to return the soft kiss that still managed to sear his blood.

“Can you remember that day when you were twelve? When you started asking me all those interesting questions?” Jensen’s fingers traced down over Jared’s sides because he knew he’d also been susceptible to touch in certain places. “Like if you were gay, or how do guys kiss, much less have sex, or…and this was my favorite even though I thought I did a fine job at not letting on how hard it make me was when you asked me what a blowjob was?”

“God,” Jared moaned, knowing he would more than likely explode the second Jensen’s hand touched him but his eyes, that had fallen closed, snapped open when he felt the towel being pulled off his hips to feel something wet and hot just touch the head of his already red and leaking cock. “Jen?!”

“Shhh, relax and let me show you the answer to that last question, Jay,” Jensen’s smile was calm and soothing, as was the hand that he kept lightly rubbing over Jared’s quivering stomach muscles to calm him down. “Watch me, Jared.”

The fact that he was naked while Jensen was clothed was an odd turn on for the younger man but Jared’s lust blown hazel eyes grew bigger as he watched his friend drop gracefully to his knees in front of him to take him gently in his hand to give the weeping cock a stroke before running his thumb up the underside to cause another shudder from Jared but nothing like the sounds he made as he watched those soft plush hot lips open  to allow Jensen’s quick tongue to slip out and lick at the precome on the slit.

“You taste so good, baby boy,” he murmured, keeping his eyes locked on Jared to watch the way his eyes went darker to nearly black as he slowly drew the weeping cock fully into his mouth to begin a slow and sweet motion with his mouth and tongue along the shaft.

In his life, Jensen had done this a couple times in his wilder days but it hadn’t given him the same rush as tasting and feeling Jared like this now was.

The bittersweet and salty taste was mixed with something that was definitely Jared and with a groan of his own, Jensen knew he’d be changing jeans again but focused on pleasing his friend as Jared’s moans were mixed with other words but mostly Jensen’s name.

Jared had always been curious but he’d never expected to feel like this. He’d been hard and needy before but just watching the way Jensen’s head moved as he slid his closed lips along his cock, the feel of his tongue swirling along the underside to touch the vein sent a rush of electricity through Jared’s nerves that made him shake.

He struggled to not move his hips but when he felt long fingers sliding between his legs to begin to play with his balls, he lost the battle as his hips began to thrust gently against the mouth that was sucking him with more intent now and could feel a building need.

“Jen…” he groaned, managing to unclench the fingers of one hand from the sink to curl into his friend’s short dark blond hair. “Gonna…God…I’m gonna come. You need to…oh!”

Jensen’s green eyes were glittering a deep emerald as they held Jared’s in silent understanding, his other hand smoothing gently up hard muscles along Jared’s stomach before he shifted position so he could take him deeper; knowing what to expect as his tongue swirled one more time and felt the hard jerk a moment before Jared cried out his name and Jensen smiled as he swallowed the burst of come that filled his mouth.

“Oh my God,” Jared was gasping, sure he was passing out as his body went through its second orgasm of the morning and seeing white spots as his eyes nearly rolled back in his head as he came so hard but what made this one even more intense was the feel of Jensen’s mouth still suckling him to draw out the feelings coursing through his body until finally the young man felt his knees go weak.

Feeling Jared tremble as he came down from the climax, Jensen pulled off with a wet pop to quickly reach up to support his friend; lowering him slowly down until he was leaning against his chest. “Okay?” he asked after a couple seconds, slowly feeling the rapid breathing going back to normal under the hand he’d laid over Jared’s heart. “Jay?”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” Jared’s voice was hushed with emotion he hadn’t expected to feel over something as simple as a blowjob as he shifted so he could find his friend’s lips and stilled at the taste as they kissed deeply.

“That’s you,” Jensen smiled, carding his fingers back through Jared’s hair to hold him for another moment before they both seemed to know they needed to get ready. “Take your time dressing. I need to change my jeans it seems and then I can distract Mia with the ever present argument that she actually has to wear matching gloves and boots,” he climbed to his feet to help Jared stand, watching carefully until his friend was steady. “Jay? Are you alright?”

“Yeah, that was just…intense,” Jared assured him, smiling at the gentle touch to his face. “I love you.”

“I’ll remind you of that every time Mia gets sick and cranky and you start to wonder what you’ve gotten yourself into,” Jensen chuckled, brushing a final kiss over Jared’s cheek before leaving him to dress.

“Even a sick and cranky little girl will never make me doubt loving you or her, Jen,” Jared assured him as he dressed.

The jeans were heavier denim to handle the cold and snow of the upper New York winter and Jared was glad for the thermal undershirt that he slipped into before pulling the heavy soft sweater over top. “I guess I will have to figure out what other clothes and stuff I need,” he didn’t look forward to shopping, especially if it was in a Westins store but he knew he needed more clothes than just what Nic supplied.

“We can stop in town after we find a tree or just wait until we go back into New York so there are more stores to choose from,” Jensen was sitting on the bed tying his boots when he glanced up to take in the outfit and decided they’d wait. “Westins doesn’t have a lot in the style you need and I don’t think either of us want to go there anyway."

“Do I have a style?” Jared grinned but a little glad his friend had said that since he hadn’t been looking forward to going in there yet this soon.

“Westins basically has three styles of clothing for men. The business look, the rugged outdoors look and then the made up look that’s supposed to be for more general,” Jensen had always said that to his father and would say it now as he stood up to give the deep red sweater a tug and pull to arrange it a little better over his friend’s wide shoulders. “You’re a more casual style. Jeans, sweatshirts or t-shirts or stuff like that so maybe we’ll take Mia into New York a little early to shop,” he paused before adding casually. “Besides, you’ll need a tux for the showing.”

Jared grinned at the thought of taking Mia into a store this close to Christmas when that last comment hit him and he was turning to follow Jensen as he searched in the closet for a warmer jacket. “A tux, the showing?” he repeated, staring. “As in your showing at the gallery, you want me there?”

“Uh, duh,” Jensen had known this might be a little hard since his friend was still uneasy with things and would be wary about being seen with him in such a public place…especially with the odds of his mother and father being present as well. “Of course I want you there, Jared, if you want to go.”

“I do. I want to go and of course be there for you but…Jen, you know what people will say and what she’ll say and I’d hate for your moment to be ruined,” Jared’s fingers played with the strings of his boots nervously until hands cupped his face.

“These showings for Ben are never about me, Jay. It’s my art, my work, my time and sure some people will comment on how decent they are but mostly it’s just a time for Ben and my mother to get all the rich and snooty people into the gallery to buy other more expensive pieces from the ‘real’ artists that feel they’re too good to have showings,” Jensen remarked, hearing the slight bitterness in his voice and was a little surprised by it.

Though he was more surprised by the flash of heat he saw in Jared’s eyes. “You are a real artist, Jensen. Those paintings, while not as awesome as those other ones, are still more than ‘decent’ and if they don’t see that then they don’t deserve to have your work,” the younger man declared firmly, hating to have his friend doubt how talented he was or not be given the respect his work deserved.

“Maybe I should just hire you to be my manager,” Jensen laughed but didn’t deny how it made him feel to hear those words from someone he cared for. “Thank you for saying that and for believing in me,” he leaned down to share a final kiss even as they both could hear giggling and running feet. “There’s our Mia.”

“I’ve always believed in you, Jen,” Jared told him, standing to pull his jacket on as his friend opened the door to the running child who with a laugh made a beeline right for Jared who picked her up without hesitation. “Mia, why are you wearing two different colored boots?” he asked with a laugh as she rubbed her gloved hands over his cheeks as if checking to see if he shaved.

“Because she thinks I’m letting her out of the house like that,” Jensen grinned as he eyed his innocent faced daughter’s smile with a head shake. “Nope, let’s go pick out a match so we can go find that tree.”

Ivy appeared in the door with a wry smile on her face. “I’m afraid until these dry out you’ll have to take her as is,” she shook the dripping boots that would have matched the ones Mia had on. “She decided these two needed to have a bath so that’s what she has.”

“Mia,” Jensen groaned but knew he was lost when he turned to give her one of his rare paternal looks only to find two sets of identical sad faces watching him. “I am so outnumbered in this house,” he sighed before giving up and just accepting his fate. “Alright, it looks like we’re going tree hunting with Miss Little Mismatched Boots here.”

“Yay!” Mia squealed, hugging Jared tightly. “We’re going to get the best tree and the biggest!” she told him happily as he carried her downstairs to the garage.

“So long as it fits through the door and in the house, baby,” Jensen told her, accepting the thermos of hot chocolate and bag of cookies Ivy handed him while watching Jared hook the little girl into her booster seat correctly. “All set?” he asked after Jared got in the front seat and hooked his own seatbelt.

Two thumbs up gestures made Jensen laugh as he hit the button to open the garage door, backing out and beginning the drive into the village.

Listening to Mia’s attempt at singing a mix of various Christmas songs was interesting even as Jensen glanced over to see Jared’s fingers clenching and unclenching on his leg as they drove a piece of road that was mostly covered in trees and so the blacktop was still covered in snow.

Jensen’s own concerns over driving in bad weather were there but he reached over to take one of the restless hands to hold it in his own. “I’m a good driver, Jay. We’ll be alright,” he assured him quietly as Jared turned in the seat as much as the seatbelt would allow playing with the half of medallion that Jensen was wearing again.

“I know and I don’t know why I’m nervous now when I wasn’t the other day when we drove here but…” Jared looked at the road before forcing a breath out to calm himself. “This stretch just looks a little too much like where it happen, you know?”

“I know,” Jensen murmured, wishing he could do something to take his friend’s mind off of the darker memories but knew that only time could lessen those. “Just think of something else or tell me what you want for Christmas.”

Jared’s eyebrows lifted as if surprised to be asked that. “Jen, I have everything that I could ever want in just being with you and Mia,” he remarked. “I don’t need or want anything but that.”

“We’ll talk more about that later,” Jensen knew Jared had always been a little shy about admitting things he wanted even as a kid and so he would have to work on that.

“Daddy, Santa knows what to bring Jared,” Mia piped up from her seat, kicking her feet to giggle at her mismatched boots.

“Yeah and your Daddy would also like to know what to get him,” Jensen replied just to see her roll her eyes since in his child’s mind every gift was always delivered by a jolly fat man in a red suit.

Jared smiled as he looked out the window at the passing scenery to think how beautiful the snow on the trees looked and how cozy the old fashioned houses they passed looked. “A painting,” he spoke suddenly and without thinking, glancing over to see one brow lifted as his friend waited for him to continue. “I know it’s silly and it certainly doesn’t have to be for Christmas since that’s in a few days but just whenever the mood strikes you.”

“You want me to paint something for you?” Jensen had never actually been asked to do that but since it was for Jared he would certainly try. “Okay. What of?” he asked curiously as they upon the village. “I know nothing flowery or rocky or basic but…”

“I want you to paint whatever you feel like painting when the mood hits you,” Jared shrugged adding quietly as if unsure of his words. “Though if at all possible I’d like it to be something real like you painted last night or anything just so long as it’s something you want to paint and…”

“Jay, calm down,” Jensen squeezed the hand that he was still holding onto. “I’d love to paint something for you but that means no peeking when I start it,” he chuckled at the narrowed look that got him because he knew how curious his friend tended to be. “I promise it’ll be worth it.”

Jared turned his hand over so their palms met, settling down as he got his first good look at the town and only tensed once when he caught sight of Westins.

“Those memories will go away soon,” Jensen assured him softly, guessing another reason his friend was leery of the store and wishing he would forgot that brief time. “I’m sorry you have those or had to go through that. I wish I’d known sooner or…”

“They’re blurry but still there,” Jared admitted of the memories of his in between time as he thought of it now. “I know I should go into the store in New York at least once just to face the memories but…I don’t know if I can, Jen.”

As they approached the tree farm on the other side of town, Jensen slowed down to handle both the smaller road and also so he could bring the hand in his up to his mouth to press a kiss to the once again clenching fingers. “If and when you’re ready to go there then Mia and I will be with you, Jared. You will not face that alone because you will never be alone,” he promised, wincing as he took in the amount of cars and trying to remember the reason he was doing this.

“You’re not alone either, Jen,” Jared told him as if sensing his unease, taking a slow breath before turning to see Mia’s glowing face. “Ready to go find that tree, pumpkin?” he asked, smiling as her squeal of joy. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

“Hold onto to her when you get her out of that seat because she’ll run as soon as her feet hit the ground,” Jensen warned as he got out of his side to come around and help his friend get the excited child out of her booster seat. “Mia, you need to stay by Daddy and Jared while we’re here,” he told her seriously, meeting eyes so much like his own. “You can’t run off because this is a big place and we don’t want to lose you, alright?”

Mia reached up to take a good grip of Jared’s hand before doing the same with her father. “I won’t lose you or Jared, Daddy,” she promised him, taking in the huge lot with rows of trees. “Will we find a good tree here?” she asked with worry. “It has to be the perfect tree, Daddy.”

“We’ll do our best, baby girl,” Jensen smiled, eyeing Jared with a hopeful look. “I’m sure we’ll find one you like.”

An hour later or what seemed like a lifetime to Jensen, he was beginning to think his child had also picked up a few too many of his picky traits when nearly every good tree he or Jared pointed out to her didn’t fit in with Mia’s idea of the ‘perfect’ tree.

“This is going to take all night,” he muttered, slipping his gloves on while making sure Jared had his on and that Mia hadn’t taken hers off. “Remind me again why I gave into this idea?”

“Because it’s Christmas and she needs a real tree in the living room so on Christmas morning she can run down the steps to see what Santa brought her,” Jared remarked from where he was standing near Jensen but still able to keep an eye on where Mia was surveying more tree candidates. “Plus…” he paused to throw a look over his shoulder with half lowered lashes and a slow smile. “We can sit by the tree after she goes to bed and…talk.”

Lifting a curious brow, Jensen ran a gloved hand over his friend’s back. “Talking all you have in mind, Jay?” he teased, glancing up to check on his daughter only to frown. “Mia?”

Jared’s head snapped back to where he’d last seen the child only to feel a cold hand clutch his heart when she was no longer there. “Mia?” he called, taking a step forward to feel a hand on his shoulder. “I looked away for five seconds,” he whispered, panic building at all the rabid fears of what might have happened. “Jensen, I…”

“Daddy! Jared!” a singsong voice called from down another row of trees before a hot pink hat poked out as Mia waved in excitement. “I found it! I found our tree!”

“Stay right there, sweetie,” Jensen called, grabbing a hold of Jared’s arm when he felt him lean against a tree for support. “Jay? Take a breath and look at me,” he urged quietly, motioning his daughter over to him while waiting for Jared to open his eyes again. “She’s right here, Jay. Mia’s right here and she’s fine.”

It was the little touch on his hand that finally brought Jared out of it, kneeling down to touch the child as if needing to verify for himself that she was safe and sound. “I…I thought I lost her and I know what it feels like to be lost and scared and…”

“I wasn’t lost. I found our tree,” Mia smiled, taking his hand to pull him along behind her. “Look! See it! Isn’t it the prettiest tree ever, Daddy?”

“Huh,” Jensen coughed into his hand while shooting Jared a warning look not to snicker or encourage Mia as both men got close enough to see the perfect tree according to Mia. “Baby, are you sure this is the tree you want?” he asked in his best Dad voice that was somewhere between pleasing and needing to find a way out of this mess. “Maybe we should keep looking?”

Mia turned to face her father with big eyes while running back to hug her tree. “No, Daddy!” she objected, knowing this was the perfect tree for her family. “This is the tree we need. I love it. Don’t you, Daddy? Jared?” she asked, voice lowering at the thought that perhaps her Daddy wasn’t happy with her choice.

Jared was biting his lip to keep quiet as he waited for his friend to speak or say something as they took in the tree that had been so proudly chosen.

It wasn’t over four foot tall in Jared’s mind and seemed a little scraggly on one side while there were blatant missing branches in another spot.

The tree was probably the poorest and thinnest looking one on the tree farm and would never be chosen for anyone’s Christmas tree which as Jared stepped closer to look at it and Mia’s bright face he understood that it would be considered perfect by the innocent child who saw perfection so much differently than others might.

“Isn’t it pretty, Jared?” she asked him softly, knowing which one she already had on her side in this matter just by the way his eyes had softened. “I know it’s not big and full like the others Daddy looked at and it has a few spots where it didn’t grow right but if we take it home and put lights and pretty things on it, if we love it like it needs to be loved then those holes will be filled…just like you filled the holes in my family by coming and loving me and Daddy.”

That was hard logic to argue with and Jared was at a total loss at what to say since he didn’t want to overstep again. Rather than risk that or risk siding against Jensen again if the man really didn’t want this poor tree, Jared just knelt down to draw Mia into his arms to hug her.

“You and your Daddy filled the holes in my heart, little Mia,” he told her softly, closing his eyes against the sudden burning wetness he could feel filling them.

Jensen had been trying to come up with a way to convince his little girl that this was not a good choice for their tree when he heard what she said to his friend and he stood to just watch Mia and Jared in front of the poor scrawny thing and lost his heart to all three.

“So, have we found a tree, Jensen?” Mr. Brewster, the owner of the farm and not a day under ninety, asked as he approached with a saw; a twinkle in his eye as he must have seen the brief struggle Jensen had been having before finally giving in. “That little girl of yours picked a mighty fine tree,” he smiled at the dry look the young man gave him, glancing over to watch Jared with Mia before eyeing the boy he’d seen grow up. “Reminds me of another scrawny little sapling I had one year when you were ten that you let that little one who always followed you pick out.”

A flash of memory had Jensen suddenly wanting to slap himself as he recalled that year quite well because Jared had been six and so proud to pick out the tree for Jared’s family even though it ended up being put up in the barn at Jensen’s home because it had been too small and scrawny for a decent tree.

He remembered calming Jared down while the boy had sobbed that he loved the little tree and how happy his friend had been when Jensen’s grandmother had helped them set it up in the heated barn that the boys played in.

A glance over to meet Jared’s eyes that had pooled with unshed tears told him that his best friend also recalled that tree and was silently pleading with him to not make Mia cry like he had.

“Daddy?” Mia sniffled a little but allowed Jared to pick her up to see her Daddy talking to the older man who owned the tree. “Will he let us buy my tree?” she asked hopefully.

“Yes, my Mia. Mr. Brewster will let us buy your tree,” Jensen told her and then prepared for the leaping child and huge squeal he got as Mia went from Jared’s arms into her father’s to hug him.

“Oh! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you, Daddy!” she chanted happily, looking around to latch onto Jared. “Daddy said we can have the tree!”

He had used the brief time to wipe his eyes free of tears before joining them while the old man went about the business of carefully cutting the tiny tree down for them. “I see that,” he smiled at the happy little girl while meeting Jensen’s eyes over her head to mouth a silent ‘thank you’ that turned into a gasp when his friend’s hand reached out to pull him in close enough to kiss him fully and firmly without a care if anyone might see them.

“Thank you, Jay,” he murmured against his lips with a slow curve of his lips as Mia kissed them both on their faces. “Take her while I help Mr. Brewster wrap this perfect tree up and pay him.”

If the older man took notice of the actions behind him he kept it to himself as he lowered his saw to take the net to wrap the tree up for safe travel. “You finally look happy, Jensen,” he remarked as he tied the little tree up and named a price that was really too low for even this tree but he’d liked what he was seeing as he watched the little girl with her soft honey blond curls holding the hand of the taller young man as she looked up at him with the same love and adoration as she gave her father.

“I am happy, Sir,” Jensen admitted, taking his wallet out to pay. “We’re happy and that’s all I care about now.”

That was the truth and Jensen knew it as he and Jared secured the tree on the top of the SUV and got an excited Mia buckled back in to begin the trip back home. “There’s some mugs in the bag with the cookies if anyone can’t wait for that hot chocolate until we’re home,” Jensen commented lightly, hiding his smile since he knew he’d be getting two identical looks of surprise at even the suggestion of waiting. “Mia’s goes in her cup with the lid.”

“I’m not a baby, Daddy,” she sought to correct because one of her cousins had called her that for still drinking out of a sippy cup. “I can drink out of a big girl cup.”

“Of course you can but Daddy’s probably thinking that if he drives too badly you might spill your drink and burn yourself,” Jared told her calmly, ignoring the dark look the comment over Jensen’s driving earned him and knew he’d probably pay for that job later on that night when they were alone but it seemed to make sense to Mia because she took the sippy cup without further question.

“Good save but you seriously want to cast doubt on my driving right now, Jay?” Jensen asked softly, leaning over to take a drink out of Jared’s mug while holding his eyes.

Jared smiled, using the pad of his thumb to wipe a spot of chocolate off the corner of Jensen’s mouth. “Never,” he murmured, inclining his head to the wheel. “Will you teach me to drive sometime, Jensen?”

“Sure, when it’s summer and we’re far away from here in our new home I will,” Jensen agreed easily, taking another drink and going to hand the mug back as he just put the SUV into gear to pull off the lot when suddenly a shrill scream came from the back seat.

“Daddy!”

Jerking his head up at her cry, all Jensen saw was a flash of big angry black steel as the massive truck seemed to shoot from someplace headed right toward them and he had a very little space to move to try to avoid the truck as it aimed at the passenger side…and Jared and Mia.

**TBC**

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

The appearance of the big black truck that was clearly aimed at hitting them took Jensen Ackles off guard but as his little girl screamed for him and Jared made an instinctive move to twist in the seat as if to try to shield Mia, he felt an odd sense of warmth touch him and suddenly hit the gas to make the SUV shake a little but it gained traction in enough time that he was able to avoid the collision.

“Hold on!” he tightened his fingers on the wheel as hit the breaks to swerve them off to the side of the small driveway. Jensen glanced back to see that the damn black truck had slid a little to get stuck in a rut but would have plowed right into their side if he hadn’t gotten out of the way. “Jay, Mia, you both alright?” he asked quickly, hearing the rev of the truck but also hearing shouts and screams of people who had seen the near accident. “Jared, Honey?”

“Mia’s…Mia’s okay,” Jared finally spoke but his voice was tight and quiet while fighting the basic urge to curl up against the memories of hearing tires squealing and the smell of burning brakes. “I’m…I’m…”

Jensen quickly put the SUV in park, jerked off his seatbelt to look back into the wide tearful eyes of his daughter to see that aside from being frightened she wasn’t hurt but knew Jared was one step from slipping away into his memories and needed to stop that.

He quickly reached back to unbuckle Mia while doing the same with Jared’s belt to ease him back into the seat, eyes moving to see where the damn black truck and its driver were. “Mia? I want you to crawl up front to sit on Jared’s lap while Daddy does something real quick and then we’re making a stop to see Seth before going home, okay?” he asked but his child was already moving out of her seat, through the space between the front seats to curl into Jared’s lap with a sob.

“Jay? It’s alright. We didn’t get hit and I’m taking care of this,” he lifted his friend’s pale white face to see that Jared’s eyes were as wide as Mia’s but not as glassy as they just had been but he was starting to shake as his arms wrapped around the tiny girl. “Stay inside the car with Mia and do not get out. I’ll be right back.”

Jared was nearly numb as flashes of the night his family died rushed back to him but as Mia’s warmth settled against him, he slowly began to force himself to take deep breaths to settle back down and began to whisper assurances that he barely believed against her soft hair since her cap had fallen off.

Taking a look to be sure his family was safe for the moment, Jensen shut the door while hitting the locks to make sure no one could open them from the outside other than him and then his lips thinned as the driver of the truck got out to throw his cap into the snow while kicking at the stuck tire.

“You son of a bitch!” he snarled, crossing the distance between him and Stuart Lawson; rage and fury filling him. “You just don’t know when to back the hell off do you, Lawson?” he demanded as several people who had been in the lot got between them or else Jensen knew he would have hit the smug bastard.

“You better watch how you drive in this weather, Ackles,” Lawson sneered, spitting in the snow close to Jensen’s boot while glancing to the parked SUV. “Wouldn’t want anything to happen to you or else who knows what would happen to that pretty little girl of yours or…ugh!”

A fist got past the men trying to keep them apart to hit Lawson’s jaw as Jensen saw red at the unspoken but clear threat to those he loved. “Don’t you ever threaten my family again, Lawson,” he gritted, trying to ignore the tracks on the ground that told how close it had been that he hadn’t been able to move in time to avoid the hit that would have certainly killed his friend and daughter if not all three of them.

“Punk!” Lawson spat, struggling against the firm grip of the men separating him and Jensen. “Your reckless driving caused me to get stuck so I don’t know…”

“And here I have several witnesses that claim that Mr. Ackles had just put his vehicle in gear to drive off the lot when you came out of nowhere and were aimed with clear intent for the side of his SUV,” Sheriff Seth Weller spoke as he walked up with a pair of deputies in tow along with Mr. Brewster. “Appears as if you have quite the track record for reckless driving, Lawson,” he tipped his hat back to smile into the furious face of the no longer sneering man.

“I’ve gotten a look at your file and I see a pattern developing since you were thought to have been at the scene of a hit and run that cost a family their lives and now this one. I’d shut up because you open your trap to me and I’ll haul your ass in on back talking an officer in addition to reckless driving and maybe even operating that truck while under the influence,” Seth had already gotten the main story from the old man who owned the lot and he could see the hatred on Lawson’s face for Jensen so he had a fairly clear idea of what had just happened.

Motioning to his deputies, he nodded to the man. “Take him in until I can figure out what to charge him with and call a tow truck to get this thing off of Brewster’s land,” he ordered, motioning his friend back toward the SUV and hoping Lawson kept his mouth shut because the rage on Jensen’s face was still plain.

“I didn’t do anything!” Lawson shouted, swearing as he was cuffed and tossed a look back over his shoulder. “If I had meant to hit the faggot he’d be as dead as his so-called best friend!” he sneered as the deputies pushed and pulled him to the waiting cruiser. “Guess there’s always next time, pretty boy.”

“Don’t,” Seth had caught his friend before he could respond and blocked him. “Jensen, I can nail his ass on any number of charges and also since he just pretty plainly threatened you with that last zinger I can at least lock him up to cool down but you do anything stupid and that case gets hurt. Now, was anyone hurt?” he asked, concerned about that from the moment he arrived to see the tracks on the ground.

“No, just scared,” Jensen sighed, hitting the button on his keys to unlock the SUV to open the passenger door to lean in; keeping the Sheriff at a distance until he could reassure himself that his friend and child were safe. “Hey,” he murmured softly, shifting so his back was to the lot and any curious bystanders as he leaned in so his arm could slip around Jared to bring him and Mia against his side. “Okay?”

Mia was still rubbing her runny nose but she’d stopped crying as her head lay on Jared’s chest. “I wanna go home, Daddy,” she told him. “I don’t like that man.”

“Neither do we, honey,” Jensen replied, smoothing a hand down over her hair to her back while finally getting Jared to look at him and hating the look of shock and fear he saw there again. “Jay? Did you get hurt by the way you were twisted in the seat or anything?”

“No, or not seriously,” Jared felt the slight pull in his side. “I think I might’ve pulled a muscle but I was just trying to protect Mia, Jensen. I didn’t want her hurt if he hit us. I…” he took a shaky breath, feeling strong fingers gripping his neck as his voice dropped low so only his friend could hear him. “I saw it all in slow motion like I did the night it happened and…”

“Shhh, it’s okay, Jay,” Jensen soothed, rubbing his hand down his friend’s back while letting his lips brush lightly over his temple before doing the same to Mia’s soft curls. “We’re making one stop to drop these papers off and then we’re going home.”

Jared nodded but tensed when his friend when to take Mia away which also caused the little girl to whimper and cling to her friend. “I know it’s not legal but…can I hold her until we get home, Jen?” he asked quietly, feeling steadier so long as he had Mia in his arms.

“Yeah, you can hold her,” Jensen assured him, reaching into the backseat to take a soft blanket that he had learned to keep handy in case Mia ever forgot hers and draped it over them before closing the door to walk to the driver’s side. “I want that bastard kept away from my family, Seth,” he warned, having no doubts who had probably sent the man but really didn’t want to think too hard on that while he still had Mia and Jared to worry about. “He could have killed Jared and Mia today. I will not let anyone hurt them.”

Seth hadn’t gotten too close but had still seen the gentleness in which Jensen had spoken and also touched both Mia and Jared and knew how close to the surface his temper was at the thought of them being harmed. “I’m following you home and then I’ll have a car keeping an eye on things until this either gets straightened out or I can arrest someone for more than a day or so,” he declared, adding. “Jensen, just don’t go driving by yourself without calling me first.”

“I’m not living my life as a prisoner in my own house just because my mother disapproves of my choices and might be a little worried about the bad publicity I could unleash if I really wanted to,” Jensen replied, glancing over to take the hand Jared had moved toward him. “But for their sakes, I will be more careful and call you if I’m heading to town.”

“I’d rather you pack up and head for your pal’s in the Big Easy until whatever the hell this is blows over,” Seth muttered but waved a hand. “But I know you and you won’t so I’ll just have to see about keeping Lawson behind bars and trust Ivy and that damn shotgun to keep your house safe.”

Jensen nodded as he shut his door to put the key back in the ignition to start the car, flipping the heater on and also the radio to give some noise as he waited for Seth to get back in the Sheriff’s cruiser.

The stop at his lawyer’s to drop the papers off that Jared had signed the night before didn’t take long and then he drove straight home, pausing to wave to Seth who waited until the SUV was well down the drive to turn around to head back to the office.

“Is this all because of me, Jensen?” Jared’s voice was soft as he spoke while the SUV drove up to the house and into the garage. “Is it because I’m…alive?”

“No, it’s more because my mother doesn’t approve of me loving you and is still hung up on the fact that even if you weren’t here I still wouldn’t be the doting son and allowing her to pick and choose brainless socialites for me to date or let her send my daughter away to Europe,” Jensen assured him, shutting the engine off to turn to see the worry clear in hazel eyes that still could remind him of the boy his friend had once been.

“This is what she wants, Jay. She wants to scare you away but I swear to you that nothing bad is going to happen again,” he reached over to touch the side of Jared’s face to feel drying tears there. “I know what happened scared you and it brought it all back to you but no one will hurt you or Mia and I am not losing you so don’t start doubting that we’d be better off if you weren’t here. Now, I’m going to warn you that Ivy is going to be mothering the hell out of you and Mia the moment she thinks I’ve had enough time with you. That alright?” he asked, seeing the look of surprise on the younger man’s face.

“Should we tell her?” Jared didn’t want to worry the older woman as he started to open the door to step out with Mia cradled in his arms only to feel his breath catch as pain hit in his side. “Shit!” he hissed.

Jensen had already gotten out, hurrying around the car when he heard the low oath, worry plain as he jerked open the door to see the pain reflected there. But before he could comment the connecting door flew open.

“I will so take a shotgun to someone’s hide if my baby was hurt!” Ivy Adams exclaimed as she stepped into the garage to appraise the situation swiftly.

Jared was still pale, shaky and obviously in pain while Mia’s eyes were heavy as she opened them to look around with her thumb brushing her bottom lip.

“We got a tree, Miss Ivy,” the child told her but her small smile was dimmed as she laid her head back on Jared’s shoulder. “Then we almost got smashed but Daddy saved us and Jared protected me. The angels were there too but I was still scared.”

“Oh, I know you were, honey,” Ivy spoke to her calmly, stepping up to gaze into Jensen’s eyes as if to gauge how things were before nodding. “You give Mia to me now so I can get her out of these cold clothes and into some warm things,” she told Jared firmly, adding in her strict no nonsense motherly tone. “You go on up and get yourself changed while Jensen carries the tree into the living room before he comes up to see how bad you’re hurt.”

Ivy had been dealing with Jensen long enough that she knew how to work around his stubborn overprotective father side and so just used the same methods on Jared as she gently eased Mia out of his arms and into her own to take in the wet stain on the leg of his jeans, the broken mug on the floor and tossed around thermos to eye him more closely.

“Jared, did you spill that on you?” she asked, catching Jensen’s eye to motion him over. “Did you get burned or cut?”

He’d been close but now with Ivy’s questions, Jensen took a better look and placed a hand on Jared’s shoulder to keep him sitting in the seat while running two fingers over where the hot chocolate must have spilled when his friend dropped the mug in his attempt to shield Mia from the possible crash.

“Maybe, I wasn’t paying attention then since I was just trying to protect Mia,” Jared shrugged and then winced as he became a little more aware of the mild pain on his upper leg. “I was twisted in the seat so I think I pulled a muscle in my side or back but…I might have done something else since my leg is burning now,” he admitted, quickly adding. “But that can wait until Mia’s calm and I help Jen get the tree in the house and…”

“Oh, honey. You have certainly not been in this house long enough to know that Miss Ivy does not wait when someone might be hurt,” she turned to pass a more awake Mia to her father before taking a firm grasp of Jared’s arm to pull him upright, shaking her head about the mule headed boys in this house when he winced again. “Jensen, you handle getting your daughter changed into something warmer while I see how bad this one’s hurt and you stay out until I say different.”

The order wasn’t going to go over well since Jensen knew Jared was still on edge and had never responded well to being with someone he wasn’t at ease with fully but he also knew that when the older woman took on that tone that he’d have more luck arguing with one of Mia’s stuffed toys.

“Just watch him,” he urged her, holding Mia in the crook of his arm while carding his fingers back through his friend’s hair to feel the tension there. “Just let Ivy look and as soon as she’s down playing Mother Hen you can snuggle with Mia while I see about figuring out how to set this tree up so it doesn’t burn down the house,” he leaned in to brush a kiss along Jared’s lips. “It’s okay, Jay not everyone is like my mother.”

“Good Lord I should hope not,” Ivy snorted, giving the boy a chance to decide for himself if he’d trust her or if he’d rather have Jensen with him for this. “Just let me see if you’re burned or cut because I’d be the one treating those anyway since this one tends to faint whenever Mia scrapes her knee.”

“I got woozy once and it was my daughter’s knee all shredded and bloody,” Jensen argued with a huff, seeing a small grin curving Jared’s lips up. “Hey, smirk at me now but let’s see how you react the first time she falls this spring.”

“I’m not smirking at you over that. I’m smirking at you because you passed out the time your Dad was trying to teach me how to ride a bike. I fell and ripped both knees up pretty bad and you were out cold,” Jared reminded him, leaning into the hand that rubbed his shoulder. “I’ll be alright, Jen. Go take care of Mia.”

Mia’s eyes had been drifting but opened to offer a comforting little smile as she stretched over to give a little kiss to the side of her friend’s face. “Miss Ivy will make all the boo-boos go away, Jared,” she told him and then her smile brightened. “And then when she’s done, we can have cookies and milk as a reward for being brave.”

“What does your Daddy get for being brave?” Jared asked as he kissed the soft curls but still felt the warm touch of fingers inching under the back of his shirt.

“Her Daddy gets his treat tonight,” Jensen replied, wincing at the slap to the back of his head. “Ivy!”

“You two can quit that for now,” she scolded, motioning them both ahead of her. “The faster you get that child changed into something warm, the faster you can be back hovering over this one,” she told him.

Jensen waited until he thought the older woman wasn’t looking to roll his eyes. He was a little more at ease with leaving Jared when he noticed the younger man wasn’t shaking as badly as he had been.

Listening the sounds of Mia’s voice from down the hall as she tried to convince her father to let her keep her mismatched snow boots on, Jared carefully took off his jacket to hang it up in the closet again as Ivy stepped in with a battered First Aid kit to eye him critically.

“Shirts and jeans off so I can check for burns or cuts and then you can get dressed in something else,” she had already been complaining to Holly that Nic’s sense of fashion was out of date and the boy needed more clothes before Jensen got the bright idea to go shopping himself and as she knew it never turned out well when the boy shopped for anything.

Ivy loved Jensen and Mia and had even before she came to work for him after the little one was born but the boy had little habits that often had her wanting to slap him and one of those included how when he shopped for anything he usually ended up bringing home more than one item of whatever he was buying.

“Sweetie, I was married for thirty years and have three grown sons so believe me I’ve seen it all,” she smiled at Jared’s hesitance to undress in front of her, tapping her foot on the floor. “Whatever you’re worried about, Jared, you don’t have to be.”

Jared knew a piece of his unease was that it had always bothered him to undress in front of nearly everyone because his self-confidence was at rock bottom. Now it was still taking him time to adjust to not being that same chubby little boy but the scars still bothered him.

“You’ll let Jensen see you without a shirt on, and probably a lot less by the way he’s been grinning these past few mornings but you’re worried about letting an old woman like me see that body,” Ivy scoffed, placing the kit on the bed to reach up to pat his cheek.

“Jen and I’ve been best friends since I met him and I love him…” Jared blinked as what he said so easily came back as he watched the older woman’s face go soft. “I think this thing I have for honesty is going to get us in trouble on day,” he muttered but pulled his sweater and thermal off over his head. “You already knew that though, didn’t you?”

Ivy glanced over the scars from the accident that Jared had been left with but didn’t comment on those. She was more concerned with the blossoming bruises along his left side from where she figured he’d hit something in the SUV while twisting in the seat in his haste to protect Mia.

“Well, I’ll be making an ice pack for that bruise,” she eyed it while carefully moving two fingers along his side to check for any tenderness, satisfied when he only winced. “That’ll be sore a few days and you probably won’t be moving too sharply or playing very much.”

“I don’t think playing with Mia should hurt me,” Jared finally gave in to unsnap his jeans to slide them down his legs, hissing as the denim rubbed over the small burn on his thigh where the hot chocolate must have burned him a little.

“I was meaning with Mia’s father,” Ivy laughed and found the boy so cute as he blushed and tried to stammer a response to that. “Oh, I do so adore you, Jared!” she got him to sit down to apply the cooling salve to the burn that she was relieved wasn’t too bad as she knew it could very well have been. “You are so good for him.”

Jared squirmed a little at the salve but just gripped the quilt and tried to focus on something else. “He’s good for me, Miss Ivy,” he spoke softly, letting his fingers play with the braided bracelet he wore rather than watch as she dressed the burn.  “He was my best friend and like a brother to me back then and now…I know it’s only been a few days since I…came here but I can’t imagine not being with Jensen and Mia now,” he glanced up.

I don’t ever want to lose them but I also don’t want to cause Jensen trouble with his family over his relationship either.”

“Jared, you don’t ever worry about causing Jensen trouble. He’s grown man who can handle what comes and if anything you being here has finally given him the chance to make that last break he’s been wanting to,” Ivy told him while brushing his hair out of his face with a light touch. “He loves you and Jensen will fight to protect those he loves so you just concentrate on letting yourself be happy as you live this life to the fullest with the family you were meant to have.”

That’s the way it felt to him as well and despite his worry about Jensen’s mother and the things she might still do Jared did slowly try to put that out of his mind as he searched for a softer or looser pair of jeans to wear while Ivy packed up the kit.

“Miss Ivy?” he called to her after putting a new pair of jeans, this pair a little looser and not as stiff so they wouldn’t annoy the covered burn. “Thank you for accepting me here,” he told her and then hugged her. “Thank you for welcoming me.”

“Oh! Now you’re going to make me cry,” Ivy chided but returned the gesture tightly, already accepting this boy into her extended family. “Alright, you finish dressing. I have to go heat up those roast beef sandwiches and lay out cookies and milk,” she wiped lipstick off his cheek from where she kissed him.

Stepping into the hall it didn’t surprise Ivy to see Jensen pacing. “He’s a little bruised with a slight burn on his leg but aside from still being a little worried about causing you trouble with your Mother he’s doing fine,” she told him, laying a hand on Jensen’s arm. “Whatever you’re planning on doing, you know it’s going to have to be a clean break, don’t you?”

“I’ve always known that when I made this choice that my break from my family will be for good, Ivy,” Jensen replied calmly, understanding and accepting that. “I’ll miss my Father but ever since my grandmother passed away I haven’t been that close with anyone else so…I’ll handle it. I think the hardest thing on Mia will be leaving you but…I know I can’t ask you to move away from your family for us.”

Having Mia and Jared were important to Jensen but he’d be foolish to not admit how much he’d miss this feisty older woman that had been more mother to him and grandmother to his daughter than his own had been in years.

“And since when haven’t you and Mia been family to me, boy?” Ivy demanded with a snorted, rolling her eyes at the things this boy says at times. “Jensen Ackles, if you honestly thought I was letting you move that child anywhere without me coming along to care for all of you then you are very much mistaken and I should box your ears for even thinking it now go check on him while I…” she paused to shoot him a narrowed look. “Where is Mia?”

Running his tongue along his teeth, Jensen’s hand motioned to downstairs. “I figure planning a cookie raid,” he admitted since his little girl had been too quiet when she solemnly had told him that he could go get Jared while she went downstairs.

“I really should slap you, boy!” Ivy scolded, whirling to hurry downstairs before Mia could get the stool out, find the cookie jar and spoil her lunch.

Jensen grinned, knocked slightly even though it was technically his room but wouldn’t invade Jared’s privacy by not letting him know he was there.

“Hey,” Jared still looked a little pale as he opened the door while tugging a sweatshirt of deep blue over his head, revealing a good bit of skin as he did so but also the bruise on his side. “I think I’ve decided I want a size larger than what most of these are. I’m stuck.”

“So I see,” Jensen responded while fighting not to laugh as he reached to help but rather than pull the shirt down he just pulled it back up. “This is way too small and you’d never be comfortable in it,” he explained at the sour look he got. “How bad does that hurt, Jay?” he asked while going through the closet to check sizes until he finally found a sweatshirt in a moss green that would fit Jared without being too tight.

“Not too bad so long as I don’t take a deep breath or turn suddenly,” Jared shrugged, pulling the new shirt over his head and much happier with the feel of the soft material. “Ivy says I probably shouldn’t play with you for a few days,” he stuck his tongue in his cheek at his friend’s groan. “I’m not…sure I agree with that idea since I like playing with you, Jen.”

Jensen could have tossed Jared on the bed right then but restrained himself with the reminder that he had a tree still on the top of his car that needed to come into the house. “I’m sure we can come up with something to do that won’t hurt you until that bruise goes away some,” he had several ideas in mind but shook them aside or else he’d be in an ice cold shower. “First though I’m going to get the tree in the house while you grab Mia and keep her out of the cookies until after lunch and then maybe if you feel like it we can build her that snowman.”

“I’d like that,” Jared agreed, sighing against the warm lips that greeted him and knowing he’d never get tired of kissing Jensen. “I also like it when you kiss me.”

“Trust me when I say you’ll like what else we do too,” Jensen winked but deepened the kiss until he heard the soft sigh. “Jay, there is one thing before we go down?”

It never failed, even as a boy, to worry him when Jensen’s voice took on that deep seriousness tone. “What is it?” Jared asked, sitting on the edge of the bed to look up into the serious eyes of his friend. “Jen, is…is something wrong? Did I do something wrong?”

“No, no, God, no,” Jensen was quick to assure when he realized his tone had done more than worry Jared. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Jared. Nothing is wrong. It’s just…” he paused to take a breath, sitting beside his friend to remove a small key from his pocket to press it into Jared’s hand. “After the showing, when I make it plain that I’m not resigning even if Ben asks me to and that I plan on starting our life together you, me, Mia and more than likely Ivy, away from here, there may be some problems and a few fights. No, listen to me,”

He was quick to stop anything Jared could say. “Nothing that happens or that I choose to do will ever be your fault. I’ve been considering making the move but something always kept me here. Now I realize that I was just waiting for you to come home. I feel that it’s time to finally make the choices that I would have already made if I hadn’t lost you but it won’t be easy.

“I have money from my grandparents, from my shares of the store and now I’ll have what Dad’s paying to keep my shares in the family so that’s not a problem. I will always be able to provide for you and Mia but it’ll be stressful while I try to get established with another gallery somewhere and find a place to live wherever that is,” Jensen had to fight to keep his face straight as he watched the way Jared’s head turned to the side as he listened to him.

“Jen, I’d never worry about that. I know that you’d always look after Mia and I don’t care how stressful it gets or where we live so long as we’re together,” Jared told him, fingers moving over Jensen’s until they meshed. “You’re a great artist and any gallery would be lucky to have your paintings…if they’re the ones with life in them and not those washed out…sorry.”

Jensen laughed while shaking his head. “God, I love your honesty even if anyone else said that to me I’d probably hit them,” he kissed Jared’s lips but tapped the hand holding the key. “My mother and Ben have a lot of friends in the art scene so finding someone else might be hard though my friend Chris knows a few people that may still look at some pieces but until then, until Spring breaks and we can move in warm weather, I won’t say there may not still be some problems.

“I’ve had papers drawn up blocking my mother from coming close to the house, to Mia and you but she will still probably try so if at any time anything ever happens that scares you or our Mia I want you to take the path to the barn. Behind it is another building that the key in your hand unlocks. I want you to take her and stay there until I come for you guys and by then either Seth or Ivy will probably have shot someone,” Jensen was only slightly joking on the last part but he leaned closer to let his forehead lightly touch Jared’s. “I will always protect my family Jay, but if I’m not here or anything I wanted you to know where to go until Ivy can get Seth out here. Okay?”

Jared felt uneasy that his friend thought it possible to need that kind of precaution and while he knew he would never hide himself he would do what was needed to keep Mia safe and that was when something else Jensen said came back to him. “Our Mia?” he asked slowly, not certain he’d heard right until that smile that had caught his heart as a boy softened.

“Our Mia, Jay,” Jensen repeated, lips close to Jared’s ear to lightly nip at the earlobe with this teeth. “I knew from the moment I held her for the first time that I would share my daughter with no one if it couldn’t be you. Now that I have you again I want you to know that Mia is as much yours as she is mine because I know you love her as much as I do and that she will never grow up trying to earn love.”

“You never had to do anything to get my love, Jen. I loved you because of who you were and not what anyone wanted you to be,” Jared murmured, slipping his arms around Jensen to just hold him and felt the return gesture. “I do love Mia and I’ll love her and take care of her just like I will love you and help you take care of her,” he turned his face until his lips were moving over the side of Jensen’s neck. “I’ll take care of you too if I can.”

“We’ll take care of each other,” Jensen replied, feeling the warmth of Jared’s lips moving along his neck and knowing if they were going to get downstairs that he needed to stop but he was hesitant to since he was glad to see his friend getting a little braver in his actions.

Jared still felt uneasy and awkward in what to do but he had gotten better at reading his friend and knew Jensen liked to be kissed up under his ear and down toward the hollow of his throat.

The soft moan he heard made him happy that he was doing it right but it was Jared who moaned when fingers ran through his thick hair to touch his scalp, sending shivers down his spine and a spurt of lust through another part of his body. It also told Jared that he needed to slow down since this was not a good time to start something when they were expected downstairs. “Jen, I…God, I so want to feel you but…Mia and the tree and…”

“I know,” Jensen smoothed his fingers back through soft dark hair that he would never tire of touching before pulling back with a sigh of regret. “Let’s go grab the cookie monster before she finds her little butt in trouble with Ivy and after I set the tree in the stand so it can get back in shape while Ivy waters it then we’ll see about building that snowman.”

“Have I thanked you for letting Mia get that tree?” Jared had known it wasn’t the greatest tree compared to others on the lot but he’d fallen in love with the little one as much as Mia had. “I know it’s not perfect but…”

Jensen turned to slip Jared’s fingers through his as they stepped out of the bedroom to head down to where Mia could already be heard singing her favorite Christmas song of the week. “It doesn’t have to be perfect so long as it makes her and you happy, Jay,” he replied simply, adding as he tightened his fingers. “I remember the tree you picked out back then wasn’t much better and how good it looked once you decorated it.”

“I still hate that I missed so many years with you,” that would also take some time to adjust to and Jared knew there were other things he’d need to do as well as he began to live again. “Jen, I know this isn’t the right time but after we get settled and things calm down or I get brave enough to try…is there a way for me to catch up on everything I’ve missed?” he asked quietly.

“Like going back to school?” Jensen hadn’t considered that yet but he should’ve since it would be important to Jared to know things that he’d missed.

Jared had loved school in general because he had loved learning. It had been the people and bullies that had soured his experience so of course if he could Jensen would help him do whatever it took to catch up and even get his GED if that was what he wanted.

“Yeah, Jay. We can do something like that,” he assured him and enjoyed seeing the joy sparkle in Jared’s hazel eyes as they walked into the kitchen to be immediately greeted by a happy Mia. “There’s my Mia,” Jensen lifted her up to see the evidence of powdered sugar on her lips to know she’d gotten into the cookies. “Did you save any of those for us?”

“Miss Ivy says you and Jared can each have one cookie before lunch and then a few after our dinner because she says you need to keep your energy up for playing, Daddy,” Mia giggled because she thought that was funny even as her father coughed and Jared’s cheeks turned pink while Ivy barked out a laugh from the stove. “Are you bringing my tree in soon, Daddy?” she asked.

“I’m bringing it right now, baby,” Jensen lifted an eyebrow at Jared. “Can you take her or is your side hurting too badly?”

 Jared shook his head with a slight frown as he just reached out to take Mia who went into his arms eagerly. “I’m fine, Jen,” he assured him but did shift the girl so he could hold her on his unbruised side; an act that didn’t go unnoticed by either his friend or Ivy.

“Mia, you go into the living room and help Jay make sure the tree stand is where it needs to be,” Jensen instructed while pulling his gloves back on.

“Okay, Daddy,” the little girl had felt her friend tense when he shifted her to the other side and kissed his cheek. “Do you still have a boo-boo?” she asked as they walked into the living room to see the furniture had been rearranged to allow for a tree stand to go in front of the large front window.

“Just a couple small ones, pumpkin,” Jared didn’t want to scare Mia or make her afraid to touch him so he was careful when he knelt to place her on the floor to eye the stand, the distance from the window in comparison to the tree and deciding it only needed a small adjustment. “I’ll be fine.”

Mia had bent to mimic Jared’s stance to eye the stand seriously before cocking her head to look at him with a small smile. “I’ll tell you a secret to make boo-boos stop hurting,” she told him, leaning up to get close to his ear as if to tell him something special. “Daddy kisses make boo-boos better.”

“Do they?” Jared smiled at her, satisfied that the stand was in the right spot and patting the sofa so Mia would crawl up on it with him and be out of the way of any falling trees since he could hear by Jensen’s grumbling that the tree was giving him problems already.

“Yep!” she smiled at him, dimples and freckles showing. “When I fell and hurt my knees, once Daddy stopped breathing funny and Miss Ivy got me all cleaned up he kissed the boo-boos and they stopped hurting. So you get Daddy to kiss your boo-boos and they’ll get better too.”

“I’ll bring that up to him later,” Jared replied with a straight face, glancing up. “Need help?”

Jensen was keeping his mouth shut since he’d quickly decided that for a tree barely topping four feet it was possessed because it did not want to come into the house.

“No, I have it,” he replied, muttering under his breath as he got the base of the tree in the stand as Ivy carried in some water to begin to keep it wet until after Christmas. “Next year we’re getting a fake tree,” he decided as he slumped on the sofa beside Jared and scooped his giggling daughter into his arms. “A nice pink artificial tree.”

While Ivy could be heard making some comment about that choice Jared was laughing. “You’d get a pink tree?” he asked in amusement.

“Sure, so long as it came in pieces and I wasn’t responsible for watering it I’d get any color tree,” Jensen shrugged, noticing the glint in his friend’s eye and wondering if he’d come to regret that decision. “Did it look that squished earlier?” he wondered, cocking his head much like Mia did to look at the tree.

“Let it settle some, boy,” Ivy scolded mildly, moving around the smaller than she expected and very misshapen tree to fluff the branches some. “By tomorrow it’ll be ready for that pretty angel and the lights I brought over.”

Jensen hoped so, glancing to his side to see if Jared appeared to be in pain before making his next decision. “So, anyone want to build a snowman before we eat?”

Mia’s squeal of excitement was all the answer he received from that corner and Jared’s soft smile gave his answer so Jensen stood to extend his hand. “Snowman it is.”

It took several minutes to bundle Mia into her snow outfit that included her mismatched boots, hat, gloves and scarf this time while Ivy fussed and tsked that neither boy had warm enough coats or hats on to suit her.

“I am calling Holly to bring out better winter stuff for all of you,” she huffed while watching with a critical eye as Jared pulled a knitted hat on and Jensen wrapped a scarf around his neck and both young men had gloves on.

“I was going to handle that while we’re in New York,” Jensen replied, stepping back to avoid her mild slap to his shoulder.

“The last time I let you shop alone you bought Mia 46 pairs of pajamas, all the same style but in different colors,” she shot back with a roll of her eyes. “She’ll outgrow them before she goes through the colors.”

“Buying for a little girl is different than buying for boys. I didn’t know what color she’d like,” he argued but knew when to leave the conversation and stepped out into the yard to still see the faint outline of the snow puppy Jared had made for his daughter the day before. “Let’s make him by the snow puppy.”

As Mia laughed and dusted off her snow puppy, Jared worked to pack a small ball of snow that would be rolled to make the largest of the snowman’s body. “With everything that happened yesterday I never had a chance to thank you,” he commented after a moment when it was just him and Jensen.

“Thank me?” Jensen lifted his head from where he was working on the second part of the snowman, confusion plain on his face. “For what?”

“For keeping Moe after I…after it happened,” it was still hard for him to say that he’d died because then it brought back the other memories and fears of if he could still lose this new life. “Between you and my dog that was basically the only things I cared for other than my folks,” Jared kept his head down while he rolled the ball slowly. “I know keeping him must have been hard since your folks probably wouldn’t have wanted a mutt around.”

“I kept him at Grams house until I was old enough to be on my own and then where I went he went,” Jensen replied, leaving the second ball to join Jared by the first one, placing a gloved hand over his. “I have some pictures of him if you ever want to see them. He loved Mia, Jay. I know she wants a puppy sometime but back then I just couldn’t handle it right on top of losing Moe.”

Jared could hear the pain and love for his dog in Jensen’s voice; shifting back to sit on his heels to lean close so just their foreheads touched. “Thank you for caring for him and not letting anyone put him down.”

“Aside from your bracelet and the half of medallion, Moe was the only thing I insisted on getting because I knew he’d never last in a shelter and he was yours. I couldn’t let him go,” Jensen let their lips brush teasingly. “Even when the vet said it was time, that he was just too old, he hung on like he was waiting too but finally I just told him it was okay to go and one night after Mia was in bed he did and I cried for the first time since losing you.”

“We’ll get a puppy for Mia when it’s time, Jen,” Jared told him softly, catching the mouth that had been teasing his in a soft kiss before ducking away. “Snowman,” he reminded his friend.

“Spoilsport,” Jensen teased but went back to rolling the second ball to see that Mia had gathered several twigs for arms and figured his daughter was making a mutant snowman by the amount of twigs she had.

It took a half an hour to roll all three sections and then to assemble the snowman with twigs, some beads for the eyes, a carrot nose and an old scarf Mia had brought from the house.

“We’ll have to see if there’s a hat or something inside the house to keep its head warm,” Jensen remarked as he lifted Mia up so she could see her snowman up close, noticing her frown. “Don’t you like him, baby?”

“He’s lonely, Daddy,” she replied with her serious face, gazing between her Daddy and Jared. “Can you and Jared make him a friend so he’ll be happy like Jared makes you?”

“You have a very wonderful and caring heart, my little Mia,” Jensen nuzzled her cheek until she giggled and squirmed down to shoot her biggest and best sad face. “I swear she learned that look from you somehow,” he muttered as Jared smiled. “Alright, we’ll make your snowman a buddy but you’ve got to go tell Ivy she needs to find another scarf and carrot and eyes.”

“I will!” Mia scooted off toward the house to get the items while her father just shook his head dryly.

Jared slid his arms around his friend from behind to bring Jensen back against his chest as they both watched the little girl disappear into the house in search of items for her second snowman. “You’re a terrific father, Jen,” he told him. “Mia’s not only a beautiful little girl but she has a beautiful heart.”

“I always told Chris and my Dad that Mia got her loving heart from you somehow too because she sure as hell couldn’t have got it from my family,” Jensen sighed when he felt the arms tighten and knew without looking at that his friend would be frowning. “Look at my mother, Jay. She’s cold, mostly uncaring unless she’s in public and clearly vindictive. I often ask myself how in the hell did I manage to come out of that house and not be like her.”

“Your Dad was cool but I think it was your Grandmother who had a hand in you not ending up like your Mom or sister,” Jared’s lips kissed lightly to soothe before easing away to step slightly in front of Jensen to face him. “From day one of meeting me you never made me feel anything but like I was your friend. You made me feel wanted and liked and that it didn’t matter if I was short or chubby that you were still my friend.”

“Best friend,” Jensen corrected, reaching up to adjust the hat before it came off of Jared’s head and also allowing himself to make sure his friend’s face wasn’t getting too cold. “One more snowman then?”

Ivy stepped to the door to help Mia out with her bundle of two old hats, another scarf, a carrot and some black beads to see the second snowman had been built right next to the first, a smile playing on her face as Mia raced back to deliver her find while Ivy noticed that Jensen had arranged the second snowman’s twig like arm so that it was just touching the other.

After the hats were placed on both snowy heads and Mia laughed and kissed both of them before running off to begin to make snow angels next to the house, Jensen was clapping his gloved but still chilly hands to get some of the snow off when he started to turn to find his friend only to blink at the snowball that hit him dead center of his chest.

“Really?” he lifted his eyebrow at a smirking Jared. “Haven’t you played in the snow enough for today?”

Jared had really since he was starting to get cold and also noticed Mia’s cheeks were getting pink since the child kept taking off her scarf but the moment was just too good to pass up since when they’d been boys he’d always been getting hit with a snowball if Jensen had the opportunity.

“It was just a snowball,” he shrugged, only too aware of what the slow half smile and glint in Jensen’s eyes meant but instead of backing down as Jared knew he should’ve he merely smiled. “Isn’t that what you always used to say to me?”

“Huh,” Jensen ran his tongue over his teeth as he slowly bent to pick up a handful of snow that he slowly packed into a loose ball while never losing eye contact with his friend. “You seriously want to challenge me to a snowball fight, Jay?” he asked curiously, tossing the ball into the air before catching it to hurl it quickly at his already dodging friend. “Granted I might be out of practice but I still think I can take you down.”

“Unless you’ve lost a step since then,” Jared teased but then laughed as he was nailed dead center in his chest with a snowball. “Then again, I could be wrong and you’ve gotten faster.”

“Mia did learn how to throw from the master, Jay,” Jensen chuckled, ducking a wildly thrown snowball with a shake of his head. “My baby girl throws better than that and didn’t I teach you how to throw?”

Jared had glanced up to hear Mia laughing at them and knew he’d made a mistake even as he saw her eyes grow wide. “Shit!” he cursed and then grunted as he was taken down into a soft pile of snow. “Isn’t it against the Geneva Convention of snowball fighting to take down a man when he’s injured?” he asked with a gasping laugh, shaking snow out of his eyes to look into Jensen’s brilliant green eyes.

“Sure, if I’d tackled you it would be,” Jensen agreed, making sure to keep his weight on his arms as he balanced himself over Jared in the snow but let their legs tangle. “But you were distracted so I made sure to take you down easy so it didn’t hurt your side. Now, the smart thing for you to do is accept defeat or I’ll take a different route,” he commented, steadying himself as he felt Jared’s hands come up to touch his sides.

“I won’t surrender easily,” Jared came back with a just a bit more of his Texas drawl showing and Jensen’s smile widened.

“That’s what I was hoping you’d say,” he shifted his one leg so his knee slipped between Jared’s to just lightly move up until he felt his friend go still with a soft oath. “I don’t think I have to play as fair as what I used to since I happen to know more than a few of your weak spots, Jared.”

“God, if Mia wasn’t still out here…” Jared began when he was cut off by cold lips claiming his own in a kiss that slowly heated the blood of both men.

Being close to Jensen was usually enough to cause his blood to heat and for most thoughts these days to go south but right then Jared wasn’t quite ready to admit defeat and while his best friend knew all of his weak spots that also worked in the reverse as Jared slid his snow covered icy cold gloved hands up under Jensen’s jacket, past his sweatshirt to touch bare skin.

“Damn it, Jay!” Jensen gasped, moving on instinct to the cold hands and forgetting that he wasn’t playing with a boy smaller than him any longer and the three inches Jared had on him, in addition to the slight weight difference made it easy for his friend to counter their positions until Jensen was on the bottom with a very happy and grinning Jared leaning over him. “Hmm, well played, grasshopper,” he admitted, careful when he moved his own hands up to not touch the side that was bruised. “Now what?”

That was the question that stilled Jared because he honestly had no clue what do to and that concern caused a brief burst of panic until he felt himself being flipped again to see Jensen’s understanding eyes watching him. “I didn’t know what to do, Jen,” he whispered, air turning cold enough to see their breaths. “I knew what I thought I wanted to do but…I wasn’t…”

“I know, Jay,” Jensen murmured, brushing a kiss over his friend’s cold nose to realize how cold it was getting and also looking up to realize that Mia had left a trail of gloves, scarf and hat from the snow into the house which just proved to him that his child at least had the common sense to go in out of the cold. “Let’s go in, warm up, eat something and just relax while Mia plays,” he suggested, kissing Jared’s cheeks to see his friend’s smile returning but before he could do more a snowball that was packed a lot better than what his had been nailed him in the back of the head. “Hey!”

“Well, this is certainly an interesting scene to come upon in the front yard…”

**TBC**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

Jared tensed at the sudden unexpected male voice; Jensen merely dropped his head so his forehead touched Jared’s while muttering a few choice words before throwing a glare over his shoulder. “If I wasn’t so scared of your mother I’d kick your ass, Theo,” he growled, rolling off of Jared to climb to his feet and holding a hand out to help his friend up. “It’s alright, Jay. The asshole that just interrupted a perfectly good moment isn’t a threat. He’s Ivy’s son.”

Theo Adams-James smirked as he brushed snow out of his dark beard while eyeing Jensen with amusement, jerking a thumb back to the house. “Ma suggested I come out and use a hose of the two of you but when I reminded her that the water would freeze she said to throw something then,” he coughed behind his hand while taking a look at the new man that his mother and aunt had been talking about. “Guess I saw her point since you boys were putting off enough heat to melt those snowmen.”

“Shut up,” Jensen muttered, feeling Jared tensing and guessing it would be awhile before the younger man would be able to trust quickly. “Did you come by for anything in particular or just to ruin my snow fun?” he asked, nudging Jared toward the house while the medium built black man that was about ten years older than Jensen chuckled.

“I came by to clear a path to the barn so I could check on the food and water supply in there for Mia’s pony and because Ma said she had cookies baked,” Theo managed a good look at Jared before Jensen sent him a back off look as they stepped into the warmth of the house and the smell of food.

Jared kept his eyes down while slipping out of his jacket, gloves and hat. “I’ll go find Mia and see if Miss Ivy needs help,” he told Jensen quietly.

“He’s a quiet one,” Theo observed, leaning against the door to eye Jensen. “Is what Ma said true? Is that Mia’s Guardian Angel or should I just say is that the Angel that’s been looking over your shoulder on all those stunts that nearly ended you?”

“Yes, yes, and Jared’s been through hell so he’s a little worried about trusting strangers because he’s scared someone will try to take him away from us,” Jensen put the coats away before he got one of Ivy’s lectures. Turning to face the other man. “Are you really here to clean the path and check on Chuck or did you come here to check up on my friend, Theo?”

It had been a little of both but the older man knew better than to admit that since he could read the protective stance and tone in Jensen’s voice right then so he merely raised his hands in surrender while pulling his gloves back on. “I’ll go handle that path now. Just tell my Mom to have some cookies ready.”

“I didn’t hear you drive up. How’d you get here?” Jensen asked before the door closed.

“I felt like walking so I just took the path through the woods since I was over at Mom’s chopping wood anyway,” came the reply and the door closed.

Jensen rolled his eyes but it also reminded him that his home was open to approach from more than the main road if someone knew it but he refused to allow himself to get that paranoid.

He was heading for the kitchen when Ivy stepped out of the kitchen wiping her hands on her apron with a guilty look on her face. “I know I sent Theo out to cool you boys down but I never sent him out to play interrogator,” she promised with a cluck of her tongue. “I swear all three of my boys are nosy fools.”

“You tell them a guy shows up out of nowhere and I’ve let him move in with me and be around my daughter it’s bound to spark some concern since nearly everyone knows I’m as close to a recluse of you can get when it comes to being around people or letting strangers into my home,” Jensen shrugged, giving her a hug to assure her that he wasn’t upset. “So, where are my two favorite people?”

“In my kitchen trying to be helpful,” Ivy rolled her eyes. “I swear that boy is as sweet as all get out but he’s as clumsy as nobody’s business and then shoots you this look as if he’s afraid he’s in trouble for dropping something. Jensen?” she laid a hand on his arm. “You never talked about his life before.”

Jensen sighed, suspecting what the older woman was asking. “No, nothing like what you’re wondering,” he assured her, going on. “Mrs. Padalecki was strict at home and had rules but she adored Jared and never raised a hand to him. His Dad was always working. I’m afraid if he learned to be scared of dropping something or breaking anything it would have been at the hands of my own mother who had him so scared that he wouldn’t even take a sip of water from a glass at the house out of fear of dropping one of her precious crystal glasses.

“I’ll take care of it, Ivy,” he assured her, passing her to step into the kitchen to see that Mia was sitting by the fireplace in the kitchen drawing while Jared was setting the small table in the kitchen that wasn’t always used unless Ivy decided they needed to sit at a real table.

Jared’s cheeks were flushed pink from coming in from the cold into the warm house but the way he was chewing his lower lip told Jensen that his friend was trying to remember the correct way to set a table. It made his chest tighten to still see the boy inside the man as Jared carefully picked up each plate and glass to sit them down, wincing as a fork banged against a glass and looking up quickly to freeze as their eyes locked.

“You should have had Mia help you with this,” Jensen told him as he walked over, eyeing the near perfect looking table and also seeing how tight Jared was.

Ivy had come back in to begin to make up the roast beef sandwiches and dish up the pan fried fries she made so Jensen took that to mean he had a few minutes to do what he needed to.

“I think we need some sugar,” he decided, snatching Jared’s wrist to tug him into the pantry where Ivy kept all of the can and dry goods.

Jared stepped into the pantry to look for the sugar but when he went to reach for the bag he blinked as his back was pressed against the shelf and Jensen leaned up to cup his face gently. “Jen…mhm,” he sighed into the kiss, forgetting the sugar as his friend shifted his mouth to deepen the kiss.

“You don’t have to be afraid here, Jared,” Jensen murmured between gentle kisses along Jared’s lips, jaw and face. “If you drop something or you make a mistake you won’t be scolded or yelled at here,” he gave a soft teasing kiss to the side of his friend’s neck because he’d quickly learned that was one spot among many that Jared liked to have him kiss.

“This is not my parents’ house, Jay. It’s mine and you will not find one single piece of expensive crystal or matching glassware in it,” he smiled against the hollow of Jared’s throat as he felt the tension slowly draining away. “Mia sets the table or the counter and you’ll be lucky to have matching silverware and the plates never match. That’s the way she was brought up because I swore that I would never have that kind of perfection or attention to detail in my home.”

Using the hands that here still on Jared’s face to raise it up so he could see some of the worry had left the big hazel eyes, Jensen smiled. “Okay?”

“Yeah, I’m okay,” Jared assured him, relieved. “It feels weird to do normal things like set a table or be near people because…”

“Jay, you’re fine so stop worrying so much,” Jensen knew the younger man probably wasn’t even aware of how tight his arms held him and since he didn’t mind the embrace he kept quiet to just give them this moment of rare peace. “Are you still cold?” he asked after a bit when he felt the chill.

Jared shrugged, loosening his arms when he heard the noise pick up which was Ivy’s way of giving them a warning. “It seems to take me longer to warm up right now than it used to but I’m fine,” he assured him, sliding his eyes to the door. “Mia.”

“She thinks she’s quiet,” Jensen opened the pantry door to catch his daughter around the waist to pull her up into his arms but stayed close enough so that her other arm could reach for Jared. “Ready for some lunch my Mia?”

“Rather have cookies but Ivy says I can after I eat,” the child grinned, holding up her drawing. “See? I drew the snowmen,” she said proudly.

Jared smiled, kissing her cheek as he looked at the drawing that actually did look like the scene outside. “Well, she draws better than I ever could,” he glanced at Jensen. “She takes after you except she likes color.”

“Shut up, smartass,” Jensen smirked but winked to let his friend know he was kidding, hugging his daughter before setting her down. “This is great, Mia. We’ll hang it on the fridge,” he told her, taking Jared’s hand to feel it squeeze back. “She…really does draw well, doesn’t she?”

It had never once dawned on him that his daughter might actually take after him in some way or that she’d ever show any more interest in drawing than a normal child with a box of crayons but as he looked at the drawing again Jensen decided to maybe see about more crayons for Mia.

“Yep, she’s going to be like you, Jen,” Jared kissed his temple before taking the plate of sandwiches from Ivy to carry them to the table for her. “These look and smell great, Miss Ivy.”

“Jensen, you need to learn some manners from this one,” Ivy laughed and patted Jared’s cheek. “You all eat while I pack something up for that son of mine so when he’s done I can send him on his way and…” she paused to send the ringing telephone an evil look. “I want to cook that thing.”

Not paying attention the ringing phone, Jensen cut Mia’s food while nudging the plate of sandwiches toward Jared. “Let the machine pick it up. It’s probably no one,” he shrugged calmly until the machine did click on and he felt his good mood plummet at the same time as his temper spiked and Jared jerked at the hard and shrill voice of Laura Ackles.

“Jensen Ross Ackles! I am tiring of your childish behavior! Now answer this phone and speak with me in a civilized manner or you will regret it,” she huffed in annoyance. “Did you think just because your father and I don’t live in that little village that it wouldn’t get back to us that you were seen out in public with that…that person? That you were seen with your hands all over one another? You’re disgracing your name as well as being an embarrassment to your daughter, Jensen. I will speak to you once again about your decisions when you come for the showing but if you attempt to bring that thing with you he will not be allowed inside Ben’s gallery and you will be ruined in the art world so consider your career before you make any more foolish choices…”

The answering machine cut the rest of the message off but the damage had been done. Before Jensen could work the anger down enough to speak in a tone that was halfway close to reasonable Jared was already shoving away from the table.

“Jay!” he called, starting to stand up when a sniffle reached his ears. “Honey, it’s alright,” he was assuring even as Mia was crawling into his lap.

“Why was grandma so mean, Daddy?” she asked, fingers picking at his shirt and her eyes growing wide. “Daddy, does she want Jared to go away? Is that who she was talkin’ about? No! I don’t want Jared to go away!”

Before he could answer, Mia was jumping off his lap to run after Jared; the tears and fear plain in her choked little voice and Jensen rubbed a hand over his face while resisting the urge to pick up the phone to tell his mother exactly where she could go.

“Go after them,” Ivy told him, nodding to the door. “He’s skittish, Jensen. He’s scared for you and that won’t reassure him that she won’t do something to hurt your career so you better get your ass moving.”

Jensen knew that and he did hurry to the second floor since he already knew that was where Jared would head, not surprised to hear Mia’s voice trying to talk in between her sobs to beg her friend not to go away and that she would protect him from anything.

“Grandma doesn’t know you, Jared. She’s just being testy and mean but Daddy’ll fix it,” she clung to him as he sat on the floor at the foot of the bed to hold the sobbing little girl tight in his arms while Jared’s face was buried against her hair with shoulders shaking as he fought back his own emotions. “Please just give Daddy time to fix it. You can’t leave us! Daddy’s happy and smiling all the time and we’re gonna have Christmas and be a family and…”

“Mia,” Jared’s voice broke as he struggled to not lose what control he had to not frighten the little girl more than she was. “I don’t want to leave you or your Daddy but…I can’t let Jensen be hurt or lose anything if I stay and…”

“You’re not leaving,” Jensen spoke from the door, finally able to speak without his voice shaking as he watched the pair and felt his heart break a little at how easy they could be hurt with words.

“Jensen,” Jared looked up with tears in his eyes and on his face. “She will ruin you and I’m afraid she’ll try to take Mia from you if I stay and…”

Walking over, Jensen knelt down to curve his fingers along Jared’s neck while holding his eyes. “Listen to me, Jared Tristan Padalecki,” he spoke slowly, fighting to not grin at Mia’s small gasp and wide eyes.

“Daddy’s using full names. Daddy only uses full names when he’s being Daddy serious,” she whispered, wiping her nose on her hand while settling down now that her Daddy was there to make it better.

It had been a long time since he’d heard his full name spoken with the deep husky tone only Jensen could use and immediately he had Jared’s attention, leaning into the warm touch of fingers on his face as they wiped the tears away.

“My mother has not ruled my life in a long time, if she ever did, and she will not rule it now,” Jensen began, holding his friend’s eyes as he spoke to make certain they understood one another. “I knew she’d cause hassles and I knew she’d try to make it hard on us but I need you to listen to me, Jay. I need you to trust me like you used to when I say that I will not allow her to ruin this for us.

“I will not allow my mother to hurt you or scare you to the point where you think leaving us is what’s best because it’s not,” he moved closer so that he could put his arm around his friend, bringing him and Mia into his arms to hold. “I would never give in to her demands because it’s not who I am. I love you, I have you, I want you and I will keep you” he pressed his lips to Jared’s hair, feeling him shudder before shifting more into Jensen’s arms.

“No one is taking you or Mia from me and I will make that perfectly clear to them in a few days if not sooner,” Jensen promised, his final decision already made. “You and Mia are my family, Jay. You are who I want with me to live with, love, and raise a family with and anyone who doesn’t understand that can get the hell out of my life. Now, do you trust me to take care of this, Jay?” he asked while carding his fingers back through Jared’s hair as well as Mia’s in a way to finish soothing them both.

“Yes, but…” Jared started to say when a finger was laid against his lips.

“No buts, just tell me that you trust me to take care of this and you like I should’ve back then,” Jensen waited until he saw a nod before relaxing a bit more. “No more talk about leaving?”

Jared still worried but in reality he knew he had nowhere else to go and so nodded again, settling against his friend while feeling Mia doing the same in his arms. “Promise me you’ll never regret having me here?” that was one of his biggest fears and that one he dreaded facing the most.

“You’ve been my best friend since day one and you’re who I’ve loved for fourteen years if not longer so I will never regret having you again or loving you,” Jensen assured him, relieved to see his friend’s smile while feeling tiny fingers on his hand. “Okay now, my Mia?”

Mia yawned as she looked between her friend and her father. “Jared’s staying?” she asked hopefully, big eyes lock on Jared who brought her up closer to him.

“Yeah, pumpkin, I’m not leaving,” Jared promised, kissing her cheek and holding her tighter as she hugged and kissed them both with happy kisses. “I’m sorry I upset you. I still get worried.”

“That’s why Daddy worries about things,” Mia told him with both hands on his face as if telling him some sage piece of advice. “Daddy worries and takes care of everything cause he’s Daddy.”

“And he’s a very good Daddy,” Jared told her softly, meeting his friend’s eyes with love. “Love you,” he whispered.

Jensen returned the look simply with silent promise of more when they were alone before finally coughing. “So, who wants to eat now?” he asked then chuckled as Mia’s hand shot up. “That’s my girl.”

As they returned to the kitchen, Ivy hadn’t cleared anything off and was just shooing her own son out the back door with a bag as she tossed a sour look to the phone on the counter. “You better take that before I boil it,” she told Jensen sourly, easily nudging Jared and Mia back to the table. “It’s the jackass in New York who thinks he knows about art.”

“I like that description,” Jared’s smile was still shaky but there as Jensen kissed him.

“She got it after hearing Chris’s description of Ben a couple years ago,” he told him, eyeing the phone before picking it up with a sigh to click the line off hold. “Yeah?” was all the greeting he’d give, reaching over Jared’s shoulder to pick up a fry from his plate.

The art gallery owner voice was grating on his nerves since their last call and Jensen knew his nerves were still on edge from his mother’s earlier call so as he listened to him now it wasn’t long before he felt his eyes close and he had to do some mental counting to control his temper.

“What? What the hell is wrong with them?” he finally demanded sharply, starting to turn away to take the call in the other room only to feel Jared’s hand begin to slowly rub across his back. “Did the delivery men do something to damage…” he ran his fingers through his short hair while blowing out a breath. “?Ben, it’s three days until Christmas Eve, which means three days until the showing. I wasn’t planning on coming into the city until at least the morning of because I have plans with my family…” he clamped down tight on what he wanted to say to the comment he heard.

“If you don’t want me to tell you and my mother where you can both go or shove one of my paintings in a place that would be very painful for you I’d reconsider what you almost just said, Ben,” he growled in a low voice, the charm and gentleness vanishing swiftly; a rare scowl forming on his handsome face. “Fine! I’ll be there before the gallery closes tonight but you’d better hope there is some major damage to those pieces or else there will be major damage done…to you!”

The phone clicked off with a muttered curse. “Shit!” Jensen hissed, frustrated already and this unexpected trip to New York was not making him happy for obvious reasons.

“Shit!” came the happy repeat from down the table where Mia was dunking French fries into ketchup.

“What I tell you about watching that mouth when she’s in the room?” Ivy scolded, wiping the counter. “What did he want?”

Jensen sat down beside Jared who had leaned over to correct Mia in copying her father but his fingers hadn’t left contact with his back the entire time. “Ben says there’s something wrong with the shipment that needs my immediate attention,” he scowled, accepting the half of sandwich he was offered.

“Aside from having no color, no life and no depth?” Jared offered with a helpful smile as well as another French fry.

“Maybe I shouldn’t let you come to the showing after all,” Jensen retorted, taking the fry in his mouth as his friend smirked.

“That’s what I told you to start with, Jen,” Jared knew if he went to that gallery it would be a mistake, especially now. “I’ll just stay here and get the house ready for Santa.”

“Uhh, no,” Jensen replied, snatching another fry to see that Mia was actually eating more than just her fries for once. “I want you with me at the showing, Jay,” he started to lean closer only to pause at a stern cough from Ivy and settled with using his thumb to wipe away the stray drop of gravy he’d been going to clear off his friend’s face in another way. “I am not afraid or ashamed of who I am or who I love and it would mean a lot to have you there.”

That was hard to counter especially since Jared had learned his sad eyed look from his best friend and knew Jensen was a master at using it to his full advantage…like he was now.

“That is so low, Jensen,” he muttered, feeling the hand that was firm on his thigh under the table and out of sight. “I…don’t have a suit to wear or anything good enough or fancy enough or…”

“Come in the morning of and we’ll go shopping,” Jensen smiled at his narrowed look, taking a quick look to be sure Mia was eating and that Ivy wasn’t looking to slide his hand up a little farther to stop when his fingers were close enough to tease. “It won’t be for long because I plan on Mia spending Christmas Eve here at home with us so I’ll make an appearance just so I was there and then we’ll leave but it’s important to me to have my family with me.”

Ivy walked by to place a plate of cookies on the table and gave a not so light slap to the back of his head. “Leave that poor boy alone to eat while you get something together to take with you,” she told him firmly, well aware of what was happening under the table. “I’m coming to this art thing so I’ll make sure he and Mia are there on time and in appropriate clothes. You just keep your temper and call tonight after you get this settled.”

“I’ll call anyway,” Jensen assured her, meeting and holding Jared’s gaze. “Will you be alright here?” he asked, concerned since he wasn’t certain how his friend would handle being alone or as alone as one could be with Mia and Ivy in the house.

“It’ll be a little odd but I have to learn how to be a little more independent since you won’t always be close to me, Jen. I’ll be alright and it’s not for that long,” Jared replied, moving his hand to grip the one near him on the table. “I’ll take care of Mia just like you would. I’ll make you proud.”

“You already have,” Jensen told him softly, shifting his hand so their palms met and then looked over to get his child’s attention. “Mia-Lia? Daddy has to go into the city to fix something so you’ll be with Jared and Ivy, alright?”

Her brilliant green eyes looked up with a smile, scooting off her chair to climb into Jared’s lap while looking at her father. “Don’t worry, Daddy. I promise to take care of Jared while you’re gone and make him feel safe. I’ll make you proud,” she replied earnestly.

“You and Jared have both made me proud, baby,” he told her with a smile, ruffling her soft hair before snatching another fry. “I’ll call tonight and probably every twenty minutes in the meantime since I really don’t like going away from you guys.”

“Jen, it’ll be fine,” Jared assured him, moving his plate away from searching fingers. “Eat your own.”

“No time and I like stealing yours,” Jensen told him with a quick kiss to the lips before grudgingly going up to toss a change of clothes into a bag and calling into town to let Seth know what was happening.

Jared was waiting by the steps as he came back down the steps and Jensen could still read the slight edge of nervousness despite the younger man’s quiet smile.

“You and Mia could come with me now, y’know,” he remarked, making sure he had everything he needed while pulling something out of a drawer in a side table by the front door. “I’ll fix whatever is wrong and then we can spend the time just seeing the city?”

“Don’t you trust me to be on my own for this little bit?” Jared teased, not wanting to show his friend how uneasy he was feeling at not being with him. “I’ll miss you though.”

Jensen groaned softly, half tempted to say the hell with it and just stay but knew he’d never hear the end of it from Ivy if he did that. “I’m a phone call and two hours away so if you need me for anything you either have Ivy call me or you hit this button,” he held out the spare cellphone to show Jared the button to dial his number. “Jay, remember what I said if you ever get scared or Mia does?”

“Take Mia to the building behind the barn and wait for you,” Jared nodded, taking the small phone to eye it. “This a phone now?”

“Yeah, and I’ll give you a crash course on modern tech when I get back but right now just relax and play with Mia. I’ll call you tonight,” Jensen put his jacket on to pick his bag up but before he did anything else his hand reached up to curved behind Jared’s neck and pull him down to meet his mouth for a heated kiss. “Does that help any?” he asked, pulling back just enough that their mouths brushed and teased.

“Yeah, to make me miss you more,” Jared’s fingers ghosted along his friend’s arm, resisting the need to hold on. “Would it be okay if I took Mia up on her offer to sleep with her?” he asked, eyes dropping in embarrassment at being wary of sleeping alone.

Nodding, Jensen had to force himself to back off but kept his arm tight around Jared’s waist as they walked toward the kitchen and the garage. “I think she’d enjoy that,” he agreed, smiling as his bright eyed little girl held out a bag of cookies for him. “Mmm, thank you, baby,” he shifted his bag so he could pick her up for a tight hug.

“Miss Ivy said you could snack on them,” Mia kissed him back before holding her arms out to Jared who took her readily. “Don’t speed, Daddy.”

“I won’t,” he laughed, tossing his bag into the back of the SUV but held onto the door rather than get in. “Mia, listen to Jay and be a good girl,” he knew that order was wasted since for the most part his daughter was well behaved but this would be the first time he’d be this far away from her and he could sense Jared’s unease. “Call me if you need me?”

“I will and she’ll be fine,” Jared assured him, holding Mia a little tighter as the SUV door shut and his eyes met Jensen’s as he backed out of the garage. “We’ll be fine,” he added in a whisper, feeling more than a little lost and unsure as he held the child until Mia turned to look into his eyes.

“Daddy’ll come home, Jared,” she promised him, curling against his chest so her head rested on his shoulder. “He’ll be alright and we’ll have Christmas together and be a…”

“A happy family,” Jared finished for her, kissing her nose and carrying her back into the house. “I know we will, Mia. How about we take some cookies into the living room and see what Miss Ivy brought so we can decorate the tree for him?”

Mia clapped happily because even while she would have preferred to decorate her first real tree with both Jared and her Daddy she understood that Daddy would be busy and it was up to her and Jared to give them all a pretty tree.

“Can we wait to put the Angel on until Daddy’s home?” she asked softly, smiling at his soft touch down her face which was like her daddy would do it.

“Of course we can, pumpkin,” Jared assured her with a wink. “The Angel’s the most important part so your Daddy gets to put it on and plug the tree in for us,” he jiggled her while adding with a mock sigh. “We just get to do the hard work by testing and stringing the lights and stuff.”

Amused and happy, Mia swung her arms around his neck tightly. “I love you so much, my Jared!” she told him, giving him little kisses like she would her Daddy. “I’m so glad Santa and the Angels sent you home to us.”

“So am I, Mia, so am I,” Jared whispered into her hair, glad he was here and refusing to think any longer on losing his family.

** Three Hours Later, New York City: **

“Fine, now tell me that the hell is wrong with the shipment that I needed to drive down here three damn days early to fix?” Jensen demanded as he ignored the stuttering receptionist at the gallery that Ben Turner managed as she followed him through the rooms to find the man. “Ben! Ignoring me now is not a good idea since I’m tired, I’m hungry and more than a little pissed that I’m away from home when I don’t have to be so…huh.”

He walked into the room that he knew would be where the showing was supposed to take place to see his paintings, all of them including the four latest ones, already on proper stands or hanging.

Jensen walked around each piece to verify for himself that nothing was damaged on either canvas or frame and by the time he reached the final one his already simmering temper had bubbled back to the surface because he suddenly had the gut wrenching fear that he’d been lied to and tricked.

“Turner!” he snapped, voice and tone dropping down to the one that even he hardly recognized. “What the hell, Ben?” he demanded as he turned, waving his arm around at the room. “What’s wrong with any of these that I had to make the trip down here? They all look fine to me unless you want to bitch about style or something.”

Running his finger along the collar of his pressed white shirt, Ben cleared his throat as he walked into the room. “I’m sorry, Jensen,” he began hesitantly, wishing he could have gotten the man to his office where it was more private. “I know I lied to you that something was wrong in the shipment but you have to understand. It was the only to get you to come into the gallery.”

“Why did you need me here so bad, Ben?” Jensen demanded, fighting to ignore the building knot of fear and anxiety in his stomach.

“Because it was the only way to ensure that you wouldn’t interfere when the nice Deputy I paid goes to remove that abomination from your home and so Mrs. Masters can gather my granddaughter so she doesn’t miss her flight off to school,” Laura Ackles prim voice spoke from the doorway to the showroom where she stood with her hands folded calmly in front of her, lips curved in a smile. “Now that those deeds are done let’s step into Ben’s office to discuss you finally burning those other horrid paintings along with this silly idea of selling your father your shares of the store,” she suggested, too observed in her private victory to see the dangerous flash in her son’s eyes.

White blinding hot rage as well as absolute sick fear were rolling through Jensen’s stomach as he looked between his mother and his soon to be former art manager, fingers clenching into fists. “Ben, tell me you did not have any willing part in this,” he urged quietly, his New York accent vanishing as he shut his eyes tightly to try to get the little white spots to stop flashing in front of his eyes. “Tell me you did not know my mother was doing this.”

“I’m…I’m sorry, Jensen,” the art manager said again, dropping his eyes before sighing. “I happen to agree with Laura’s reasons even if I didn’t approve of her methods to get the matters handled. Your art is suffering because of so many…distractions and I’m not quite sure what she’s talking about some man in your home but if that is true it has to stop.”

An eerie silence entered the showroom as Jensen took this in, temper and fear all causing him to think rapidly on what to do and the fear that it was too late when suddenly his hand was lifting before he even knew what he was doing until the first painting was knocked to the floor to land with a loud crack.

“Jensen!” two voices yelled in outrage but by that point Jensen didn’t give a damn about his contract, about possibly breeching it or the end of his career.

All he cared about what the numbing knowledge that he’d been stupid enough to leave his home and two people who trusted him to know what was right for them and he’d let them down.

“You lied to me, you tricked me,” another painting hit the floor but this one he put his foot through while whirling to throw an accusing finger at his mother. “You have no right!” he yelled, ignoring her sputter of shock at his reaction. “You have no right to tell me who to love, who to live with, who to raise my child with, what to paint or what to do with my goddamn life!”

In a sudden move Jensen crossed the room to where several of the dull stills of flowers in vases hung he just reached into his pocket, pulled his penknife out and before the gallery manager could react slashed them to ribbons.

“These were the result of you telling me what to paint, Mother. These goddamn boring, lifeless, dull pieces of nothing that meant little to nothing to me because I felt like nothing as I was painting them!” he snapped, slashing the small blade through another one while kicking the easel over for two more but not touching the four that he did last because those had his daughter’s eyes included.

“I’m tired of letting you try to manipulate and run my life,” he stared at the final painting he’d completed to see his little girl’s eyes staring at him and praying he had time to help her and Jared. “I thought if I gave you a chance to be in Mia’s life that perhaps you’d come to accept her, accept me, for what we were but you never will.

“All you will ever see is a child you never wanted me to have, a child you wanted me to allow Stephanie to give up for adoption because you were embarrassed that your only son would be a single father,” he caught a glimpse of his father stepping into the room but didn’t give a damn any longer. “You’ve tried to take Mia away from me in so many ways but I never saw it. Now you think kidnapping my child is going to work?

“You think paying off some Deputy under Seth to arrest Jared, to get him out of my home will work, Mother? It won’t because I’ll get Mia back if I can’t stop that bitch from taking her off my property and Seth will free Jared as soon as I get him on the damn phone!” Jensen snapped, taking the four paintings he didn’t destroy off their stands because he wasn’t leaving anything of his in this place. “You can’t change what I am, what I’ve been. You can’t take him away from me again!”

Laura’s lips thinned. “I already have,” she replied coolly. “The deputy I paid was called an hour after you left that place and Mrs. Masters would have gone to remove Mia then as well,” she smiled then while holding out her hands to him as if trying to get him to see reason. “Darling, you’re not one of those people but so long as you hold onto that lifestyle and have a child hanging onto you no decent woman in our social circle will want to marry you. I’ve only done what’s best for you Jensen.”

“What…what have you done, Laura?” Gary Ackles demanded upon seeing the guilty look on the face of the gallery manager and the sick rage on his son’s. “Laura! What have you done?”

“She paid some stupid moron Deputy to go arrest Jay and she had that bitch of a nanny go take Mia to put her on a plane to some school in Europe,” Jensen’s voice was brittle steel as he glared at his mother.

“No, I paid the Deputy to go remove that thing from your home. I never said he’d arrest him, darling,” she corrected easily, gazing at the mess on the floor. “Really, this reaction is hardly becoming of an Ackles. How will you keep the showing now that you’ve destroyed all your work?”

Jensen’s blood had turned to ice as that sank in and then he was moving, only his father’s body blocking him kept him from being in his mother’s face. “What the hell does that mean?” he demanded harshly, heart pounding in his head. “Mother, what the hell did you pay that asshole to do to Jay?”

“Kill him and this time make sure he stays dead if that is that horrid little boy,” she shrugged calmly with a soft chuckle. “Jensen, you seriously didn’t expect me to allow some stranger to ruin your life or my name if you continued to go around touching him in public like you were in love with him, did you?”

“I am in love with him!” Jensen shouted without care if his voice echoed or who heard him. “I loved him since even before he was old enough to understand his feelings for me! It was my choice to love Jared! A choice you tried to take away from me because you were more concerned with your image and what people would say at the country club than you own son’s happiness!”

“Jensen, please lower your voice,” Ben urged, looking around as several employees and visitors began milling closer. “Can we take this to my office?”

Staring at the man as if he was insane, Jensen’s lip curled up in a snarl. “No, we can’t,” he shot back, shoving his father’s hand away while reaching for the paintings. “We can’t because I’m done with both of you. I am done with this place, this crap and if I can’t stop what you’ve caused to happen the next thing I do is place a call to the state cops and to Louisiana. Having a friend who’s an ex-FBI agent and who just happens to be Mia’s godfather has to come in handy for something!”

“Young man, we are not done with this discussion,” Laura corrected primly, crossing her arms like she did to show she wasn’t through speaking. “We have to talk about destroying those other paintings, as well as reversing this sale of your shares and…”

“Shut up, Laura,” Gary suddenly spoke, loosening his tie to remove it while eyeing the now nervous manager. “This discussion is over and Jensen is going home. I’m placing a call to some friends to see if I can’t correct any of this stupidity you’ve caused and I pray that neither our…my granddaughter or that boy has been hurt by your lies and schemes because if they have been having a face to face with the police won’t be the worst thing I’ll see you face…but my divorce lawyer sure as hell will be.”

Jensen’s emotions were blinding him to a lot of what else was happening but he had to turn to look because never in all his life had he ever heard his father’s voice sound so disgusted or so cold. “Dad?”

“Gary?” Laura stared as if shocked at his tone and that he wasn’t backing her up. “You’re his father. You should be just as disturbed by Jensen’s behavior as I am. He’s disgracing our family name and…”

“Jensen’s 32 years old and has never done one single thing to disgrace the Ackles name. You, on the other hand, seem to be doing a lot to hurt the reputation you pride so much,” Gary corrected coolly. “I’m sure if someone was to look hard enough, evidence to your involvement in Eric and Nancy’s crash could be turned up. Especially since you’re still using the asshole that used one of _my_ delivery vans to not only run them off the road but then hit a boy who never did a damn thing to you.”

“He perverted our son!” she screamed back, pointing to Jensen. “Look at him! He’s painting sick things! He thinks it’s fine to raise a child without a wife! He won’t date a decent woman that I pick out for him because he loves some…”

Jensen’s eyes went hot and he was in her face in the next moment. “Do not ever call him that again,” he warned tightly. “In fact, I don’t ever want Jared or Mia’s names to ever come out of your mouth. I do not want to see you near my family. I do not want to hear from you again. As far as I’m concerned I no longer have a mother.”

The young man looked over at the gallery man. “If you want to sue me for breach of contract you can try but since you were an active and knowledgeable party in what could very well be considered an attempted kidnapping and attempted murder I’d suggest you rethink that choice,” he warned, walking away with only the thought of getting to the SUV and trying to call someone to see what the hell was happening at his home.

“Jensen!” Laura’s scream echoed as he just slowed. “If you walk away from me or try to stop that thing from being removed I will make certain you never work in the art world again!” she threatened, no longer looking motherly as her usually lovely face went to a hateful scowl. “Do you think any gallery will want you if they know what you are, or if they learn about the drug use and other things you did because of that boy?”

“Laura, for the love of Heaven stop this,” Gary couldn’t believe the things he was hearing but also knew he could no longer allow it to go on or to hurt his son.

 He wanted out. He wanted to hear his little girl’s voice as well as Jared’s but as his hand touched the door, Jensen paused to look back. “No,” he spoke softly, a tear on his face as he looked back at his parents but his gaze was mainly on his mother. “I did all those things…I used drugs, I drank, I tried to die because of you, Mother,” his lips curved in a sad smile while shaking his head. “You cost me the life of my best friend. You took away what I loved back then so while it was easy to say I self-destructed because I was missing him in all honesty it’s on your damn head what I did back then.

“Now I have a chance to have the life I thought I never would because I have a beautiful little girl and a man who loves not only me but Mia as well and you can’t stand that I might be a little happy. Well understand this then,” he adjusted the four paintings he still held while facing her fully. “If anything has happened to Mia or to Jared I will not rest until you pay for it. I will give up my career, I will give it all up but I will see that you lose as much if not more than I will have lost by losing those two people that mean the world to me.”

At that he turned to push out of the gallery and away from the screaming voice of his mother. He managed to make it down the block to where he’d parked before feeling his head spin and he had to grab onto the black SUV to support himself as it sank in what was happening and what might have already happened.

With shaking hands he unlocked the vehicle, put the paintings in the rear while managing to get his cellphone out to dial his home but swore when it went straight to voicemail which he knew never happened.

“Damn it!” he hissed when he also couldn’t get Seth Welling to pick up and that just screamed bad news. He was about to call the house again when an icy fist seemed to clamp over his heart to squeeze until he was gasping when he looked out the windshield to see sad hazel eyes peering back at him from a woman he could recall vividly. “Mrs. Padalecki.”

Nancy Padalecki’s spirit smiled sadly. “Help him, Jensen. There’s only so much we can do this time and if Jared crosses he can’t return. It’s not his time but he needs you now, he’s hurt and scared. He’s alone in the cold.”

“I’m not losing him, Mrs. P. and I will find him,” Jensen promised, voice thick as he understood how long it would take him to get back home and that he could lose his friend in that space of time when his phone suddenly rang; making him jerk and when he looked back the spirit was gone

Grabbing his phone he stared at the number before it clicked who the odd number was from. “Jay?” he spoke quickly as he knew the number was from the phone he’d given Jared to use.

“… … Jen.”

**TBC**


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minor language and here is where the blanket tissue warning for the next 3 chapters come in but just remember I always fix what I break and there shall be a happy ending.

**Chapter Eleven**

** Hours Earlier: **

“How many children do I have in this house?” Ivy Adams asked as she stepped into the living room to take in the mess of light strings, various piles of ornaments as well as tinsel all laid out over the floor. “You two are making more of a mess on the floor than you are putting this stuff on that poor tree.”

Jared Padalecki lifted his head up from where he was meticulously testing light strings to shoot her a bright smile. “Mia wanted to sort the ornaments into groups of size and…animal family,” he shrugged while keeping a close eye on the small child who had surrounded herself with piles of ornaments that were really too much for the size of their tree.

“Well that certainly explains it then,” Ivy shook her head while holding out two mugs. “Would you two busy little tree elves like some hot chocolate with mini marshmallows?” she asked, laughing as that offer earned her identical smiles. “Oh, Jensen does not stand a chance getting his way with both of you in the house.”

“Daddy loves us, Miss Ivy,” Mia piped up, sipping her cocoa before smacking her lips. “Jared, I miss Daddy,” she’d never really been without her Daddy all night and it felt a little odd.

So did Jared if he were honest with himself, setting the lights aside to pat the floor beside him and smiled as she carefully stepped over her piles of ornaments to curl against his side. “I miss your Daddy too,” he admitted, slipping an arm around her as he added. “But we have each other and he’ll call tonight.”

“Will you read to me?” she asked, feeling safe as she cuddled against Jared. “You can sleep with me too so you won’t be lonely without Daddy.”

“Thanks, pumpkin,” he kissed the top of her hair. “Yes, I’ll read to you and I might just take you up on that offer or you can sleep with me in Daddy’s bed since it’s a little bigger,” he remarked, grinning at her dimpled smile and also realizing she’d gotten her freckles from Jensen as well.

“Can a few of my buddies sleep with us?” Mia asked since she never slept anywhere without a few of her best stuffed friends.

Picking her up so he could snuggle her against his chest, Jared nodded. “Yep, they can sleep with us too,” he confirmed, hearing gravel crunching in the driveway and trying to shrug off the sudden uneasiness as Ivy came back to poke her head in.

“Jared, you take Mia upstairs and stay with her while I just handle a small problem,” she told him easily but the command was there even as the sound of a shotgun being pumped was heard.

Mia’s eyes had gone wide at the odd sound. “J…Jared?” she clung tighter to his neck even as he was standing up. “What’s wrong? Is something wrong?”

“No, I’m sure it’s nothing, Mia,” he replied, seeing the flashing lights of the Deputy Sheriff’s cruiser but noticing that it wasn’t the Sheriff but a young faced Deputy.

Also outside was a black Mercedes with a stone face older woman with her hair pulled back in a tight bun and neither filled Jared with much happiness.

He considered going out the back door with Mia as Jensen had told him but he knew the Sheriff was a friend of Jensen’s so maybe the Deputy had been sent out here on an errand for Seth Welling.

Ivy had caught sight of the cars coming up the drive as she’d been cleaning in the second floor and knew neither one should be there.

A quick and stern call to a stuttering Sheriff had assured her that he’d sent no Deputy to Jensen’s house and that he was on his way out, to just hold off on doing anything rash.

“I won’t do anything rash unless they do something rash first,” the older black woman muttered as she primed the old shotgun before opening the door just as the young cocky Deputy that she didn’t care for to begin with stepped away from the cruiser with his hand on his service revolver.

“You can just get your ass back in the car and drive it back off the property, hotshot” she ordered briskly, considering just shooting the woman. “And you can fly off on your broom cause I sure as hell know you ain’t welcome here,” she snapped at the stern nanny.

Deputy Keith Ford had already pulled his own weapon. He’d been a Deputy in the village for less than a year and had quickly learned this small town pace wasn’t what he wanted. Nor would it support the gambling addiction he had so when the woman had called with an offer to the first deputy willing to ignore Sheriff Welling’s orders he’d snapped it up.

“Just put that thing down, Ms. Adams,” he urged calmly. “The office got a call that a dangerous fugitive was taking shelter here and the Sheriff sent me out to remove him while also helping Mrs. Masters pick up the child,” he told her, raising his weapon as the man appeared in the door. “You! Drop the girl and step where I can see you!” he snapped loudly, clicking the safety of his revolver off.

“Ivy, what’s going…” Jared’s words stopped as soon as the cop’s gun raised at him and Mia began to cry against his neck at both the loud harsh voice and the sight of the nanny. “This isn’t good, is it?”

Not lowering her shotgun, Ivy just tried to shift her body more in front of the young man while pitching her voice lower so he’d hear her. “Jared, the next time I tell you to get someplace with that girl you’d better learn to follow orders,” she sighed but lifted an eyebrow at the deputy. “Put that damn gun down before you shoot yourself or I do,” she told him smartly. “You aren’t taking this boy anywhere and I’m pretty sure your boss will be interested in this since he’s on his way out here.”

“Deputy, the child is due on a plan by six this evening so please handle this so I can remove her,” Grace Masters sniffed, snapping her fingers in command. “Amelia! You will stop that whining this second and come to me!”

The man with the gun had Jared’s attention for obvious reasons but the use of Mia’s given name as well as the callous tone used to address the small child had his gaze shifting to the woman. “Her name is Mia and no, ma’am. She most certainly is not going near you because you’re not taking Jensen’s daughter anywhere,” he remarked in a voice that had his soft Texas drawl nearly disappearing as he stared at her. “I wouldn’t send a rabid pack of dogs with you.”

“You have no say in this,” Mrs. Masters sniffed, looking with disdain at the young man. “Her grandmother has ordered her sent to school so give her to me.”

“No!” Mia’s arms locked around Jared’s neck, her little body shaking. “Don’t let her take me, Jared! Please don’t let her. I want Daddy! Daddy and Jared will make you leave!” she yelled without looking up.

Ford didn’t have time for this. He wasn’t expecting the old woman to call Welling and he needed to get this handled before his superior arrived. “Put the child down and come with me,” he ordered sternly.

“I haven’t done anything,” Jared didn’t like the look in the young deputy’s eyes or the way the pistol shifted. “Don’t.”

“Put her down or I shoot the old woman,” Ford threatened, moving the pistol meaningfully. “And if she tries to fire at me then I’ll put a bullet in the brat.”

Ivy’s whole body had tensed. A threat to her she’d take but to threaten a poor little child who was already frightened well that took low to another level.

“No, stop,” Jared’s heart was beating faster as he could tell the man wasn’t bluffing and he would shoot either Mia or Ivy if he didn’t get what he wanted. “Mia?” he moved slowly as he knelt to ease the crying child out of his arms but kept her close to Ivy. “You stay with Miss Ivy, alright? This is all a huge misunderstanding that Daddy will get sorted out as soon as Ivy calls him or the Sheriff.”

Mia’s eyes were huge, tears on her cheeks as she tried to cling to his legs to keep him with her. “No, Jared! Don’t go with him!” she begged. “Please! Wait for Daddy or Mr. Seth to come. Don’t leave me, Jared!”

“I’m not leaving for good, pumpkin. Just so the police will understand there’s nothing wrong with me being here with you and Daddy,” he assured her, smoothing a hand over her hair but swallowing the lump in his throat as he stepped a little closer to the cop. “Don’t hurt them. Whatever this is about, your boss can clear it up or…”

“My boss won’t get the chance to clear it up,” Ford told him as he jerked hard on Jared’s wrist to spin him toward the cruiser, ignoring the shout from the old woman or whatever was happening behind him. “You also should’ve told the kid the truth cause we both know you won’t be coming back here.”

“What?” Jared’s head jerked around to see the man’s eyes were cold but then another sight from the corner of his eye had him straining to turn to see the nanny had tried to grab hold of Mia’s arm despite Ivy’s very clever use of the shotgun. “No, leave her…damn it,” he hissed at the feel of the handcuffs going on but tensed at Mia’s cry for him. “Wait, let me calm her…ugh!”

A hard hit from the butt of the pistol to the base of his skull had Jared’s vision swimming but as he felt himself blacking out he heard the child that owned his heart’s terrified scream for him and then as he fought for consciousness saw Mia break away from Ivy, away from the grabbing Nanny and after a brief start toward him got frightened by the gun and bolted across the yard toward the woods.

“M…Mia,” Jared groaned as blackness set in.

“Jared!” Ivy yelled upon seeing the boy fall limp. “You let that boy go this instant!” she yelled while debating on who she was shooting first.

“You’d best worry about yourself and finding the girl. This unwanted John Doe is going to have an accident and since the lady said no one would give a damn about him I really wouldn’t think it matter,” Ford shrugged while he shoved Jared’s body into the backseat of the cruiser before tipping his hat. “Have a good day, Ms. Adams.”

Ivy was torn between firing uselessly at the cruiser or firing at the ranting bitch of a nanny who had been partly responsible for chasing Mia into the cold woods alone with no coat or boots on. “If that child gets hurt or I can’t find her I am so handling you like you should be handled the first time you made that poor child cry,” she snapped angrily, using the butt of the shotgun to hit Grace Masters in the chest to knock her down as the phone in her pocket rang. “What the hell do you want and where the hell are you?”

“Okay, so tell me something’s gone wrong,” Sheriff Seth Welling had his foot on the gas pedal on his way out to Jensen’s place when he decided to call Ivy again to see what was happening. The sharp tone and swear words being hurled his way told him he should have just called the damn State Troopers in like his head deputy suggested. “Ivy?”

“Mia’s running in the woods cause this bitch of a so-called nanny Jensen’s mother sent out here scared her almost as much as when that damn deputy of yours did when he pointed a gun at her and then smashed Jared in the skull with it before bundling the boy in the car and taking off,” Ivy snapped, head jerking up at the sound of tires on gravel and vowing to fill someone with buckshot this time. “You find that jackass and get that boy back before he hurts him or I will tan your hide, Seth Welling! Oh and now this one picks a fine time to show his fancy self,” she muttered, hanging up on the stuttering Sheriff to glare at the tall, ruggedly built man stepping out of a rented Ford Explorer. “Get back in that thing and go find them!”

Pulling up to Jensen’s house to find the normally calm and friendly housekeeper aiming a shotgun at an older woman whose tightly wound hair was coming undone and was sputtering up at Ivy in both disgust and shock had Christian Kane’s eyebrows going back on his forehead.

The sharp order directed at him could have amused him since no one had shot him an order like that since his days in the Bureau but the worry on her face kept the smile from coming because Chris instantly knew something was wrong.

“Go find who?” he asked, using more rough and husky New Orleans than Texan as he noticed the yard of snowmen, a still visible snow puppy but also the tiny footprints running toward the woods and those worried him. “Where’s Jensen? What’s happening, Ivy?”

After Ivy gave a crisp and direct explanation that both pleased and alarmed the ex-FBI man, Chris swore viciously while glaring at the nanny. “Jensen’s mother hired you to kidnap his daughter?” he demanded as he knelt down, trying to ignore the pointed shotgun.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Grace Masters snorted, crossing her arms while glaring at these deranged people who clearly didn’t understand how things worked. “The child is Mrs. Ackles granddaughter so she has every legal right to have her when she chooses.”

“You want to battle legalities with an ex-FBI agent who spent three years at Harvard studying law?” Chris smiled thinly, leaning closer to get into the huffy old woman’s face and was pleased to see some of her attitude change. “Actually, she has no legal right to remove Mia from her father’s home. Especially if it’s against Jensen’s wishes and against Mia’s own so right now I can get you arrested on attempted kidnapping of a minor, accessory to the kidnapping of a minor and also attempted kidnapping of a minor with the intent to remove said minor from the country all against the wishes of her father and other primary guardian…which if I didn’t misread Jensen’s last call would be the young man some cop just kidnapped.”

“Yes! Now go find him and Mia!” Ivy snapped, fear growing the longer her precious little girl was lost in those woods in the snow. “I’ll keep this one here until that damn useless jackass of a Sheriff shows his face.”

Chris did want to go hunt for Mia since the woods surrounding Jensen’s property were vast and heavier with snow than the child would be used to but he also had a concern for the young man that had caused such a drastic change in his friend that Jensen had finally made the choice to move on and move away from New York.

“Let me make a call to a friend up in the Rochester Bureau and then I’ll go see about Mia. She probably didn’t go farther than the barn and her pony,” or so he hoped while also hoping Jensen’s friend would be alright a little while longer.

The low sound of an engine as well as a throbbing in his head woke Jared slowly. He didn’t immediately understand where he was or what was happening until Mia’s voice came to him and he recalled the cop, the nanny trying to grab Mia, the little girl’s frightened scream before she ran off and then blankness.

“Mia…” he groaned, tongue not wanting to work right as he struggled to move only to remember his cuffed hands and a burst of panic hit him.

“I wouldn’t worry too much about Ackles’ brat as I would about what happens to you at the end of this road,” Deputy Ford spoke casually, flicking his eyes through the grated barrier separating the front and rear seats.

“Why’re you doing this?” Jared asked fear for himself present but he was more worried about Mia.

He’d sworn to Jensen that he’d protect his daughter and he’d failed to do that in so many ways that if he couldn’t get her back to his friend safely then Jared didn’t care what happened to him.

Ford shrugged. “Old woman offered me a large sum of cash to make you vanish,” he glanced over his shoulder with a smirk. “Or to get you out of the house so someone else can make you vanish. Guess she’s got this thing with faggots spoiling her precious son but then I’ve always thought Jensen Ackles was a little weird if you get what I mean.”

“Shut your damn mouth,” Jared gritted, realizing his legs were free and began kicking at the very solid back door of the cruiser. “You don’t know him or Mia or me for that matter. All you want is quick cash and at what cost, your badge?”

“The Sheriff won’t have proof I did anything cause why would anyone take the word of the old Adams lady?” Ford snorted, jerking the car a little as he glanced back to bellow. “Hey! Quit that or I’ll make you dead before anyone else can!”

“Mia is my responsibility,” Jared was finding a lot of use in having long legs now even though he knew he’d never be able to kick the door open it might serve as a distraction to the cop. “She was running before you knocked me out. She’s five years old and scared, I know what it’s like to be five and scared. I’m not going to go down without a fight so if you want me stopped…stop me,” he grunted, giving the door a final kick with all his strength as he thought of the small girl lost in the woods, in the snow without anything on and all alone and confused. “She’s mine and I’m not allowing Jensen to lose us both.”

A final kick born out of fear for Mia gave Jared extra strength, both he and the cop were shocked when the kick actually did cause the dented door to break open and as the car slowed down in Ford’s shock and haste to slam to a stop the young man took advantage of the chance.

It never once occurred to Jared the risk he was running by going with the adrenaline and need to find the lost child when he threw himself from the moving cruiser because even if it was slowing down it was still moving and he felt the pain in his head and shoulder as he hit the rough pavement of the road, rolling to a stop to then have to struggle to his feet with his hands still cuffed behind him and everything hurting.

“They used to make that look easy on TV,” he muttered to himself, managing to get to one knee as he heard the car scream to a halt and also the furious cop shouting at him to not move. “Shoot me then!” he yelled, vision blurry from what he hoped was just the blow to his head and nothing else. “It’s the only way to stop me from finding my Mia!”

“This bastard ain’t even worth 50K,” Ford snarled, pulling his weapon and had started to aim it when the sudden blare of a siren caught him off guard and his shot went wild but by the way Jared jerked knew the asshole had still been grazed by the wild round. “Sheriff!”

Seth Welling swerved his car so it was between Jared and his soon to be dead or fired Deputy before getting out of the car with his own pistol drawn. “Ford! I hope to hell you have an explanation for this crap because right now me firing your ass will be the least of your damn worries!” he snapped, keeping his weapon locked on the surprised cop while tossing a quick look to see that Jared was on one knee but still fighting to stand. “Padalecki! You alright?”

Jared was fighting to stand when the bullet grazed his shoulder took him back to one knee. The Sheriff’s voice was stern but not dangerous sounding, or at least not dangerous toward Jared because even in shock, worried and confused the young man could tell the change when the man spoke to him or the deputy.

He did recall Seth Welling though his memories weren’t the greatest since the man had been Jensen’s friend and had very often joined in on the teasing of Jared whenever Jensen wasn’t around but right then Jared didn’t deem him a full threat like he did the other man. “I…I…Mia, I have to find her,” he spoke, not caring how he felt since Jared knew this would probably not end well for him and supposed he shouldn’t have given in to the belief that he and Jensen would have happy ever after.

“Okay, but hang on a second until I cuff this moron and uncuff you,” Seth motioned with his weapon. “You can lose that gun, drop your badge and turn around because as of thirty minutes ago you no longer work as a Deputy in my department and I’m placing you under arrest for kidnapping, assault, and I’ll toss in an accomplice to attempted murder while I’m at it,” he smirked at the blank look.

“Ford, every call coming into the station is recorded, dumbass. Your conversation with Laura Ackles was taped in glaring detail so I know she paid you 50K to nail Jared and I suspect I know who you were meeting up with so Glenn and Hank will pick his ass up soon enough and the State cops will be having an interesting talk with Mrs. Ackles but right now I’m cuffing your ass before I handle him,” he pulled his own cuffs out to snap them on the stuttering man.

“Sheriff, you don’t understand,” Ford tried to say, struggling against the cuffs until a sharp hand slapped him in the back of the hand while the muzzle of the pistol tapped his jaw. “Please, I’ll…split the money with you. You…you don’t know about that man. What he is or what’s he could do or…what?”

Seth snickered while getting in the former deputy’s face as he shoved him hard against the side of his own car before pushing him into the back. “I don’t know who or what he is? Ford, I watched Jensen get into brawls in school defending that kid. I watched Jensen fall into an abyss of hell after it was thought he died. I know who he is. I know what he is just like I’ve always known he was who my friend would always love. It’s assholes like you and Jensen’s mother who can’t see past your own issues. Now shut the hell up or I will let Ivy shoot you like she was threatening.”

Slamming the door, the Sheriff took the time to breathe before turning to face Jared with his hands held out to show he didn’t have his weapon still out and wasn’t a threat to him. “Jared, calm down. I know you probably don’t remember me but…”

“I…I know who you are…Seth,” Jared spoke, teeth clenched from the pain he was in from both the original blow to his head, to the damage down when he’d jumped from the moving car to now the slight graze across his shoulder. “You went to school with Jensen and…”

“Yeah, I was a typical asshole back then and I’ll admit that to Jensen when I see him but right now just let me unhook those cuffs so we can get you back to Ivy and I’ll get people out to look for Mia,” he held out the keys to the cuffs. “You’re safe now. No one is going to…what the hell?” he whirled at the sound of a loud and rough engine roaring up the road with a distant blare of sirens. “Oh…shit. Jared!”

Jared was still a little shaky and debating on trusting the cop to free him when he finally caught both the sound of the truck and also the look of horror on the Sheriff’s face, turning to see the big black truck swerving as it sped up the road toward them…towards him and felt the chill of thinking how odd it was to know he was about to be hit…again.

“Jared!”

The voice that he heard this time wasn’t Seth but more like Mia’s as she called for him, distant and scared. It was this voice that had him moving so that as the truck sped up more with clear intent to hit him head on.

Even though he was moving to try to avoid the truck, Jared’s eyes locked briefly with the enraged ones of Stuart Lawson and then the truck was clipping his hip and leg as he went to jump but the momentum of even that small hit took the young man off balance so that with his cuffed hands keeping him from being able to catch himself the hit knocked him more off the road than Jared had intended.

With a shout, Jared felt himself fall off the road, down the small embankment and into icy cold water of the nearby roaring creek that was running faster and harder due to recent snow runoff from higher in the hills.

“Jared!” Seth Wheeler had tried to lunge to grab the falling man but missed. He also nearly missed being hit from the skidding truck as it slammed to a stop to allow a clearly drunken Lawson to stumble out with a large handgun held in his hand.

“Drowning’s too good for you!” he was shouting, firing wildly into the water until the weapon was knocked out of his hand while another piece was shoved in his face. “Gonna…gonna make sure the bastard stays dead! I should’ve ran his damn head over back on that night! I’ll make sure he stays…ugh!”

“Thank you for giving me enough evidence to haul your ass in and reopen that case, jackass. Now shut the hell up before I forget my badge and I put a bullet in your head,” Seth growled, shooting his head Deputy a sour look as the other car pulled up. “I really should fire the whole damn lot of you and start fresh! Cuff this asshole, get him and Ford back to a cell and do not, I stress do not, let either one of them near the other or a phone until you hear from me!”

Shoving the drunken ranting man toward the other cops, Seth eyed the damage his own car had taken from the truck but decided it would still get him to where he needed to go. He just wasn’t sure what to say when he got there because there was no way Ivy Adams would take this news well, much less when he had to place the call to Jensen.

Right then Ivy was still debating on shooting the woman who she blamed for causing Mia Ackles to run and hadn’t because a certain ex-FBI man wouldn’t move.

“Shouldn’t you be out looking for Mia?” she demanded, knowing a good hour had passed and wanting the poor baby found before it got dark.

“I’m waiting for the Sheriff, who according to his office should be turning up,” Chris Kane replied, not bothering to mention he’d also placed a couple other calls so help would be coming soon. “Ivy, put that gun down before you do accidently shoot the woman.”

“If I shoot this so-called Mary Poppins fake it wouldn’t be accidentally, boy!” she snapped, slapping the barrel of the shotgun against the two coats still hanging by the door. “Neither of those children is dressed for this weather! I want Jared back here and I want Mia found before I have to call her poor father to tell him this news on top of everything else he’s facing.”

It was Jensen’s reaction that also worried Chris, especially if anything happened to either his daughter or his friend because while Jensen had grown past a lot of his dangerous habits it wouldn’t take much to push him back into the state of mind that he’d been in the first day Chris had met him.

“You should call Jensen anyway to let him know this is going on…where is he exactly?” he asked, stepping to the door to see the dented Sheriff’s car pulling up. “He told me his showing wasn’t until Christmas Eve. I came up a little early because I wanted him to meet with someone and so I could meet this friend of his.”

“Nothing but heathens trying to raise a child in a home like this,” Grace Masters sniffed from where she sat by the door, stiff and straight and not in the least bit upset by what her actions had caused. “That girl would be better off dying of the cold than living in a house such as this. Mrs. Ackles choice to send her away to another family abroad was correct.”

Ivy’s eyes narrowed while Chris frowned. “I thought Jensen said his mother wanted Mia sent to school in Europe,” he suspected his friend had been right in his fears that if his daughter had been taken away that he’d never see her again. “I think that little slip might just have been the final nail in someone’s coffin…and…this doesn’t look good.”

“Where the hell is Jared?” Ivy demanded upon jerking the door open to glare up into the grim face of the Sheriff.

Seth had seen the woman’s temper so he knew how this news would be received. “Ivy, give me that gun because I know you’ll use it on me when I say this,” he sighed when a strong hand grabbed his jacket. “See the badge?”

“Yeah, it’s a cute one. I still have one that says FBI and can make you vanish before the real FBI and State cops show up if you don’t answer the lady,” Chris returned, eyes steady as his hand tightened. “Where’s Jensen’s friend?”

“He fell off the road into the water after Stuart Lawson tried to run him over,” Seth returned, seeing the surprise in the opposite blue eyes while wincing as Ivy began to hurl words not fit for a sailor’s ears.

“You aren’t fit for that badge!” Ivy snapped, shoving the shotgun into Chris’s hands as she began to search for her own coat. “You keep this one under both barrels while I go hunt for those children!”

Both men exchanged looks and began talking at once. “Ivy! You stay here and wait for the State Police and the friend I talked to at the Bureau while I take the Sheriff and start looking for Mia,” Chris knew it would be easier to find the child first and then they could start tracking the man.

“I don’t want to see either of you unless you have both Mia and Jared with you,” Ivy snapped, planting herself on a chair so she could continue to hold her shotgun on Mrs. Masters. “This one is also going to spill whatever the hell else that woman had planned for Mia. Take their coats and gloves for when you find them and Seth?”

Seth Welling grimaced as he stopped on his way out the door. “Yes, ma’am?”

“You just do well to remember that I grew up around here so I know every sink hole and old mine shaft there is to be found. You come back here without Mia or Jared I’d think twice about it,” Ivy warned simply, the threat plain if unspoken.

“Yes, ma’am,” he coughed, pulling the door shut to eye the ex-Fed that he knew had something to do with Jensen. “Jared was cuffed, hurt and stunned. Odds that he survived the fall are good but I can’t recall if Jensen ever taught him to swim much less with his hands cuffed he’d stand no chance with the current.”

Chris knew that. He also hated for Jensen to lose the man that had made such a dramatic change in him this soon. “You know the path that water takes. You try to follow the water and I’ll see about tracking Mia’s footprints to find her,” he decided. “Once I get her back to Ivy then I’ll meet up to help you search for him and by then the State cops and the FBI should be here.”

“Joy,” no local police liked it when the State or Feds had to move in but this time Seth knew he needed the help and this was really beyond him.

“Call me if you find him in the meantime,” Chris ordered, shoving Mia’s coat, hat and gloves as well as a blanket into a large bag that he’d dumped his stuff out of before pulling on his own gloves to start off across the yard to follow the small footprints that he hoped would lead him to the little girl.

Inside, Ivy watched the men part company and while keeping a sharp eye on the woman picked up the phone to call Holly to inform her of what was happening and then placed a call to Nic in order to ask him to appeal to whatever or whoever he could to grant that poor boy a little more luck and a chance to survive.

Mia didn’t understand the dangers of what she’d done or even how far she’d run without her coat, boots, hat or gloves until she finally tripped when her tired little legs fell into a deeper path of snow.

She only knew Jared was being taken away from her and her Daddy and that the nasty man had hurt him while mean Mrs. Masters wanted to take her away too.

Mia knew in her heart that if she got taken away that she’d never see her Daddy or Jared or Miss Ivy again. She’d never told her Daddy but she’d heard her Grandma talking to people about sending her away and even though Mia knew some people didn’t like that her Daddy raised her she didn’t understand why her Grandma wanted other people to have her.

Right then as she cried for her Daddy and for Jared, she sniffled into her too cold hands to look back; only then realizing she’d run a lot farther and also away from even the barn and other building and she wasn’t certain where she was.

Also, it had started snowing so many of her prints were being covered up by new snow. “Daddy,” she whispered, shivering as the cold began to seep past her heavy little shirt and sweatpants. “Jared.”

Mia managed to stand up to take a few more steps only to sink again into the deep snow that the heavier woods held, beginning to get scared and unsure what to do. “Daddy! Jared!” even though she knew her Daddy was away and unable to help and she didn’t think Jared could hear her because he needed her and Daddy’s help the child still called out. “Jared!”

The woods looked so different in the snow as she struggled to pull herself through it but getting colder and wetter until she finally heard the small sound of water and knew the pond where Daddy led her and her pony to get water must be close.

The pond got water from the creek that Mia wasn’t allowed to play in if it was high so she was scared to go that way but a little voice in her head kept telling her that she’d be safe if she did.

She’d trusted the voice of the Angels since she’d been a baby so with more strength than she had, Mia managed to get her little feet on solid snow to take a couple shaky steps; surprised that she wasn’t sinking anymore.

As she followed the sounds, she kept calling to her Daddy to help her and to the Angels to help her find Jared since she feared if Jared was lost to them that her dreams of having a happy family would never be.

“Please don’t take Jared from Daddy and me,” she was sobbing and then blinked as she happened to look down to smile shakily.

Her prints in the soft snow were barely there like she was hardly touching the ground and suddenly knew her Angels were with her. “Daddy and I love him and I want Daddy to not be sad and lonely anymore so please, please let me find…Jared!!”

Snow crusted lashes flew open wide as she rubbed her eyes to be sure she was really seeing what she thought she was and then Mia took off running as fast and as best as she could toward the edge of the pond that was covered in broken ice.

Jared’s whole body was freezing and nearly numb but at least as his thinly coherent thoughts returned he could reason the cold kept the pain down because he knew between the glancing blow from the truck to the small fall to the rough treatment through the heavy and fast current that his body was probably nothing but bruises and worse.

He’d been lulling in and out of dim consciousness, hearing the frightened little voice of the girl who had saved him before but had convinced himself that Mia’s voice was just a hallucination brought on from shock, pain, and need to be with her and Jensen again.

He believed that until something jarred his leg causing pain to shoot up it. That also caused his eyes to struggle to open against the thin layer of ice that had formed along his lids and groaned, recalling his arms were still cuffed and that the current had somehow brought him to a stop along a bank of an ice covered pond.

A pond that as he struggled to look through blurry eyes he could see a small figure running through the snow covered ground toward the other edge of the pond and to him. “M…Mia?” he whispered past chattering teeth, trying to push himself up but unable to since the weight of soaking wet clothes that he knew would slowly freeze just added to his difficulty. “No, Mia. Stay…Mia!”

His voice was barely above a cracked whisper as he stared in utter horror as the small child edged her way to the end of the bank to then begin to hop and slide her way across broken pieces of ice as a stepping bridge to get to him.

Locking his eyes on Mia, Jared fought to move but his limbs were stiff from the cold, his clothes heavy and his body in pain now that he was awake more but the muted fear at watching Mia distracted him from this. “Mia, go…go back!” he tried to stop her, jerking upright as she nearly slid into the freezing pond as a piece of ice broke apart and Jared swore it was as if hands had grabbed the child to help her scramble over the last few pieces until she jumped onto the snow and frozen mud covered bank near him with a frightened cry.

“Jared!” she slipped and skidded until her tiny cold hands finally were close enough to reach out for him, stopping just shy of actually touching him as Mia saw the wet clothes that seemed stiff, the bruises and how stiff he moved. “I found you!”

“Mia,” he still wasn’t sure she was real until a tiny finger touched his face and Jared wasn’t certain he was colder, her or him. “You’re real,” he whispered, fighting not to cry out in pain as she hit him with her full weight, light as it was, and it hurt. “God, Mia!”

“I founded you, my Jared,” she sobbed into his neck, holding on for another few seconds before the coldness of his clothes made her colder so she shivered. “J…Jared? I want Daddy.”

Jared wanted Jensen too but he knew now that it was up to him to keep Mia safe even though he had no real idea where they were or how far from the house they’d ended up.

Shaking his head to clear it more, the first thing Jared figured out was that he had to find a way to either free his hands or get them in front of him.

“I…I know, pumpkin. I’m gonna get you back to Jen,” he promised her, biting his tongue as he tested the strength of the cuffs to find that he wasn’t going to break them and the damn cop had put them on too tight for him to slip free so that left one other way that Jared could see even if he wasn’t certain it would work. “Step back a little, Mia,” he told her while struggling to get onto the bank more and to calm his racing heartbeat down.

“Jared? Why did that policeman take you and hurt you?” she asked while crouching a little away from him to watch as he began to twist his body and long legs, she could see one already looked hurt. “Daddy always said police were good.”

“Someone gave him money to do what he did, baby,” he wouldn’t tell her who had paid the cop since despite it all Laura Ackles was still the child’s grandmother even if Jared feared the woman’s intentions toward Mia now more than ever. “Most police you…you can trust.”

Jared had never attempted anything like this before. He’s never been agile or limber enough and he wasn’t sure he was now but he needed to have his hands in front even if he couldn’t free them fully so he fought back the agony building in his shoulders as he struggled to twist and contort his long legs until he felt white hot pain as both shoulders made a popping sound that Jared knew was not good but in another moment he felt his arms move painfully in front.

“Jared?” Mia moved closer, sniffling as she watched him go pale and feared he’d gone to sleep when all he did was laid still for several long moments. “It’s cold, Jared. Can we go back to Miss Ivy or are we still in trouble?”

The shaking could have been from fear but Jared dimly knew it was more from cold but he needed to stop his stomach from pitching after dislocating both shoulders just to get his hands in front again. “We’re…not in trouble, pumpkin” he assured her, shivering himself as the wind began to pick up and he could have just wept with the bitterness that was filling him.

It didn’t matter to Jared what happened to him but he couldn’t allow Mia to be hurt so he forced himself to wake up and move, slowly but he moved. “Mia? Do you know where we are?” he asked hopefully, wondering if Jensen even knew what was happening and hoping his friend was safe since he wasn’t certain if the call to go to New York had been real or faked.

“This is the pond where we’d water Chuck, my pony” Mia waited until Jared was sitting up and had slowly nodded that he was alright before she slipped up and into his arms.

Even though his clothes were wet and getting stiff and they were both cold, the child still felt safe with Jared. “I’m cold, Jared,” she told him, rubbing her eyes and felt him tense when she brushed his shoulder. “Are you hurt?”

“A little,” Jared admitted, knowing he was still wet and not wanting to get Mia soaked but his choices here were limited.

He couldn’t carry her like normal and she’d sink in the snow since he still wasn’t sure how she’d even gotten to the pond so as he battled to his knees the young man glanced at the little girl to recall another time, another lifetime.

“Y’know, when I was small I got lost in the woods behind the house where your Daddy grew up” he began, trying to regain some strength as he spoke and also to figure out where they were so he’d have a direction to head. “I was small back then and it was getting dark so I was afraid of that.”

“You’re afraid of the dark too?” Mia seemed amazed that her friend could be afraid of the dark like she was.

“Yeah, I was,” he nodded, a small grin forming as he glanced up at the sky. “I guess I might still be,” a fact that did not comfort him because he knew neither of them would survive a night outside without shelter, heat and warm clothes. “Anyway, your Daddy found me and because I was tired and scared he carried me back to his house on his back. Do you think you’re strong enough to hang onto me if you were to get on my back, Mia?”

The little girl hesitated because even though she was tired and scared she knew her friend was hurt and also looked tired, too tired to carry her. “Can you?” she asked softly, big eyes wide while touching his cuffed hands with a gentle finger. “You’re hurt and tired too.”

The love and concern in her heart made Jared smile and push down the shock that was threatening to send him back into the void of unconsciousness. “I…I can carry you a little ways and then hopefully we’ll get to the barn or someplace warm,” he just had to center himself to try to locate it. “I’m sure Miss Ivy will be looking for you by now.”

“And you, my Jared,” Mia smiled, carefully wrapping her tiny arms around his neck while her tired legs swung around his waist but frowned at his groan. “Jared, am I hurting you? I really can walk.”

“No, I’m good,” Jared gritted his teeth as he managed to stand, Mia on his back and took a few halting steps in the snow. “I’m…sorry I’m probably making you colder than you already are, honey. I wish I had something to give you to warm up with.”

Mia laid her head on his shoulder carefully, smiling as she could see what he couldn’t. “We’ll be alright, Jared,” she promised him sleepily. “The angels are with us.”

“I hope so,” Jared murmured, walking around the pond carefully until they were away from it and headed back toward, he prayed, the house. “What…what do your angels look like?” he asked in an attempt to keep Mia awake and also so if he heard her voice he hoped he could stay with it as his legs kept wanting to buckle; especially the one injured by the truck.

“The lady’s pretty with a nice smile. Her hair feels soft like yours and she likes to sing to me when I can’t sleep,” Mia’s eyes were heavy but she kept them open to watch as her angels seemed to hover close to help Jared walk when he would almost fall. “The man is as tall as you and he talks like you too,” she giggled at that.

Jared had stopped to rest, not wanting to go more into the trees but hoping it would afford them some cover from the snow that was beginning to fall heavier. Now he made his spinning brain focus a little more. “What do you mean he talks like me?” he asked, a sudden chill going through him as certain things Mia had said began to come back to him.

“The way you talk when you’re tellin’ me stories or when it’s just you and Daddy,” she tried to explain his Texas drawl but didn’t know the words for it, then giggled. “The Angel says you talk like a Texan.”

“Oh God,” Jared whispered as the child just repeated the words his father had spoken to him at her age when he’d questioned why his accent was different than anyone else around them. “Mia, do you…do you have names for your angels?” he knew he shouldn’t ask, he wasn’t sure he was ready for the response when he went to move and fell forward.

He instinctively went to catch himself on his cuffed hands but the pain of his shoulders caused the scream of pain to come out before he could bite it back, swearing as Mia began to cry for him not to hurt.

“Jared? Jared, please be alright, please don’t hurt,” she begged, slipping off his back to drop to her knees beside him. “We’ll wait here. Daddy’ll come and Miss Ivy. They’ll find us but you should stay still.”

Staying still would kill them both and while Jared was almost prepared to face his own end again, not something he liked to think about but he wasn’t stupid, he was not ready to allow Mia to join him. “No, I have to get you safe,” he shook his head, trying to stand only to feel his leg buckle and this time couldn’t bury the sob of frustration that came out. “Mia, the Angels you say are here, can you see them now?” he asked after a moment.

“Yes,” she whispered, clinging to his cold hands and trying to rub them with her smaller ones. “The lady says you can too.”

That’s what Jared was afraid of but he took a slow breath before looking to where Mia was and felt his chest tighten as he looked into his mother’s face. “Momma,” he whispered, feeling all of twelve years old again as Nancy Padalecki looked into his eyes with a loving smile. “It’s always been you and Dad watching over Mia then.”

“She’s the sweetest little girl ever put on this Earth,” Nancy replied, kneeling down to stroke a hand over his face. “You need to hang on, Jared. Help’s coming.”

“Too cold to move and my leg’s not moving right,” he glanced to see Mia crying. “Pumpkin, it’s alright. I’ll be fine but…you need to let my Momma take you to Miss Ivy,” he felt her slip between his arms to cling to him.

“No, I’ll stay with you until Daddy comes for us,” Mia sniffed, not wanting to leave her friend in the cold woods alone when he was scared and hurting. “I’ll keep us safe, my Jared.”

Nancy smiled again with her hand hovering over Mia’s hair. “She’s also got quite a lot of you in her since I recall you being a little hardheaded at times.”

“She got Jensen’s stubbornness,” Jared returned, smirking when Mia’s eyes popped open.

“Daddy told Miss Ivy I got it from you,” she smiled, looking at the lady who had always been with her. “Is this your Mommy, Jared?” she asked quietly, going on at his slow nod. “I really do have angels then…but…if they’re your Mommy and Daddy…will they like me still? Daddy’s Mommy doesn’t always like me.”

Jared bit his lip to keep from saying what he almost did but then blinked at what his mother did say in response to that.

“Your Grandmother is a conceited, nasty woman who wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit her on her butt,” Nancy shook her head as if wondering how anyone could not adore such a sweet child as the one in her son’s arms. “Jared’s Daddy and I love you so much little Mia. That’s why Eric told you that you could call us what you do,” she reassured the child with a kiss to her head.

“I have a Nana and Papa,” Mia was happy with that, shivering harder and fighting not to cry for her Daddy but it was hard when she was scared for Jared. “Please don’t leave us, Jared. Daddy needs you. I need you.”

“If you stop fighting you’ll lose them, son,” Eric spoke from the side, glancing at Mia then his wife. “Mia, if I promise to stay with Jared, would you let your Nana take you back home?” he asked, going on quickly as her tiny pale face turned mutinous at the suggestion. “If you go back, you can tell the men there where Jared is.”

Mia wanted to argue because she didn’t want Jared to be alone but she also wanted to bring help back. “Men?” she didn’t trust that. “What if they take me?”

“Honey, these men want to find you and Jared,” Nancy explained softly, watching as Jared tried to speak to the girl to convince her. “One man is a friend of your Daddy.”

“Mia, go,” Jared whispered, meeting her eyes to smile softly. “I’ll be…okay until you get someone for me but you need to go now.”

Easing away, Mia hesitated before hugging his neck tightly and kissing his face. “I’ll bring back help and Daddy,” she promised, taking Nancy’s hand. “You talk to Daddy, Jared. He’ll make you feel safe,” she pulled the battered phone out of Jared’s pocket to open it. “Talk to my Daddy, my Jared. Love you.”

“Love you too,” Jared whispered, watching until Mia was out of sight before finally focusing on his father. “Dad, I’m…”

“Not a word of sorry, son,” Eric cut him off, kneeling down to eye the broken phone with a hand. “What happened back then wasn’t your fault. Everything Jensen told you about that was right. Now it’s time for you to fight for the second chance you’ve been given.”

Jared wanted to fight. He didn’t want to die again and leave his friend alone again but he could feel the cold seeping into his bones and knew he’d never survive the night. He stared at the phone pressed into his numb hand to stare at the lit screen.

“Talk to Jensen, son,” Eric advised, knowing if anyone could save his son now it would be the boy that he and Nancy had always known would take care of their son if given a chance.

The phone was broken. Jared knew it. That’s why he hadn’t tried to get Mia to get it out sooner but as he forced his weakening and burning arms to lift it closer to his ear he nearly sobbed when he heard the deep voice on the other end.

“Jay?” he heard Jensen speak his nickname and felt a surge of hope shoot through him.

“Jen…”

**TBC**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also have chapters 12 and 13 ready and they will both probably post tomorrow.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minor language and yes, I'll suggest a tissue warning but then it might just be me.

**Chapter Twelve**

“I don’t want your excuses! I want you out there looking for them or I’m filling both your asses with lead!”

Ivy Adams was outraged and fearful. It had been several hours since her poor sweet little Mia had run into the woods alone and without any coat or boots.

She’d been hopeful that Chris Kane would find the child hiding in the barn but when the man had come back empty handed and when that useless excuse for a Sheriff had returned without Jared, the older woman’s temper had finally hit the boiling point.

“It’s getting dark and snowing! Find them!” she snapped, poking a finger into Chris’s chest. “You know better than anyone what he was like during the darkest times. How do you think Jensen will react if both his daughter and his best friend are lost because no one looked for them?”

“Ivy, people are looking,” Chris assured her, his own worry notching up though as one of the State troopers told him the latest forecast. “We will find them but it takes time. I know it’s bad out there and I know its cold but…”

“But, but, but! All I get are excuses when you should be out there looking for your goddaughter, Chris Kane!” Ivy yelled, worry huge in her heart and just glad those men in suits had removed the would-be nanny because it was coming close that Ivy would have shot her if she’d made one more comment about the family. “She’s a poor little girl out there in those woods alone!”

Chris exchanged grim looks with Sheriff Welling. Both knew the weather was going to hamper search efforts but he would find both Mia and Jensen’s friend even if he had to search alone.

He was about to say that when he turned at a voice shouting for the Sheriff and felt a breath of relief hit him as he caught sight of the little girl in the arms of a female State Trooper. “Thank God,” he breathed, starting forward only to be passed by Ivy.

“Mia, baby!” the older woman had a warm blanket ready as soon as she had the crying child engulfed in her arms. “You’re freezing! Child, you’ve had us so worried. I’m going to get you inside and warmed up while these morons go look for…Mia!”

Her new Nana had taken her as close to home as she could before telling Mia to go straight and that she’d be found but she needed to go wait with Jared.

Now that Mia was safe, she didn’t want to be warm or cuddled. She wanted to drag her Uncle Chris back out to find Jared and that’s why she began to squirm at Ivy’s attempt to carry her inside.

“No, Miss Ivy! No!” she squirmed until she managed to drop free and then latched both cold hands around Chris’s when he reached for her. “Uncle Chris!”

For as long as Mia had been a baby the tall man with long black hair, kind blue eyes and a voice that she loved to hear had been her Uncle even though Daddy had explained that he wasn’t related but the next best thing. She adored him and knew he’d help her save Jared.

“Sweetie, you need to get inside and get warmed up,” Chris told her, wrapping her hands in his to feel the cold and worried about hypothermia and frostbite. “Listen to Ivy and…”

“No!” Mia was normally a sweet well-mannered child but right then she was on the verge of a very real, very typical five-year-old temper tantrum. “I left Jared all alone and he’s hurt and cold! He made me come back but I told him I’d bring help so you come help him Uncle Chris and…” her green eyes narrowed at a look to the grim faced Sheriff.

Chris watched his sweet faced, always smiling, always laughing little goddaughter shoot the Sheriff a look that was pure pissed off Jensen at his best. “And there is her father’s temper,” he decided, latching on the second he saw her tiny body curl to spring. “Mia, wait a second there, sugar.”

“It was his deputy you hurt my Jared!” the child yelled, not wanting the Sheriff close to her friend. “He hurt him! Now Daddy and I might lose Jared, Uncle Chris!” she sobbed, grabbing his hand again to tug with all her strength. “Please, you gotta come. The angels are with him but Nana says he’s cold and scared. He needs Daddy!”

“Honey, it’s not the…” Chris stopped to frown. “Mia, you found…Jared?” he felt Ivy’s narrowed look and sighed. “Grown men can’t find a single man. A five year old finds him and they wonder why I didn’t fight about retiring when I did.”

Seth Welling went to kneel down but a handful of snow in his face warned him that perhaps he shouldn’t. “Mia, can you tell us where you left Jared?” he asked, not wanting the child back out in the worsening weather and knowing that Ivy wouldn’t permit it. “How far away it was or what was he by or…”

“I’ll show Uncle Chris but not you. You might try to hurt Jared and then Daddy will punch you!” Mia’s lip jutted out, looking up at Chris with huge eyes so much like her father’s it reminded the older man of the first night Jensen had finally dropped his shields with him and spoke of his lost friend. “He’s all wet cause I found him by the pond and we walked a little bit but he hurt himself more trying to get his hands loose to hold me.”

“You didn’t uncuff him?” Chris growled lowly, shooting the Sheriff a dark look while Ivy was shaking her head but bundling Mia into a heavy jacket and quickly changing her soaked shoes and socks for warmer socks and her mismatched boots.

“A truck running him over the small hill got in the way, Kane,” Seth snapped back, trying to think of the way to the pond on Jensen’s property and groaning. “She must have run a helluva long way since that pond is a good ways from here and if he’s hurt and wet then this cold is going to…”

Chris picked Mia up once Ivy had finished, grabbing a bag with blankets and a jacket while reaching for his cellphone to call one of the teams of searchers that were out who knew the area. “Is there a way close on vehicle or just on foot?” he wanted to know.

“In the summer there is like a small bike path and there used to be an outlet from the road if you know it’s there but in the winter is next to impossible to get in there with a truck or SUV unless it’s built for that and you know where the road is,” Seth replied grimly, knowing the man’s fears. “Getting him out won’t be easy. She should stay…”

“She knows the exact location and I bet even scared like she was Mia will remember her way back to this guy. Won’t you?” Chris gave her a smile while also wrapping a blanket around her for more warmth on the way back to where she’d left her friend. “Can you show me and the Sheriff where your friend is, sugar?”

Mia clearly didn’t like the Sheriff going but if her Uncle Chris thought he had to then she’d allow it. Nodding her head, she hugged him. “Please help him,” she whispered, tears filling her eyes again. “Daddy loves him and he loves Daddy, Uncle Chris. They share a heart so they don’t have to do all that yucky stuff like Aunt Sarah does and he makes Daddy smile and laugh and paint and…I love him too and he loves me and…”

Hearing Ivy sniff to cover the tears that rush of childlike words brought also had Chris swallowing the lump that had formed. “I will do everything I can to help your friend, sugar,” he promised her, meeting Ivy’s eyes while sighing. “Call Jensen and tell him what’s going on because he’s going to want to get back here if he’s not on his way back by now.”

“Oh, Daddy gave Jared a phone and I told Jared to call Daddy so he could make him feel brave while I came to get help,” Mia remarked simply, adding. “It was cracked but I know Daddy will get the call cause he’s Daddy.”

“GPS that number” Seth hissed at someone as he followed Chris and Mia at a safe distance while Ivy hurried to prepare what she thought would be needed later on. “This snow is getting thicker and it’s getting darker,” he warned, going on at the look he was given. “We have floodlights but carrying a grown man out in a snow storm is asking to risk our lives as well as his when he’s probably already…” he cut the words off as sharp blue eyes pinned him with a silent warning. “Damn it.”

Meanwhile, Jared was fighting to stay awake and also to not lose hope that his second chance was going to be so short but as he leaned his head back against the tree to watch the snow come down heavier he actually couldn’t find fault with the short time he’d been given with the man and child he would always love unless it was he didn’t want to lose it.

“Hey, Jen?” he’d been mostly listening to the panicked, but fighting to not let on voice he could hear from the broken phone, a small weak smile playing on his lips.

“What? Didn’t I say not to talk and just conserve your strength?” Jensen Ackles was fighting his own panic at both not knowing what the hell was happening but concern for where his child was since he couldn’t lose Jared’s connection to make a call to Ivy or to click in any number of the calls coming his way and also to ignore the quiet voice tinged with both fear and realism he heard.

He’d managed to get a basic idea of what had happened after he left home from Jared or at least from what little Jared said in between drifting off to talk about their childhood and other things that told Jensen how bad his friend was.

The idea that a Deputy had been the cause of this, even if the man had been hired by his mother, didn’t do anything to stop Jensen’s surge of anger toward Seth Welling but shoved that down to focus on driving as fast as he dared in the worsening weather and on back roads he didn’t like to drive but knew it was the shorter route home…shorter to get him to Jared and Mia.

“Happy family,” Jared whispered, holding his still cuffed hands out to let snowflakes land in his palms. “Still want you to have one.”

“I have a happy family, Jay,” Jensen replied tightly, taking a white knuckled hand off the wheel to wipe his face clear of the tears he felt there. “I have you and Mia so we have a happy family.”

“I want to know that you’ll give Mia that happy family even when I’m gone, Jen,” Jared clamped down on the pain but couldn’t cover it all when he tried to move to make himself smaller against the fear. “You’re a great man who deserves to be loved and to love someone but…please find someone who loves Mia too and…”

Jensen was feeling his chest tighten the longer he listened because it was clear what Jared was saying. “Hey! Stop. You’re not going to die on me Jay. I’m not letting this happen again. I’m finding you and I’m getting you help so just hang on.”

“Mia’s angels, they’re my folks,” Jared told him, still feeling his father’s spirit close by and knowing he wasn’t being buried in snow because of it. “She calls them Nana and Papa. Is that okay, Jen? I hope I’ll still be able to look after her when I…Jen? I’m scared,” he whispered, watching as the sky darkened. “It’s cold and I don’t wanna die again, I want you.”

“Listen to me,” Jensen eyed the GPS and gauged how much farther he was while offering a silent prayer like he had never prayed before. “I am going to be by your side in just a little bit. I am not letting you die, Jared. You and I going to raise Mia and we’re going to sit on some porch somewhere watching the sun set when we’re both old and grey but I need you to believe that, Jay. I need you to want to live for me.”

“I…do. I do want to live, Jen,” Jared told him, shivering and groaning at the pain in his shoulders. “You’d have been proud of Mia. She hopped across the pond to get to me and then tried to make me feel better even as I was trying to get her home,” he closed his eyes to see the smiling child’s face. “I love her and you, Jen.”

“I know you do, Jay,” Jensen murmured, swerving around a slow moving car and swearing as he felt the SUV slide on ice and gritted his teeth while promising that people would pay for causing this to happen. “Keep talking to me, just keep talking to me, Jay. You’re not alone and I’m on my way.”

A flick of his eyes told him how far he was if he kept to this route but Jensen knew more back roads and while they were risky in this weather he was willing to take that chance if it meant getting to his friend.

“Is it okay that my folks watch over her?” Jared asked again while remembering he’d asked that question but then had distracted Jensen from answering. “Is it okay that she calls them that? I know they’re not her grandparents but…”

“Right now I’m not certain if Mia has grandparents unless it is your folks so of course it’s fine that she calls them Nana and Papa,” Jensen began to hear static and gripped the wheel more. “Jay! Can you still hear me?”

“Yah,” came the soft reply as Jared’s eyes opened to see his mother again but noticed she was looking over her shoulder where he thought he could see flickering lights and hear voices. “Huh,” he mumbled, cold air biting but he could barely feel it anymore. “So numb that I don’t even feel the pain anymore…like before and…Mia.”

“Damn it,” Jensen swore, knowing that wasn’t good when he suddenly blinked. “Mia? What…Jay, are you seeing Mia?” he asked as a burst of static drowned out the reply and he cursed the phone as it went dead. “No! Damn it!”

Jared’s numb fingers had dropped the phone even as his attention was drawn to the tall figure in the distance who was trying to keep a squirming and yelling Mia in his arms until they were closer. “Mia,” he whispered, relieved that she was safe but not sure he liked seeing the uniformed Sheriff again. “Mia.”

“Jared! Jared!” Mia had finally managed to get loose to run through the new snow to her friend, dropping to her knees beside him to touch his pale cold face with her little gloved hands and then tried to cover him with the blanket that had been around her. “I brought Uncle Chris, my Jared! He’s gonna take you home and we’ll get warm and be safe!” she told him, seeing how pale his eyes looked compared to normal. “J…Jared? Wake up?”

“I’m…awake, my Mia,” Jared assured her, blinking to see that someone had at least bundled the girl up this time. “You should’ve stayed with Miss Ivy. It’s too…cold for you and…who?”

He’d tensed the moment strange hands went to touch him but Mia’s littler ones calmed him as Jared tried to watch the rugged looking man with long black hair and deep blue eyes touch him before pulling some kind of blanket out of a bag to wrap it around him.

“This is Uncle Chris,” Mia told him while shooting Seth Welling a dark look to stay away. “He’s Daddy’s friend.”

The name rang a dim bell with Jared so he tried not to tense or make a sound as pain hit. “Your Daddy said he’s coming,” he told the child quietly, hissing as his hands were touched. “No, please just leave…”

“Son, I have to get these off so we can start warming you up,” Chris Kane had taken one look and knew this was not a good situation.

Jared’s eyes were glassy with shock. It was clear he was in hypothermia and that he had frostbite. What also worried him was the way it looked like his wet clothes had frozen to his skin but what literally stunned the former FBI man was when he took in Jared’s shoulders and realized he’d dislocated them both just to be able to get his cuffed hands around so he could touch Mia.

“Give me the keys to these or the second Mia’s not looking I will shoot you in your knee,” he growled, holding a hand out so Seth could quickly drop the keys into it. “Jared, my name’s Chris and like Mia said I’m a friend on Jensen’s and I hope you’ll let me be your friend as well.”

Chris kept his voice level like he would back at the clinic when dealing with anyone frightened or skittish while carefully touching Jared to unlock the too tight cuffs, gritting his teeth when he caught the dried blood and torn skin under them but never let the smile fade, noticing that the boy’s eyes were on Mia who had curled up against his side.

“Can you tell me your name, son?” he asked, concerned while picking up the broken phone to see there was no way he could have talked to Jensen on the thing.

Glad to have the cuffs off, Jared still couldn’t move well due to his shoulders but at least his hands were free so he could touch Mia a little better when she slowly worked her way against him despite the cold. “Jared Tristan Padalecki…Sir,” he remembered to add the last out of some long ago learned manners his mother taught him. “I think I’m…I should be 28 but you might have to ask Jen.”

“Jen?” Chris’s lips curved, suspecting he knew what that was but had never actually heard anyone call Jensen by that nickname before.

“It’s what he calls Daddy,” Mia told him simply, adding it like she needed to inform her Uncle of a vital fact. “Daddy calls him Jay but only Daddy can call him that so you have to call him Jared.”

“I’ll remember that, sugar,” Chris smiled at her while noticing that Jared was still with it enough to know to keep Mia on the blanket and away from his frozen clothes.

He’d been worried when Jensen had first called him and told him about his friend’s miracle return that perhaps in the grief that he still felt that someone was taking advantage of Jensen’s heart but as he watched this young man soothe Mia despite the pain he had to be in Chris knew everything he had to.

“Jared? Can you walk at all?” he didn’t think he could but felt he still should ask. “It’s getting dark I know and there are men coming with a stretcher so we can carry you out but either way it’s going to be rough.”

“Daddy’s coming,” Mia told them with a child’s complete faith in her father. “Daddy will get Jared.”

“Mia, we haven’t been able to reach Jensen,” Seth remarked, stepping closer only to stop upon noticing that Jared had gone tense and the child’s face cold.

“ _Daddy_ will get Jared,” Mia repeated, her gloved fingers curling over the blanket she’d covered her friend with while her other hand was reaching to gather snow to throw if she had to.

Seth sighed, seeing the Ackles’ stubbornness coming out so he chose to address the other man since Mia did seem to still listen to Chris. “We can probably still get him out once the stretcher gets here if you think you can pick her up because I figure she’ll bite me if I try to touch her or him.”

“If you try to touch either my daughter or Jared considering I am laying his injuries totally on your head then it won’t be Mia biting you that you’ll have to worry about but my fist pounding your damn face in, Sheriff.”

The deep voice had a more husky gruffness to it but it was also still totally recognizable by all with several different reactions.

Chris just smirked while the already tense Sheriff could be heard groaning. Jared’s eyes flickered at the voice but it was Mia who merely smiled as she snuggled closer to Jared now that she knew they were safe. “Hi, my Daddy!” she greeted.

“Hi, my sweet and brave little Mia,” Jensen returned the greeting while hurrying through the snow to where his daughter and friend where, tossing a dark look that promised more than words later to Seth and exchanging a nod of greeting with his former sponsor, “Chris.”

Jensen had pushed himself and the SUV to the limit. He’d taken back roads that he’d sworn to never drive on a good day much less in the snow as parts of them were icing up but he’d gotten to where he needed to be. Now to just keep the situation from getting worse but a quick look had him fighting back emotions he hadn’t felt since he was sixteen.

“Daddy’s here,” Mia whispered, smiling bravely up at her father but the fear could still be seen in her eyes. “Please help him, Daddy.”

“I’m going to, baby” Jensen assured her, slipping a glove off to lightly touch Jared’s face to feel a low fever despite the ice cold skin under his touch. “Jay, you with me?”

Jared’s chapped lips curved in a weak smile as his eyes blinked a few times until he finally focused on Jensen’s worried face. “Jen,” he lifted a hand weakly to feel it grasp tightly, the warmth of it bringing him back to consciousness a bit more. “Tried…tried to keep her safe.”

“I know you did and now I’ll keep you both safe but first we need to get you out of here and to a hospital,” Jensen had debated long and hard on that choice because he thought he knew how Jared would react to the thought of one of those but after looking at his friend he knew it was best. “Jay, calm down and listen,” he urged quickly at the first sign of weak panic.

“No,” Jared tried to refuse, groaning in pain but tightening his grip on Jensen’s hand as his wide eyes grew more panicked. “No, can’t go there. Jensen…please. I…I don’ wanna go there again. I don’ wanna die there again.”

Jensen quickly shushed his friend while also running a soothing hand along Mia’s back as she began to get upset with Jared. “Shh, you’re not going to die there because you’re not dying but you need to get that leg looked at and those shoulders put back into place. I’ll take you home after that but you’ve been out in this weather too long, Jay. You need more help than Ivy can do at the house,” he kept his hand on the cold face so their eyes would hold. “I will be with you. I will not let them keep you and I will take you home, promise.”

The touch of fingers making a small sign against his palm seemed to calm Jared somewhat as he knew it was a childhood gesture they’d shared. “Mia?” he asked, body tired now that he wasn’t alone.

“Mia can come along to get looked at too but…I’ll have Ivy meet us there because she won’t be able to be with us since she’s too little,” Jensen caught two identical looks of dislike over that one. “As soon as you come home though she’ll be with you and so will I, okay?”

“You won’t…leave?” Jared feared being alone in the hospital more than he feared dying. He shuddered from both pain and the feel of warm lips touching his softly.

“Did I before?” Jensen smiled, squeezing his hand again and this time seeing the bloody abrasions from the cuffs. “Seth? You better be glad I’m focusing on him because it was your Deputy who touched him so aside from my mother who do you think I’m laying the blame on for this?”

Seth Welling sighed. “Jensen, I swear I didn’t know Ford had been paid off until Ivy called me. He and Lawson are being handled. This won’t happen…”

“Again?” Jensen finished for him, tossing a disgusted look over his shoulder. “It never should’ve happened to start with. Neither Jay nor Mia should have gone through this.”

“I know and I’m sorry…ugh!” the Sheriff’s head snapped back when a sudden fist hit him in the face.

“Being sorry doesn’t take back the pain or fear my friend’s in or the terror my little girl’s gone through!” Jensen hissed as he jerked away from the warning hand Chris Kane placed on his arm to slowly ease his clinging child away from Jared. “Mia? I need you to let Uncle Chris hold you while I help Jared up,” he told her calmly, nodding back the way he’d come. “I left the SUV parked a little ways down that path.”

Mia didn’t want to let go but she slowly did go to Chris but kept her eyes on Jared when her Daddy bent to carefully help him try to stand only to see them both nearly fall. “Daddy?”

“He can’t walk, Jensen,” Chris murmured, shifting the child to attempt to help but blew out a breath at the back away look he received. “Wait for…huh, you haven’t shot me that look since the first week you were at the clinic.”

“Back off,” was all Jensen said, kneeling to see the buried pain in Jared’s eyes. “Do you think you can walk if I take most of the weight or do you want to wait for that stretcher?” he asked, catching the uncertainty but also the stubbornness as he held out a hand. “Trust me, Jay?”

“Always,” Jared murmured as he placed his hand into the firm grip of his best friend, preparing for the searing pain as Jensen slid an arm around him before beginning to slowly lift him up. “Where’s…Mia?” he asked through clenched teeth and closed eyes.

A little surprised to feel so much pain if he considered how cold he was but still Jared’s biggest concern was the little girl that meant the world to him.

“She’s with Chris. She’s good,” Jensen assured him while taking on most of his friend’s weight and for the first time silently cursing the small height difference but refusing to allow either Chris or Seth to touch Jared. “Just lean on me and…do I want to ask how you dislocated both shoulders in the first place.”

Jared might have been in pain and fighting to stay awake but he also knew it wouldn’t take much more to cause his friend’s temper to spike fully. Since he didn’t want Jensen arrested for assaulting the Sheriff he wasn’t planning to explain too much about the why and how of that.

Too bad for Seth Welling that Mia didn’t see anything wrong with telling her Daddy about Jared’s cool trick to get his arms out from behind his back.

“Huh. Is that so?” Jensen’s voice had dropped flat while sending a look toward his school friend. “Well, I don’t think Jay will be doing that trick again, will you?” he lightly stroked his thumb over Jared’s cheek while waiting for him to steady against him. “I’m sorry this happened,” he whispered against his ear, pulling the blanket tighter around the younger man.

“Not…your fault,” Jared wanted to walk on his own but knew his one leg wasn’t going to support him and finally gave in to allow his friend to support him. “She’ll never leave me alone.”

“Oh yeah, she will,” Jensen replied firmly, figuring if his mother didn’t back off due to the threats his father was making then he was certain a visit from either the cops or the Feds would convince her that it would be best to leave his family alone. “Just lean on me and we’ll get you out of here. After all, we still have to get that tree up for Santa.”

Jared’s lips tried for a smile but the fear of not surviving made it hard. He leaned against his friend and tried to concentrate on Mia’s chatter as she and Chris followed closely while the Sheriff went to head of the other searchers off.

“You got a tree?” Chris was surprised since he knew how against that his friend had been over the years. “For the main house?”

“Oh! It’s so pretty, Uncle Chris!” Mia told him, splitting her attention between him and where her father was supporting Jared. “Jared and I have all the lights and decorations ready. We wanted to have it ready for Daddy to put the Angel on top but…” she stopped to sniffle. “Bad people came.”

“We still have time, baby girl,” Jensen assured her, keeping his hold tight and glad when the SUV came into sight because he could feel Jared getting weaker. “Chris! Go put down the seats so we can just lay Jay inside and get the heater going.”

Chris took the keys that were passed to him to quickly drop the back seats while moving the paintings and Mia’s booster seat to the front while placing her also in the front. “Stay here while I try to help Daddy,” he told her after hitting the heater onto its highest setting.

“Hurts,” Jared whispered, fighting back tears since he almost never let his friend see him cry from pain but this time as his injured leg finally buckled he felt the tears on his face turn to near ice the second he shed them. “Jensen…”

“I’m here, baby,” Jensen soothed, looking up as the back hatch opened and he met the grim blue eyes of his friend. “Sit here and take a few breaths,” he squeezed a cold hand but still felt some hope when stiff fingers tried to squeeze back.

“Jared okay, Daddy?” Mia asked from where she was leaning over the seat to watch her father get inside to carefully move and tug until finally Jared was fully inside the SUV.

Jensen paused to answer until he saw Jared nod tightly. “Jay’s doing good, honey,” he assured his daughter while adjusting himself so he could lean Jared back to rest against his chest, patting the space next to them. “You can come and sit here beside him, Mia-Lia.”

While Mia carefully climbed into the back, Chris just assumed he was driving and got back behind the wheel. “I take it you already inputted the GPS with the closest hospital?” he asked, waiting until the little girl was sitting still to put the vehicle in drive while hitting the button on the device that would give him the directions he needed. “This might take a while if the roads are bad.”

“You want me to drive?” Jensen countered evenly, not looking away from where his daughter had moved to sit where she could touch Jared and also adjust the blankets around him while taking her pink hat off to try to put it on her friend’s wet hair. “Jay?”

“Promise not to leave me there?” Jared asked softly, able to move a hand to brush it over soft hair as Mia curled up close to him. “I…I want to go home, Jen.”

Looking up to the roof of the SUV to clear his filling eyes, Jensen coughed before nodding. “I’m taking you home, Jay,” he promised, reaching around to hold the other hand in his. “Just gotta let the doctors do their thing with the X-rays and warming you up some and then we’ll go home.”

“Miss Ivy will help you get better,” Mia told him, lifting her eyes to smile at Jared while glancing at her father. “Remember what I said about Daddy kisses? Those will make you better too, my Jared. Right, Daddy?”

This time Jensen did hear his voice shake as he tried to respond. “Right, Mia. Jared’ll get better.”

“Jensen,” Chris spoke lowly but the warning was there.

The drive to the hospital was as fast as Chris could go with slick roads and even with the Sheriff’s cruiser, that had caught up to them, going ahead with his lights and siren on, it took more time than Jensen would have liked.

The heat in the SUV was high but Jared seemed to barely feel it as he shook harder, only stilling when Mia would lay her small hand over his and whisper little things that Jensen couldn’t make out but knew whatever his daughter was saying made Jared try to smile.

“We’re here,” Chris called, blowing out a breath that he hadn’t wrecked and vowing to never leave New Orleans in the winter ever again. “I’ll get the medics out here if that cop hasn’t already called ahead, which he better have.”

Jensen just nodded, his focus was on Jared and Mia who seemed to be having a quiet conversation and he hated to break it up. “Jay, the people here are going to insist on examining you without me but while they’re doing that I’m going to get Mia settled and then I’ll be with you, alright?”

It wasn’t because a piece of Jared had memories of being in this hospital before but no matter how much he wanted to cling to Jensen he knew it was important for Mia to be taken care of so he slowly nodded. “Mia?”

“I’ll be brave if you will be, Jared,” the little girl’s eyes were big as she watched several people rush from the hospital toward their vehicle. “I’ll stay with Miss Ivy so Daddy can be with you and when we go home they’ll give us grape lollipops.”

Mia leaned up to press small butterfly kisses over Jared’s face before Ivy was there to pick her up as her Daddy growled at a man in a doctor’s coat who made Jared cry out. “Daddy?”

“You let Ivy take you to see Miss Carolyn, sweetie. Uncle Chris will go with you too until I get there,” Jensen told her, not taking his hand away from Jared despite the well-meaning attempts of several aides who nearly had his fist in their faces. “Just let me speak with doctors here.”

“I love you Jared!” she called as she was carried inside and away.

Jared’s eyes were open as he looked up at Jensen, faking being brave like he had all those years ago. “I love her too,” he whispered, feeling drowsy as something poked his arm. “Jensen?”

“Yeah, Jay?” it was hard not to snarl as he watched people take his friend out of his arms and bitter memories came flooding back of another time. “You’ll be fine.”

Jared had his doubts as he forced a smile while making his tired limbs move to bring the hand he still held up to press his lips to Jensen’s fingers. “Happy family.”

“We’ll have that,” Jensen promised, voice breaking finally but he forced a calm smile while carding his fingers back through long wet and cold hair to kiss Jared’s forehead without giving a damn who was watching. “I love you,” he whispered and then had to stand back to let the doctors and nurses wheel his friend away, fighting to ignore the same ball of icy fear in his stomach as he’d felt at sixteen.

Seth had stood back until they were alone in the hall before reaching out to touch his friend’s shoulder only to find himself slammed against the soda machine.

“If that damn Deputy and Lawson do not stay behind bars on some type of charge this time I will take it out of your ass,” Jensen snarled, the temper that had been simmering since his confrontation with his mother now surfacing. “If my daughter had been harmed or taken I…let go.”

Chris Kane had suspected what would happen the moment the younger man was left alone and so had left his goddaughter in the capable hands of Ivy Adams and Mia’s own pediatrician to come back just in time to see the Sheriff get slammed into the soda machine.

“Getting your ass arrested for touching the Sheriff won’t do either Mia or Jared any good,” he advised, tightening his grip when he felt Jensen try to shrug him off. “Jensen, we’ve played this part out before. It ended with you on the floor, my hand at your throat and both of us bleeding. Do you really want to see if you’ve learned anything since then or do you want to go check on your daughter while those doctors treat him?”

The sponsor and ex-FBI man’s tone was deep and gravelly like it was when needing to break through the haze of grief and pain that he could see in Jensen right then. “Jensen, it’s not all the Sheriff’s fault.”

“No, it’s mine for leaving them alone in the house to let this happen,” Jensen snapped, jerking free after he let go of Seth to stalk a few paces down the hall while going to look into the trauma room to see nurses trying to cut Jared’s sweatshirt off and cringing that they had to use warm water to try to unstick the cloth from his skin. “It’s my fault for not thinking that my damn heartless bitch of a mother would actually try to once again not only kill my friend but kidnap my daughter.

“So when I take him home, because I will take him home, and I have to explain to my beautiful smiling little girl that the man she’s grown to love without even understanding who he was to me will probably not make it past Christmas…again…it will be my fault as I watch her fall to pieces,” he wiped his eyes free of tears before touching the piece of medallion and the bracelet that he’d removed before the staff could.

“If he dies, I want her to pay for it someway, Chris” Jensen paused to stare back at his friend. “My mother arranged this and if Jay can’t fight through this then I don’t care what it does or what it costs me but I want her to pay.”

Before Chris could respond Jensen walked away to go check on Mia and to arrange for Ivy to take her home and be protected until he got there.

“I have her on tape buying off my Deputy,” Seth remarked, rubbing his throat. “Ford’s not stupid…well, he is, but he’s not stupid enough to take the full fall for this. He’ll deal.”

“I’ll talk to some people,” Chris knew he still had friends and those friends would only be too willing to put the scare of a lifetime into Laura Ackles, if they didn’t just arrest her heartless ass on any number of charges.

It didn’t take long for Carolyn Fox to assure Jensen that while Mia had some minor frostbite and she’d probably come down with a cold that the child was very lucky but healthy.

It had taken longer to convince Mia to go home with Ivy and a few men that Chris vouched for because the child wanted to be with Jared but after a lot of talking and nearly slipping into his rarely used ‘Dad’ voice Jensen convinced his daughter that it would be best to go home and wait for him to bring Jared home to her.

Then it was just a matter of waiting. By the end of the seventh hour Jensen was pacing restlessly and starting to snarl at anything or anyone.

Chris ran interference with most things including the poorly timed call from Gary Ackles that nearly had Jensen hurling the cellphone through a window.

It was only when the short, balding doctor coughed as he stepped to the door of the empty waiting room that the young New Yorker looked up from the piece of paper he’d been doodling on after nearly coming to blows with his former sponsor.

“Mr. Ackles?” the Doctor looked between Jensen and Chris warily with a clear hesitance in what he was about to say. “I was informed that you brought Mr…Padalecki in. Do you know if he has any family?”

“Shit,” Chris breathed, shoving to his feet a second behind Jensen. “That’s not a good way to start, Doc.”

“I’m his family,” Jensen replied tightly, then sighed at the slap to his head. “No, Jared’s parents were killed and he doesn’t have anyone but my daughter and me. How is he? When can I see him?”

Doctor Steve Long had been a physician for over forty years. He’d seen babies born and he’d watched patients die but nothing was as heartbreaking to him as to watch a loved one’s face as he was forced to give them the ultimate bad news and he suspected this time would be even worse.

“Sit down, Mr. Ackles,” he motioned to the chair. “We need to talk first before I let you see your friend.”

“No, the last time someone tried that line on me in this place I watched my friend die,” Jensen wasn’t stupid. He’d been down this road before and wouldn’t let it happen. “You tell me what’s wrong and then let me see Jared because then I’m taking him home.”

The Doctor only widened his eyes a bit at that small announcement but had been warned about Jensen’s attitude by the head nurse. “Mr. Ackles…Jensen, I can give you any number of medical explanations and jargon but the biggest thing I should say to you is…I honestly don’t know how that young man is even still alive.

“Aside from the obvious frostbite and severe hypothermia he’s suffering from, his right leg has had the knee nearly shattered, he had both shoulders dislocated. He’s suffering from a severe concussion, several cracked ribs, and he was also grazed by a bullet it seemed. He had water in his lungs that I fear has made him susceptible to pneumonia,” Long looked up from his chart to see intense green eyes watching him. “We’ve done what we can to make him comfortable for the moment but…”

“But?” Jensen pounced on that, his heart speeding up. “But what?” he demanded. “Nothing you said is anything he can’t heal from.”

“If he had been given immediate attention for the frostbite and hypothermia, or if he hadn’t cracked his head again from whatever caused him to get doused with freezing water…yes, there would have been a possibility of healing but…” Long closed the chart to take a long slow breath while watching the flashes of emotions cross Jensen’s face.

“The exposure, the swelling at the back of his head, the damage to his knee and whatever else he’s been through has left your friend very weak. Too weak to even attempt surgery to repair the leg or try to relieve the swelling. We have put his shoulders back into place and treated what we can as well as we’re trying to bring his internal body temperature back up but in the end, all we and you can do is make him comfortable until…” the doctor watched as what he was saying sank in. “I’m…sorry.”

The numbness was still the same as it had been the night the doctors and his father had finally made him understand what was happening back then. Only this time Jensen wasn’t ready to accept the lame excuses and weak apology. He also wasn’t ready to let go.

“I want to see him and then I’m taking him home,” he declared firmly, carefully folding the piece of paper to slip it into the pocket of his jacket before walking to the door; looking back. “You say he’s dying well if he does then it won’t be here.”

Long started to object only to have Chris shake his head. “Just let him take him home,” he advised while wishing for a miracle but not seeing one in the making.

It only took a snarl to get him the room number to where Jared had been moved. It took Jensen a few moments longer to compose himself before opening the door to the private room so he could face his friend without tears in his eyes.

Jared was lying in the bed surrounded by wires, machines, heated blankets and also covered in bandages. The bruises he’d gotten from the rough current were showing more as was the damage to his pale skin from the frostbite.

The bandages around his injured knee were heavy and thick and while he didn’t look as bad as he had at twelve when Jensen had entered his room, the knowledge of loss was thick and heavy and both of them knew it.

“Jared?” he spoke softly as he wasn’t certain if his friend was awake and he didn’t want to wake him if he was asleep but he knew the second Jared’s hand shifted on the bed toward him that not only was the man awake but he was also well aware. “Jay…”

“I don’t want to die here, Jen,” Jared’s voice was whisper soft and choked with tears, turning his head from where he’d been staring at the window to stare at his friend, the man he would always love. “Please, let me die with you at home or…” he suddenly shook his head. “No, I won’t ask you to do that again. You go. Go home and be with Mia. I’ll…be…”

A hand closed over his as Jensen sat down on the edge of the bed to use his free hand to curve his fingers along Jared’s still cold to the touch, tear streaked cheek. “I am taking you home and whatever happens I will be with you when it does. You will not be alone, Jay,” he promised thickly, leaning closer to let their foreheads touch. “I love you and I will be with you forever.”

Jared wanted to believe that. He wanted to believe that he’d wake up to a miracle but he knew his second chance at love and life had been short but worth it. He just wished his friend wouldn’t be hurt and as the drugs he’d been given to dull the pain began to pull him under again he prayed to someone, anyone, to at least not let Jensen and Mia hurt for too long.

“Love…you,” he whispered before drifting off and missing the tears that fell as Jensen held his hand until the papers were ready to be signed and they could go home to face whatever would come.

As Jensen fought not to lose his last bit of hope, he missed the man’s silhouette who stood in the doorway to watch them before easing away to make a choice of his own…a choice that would either make or break a small family’s chances to be together like it had been to be before the interference of the small minded put it at risk.

By the time it took the staff to be convinced it was in Jared’s best interests to be allowed to go home with Jensen another full day had passed and it was the morning of Christmas Eve that Chris Kane finally pulled the SUV back up in front of the Ackles’ home.

The ex-FBI man turned to glance in the back seat with grim eyes as he watched Jensen’s heavily shadowed and tired eyes blink to combat his exhaustion while he held his friend.

Jared’s condition hadn’t improved much. He’d been doped up for the trip and the doctors had tried to convince Jensen to allow them to send someone to put an IV drip of morphine in to dampen the pain they said he’d be in but when Jared had refused for himself Jensen had backed him up and said that they’d handle the pain as it came but if his friend wanted to be alert for however long he had left then he would be.

Neither man had spoken much since Jared was still heavily sedated and Jensen was exhausted but as Chris watched from the front seat he could tell that they were both very much aware of the other and it hurt him to see the pain that each seemed to be trying to hide from the other.

Jensen had called the house from the hospital to inform Ivy they were coming so she could try to distract Mia until Jensen got his friend settled and could think of a way to explain to his daughter what was happening.

Now as the car rolled to a stop and the engine shut off, the silence seemed to bring him out of the half sleep that he’d drifted off into.

Every time Jensen closed his eyes he prayed for this to go away but each time he opened them he also cursed the world who would cause his friend to suffer like this again.

Running a hand through his hair, he forced his own emotions aside to focus on what was important to him now as he lightly touched Jared’s face to hear a soft whimper. “We’re home, Jay,” he told him and accepted that was what was important to Jared…being home.

**TBC**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 13 will follow so the author doesn't get bludgeoned and just remember I always heal and have happy endings.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usual warning and more tissues.

**Chapter Thirteen**

“We’re home, Jay.”

Jared Padalecki had never been so relieved to hear those words as he was this time. Even half asleep from the drugs he’d been given he could still hear and feel Jensen beside him.

The young man had half been afraid the staff of doctors and nurses would find a way to stop Jensen from taking him from the hospital. He’d dimly heard the bitter, loud and nearly violent fight his best friend had gotten into with an administrator of the hospital when the man had suggested it be in his best interest to be left in the hospital on drugs.

Jensen rarely cussed to the point of using certain words that still made Jared blush if he’d been warm enough to but he’d heard his friend let loose with a string of them that time until the other man had stepped in to prevent bloodshed.

Now as Jared worked to get his eyes open, he smiled weakly as he took in the front of the house. “Home,” he whispered, his lips and tongue still feeling thick. He would be glad when the drugs wore off even if he’d be in pain.

“Yeah, we’re home. Now just let me help get you inside and upstairs to our room so we can start to get you warm,” Jensen had flat out refused Chris’s help as he gingerly took the most of Jared’s weight again while helping him out of the SUV as the front door flung open.

Ivy Adams had resorted to calling her sister in to help her keep Mia distracted in the kitchen and also because she could badger Holly about getting that crazy old coot to find some way to fix this mess to keep these children from hurting.

She’d learned long ago to hide her tears but as she took in Jensen’s red rimmed, deeply shadowed eyes,  the rough stubble on his face as well as how pale and lost Jared looked it was hard to not let a tear drop.

“Well, let’s get him up those steps and settled in a nice warm bed,” she decided briskly, stepping forward to ignore the look she was shot to lightly take one of Jared’s long arms to help support him while shooting Chris Kane a look. “You go up and adjust the fireplace in that room,” she ordered sharply, noticing the glassy eyes and eyeing Jensen with concern. “How much of whatever did they give him?”

“Enough so that he’d be out of pain for the ride,” Jensen hadn’t liked it but it was the only way they’d release Jared so he had to let them, balancing his friend on the steps up to the second floor. “The doctor said it’d wear off by tonight and that I’d probably be bringing him right back.”

“Like hell,” Ivy huffed, smoothing a gentle hand down the boy’s arm while thinking on what Mia had related to her and Holly and shuddering at what this poor young man had been through since his brief return. “Y’know that it hasn’t even been a week since he came here?”

The fact that Jared hadn’t been with them over a week and yet was so close to slipping away again didn’t escape Jensen. He just chose to not dwell on it for the moment or else he’d fall apart sooner than he figured he would.

A quick glance into the living room showed Jensen that the tree and everything was still the way it must have been the day when Jared and Mia had been interrupted and he wondered if he could actually decorate it now but would try for his friend’s sake and for his daughter’s.

“I’ve turned the bed down, put several warming pads under the sheet as well as a couple electric blankets that you’ve never used before so that should help warm him up,” Ivy spoke soothingly while seeing how Jensen’s hands were shaking. “Have you slept?” she demanded, catching the slight shake of Chris’s head from where he was stoking the fire to add more warmth into a room that also had a few electric heaters plugged in.

“A little,” Jensen hedged since he knew he probably wouldn’t sleep until this was over in one way or another because he’d sworn to be with Jared.

“…Haven’t…” Jared’s words were soft and still slurred but he was alert enough to hear the lie and sought to correct it.

Chris had to duck his head to hide his smirk as Jensen shot his friend a sour look. “He’s not afraid of you I take it?” he remarked while noticing the décor of the room and made a mental note to bring it up at a much later date.

Right then he watched the gentle way Jensen handled the younger, if taller man as he settled him into bed to adjust covers, blankets, and pillows even after Ivy had just done the same actions only seconds earlier.

“He’s very honest about everything,” Jensen replied, a fond smile softening the tightness of his features for a moment; fingers steady when they brushed back through long dark hair. “Better?”

“Yeah,” Jared murmured, glad to just be here and not in the hospital but his fingers moved as if searching until his friend caught them in his. “Have you…told her yet?”

“No, I wanted to get you settled before I sat with Mia to try to explain,” Jensen told him, meeting hazel eyes that at least didn’t seem quite as glassy now that he was settled in the bed that they had only shared once.

“Explain what, Daddy?” 

No one had expected to hear the bright and chipper voice speak from the door but if Mia Ackles was one thing she was quiet when she wanted to be.

“Ninja baby,” two voices remarked quietly as Jensen and Jared shared a look before slowly Jensen turned to watch his daughter in the door.

Mia was dressed in an outfit she’d picked out herself since her pink top didn’t match the neon green fleece pants or her shoes but it was the way she was clinging to her blanket and two stuffed bears that told him that she already suspected that something was very wrong.

“Mia Jay! Child, I swear you’re faster than a cheetah when I turn my back,” Holly Adams hurried up behind her with an apologetic look. “I’m sorry. I turned to put a tray of cookies up to cool and when I turned around the child was gone.”

“It’s fine, Holly. I was going to come for her in a minute anyway,” Jensen extended a hand which was Mia’s approval to come to him but he was quick to snatch her before she could lunge onto the bed. “Can you guys leave us alone?”

It was clear that neither Chris nor Ivy cared for that idea but Jensen just kept his expression mild as Jared tried to wake up more but he was still so cold and the drugs in his system made it hard but he was finally able to touch Mia’s small hand when she held it out to him.

“You just bring her back to the kitchen when you’re ready,” Ivy finally remarked, leaning down to offer a kiss to Jared’s cheek. “You rest and I’ll make some broth for you to eat.”

The doctors had said that Jared probably wouldn’t be hungry but he gave a tired smile anyway while wishing for any number of things to happen to prevent the little girl’s smile from being taken away.

“Daddy?” she cocked her head while trying to get onto the bed but her Daddy’s arm kept her from getting to Jared like she wanted. “Is something still wrong with Jared? He still looks sick.”

Jensen took several breaths while fighting for the words a five year old would understand. “Mia…Jay and I need to talk to you about something that may be a little hard for you to understand right now,” he began slowly, shifting so that while he kept his always moving child from jarring his friend’s injured leg, Jared could still touch her without straining. “I know you were little but do you remember the talk we had before Moe…went to heaven?”

Her little face scrunched as she thought before finally nodding, finger curling tighter to Jared’s finger. “You…you said that sometimes God and the angels were lonely and took puppies to Heaven so they could play with them too like I did,” she repeated, eyes wary now as she looked between her friend and her father and even without understanding her eyes began to fill with tears.

“That’s right, baby,” Jensen forced a smile that appeared calm despite the raging emotions struggling to burst free inside him right then. “Well, sometimes when someone is so special and wonderful God and angels take humans to Heaven too and…”

“But…but Nana says it’s not Jared’s time to go to Heaven. That he’s supposed to stay with us and be happy,” Mia stared hard before turning to look at Jared. “J…Jared? Are you…do you want to leave me and Daddy?” she asked softly, tears slipping free to fall. “Did I do something to make you leave us? Was I bad? I promise I’ll be good and…”

“Mia,” Jensen tried to interject but his voice broke, forcing him to look away for a moment when he felt the bed shift. “Honey, wait…”

She crawled onto the bed to sit on her knees beside Jared who was having as hard a time as Jensen was at trying not to break in front of her. “I love you, Jared. Why would you leave us if you love me and Daddy?”

“I…I don’t want to, pumpkin,” he finally had to speak, making his stiff fingers lift to gently wipe the tears off her face. “The doctors say I’m not getting better and when that happens…Jen?”

“Jay’s hurt, honey,” Jensen reached out to squeeze the trembling hand as well as try to soothe his daughter who had started to cry in earnest. “He doesn’t want to go to Heaven but…”

“He got hurt cause of me!” she knew this, sobs breaking free. “I’m sorry, my Jared. I got you hurt. Please, please if I don’t do anything else bad please don’t leave us!”

Seeing Mia cry at any time broke Jared’s heart but knowing he was the cause of it hurt him more than his own injuries. “Mia, I’d give anything to stay with you and your Daddy but…I don’t know how to fight this,” he tried to reach for her but winced when she pulled away from both of them. “Mia…”

“Baby, I know this is hurting you but we still need to be strong,” Jensen wasn’t sure he could pass that line off when he felt the same was as his child did. “Jay’s going to rest now and you and I will fix the tree for…”

“No!” she screamed, not caring if she’d never raised her voice like that to her father before. She was losing her friend and she didn’t want to do anything fun. “I don’t want it! I want it to go away! I want Jared to stay! Santa lied!” she broke from the room before her father could make a move.

“Mia!” Jensen yelled but could only slump back as she ran from the room in broken sobs. “That went well,” he sighed, glancing back to see the tears and loss on Jared’s open face. “I was sixteen and it broke me so I know what she feels. I just don’t know how to stop the hurt, Jared. I can’t stop it for her or for myself or you because this isn’t fair.”

“Do you wish that I’d never come back?” Jared asked slowly, hating the answer that would bring but not blaming his friend if he did. “I’m…”

A finger laid over his lips stopped the next words as Jensen leaned closer to take his face in both hands. “I know the few days will be painful. I know Mia will hurt and that’s the biggest thing I wish I could prevent but I do not and will not ever regret these days with you. I loved you then, I love you now and I will love you for the rest of my life,” he murmured, brushing his lips over the tears falling from Jared’s eyes. “I…”

A sudden noise from downstairs and Ivy’s shout had his head jerking up, knowing without even looking what was happening. “She is her father’s daughter,” he sighed, feeling shaking fingers against his cheek. “I need to…”

“Go to her, Jen,” Jared nodded, wishing he could. “Tell her that I love her?”

“She knows that, Jay,” Jensen knew that was part of the problem, fixing the blankets again before standing but found it hard to take his fingers away. “I’ll be back as soon as I get her calmed down.”

Jared waited until the door closed before letting his own sobs out, pulling one of the stuffed bears Mia left in her  haste to leave up to curl his arm around like he would his own stuffed bear.

“Why?” he asked the silent room. “Why let me come here if only to pull me back? Why hurt her like this? Why hurt them like this? I don’t want to die. I want to live and see Mia smile and be with my friend,” his voice broke on a bitter sob while turning onto his side regardless of the pain. “Please…”

“Mia! Stop that!” Ivy was shouting from the living room while the front door was open and Chris’s voice could be heard snarling.

Jensen ignored who Chris was having words with to step into the living room to take in the sight that he knew he’d see. “Amelia Jay Ackles!” he rarely used her full given name but on this moment he did when he saw his little girl trying to push the poor little tree out of its stand. “Stop.”

“I don’t wan’ it anymore!” she yelled, tears streaming down her face as she stared at her father before finally running to throw her arms around his neck as he knelt to gather her up tightly. “I want Jared!” she sobbed.

“So do I baby girl,” Jensen whispered, letting his own tears fall as he held her while she cried. “Jay wants to be with us, Mia. He loves us and if he had a choice he wouldn’t leave us but…sometimes we don’t get to make those choices. I know this isn’t fair in so many ways because I honestly never thought I’d lose my best friend twice and while it’s hard on us it’s also hard and scary for Jared.”

That slowly seemed to make the child think, lifting her head to look at him. “Jared’s…scared?” she sniffed, wiping her nose on his shoulder. “I…I don’ wan’ Jared to be scared, Daddy. Is he mad at me cause I yelled?”

“No, my baby, Jay’s not mad at you. He knows how hard this is for you, for me and he’s trying to be brave for us,” Jensen wiped her face, nodding to the now crooked tree. “I…I don’t know how long we have with Jay until the angels come for him but…I bet he’d like to see your tree lit up cause he was looking forward to Christmas with you.”

“I’m mad at Santa,” Mia sniffled again. “He brought Jared to us like he promised and now he’s taking him away.”

“It’s not Santa who’s taking Jay, Mia,” Jensen couldn’t begin to explain to his child that the Santa in the store wasn’t Santa because he knew that would bring on the whole ‘is Santa real then’ question and he was way too emotional to start that talk. “When he got hurt and fell in the water the other day on top of just being too weak still…his body can’t fight this and…God…” he had to stop and then nearly broke as small hands touched his cheeks.

“Can…can we fix the tree for Jared, Daddy?” Mia asked softly, not understanding and still scared but she didn’t want her Daddy or Jared to be sad either. “Can we…” she suddenly stopped when her eyes moved to the door and then she was pushing away to run at whoever had the misfortune to enter. “No! You go away! You hurt my Jared!”

Jensen whirled on his knee to see who had incited his daughter’s wrath only to feel his temper spike as he slowly stood while Ivy was already threatening violence. “You have the goddamn guts to show your face in my house now?” he growled lowly, green eyes slitting with hate as Ben Turner took a step back at the little body punching at him.

“Jensen, I understand now is a bad time but I thought if I gave you the time to cool off that we could perhaps discuss tonight…” Ben looked down with a little distaste, moving his hand only to have Jensen move with a quickness he rarely used to grab his wrist tightly.

“You touch my child I do what I should’ve done in the gallery,” he warned tightly, looking up to see Chris raising his eyebrows while nodding to Gary Ackles. “You had damn well better be alone.”

Gary Ackles had been hesitant to come here much less bring the gallery manager by but since he had another reason for coming he had decided to risk it. “No, your…” he stopped at the way his son tensed. “Laura is sitting in her lawyer’s office as we speak deciding if making a deal with the New York DA would be better than sitting an actual cell especially since my lawyer told them it would go worse in the divorce if she didn’t take some responsibility for her actions,” he sighed as he took in the pain and grief on both his son’s and granddaughter’s faces. “Jensen, I’m…”

“Saying that won’t take it back and it won’t save him now, Dad,” Jensen replied, picking Mia up to feel her wrap her arms around him. “Ben, get the hell out of my house before I hand Mia to Ivy and I put you out.”

“Jensen, you need to think of your career,” Ben sighed, missing the flash of anger a second before he was holding his bleeding nose.

“My best friend, the man I planned to spend the rest of my life with is upstairs dying because of you and my mother’s lies to get me out of the house so even if I gave a damn about my career I sure as hell wouldn’t let you near it again,” Jensen replied, dimly aware that his daughter would probably be repeating some interesting words for the next several weeks but would just accept the blame. “That last showing was the end of our contract. You can sue me or whatever you want to do but we are done.”

Ben shot the senior Ackles a look but Gary simply ignored him so he sighed. “Do you think any other gallery or manager will touch you?” he asked. “Artists who destroy their own work days before a showing aren’t well thought of and…”

“Actually Nicolette DuPree is very interested in seeing Jensen’s other paintings and having him sign with her galleries,” Chris Kane spoke up from the side, cracking his knuckles while just waiting for the chance to throw this little maggot out of the house. “She’s wanted a crack at him for years and would be here now since she came up with me but she didn’t want to intrude on such a personal time for Jensen’s family…unlike you.”

The gallery man knew the name because the DuPree’s owned mega galleries in the United States as well as Paris. “Does she know what he paints now?” he yelped as a big hand gripped the back of his neck to yank him to the door.

“Do you mean does she know he’s a brilliant talented painter when he’s painting things he likes?” Chris smirked into the man’s eyes before shoving him out the door. “She’s known about those paintings no one else sees for years because I took her pictures back to show her what the kid could do. She appreciates art in all its forms, Turner. She appreciates Jensen for what he is, who he is and what he can do without any strings attached. As I’m sure she’ll be telling you if I call her to tell her that you’re causing her new artist hassles. Nicki’s lawyers and my own will chew you up and spit you out if you so much as try to hurt Jensen or his career,” he warned lowly, stepping back to lightly smile. “Have a Merry Christmas, Mr. Turner.”

Jensen had been stunned by that action but grateful even if he wasn’t certain how much was true and how much was bluff. As he shifted Mia to his other arm, he looked at his father. “I can’t forgive her. Not this time. Not for this,” he glanced at his little girl before making his choice. “I love you, Dad. I know I might not be the son you wanted but I’m who I am. Even without Jared I still won’t be that man because I can’t be here anymore.

“Even without a career or a gallery contract, as soon as the New Year rolls around I’m putting the house up for sale and I’m moving my family as far away from New York as I can get,” he knew this wasn’t a surprise when his father merely nodded. “You’ll welcome to visit. I would never keep you from seeing Mia but if she comes within 500 feet of my daughter I will call the damn cops because as far as I’m concerned I have no mother. Now did you want something? This is not a good day to be here.”

“I understand that, son,” Gary reached into his pocket to remove an envelope that he held out. “I’ve been in the process of debating on a divorce for a number of years. This last act by Laura has finally made me see what she’s been holding onto and it’s not love so I did want to inform you of that and to warn you that your sister might be calling. I also wanted to bring you this personally,” he motioned with the envelope until his son took it.

“That’s the check for your shares of the store as well as a good chunk of the trust fund your grandmother started for Mia that my accountants only just now realized Laura has been using,” he took another smaller envelope out to hand it to Jensen as well. “Nic was by my office this morning. He told me about Jared’s injuries and the probable outcome but he asked me to give you that and said for you not to open it until Christmas Day,” he paused to frown a little before going on. “He also said to say that he was proud of the young men that you’d both become and that he’d keep his promise to give both you and Mia your Christmas wishes.”

Jensen’s smile was sad as he stared at the envelope addressed to him. “He did but not even Nic can pull the same miracle out of his hat twice. Excuse me. Mia and I have a tree to fix because I will at least give them that much.”

It took a little doing but Jensen straightened the tree and while Mia wasn’t fully into it she did sit on the couch clinging to Jared’s jacket while her father and Chris strung the lights but she flat out refused to allow Jensen to put the Angel he’d bought on top.

“The Angel is sad so if Jared can’t have Christmas then she don’t want to go on the tree,” she explained, slipping away after handing the last ornament but taking the two that she’d recently made with her.

“You sure you don’t want Holly and I to take her to my place tonight or stay here?” Ivy asked after preparing a tray of food for Jensen to take upstairs since she knew where Jensen would probably spend the night.

He’d considered it but in the end had chosen to keep his daughter with them for Christmas Eve. “No, I’ll put her to bed after I get them to eat something and if he sleeps I might paint for a little bit but…there’s no sense in you guys staying here,” he kissed both women before slipping Ivy a small envelope only to be slapped in the head with it.

“Have I ever taken a Christmas bonus from you, boy?” she scoffed, patting both of his cheeks. “You don’t give up hope because there’s still time for miracles, Jensen.”

“I stopped believing in Christmas Eve miracles the night I was sixteen and watched him die,” he shook back those thoughts while feeling the grim eyes watching him. “You’re worried.”

“As your friend and Mia’s godfather? Yes, I’m worried about both of you over this,” Chris admitted while pulling on his jacket since he and Jensen had already been round and round on this matter of him spending the night. “As your former sponsor who watched you fall to pieces and crawl your way back out to become the man you are? I’m really worried if he should pass tonight or tomorrow since I know you still have that damn bottle somewhere in this house, Jensen.”

The bottle of Whiskey had been a gift from his mother for overcoming his drug addiction. It had been a sick joke to Jensen since he knew the woman was aware that liquor was his first and biggest addiction.

Chris had urged him to dump it but he’d kept it as a sign that he was over that side of his life. Tonight was actually the first time since he walked out of the clinic that he’d even had the urge to drink and he feared that the urge would only get worse once Jared was gone.

“I have Mia to think of, Chris” he replied finally, picking up the tray. “I want to, I won’t lie and say the urge isn’t there but…I know I can’t.”

“Knowing and giving in when the pain is too bad are different things, Jensen,” Chris told him, laying a hand on a shoulder that he could feel shaking. “Call me if you need me tonight and I’ll be by tomorrow since Ivy’s ask me to share a meal even if I don’t think you’ll feel like it.”

Jensen nodded simply, hearing the front door close and his friend drive off before looking in at the little tree that still didn’t look quite right but then he figured nothing would this year.

He left it lit as he carried the tray upstairs to the Master Bedroom to hear his daughter’s soft voice reading one of her favorite books.

Pushing the door open with his foot, he stood there to see that Jared had curled onto his side and appeared to be sleeping with one of Mia’s bears clutched to his chest and he ached for the memory of the small boy that had slept like that once as well.

“Want to eat, Mia-Lia?” he asked quietly, catching the movement and knowing his friend was awake.

“Not hungry, Daddy,” she laid her book down to crawl up from the bottom of the bed to lightly, as if not wanting to hurt him, kiss Jared’s cheek. “Jared’s sleeping too so don’t wake him cause sleep is good when you’re sick or so Miss Ivy says.”

Jensen sat the tray on the table across the bedroom before moving to pick his sleepy eyed child up. “Bed time then or Santa won’t come,” he told her, noticing that sometime during hours that he’d lost handling other things and avoiding the ultimate outcome that Mia had dressed herself in her footie pajamas even if she hadn’t had a bath.

Santa coming had been what she’d been wishing for since August but now she was no longer interested unless the jolly man in red could keep her friend with her but to make her Daddy happy so merely nodded. “Can…can I sleep in here?” she asked hopefully.

Jensen suspected that Jared would have accepted that on any other night but since both young men feared what tonight would also bring, he knew allowing Mia to be there wasn’t wise. “No, not tonight,” he scooped her up after she tried to hold onto Jared another moment to carry her to her own room and tuck her in. “Jay loves you, Mia,” he told her softly, seeing her tears again and also seeing that she’d left her blanket behind. “Do you want me to get your blanket and bears?”

“No, I left them with Jared so he wouldn’t be so scared and so he’d remember me in Heaven,” she told him, hugging him tightly. “Will you sleep with Jared tonight so he won’t be scared, Daddy?”

As if he wasn’t already fighting back tears those words nearly broke him but Jensen nodded tightly, kissing her hair and singing her favorite song until Mia finally fell to sleep.

The urge to just go outside and scream at the injustice of it all was strong but after silently closing the door to Mia’s room, Jensen made his way back to his room to lean against the door once he closed it. “She asked me to sleep with you so you won’t be scared. I did that once and out of all the dreams I had for us in that bed this wasn’t one of them.”

“I…won’t ask you to stay with me,” Jared’s voice was broken with tears and need but he still wouldn’t turn to look at his friend. “I…I’ve been praying to at least see the day after but…it’s so cold again like it was then that I know I won’t. Jen?”

Sitting down behind him, Jensen slowly ran his hand over shaking shoulders. “I’ll be with you, Jay,” he promised, kissing his face and tasting tears as slowly Jared rolled to his back to look at him.

“Don’t cry, Jen,” he murmured softly, understanding clear. “I can’t say it this time because I know I won’t be allowed to come back but…”

Lips over his cut the broken words off and while Jared didn’t have the strength to give much to the act he still couldn’t deny the shiver that went through him.

“I will raise Mia as best as I can alone. I will make sure she knows that she was loved and will always be loved but…I’ll never be able to give her that happy family we both wanted,” Jensen told him softly, settling down to hold his friend until he felt the sobs ease off as Jared fell into a deep sleep. “I love you, Jared,” he whispered, brushing another kiss over his cheek before easing away to look at the clock. “I’ll be back, Jay.”

He’d intended to spend the night with Jared. He still planned to be here at the end but Jensen suddenly felt like he had to paint and he knew on instinct what he would paint.

Making certain the fire was burning well and that Jared was covered in blankets to help keep him warm against a cold that there was no defense over before easing out of the room to go to the third floor.

The bitter tears were flowing even as Jensen got out a blank canvas to set it by the window to paint by the bright, clear moonlight that was coming in.

He hadn’t turned on any lights except one wall sconce. He hadn’t made a fire since by this point he couldn’t feel the cold any longer. All Jensen wanted was to feel the warmth of his friend’s large palm, see the light of life back in those big hazel eyes and to hear him and Mia laugh again.

As he began to paint with all the emotion and pain that he’d been burying, Jensen’s eyes kept moving to the bottle of whiskey and the glass of it that he’d poured and placed on the side table by the covered sofa.

The grief, rage, and bitter pain were all hitting him like it did every Christmas Eve as he relived watching his best friend die the first time but knowing that Jared was slowly succumbing to death again because of his own mother’s bitterness and bigotry made it a hundred times worse.

The painting was fueled by that grief but also by the love that Jensen knew that he would only share with Jared and if his friend was to die that night then he would at least give him the one thing he’d asked him for…a painting.

Jared was woken up by the odd sounds of bells, shivering and knowing that Jensen wasn’t in the bed or the room. He hoped he was with Mia and while the fear of facing this alone scared him more than it had at twelve he knew it would have hurt his friend too much to watch it a second time.

Blinking his eyes, Jared tensed at the feel of something else in the room until on some instinct he knew the soft touch and forced a smile as he opened his eyes to see wet and huge green eyes so much like her father’s peering down at him.

“You…you should be in bed waiting for Santa, pumpkin,” he told her softly, wincing at his raw throat and surprised to feel thirsty for the first time in days.

“I wanted to be with you,” she was looking around. “Where’s Daddy?” she didn’t like that her Daddy hadn’t stayed with Jared like he’d promised her he would.

“He…he needed to do something but he’ll be here soon,” Jared told her to soothe her, knowing he should send her back to bed but also wanting to spend just a little more time with the little girl that had saved him and had given him hope. “You can sit here if you want.”

Her smile brightened a little as she scooted up until she was lying with her head over his heart. “I will love you forever and forever, Jared,” she told him, curling her little fingers around his. “And when I’m big and have a little baby I will name him Jared.”

“I’ll love you forever too, Mia,” Jared whispered, teeth clenching as pain shot through his body and just assumed the drugs had finally worn off. “You really should be sleeping.”

“I should say that to both of you.”

The deep amused voice that spoke from the door had Jared’s arm tensing as he eased Mia tighter to him as if to shield her from a possible threat while the child’s head lifted and her eyes grew big.

“Santa?” she whispered in awe, thinking how this Santa looked more like her books than the one in the store had.

The man who had spoken was tall and round as his belly shook at his chuckle over her childish surprise. He stroked his long, full white beard as he slowly approached the bed while his kind blue eyes softened to look into Jared’s wary ones, a silent message passing between then.

“Hello, Jared,” he greeted quietly, sitting on the edge of the bed to see the protective way the young man held the child but also the way Mia’s small hand pressed over his. “Do you know who I am, Jared?”

“Uh…I think so,” Jared hadn’t honestly believed the man existed. It was hard to dispute what was sitting right beside him but it somehow made this all the harder. “Can…can you wait until she goes back to bed?” he asked, suddenly so tired but fighting it. “She’s five and this will be hard enough on her and Jensen as it is without thinking that Santa Claus took me to heaven.”

Mia suddenly popped up to ease away from Jared despite his weak attempts to hold onto her. “Santa?” she suddenly had one last idea to try. It sometimes worked when she needed to bargain with Ivy or had Daddy so she figured she’d give it an attempt. “You gave me and Daddy our wishes to have Jared and it’s been the bestest to have him here.

“Jared makes my Daddy so happy and me so happy and we’re a happy family just like I wished and wished for,” she glanced down to see her friend’s eyes were trying to stay open so she spread her blanket out over him before giving his cheeks kisses. “You sleep, my Jared. I need to talk to Santa.”

Santa had to be quick to hide his smile as the child fussed and soothed before turning back to him, sitting on the bottom of the bed to nervously finger the feet of her pajamas. “What is it, Mia?” he asked kindly.

“Well, I know I wrote you a letter asking for toys and a new bear but since you brought Daddy and me Jared, I was wondering…” she took a breath, knowing what was more important to her than toys or a new teddy bear. “Jared got hurt and sick trying to protect me and I don’t want my Daddy and me to be sad if Jared goes back to Heaven because that’s not fair so…if I promise to never, ever ask you for another toy or stuffed animal for as long as I live or get too big will you please, please, please not take Jared to Heaven?”

The plea was soft but was still heard as her big eyes pooled with tears again. “I’ll even give all my other toys away or you can take them to other kids if you leave Jared with my Daddy so Daddy won’t leave me too,” she looked down to slowly take the bear that she’d left with Jared, the one that was her oldest and most favorite of them to kiss its head. “You can take Boo too, Santa.”

The big man in the red suit looked at the small girl offering to give away her toys, even her most beloved bear as well as never ask for another toy and it was hard to not let his own tear fall as he brushed her long honey blond curls with a gloved hand. “Why would you give your toys, Mia?” he asked gently, wiping her tears away as she looked at him as if the answer was so simple.

“Because I love Jared more and I’d rather have Jared with us than my toys because he loves me and loves Daddy,” she explained easily before leaning forward to go on in a whisper like she didn’t want to worry Jared. “I heard Uncle Chris yelling at Daddy about drinking something and I’m afraid if Jared goes away that my Daddy will leave me too and then I’ll be alone because no one wants me but my Daddy…and my Jared, Santa.

“Please, don’t take my Jared to Heaven, Santa,” she begged, clinging to the soft white gloved hand tightly. “Please. You gave him to me and Daddy. Was I bad that you’d take him away?”

“Mia,” Jared’s heart was broke as he heard her words but it also did worry him about her father’s ultimate reaction if Chris Kane was worried about Jensen drinking again. “Go…go to bed, pumpkin,” he urged softly.

Santa had to cough to clear his throat. In all his long years dealing with children nothing had gotten to him much like this little one had. “No, you weren’t bad, sweet little Mia,” he assured her, brushing her curls again before lifting her up to place her on the floor. “Santa can’t say for sure what I’ll do since it’s a secret but you go to bed now, sleep with happy dreams and when you wake up in the morning you’ll find out what I’ve left you.”

“That sounds like Daddy’s way of getting me to go to bed without answering but…” she stretched up to hold onto Jared’s fingers again. “I love you, my Jared,” she told him with her bravest smile so he wouldn’t be scared but paused before going out of the room. “Santa, I know it’s not nice to say but…if you take Jared to Heaven to be with Nana and Papa…you can still keep my toys cause I won’t want them anymore.”

With that she ran out of the room and Jared wasn’t sure what to say or do except… “Please, she’s scared and upset. Don’t hold it against her for not understanding,” he closed his eyes to try to control his breathing and not wish for his friend to be there to tell him one more time that he loved him.

“It is very rare for a child to love anyone like that little one loves you and Jensen,” Santa told him after taking a moment to wipe his own eyes before looking at the young man to see the longing and fear reflected there. “He was right when he said you were a special young man, Jared. He said you were a special young man who deserved this life and this family.

“I wasn’t certain until now though I’ve been watching Mia and her father for many a year,” Santa eased the blankets aside to take in the swollen knee and other injuries this boy suffered from while reaching into his pocket. “If you had the choice of staying here or joining your parents, what would you choose?” he asked curiously, laughing as he was given a look much like the one Mia had given him. “I thought as much.”

“I loved my parents. I will always love them but…if I had a choice, if by some miracle I could heal so I could stay with Jensen and Mia then that’s what I’d choose,” Jared replied softly, watching the clock on the nightstand to see it was close to the time Jensen said he’d died before and shaking a little when a gloved hand touched his chest. “Just…please if at all possible could you find a way to make them forget me?”

This request made the older white haired man pause to look at the boy curiously. “Why would you want them to forget you?” he asked, knowing even as a tear fell from the boy’s eye.

“I don’t want them to hurt. I don’t want Jen to fall back to the way he was before and I don’t want Mia to think she was bad or that this is her fault so…if they forgot me it wouldn’t hurt as bad,” Jared reasoned, trying to ignore how much that would hurt him. “I love them.”

“I know you do, little boy,” Santa replied with a gentle smile, placing a hand on Jared’s forehead while holding up his other hand. “Close your eyes and dream happy dreams, Jared. Dream of the happy family you and Mia both want and reach for that,” he blew into his open hand to allow the sparkling dust to cover Jared much like the dust Nic had used that first night did.

“Sleep, dream and heal, Jared,” he smiled as he watched the stress and pain leave the boy as his body relaxed while lights flickered and soft bells chimed from a distance as angels watched and wept with joy as this innocent soul was restored. “Nic said to tell you also that your memories of the store will fade and that he expects you and Jensen to make new and happy ones.”

With that Santa smiled again and proceeded to do what else he’d come to do before leaving the room and the house untouched and silent except for taking care of one final piece of business on the third floor as a fire lit in the too cold studio room where a grief stricken boy was very close to making a very bad mistake.

Jensen had thrown himself into the painting much like he always did when he painted from emotion. Only this time he was also painting from the small sketch he’d doodled in the hospital. He’d known what he would paint for Jared but hadn’t expected it to come out as well or as real as it had.

By the time the brush fell from his fingers, Jensen’s eyes were red and sore, his throat raw, his head and body ached and the need to drink was huge.

He stepped back to stare at the vivid painting of a house set back from the road surrounded by trees and bushes with toys in the yard.

It wasn’t the two story old style home with wrap around porches that caught his eye but the images of Jared and Mia playing in the lush green yard that did.

His best friend and lover looking healthy and alive with tanned skin that showed his dimples as he laughed while his long dark hair blew in a breeze as he pushed Mia on a swing while a…Jensen had to blink as he took in the additions to the painting that he hadn’t originally planned.

A fluffy puppy with huge paws playing in a sandbox with a small boy of around one as Jensen knelt to watch them all.

He’d painted a happy family; a happy family that would never be possible now except he would still fight to give his daughter as much a one as he could. He stumbled away from the painting to slump on the couch, reaching for the glass before he even realized it as a look at the clock told him it was 11:59.

“Jared,” he whispered, groaning as it sank in that he’d been up here too long and that he’d left his best friend alone to face dying by himself because he was too big of a damn coward to face it again himself.

The glass and the bottle were dumped in the small sink because it would be too much of a temptation to fall into that bottle again after tonight.

“No, I won’t be that man again,” he told himself, washing the paint and cleaner from his hands but ignoring the paint splattered clothes as he left the painting to sit and dry by the fire in the…Jensen blinked because he knew he had not made a fire in the fireplace but yet one burned there now. “What the hell?”

A small card sat on the mantle and as he grabbed it, Jensen felt his blood run cold. “‘ _You have a family to be proud of. Love them. S_.’”

Jensen felt numb but then his protective side surfaced and he took the steps from the third floor to the second two at time until he reached his daughters room to see that while Mia wasn’t in bed she had curled up on the comforter in front of her small tree to fall asleep with her thumb in her mouth and tears on her face.

He took another blanket to lay over her before deciding to just let her sleep as she was while he went to face his friend and what was to happen.

He slipped Jared’s half the medallion their shared as well as the bracelet out of his pocket to hold both in his fist as to gather strength as he opened the door to step into his room only to feel like a brutal fist had punched him in the gut at the sight of the empty bed.

“Jay?” he whispered, voice failing him just like it felt his legs were as he went to his knees with a sound that was mixed between a sob and a gasp. “Jared…God, no.”

Jensen had still not given up full hope for a miracle but he hadn’t been expecting his friend’s whole body to vanish like he’d never even been… “Jared!” this time there was denial and pain filling his voice as he broke.

“Jen?”

**TBC**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone breathe. One more chapter and a tiny epilogue but just remember I do always heal and have happy schoopy endings so this will all work out happily.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for the usual slight language but this one also gets the more explicit warning for the usual hot scene that some of you may have been waiting for.

**Chapter Fourteen**

“Jen?”

Jerking his head in the direction of the nervous, unsure voice that spoke had Jensen’s heart pounding in his ears while he fought the urge to touch but instead stayed still to see Jared standing in the bathroom door watching him with a shirt in his hand. “Jay?”

The two men stared at one another for several seconds until finally Jared made the first move to cross to where Jensen still knelt on the floor to kneel down beside him slowly, a small grimace on his face. He took one of the other man’s clenching hands to place it flat on his chest, over his heart so his friend could feel the steady beat while offering a small smile. “Real, Jen. I’m still real, I’m still here.”

“Real?” Jensen whispered, feeling the heartbeat and warm skin under his hand. He wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry as the stress and lack of sleep suddenly caught up with him as he used his other hand to touch Jared’s face to watch the range of emotion there he gave in to the need as he pulled him closer to meet his lips in a deep kiss even as chimes and bells it seemed could be heard going off. “God, you’re…”

“Real,” Jared smiled shyly then laughed as he was tugged to his feet to allow Jensen’s hands to roam, touch, feel and test as if needing to be certain this was for real and not a trick of the mind.

Jensen was finding it hard to breathe as he began to slowly allow himself to think that he really was seeing, feeling and hearing Jared no matter how hard it was to believe. “How?” he managed, running his hands over wide shoulders that while Jared’s chest still showed the scars from before didn’t even show any bruises from this time. “You…were…I mean…”

“Dying,” Jared finished for him again, understanding his friend’s obvious confusion but also seeing the exhaustion buried deep in Jensen’s eyes. “I know. I thought I was but…I wanted you but I knew that wasn’t right to expect you to watch me die again and…”

It took several more moments of touch before Jensen finally seemed to accept what he was seeing. Then he gentled his touch as he heard the shake in the softening voice. “I should’ve been here with you, Jay,” he told him as he eased Jared back to sit on the bed with him but took the time to shove all the other blankets from the bed. “I planned on it but I got in too deep on a painting and I…I’m sorry I left you alone. I…can you…what happened?”

“If I tell you what I think happened you’ll think I’m crazy,” Jared replied, nervous now because he still wasn’t sure what happened or why he was healed.

“Jared, I’m half certain that I’m going crazy so tell me,” Jensen urged, noticing that Jared was moving his knee nervously.

“Santa Claus,” Jared told him, seeing the wide eyes and shaking his head. “Not Nic but the real thing. I swear it was really Santa, Jensen. Even Mia saw him and…she asked him not to take me to Heaven. She told him that he could take all her toys and never bring her anymore so long as he let me stay with you and her,” he could still hear the child trying to bargain with Santa. “It broke my heart, Jen.”

Now the little note made more sense because it wasn’t hard for Jensen to picture his little girl asking to give up her toys in order to save her friend. “She loves you,” he smiled while reaching up to lightly run his fingers through soft dark hair and nearly wept from the relief at feeling Jared lean into the touch. “I love you.”

“I know,” Jared smiled, still as unsure of this change as he was upon waking up to find himself healed and still alive. “It was the knowing how much this would hurt you guys that bothered me. I…I…this may be the part of my honesty that you won’t like,” he admitted, glancing down to see his bracelet being slid back onto his wrist. “I asked him that if I had to die if he could find a way to make you forget me.”

Jensen’s eyes lifted. “You…” he sat back to watched his friend but was quick to catch his hand before he could move away. “No, stay here. Why would you ask anyone to do that, Jay? Why would you think Mia or I would want to forget you?” he asked, surprised but not shocked since as easily as he could see Mia doing what she had it also was easy for him to see what Jared had tried to do.

“I just didn’t want you to hurt and Mia was so worried about you leaving her too that…I just didn’t want you to hurt like you did before, Jen,” Jared’s eyes dropped, worried that he’d upset his friend as a hand touched his chest and his eyes raised back up to glance quickly to the items over the fireplace before meeting Jensen’s gaze again. “I was afraid you’d do something like that again and I wouldn’t be able to stop you this time. I couldn’t let Mia lose both of us and I…mhmh…”

Gentle lips cut the rush of words off as Jensen moved his fingers up to wrap around the back of Jared’s neck. “I know what she was afraid of. I just didn’t know she’d heard me and Chris earlier because yes, I will admit it was hard for me tonight not to drink but…” he paused to gently kiss and tease Jared’s lips until they opened slowly for him. “I didn’t and I dumped the bottle that I’ve had for more years than I should have.

“There are two things vitally important to me, Jared. You and Mia, to lose either of you would be a nightmare but I know if I fell into that pit again that I’d never get out so I didn’t drink and the urge to use never once entered my mind so I don’t want you or Mia-Lia to ever worry about that,” he felt the slight shiver under his hand and pulled back to look into his friend’s face. “Cold?”

“No, not cold,” Jared assured him, trying to explain when even he wasn’t sure what words to use. “I feel a little weak still but I’m not cold like I was and the pain is gone except for a twinge in my knee but I guess that’s good compared to how I should be,” he rubbed his leg and this time when he shuddered it was due to the memories of the recent days. “Jen, what happened to the deputy and…”

Jensen had gotten up to go over to the tray he’d placed there hours earlier to bring back a bottle of water and a plate of crackers. “Sip this and try to eat a few of those unless you want me to heat the broth up,” he’d seen the way his friend was licking his lips and knew he had to be thirsty since it had been days since Jared had even wanted to drink.

“No, I think I’ll leave that for breakfast,” Jared took the water to sip it slowly. “Jensen? Did they…I mean could the Sheriff…”

“He damn well better not let either of them out of a cell if he doesn’t want my fist upside his face again,” Jensen replied firmly before shrugging. “I haven’t talked with Seth since the hospital. I’ll ask Chris to find out but no matter what neither of them or my…no one will ever come close to you or Mia again, Jared,” he promised, determined to keep it that way as well. “So…Santa?”

“Shut up,” Jared’s cheeks went pink as he thought back to the man in the red suit. “You ask Mia. She’ll tell you the same thing…but,” he stopped as something suddenly dawned on him and he grabbed for Jensen’s wrist. “If I’m still here, which I am obviously, have you checked on her?” he asked, worried that perhaps the jolly old man had taken the little girl up on her offer. “Jen, he didn’t take her toys, did he? I mean, I don’t want Mia to lose her toys, she even offered to let him take Boo and he’s still here…why are her teddy bears and blanket in with me and…you’re going to kiss me again, aren’t you?”

Jensen smiled as he took the water bottle and crackers to place them off to the side while the back of his knuckles brushed along Jared’s jaw. “Yep,” he confirmed only moments before he did.

It was hard not to deepen the kiss or to lay Jared back and do what he’d been dreaming for days of doing, what he’d been afraid they’d never have the chance to do but even as his body was burning Jensen kept his kiss soft and easy.

Lips and tongues teased and played gently until Jared’s long fingers were wrapped in the front of Jensen’s paint covered shirt. “Ruined another shirt, Jen?” he asked lightly, groaning as his friends fingers ran down his sides to tease him. “Mia,” he remembered his original topic. “Did you check on her?”

“Yes, Jay. I checked on Mia when I came down and yes, she still has all her toys,” Jensen reassured him, lips curving slightly. “I still think she could stand to lose a thousand or so but even if Santa didn’t bring her anything I do have some stuff for her so our daughter will not be toy less,” he gently kissed along the strong jawline until he got to the side of Jared’s neck. “Of course, as soon as she sees you all the toys in the world could be here and she won’t notice them for at least…a week.”

“I really did see Santa, Jensen,” Jared muttered, turning his neck more to give his friend access to more skin when he blinked. “What did you say?”

“Jared, I haven’t slept in a long time. My brain is likely mush or it will be before I even begin to sleep so I’ve been saying a lot,” Jensen’s full attention was on Jared now that he was convinced he was real and this wasn’t a dream. “Help me out?”

“You…you said our daughter,” Jared murmured nervously, the depth of that one little word held so much meaning to him that it scared him. “She’s…”

Smoothing his hand along Jared’s back while leaning in so he could still lightly kiss and tease Jensen smiled. “Legally no but where it counts, in here, she is as much your daughter as she is mine,” he laid his hand back over Jared’s heart to feel it beating strongly as he also read all of the unspoken emotions shining on the younger man’s face as he took this in. “Mia will always know she belongs to you and that you love her as much as I do,” he teased his tongue along Jared’s lips to feel more than hear the soft sigh that came. “I don’t think anyone else would have dislocated their own shoulders like you did for her.”

“Didn’t know what else to do,” Jared whispered, losing himself in the kiss as well as the soft touches to his body that were reminding him even more that he was alive. “I had to be able to touch her. It was my fault it happened since I should have taken her and hid like you told me to but…then he might’ve shot Ivy and…I didn’t know what to do, Jensen.”

Jensen heard the soft break and felt the hesitant touch as Jared’s arms reached around to hold on to him while memories came back of helpless fear and frustration and Jensen let him work it all out while he sat and just held him in return.

Listening to Jared talk about what had happened in better detail this time told Jensen that Seth Welling had left a hell of a lot out of his own description including just how Jared’s leg had been injured and how he’d ended up soaking wet in the first place.

Thinking of Jared’s ordeal along with what the young man had done to try to free himself just to get back to his daughter both chilled and humbled Jensen. “You did everything you could for her, Jay. You did things you probably shouldn’t have done but it’s over now and you’re both safe. You’re both with me and that’s where you’ll be, okay?” he held him close for another moment before gently easing back to see Jared’s eyes while pushing back his hair. “Now, it’s too early to get up and you’re probably still tired, I know I am, so do you want to sleep with me or...mmhm.”

Jared was tired or at least a part of him was. The other part of him, the part that was excited to still be alive, which was also the part that yearned for his friend’s touch did really want to sleep. He knew what he wanted. Now it was just a matter of finding the words to ask for it.

“I do want to sleep with you but not to sleep yet if that makes sense,” he began after breaking the awkward kiss he’d used to cut his friend off while wishing for the grace and knowledge Jensen had.

“I think it does,” Jensen nodded, suspecting what Jared wanted even if he hadn’t seen the faint blush on his cheeks. “Though just to be sure we’re on the same page,” he brushed his fingertips over his friend’s stomach to hover over the waist of the sweatpants. “Tell me what it is you want, Jared.”

Jared knew when he was being teased because he knew just by the slightest change to Jensen’s voice and touch that he knew what he wanted but he also got that he was trying to help him get over some of his shyness.

He didn’t have all the words yet to describe or explain what he was feeling or to say that he wanted them to go to that point that Jensen had been trying to lead him toward slowly but he did know one way to try to explain it.

“You taught me to skate, to ride a bike, to throw a ball. Everything I know is because you taught me,” he hoped his hands weren’t shaking as badly as he thought they were when he reached up to lay them on Jensen’s face to frame it like he so often did with him. “Teach me one more thing, Jen?”

“What’s that, Jay?” even though the answer was pretty clear Jensen still held his breath as he met hazel eyes that were already a darker brown as feelings that Jared didn’t fully understand yet surfaced.

“Teach me to make love?” Jared asked softly, lashes lowering to try to hide his faltering courage only to still at Jensen’s touch on his face and seeing the way his smile and eyes softened.

“Just been waiting for you to ask, Jay,” Jensen’s kiss was slow, gentle like always but as he leaned forward to slide his fingers around Jared’s neck he carefully deepened it while also laying the younger man back on the bed. “I’ll always be here to teach you what you need to know and also to experience the new things with you. Do you feel up to this now though?” he asked, concerned that they were still rushing things. “There’s no hurry.”

Jared had to shake his head to bring his thoughts back as his eyes opened to look at Jensen where he sat beside him, fingers running under the waistband of the sweatpants. “I thought I was going to die again without ever feeling you touch me or make love to me, Jensen,” he pushed up to his elbows to try to make his friend understand how he was feeling. “I don’t want to wait. I know I’ve never done it before and I might not be good at it but if I could have anything from you this Christmas it would be to ask you please…make love to me.”

His body was already straining from need just from the looks Jared was sending him as well as what the young man was offering but those words nearly did him in. “I’ll make love _with_ you,” he corrected softly, lowering his head to begin to place light kisses along bare skin until he paused to show special attention to a hard nub and wasn’t disappointed to both feel and hear Jared’s reaction the second his mouth closed over the sensitive bud.

“God!” Jared fell back to the bed to bite his lower lip, feeling his body heating up at just those little touches but knowing there should be more to this. “What…what do I do?” he asked while fighting not to move while Jensen’s hands began to slowly move to trace the outline of the muscles in his stomach.

“Trust me,” Jensen replied with a smile that was enough to soothe the start of any nerves the younger man had. “Just relax and enjoy it, Jay.”

“I do enjoy what we’ve done but…this is going to be different so…God, that feels good,” Jared had been trying to say, only to melt back into the mattress at the feel of a clever tongue rolling over his nipple. “Jen…”

“You’ll enjoy what else we do if you don’t overthink it or worry too much,” Jensen assured him, taking his time to taste and touch Jared until he had to ease back until his friend calmed down a little. “You are so damn responsive, Jay.”

Jared wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. All he knew right then was he seriously wanted more and that required less clothing on both of them. “I wanna touch you,” he reached up and tugged on the paint covered shirt. “Off. You’ve got too much on.”

“That is true,” Jensen grinned but leaned back to pull his shirt off over his head in a slow smooth manner and as soon as he did he was laughing at the sound Jared made a second before he was reaching for him. “Slow down a little. You always were impatient,” he teased, starting to finally relax as he made Jared laugh by sliding his palms down his sides but as he reached his waist he also began to slowly remove the sweatpants and briefs from his friend. “You’re also beautiful and mine.”

“I think Mia might fight you for me,” Jared’s lips curved in a mischievous grin that grew to show his dimples at a flash of green eyes shot to his.

“God, I am so glad I still have you,” Jensen laughed, finishing discarding the sweats and briefs to lean up and find Jared’s full lips to kiss him deeply, waiting until he felt those lips part before allowing his tongue to enter and explore.

Jared had always thought when he’d seen people in school kiss with tongue that it would feel weird to have another person’s tongue in his mouth but as he learned how to move his to meet and play as Jensen used his with a skill that made Jared’s blood heat he decided that he liked it.

“And Mia can have you any other time but…when it’s just us in bed then her Daddy gets to play,” Jensen teased, groaning as much as Jared was as they touched each other slowly at first until finally he knew he had to move them onto the next step or else he’d come even before getting Jared close to what he wanted. “How sore is your leg?” he asked tightly while licking and kissing his way from the hollow of Jared’s throat to down his shoulder; making certain to kiss and give attention to every scar still left on the perfect body.

“Not too bad,” Jared gasped at the unexpected feel of that clever tongue swirling around and then into his belly button to make him jerk and then whimper as it pulled back. “Why?”

This was the part that would take the most care and patience and Jensen prayed he had that willpower to last. He also hoped he knew what the hell he was doing as he’d actually only tried sex with a man once and he would readily admit he was drunk that time so his memories were sketchy.

Preparing and pleasing Jared though were the high points on Jensen’s list of things to do right and he decided to see if his friend’s knee would handle the weight before making a final choice on how he would start this. “Can you roll onto your stomach?” he asked, grabbing some pillows to arrange under his friend to make this position more comfortable for him while rubbing his back to reassure him. “Alright?”

“Yeah, I’m good,” Jared replied, glancing over his shoulder with faint concern showing. “I…honesty?”

“Always,” Jensen nodded, reaching over into the night stand to dig through a mess of paper, old toys and junk before he came up with the tube that he was looking for.

“Is it alright to admit that I’m a little scared right now?” Jared dropped his head to try to hide his blush but fingers catching his jaw kept him looking into Jensen’s deep green eyes. “I know I shouldn’t be. I know you won’t hurt me but…”

Gentle lips brushed over his as Jensen let his head rest on the back of his friend’s shoulder to begin to kiss there as well while his hands caressed and stroked with the same feather touch that he’d used when his daughter had been an infant.

“It’s normal for you to be scared considering this is new, Jay” he replied calmly, as he lightly teased along Jared’s broad shoulders with his teeth until he felt him start to relax again. “We’ll go slow and if at any time you want to stop all you have to do is tell me. Now, do you want to do this or do you want to wait because I’m fine with…damn, you do that much and my well thought out plans for slow will be out the window.”

Jared’s hand had slipped back to try to find his friend’s leg but instead felt his fingers touch denim that was stretched over an obviously ready erection. “Don’t want slow. I want to feel you, Jen. Please.”

“Shhh, you will, baby boy, you will,” Jensen murmured, letting his mouth move down from Jared’s neck, over his spine to the small of his back while he opened the cap on the tube to pour a generous amount onto his fingers as well as the crease of Jared’s firm ass. “Sorry, it’ll warm up in a second,” he hide his smirk at the soft oath the cool lube earned him.

“What is that?” Jared was trying to focus on what was going on but every time he thought he had his thoughts back steady Jensen did something else to send them scattering again like they did at the first touch of a gentle finger rubbing along that crease to slowly circle and soothe until it found what it was looking for and then his thoughts went away with a gasp. “Jen?”

“Shit,” Jensen groaned, knowing this was going to be tough on both of them which was one reason he’d left his jeans on but the moment his finger was enclosed in tight heat he bit down on his lower lip. “It’s fine, just relax” he urged while trying to keep his touch light and his voice level. “What you felt was just some lube. It’ll make it easier to stretch you open and that’s what my finger is starting to do.”

“Stretch me for what?” Jared wanted to look back but decided to just wait and see what would happen as warm lips touched his neck before settling close to his ear.

“I love that you asked me that,” Jensen whispered, pressing a kiss to his temple. “You’re more than beautiful, Jay. You’re sweet and really too innocent for me to be doing this with yet…don’t give me that look,” he kissed him again while carefully moving his finger around and back and forth until he felt the first ring of muscle finally give way to his single finger. “I didn’t say I was stopping…mainly because unless you tell me to stop or Mia comes pounding on that door I honestly don’t think I could.”

Jared snickered but was soon gasping as it seemed like a fire was lit from inside his body as Jensen’s index finger hit something that soon had him twisting, hips undecided if they should move forward or backwards. “Jensen?”

“So damn responsive, Jay,” Jensen murmured, giving his friend time to settle from just a little brush of his fingertip over his prostate. “God, if you think that was impressive wait until you feel that when I’m inside you.”

“Then get inside me, Jen,” Jared groaned as he felt his already interested cock getting harder at the attention being paid to his ass and he was trying to find some friction as he shifted his hips forward so it would brush the pillows helping to support him. “Need to feel…uhhh.”

“Remember what I said about patience,” Jensen teased, using his tongue to trace the shell of Jared’s ear as he finally added a second finger to the first and was more confident when it didn’t take quite as long to pass the muscles to reach that little bundle of nerves that made his friend squirm as his body adjusted to the unfamiliar sensations building inside him. “If I enter you like this, without any stretching or prep I’d hurt you and Jay, that’s not something I’d ever do.”

Jared had learned the small burning feeling he felt with each move of Jensen’s fingers quickly left for a much more pleasant feeling that soon had him moving back on the fingers with a whimper as he felt them scissor and understood his friend was taking care of him like he always had.

He also had a hunch that this wasn’t any easier on Jensen since he could feel the obvious straining erection still trapped in denim when his friend leaned up to lay hot kisses along his neck and shoulders, mouth finding and settling over the knob of bone along his spine. “I…God, this feels…I don’t wanna come yet,” he groaned, feeling his cock was already at that point since this was still so new for him but fighting it. “Wanna wait until you’re inside.”

“You can come if you have to, Jay” Jensen murmured against his ear but moved his free hand around to carefully find the base of the fully hard and ready cock to squeeze lightly until his friend seemed to relax a little. “This time won’t take either of us long probably and there’s nothing wrong with that either. Don’t worry so much and just enjoy it.”

He was enjoying it…or whatever the hell they were doing. Since right then Jared wasn’t sure what he should be doing, as he felt Jensen’s lips lightly nip along his jaw when a third finger was added Jared shuddered at the touch that once again sent lights off in front of his eyes.

This all came on too fast and he could only gasp out a moan as he felt himself come without even a touch to his cock.

This wasn’t the first time since returning to his friend that he’d climaxed so Jared knew what to expect but it had been the first that he’d done it without a touch. He also was upset that he’d come before Jensen had done anything and feared that he’d ruined the moment.

“I…I…Jen, I’m…mmmh,” he moaned into the hot kiss that found his mouth when Jensen leaned up to wrap a strong arm around his waist to take some of the weight off Jared’s knees.

“No worries, Jay,” Jensen whispered against his lips, a smile evident by the curve of his lips that this wasn’t unexpected and that he wasn’t upset by it. “It’s okay, by the time we’re done I can assure that you’ll come again. Trust me now?”

“Yes,” Jared leaned into the kiss despite how it angled his neck and then let out a low mutter at the loss of touch as Jensen eased his fingers out in order to begin to finally free himself from his own really tight jeans and briefs before reaching for the lube again. “I still think you’re gorgeous,” he said softly as he took in his friend’s lean, muscled body.

“And you’re biased but I’ll accept that from you,” Jensen smiled, watching lust blown hazel eyes get bigger as Jared watched him apply more lube to his red, weeping cock before easing back onto the bed to just allow the younger man to get used to the feel of it brushing against his crease. “Jared, I can’t say this first time won’t hurt a little even though I stretched you as much as I could right now,” he began while soothing his hands along Jared’s back. “If it’s too much tell me and we’ll stop.”

“I don’t want to stop,” Jared argued, taking a deep breath before glancing back with a shy smile. “I love you, Jensen.”

Jensen met the smile while slowly lining the mushroom tip of his cock up with the well stretched but still tight hole. “Love you, Jay,” he replied, leaning up to offer a sultry, deep kiss as he began to push inward while keeping one arm around Jared’s chest and using the other to rub along his hip and back. “Slow, baby,” he urged as he felt the younger man tense automatically at the tight feeling. “We’re going slowly, just relax into my touch.”

“Kiss me?” Jared liked his friend’s kisses and while he’d been expecting some pain it was still hard not to tense at the odd feeling of Jensen’s large, ready cock slipping into him, but soon he was moaning into the hot mouth that was playing with his.

It wasn’t easy to keep his own body from moving forward at the feel of Jared’s inner muscles clamping around him while adjusting to what the young man’s body naturally took as an intrusion since no matter how much stretching he’d done or lube he used his friend’s body was still unused to taking anything like this.

He’d only pushed in to the first ring of muscle before easing out to give Jared time to adjust and during this Jensen took that time to soothe his friend with kisses that went between hot and deep and slow and soft until Jared was whimpering against his lips and beginning to shift his hips back to seek more.

“So damn tight, Jay,” Jensen groaned, rolling his hips a little more with each tiny thrust until he felt the first wall of muscle give and heard the soft moan. “Okay?” he needed to make this as good as he could for his friend because he wanted Jared to have a better first time than he’d had.

“God, so much better than okay,” Jared gasped, wanting more now since the burning pain had been replaced by building pleasure. “Can I use awesome for this too?”

“You can use awesome for whatever you want, Jay,” Jensen told him with a husky laugh, allowing the young man to settle again by moving his one hand down to slowly wrap his fingers around him to begin a slow stroke from base to tip that soon had Jared shivering in need. “I love it when you use awesome.”

Jared’s thoughts were blurry as his body felt like exploding just from Jensen’s touch on his cock but then just as he was certain this night couldn’t get any better he felt something give inside him and Jensen’s hips rolled to bring them flush. “God,” he groaned, chewing his lip to try not to make noise that might possibly wake the sleeping child down the hall. “Jen?”

“Yeah, Jay?” Jensen had stilled as soon as he felt himself come flush with the firm sculpted ass that he knew he’d never get tired of telling Jared he had. He was shivering inside in the need to move but he wanted to give Jared time to adjust to the feelings as he shifted a bit to take their weight on his legs and bringing Jared back to lean against his chest. “Feel good?”

“So good,” Jared nodded, letting his head fall back to Jensen’s shoulder to turn his face in to nuzzle the stubbled neck with his lips and was pleased to know that when his friend groaned it was because of him. “Make love with me now?”

“I have been, Jay,” Jensen chuckled, keeping his one hand busy while using the fingers of his other hand to lightly tease the hardened little nipples as his hips began to thrust a little faster. “Now we get to the part where I said you’d really enjoy.”

“Huh?” Jared blinked at that since he’d been enjoying all of it so he didn’t see what else there could be…until his friend moved a bit more and his cock hit that tiny bundle of nerves that Jared hadn’t even been aware he had until recently. “Jensen!”

“There’s my boy,” Jensen smiled while kissing Jared’s face and feeling the cock in his hand jerk at the touch over his prostate and his friend’s whole body began to move. “Lean…lean forward against the headboard,” his voice was deep and strained from maintaining control which was made harder by his friend’s innocent movements as he tried to both shift back and also forward only to get frustrated. “What do you want, Jay?”

“You move more so that happens again and…oh my God!” Jared gasped as he once again felt that little switch go off inside again, slowly beginning to understand that it happened whenever Jensen moved so that his deeply buried cock touched him and quickly figured out the best way to move so that feeling happened with even the slightest movement from one of them.

“Jen…I…” he felt himself getting harder and knew by now how close he was to coming again. “I need to…” he felt the flick of a fingertip along the slit of his cock just as Jensen gave another thrust to brush over his hotspot again and this time there was no chance to muffle his cry as he came hard and hot with Jensen’s name on his lips. “Jen!”

Jensen closed his eyes to try to hold back on his own orgasm for just a moment longer but the feel of Jared’s muscles clamping down around him while he kept moving so each thrust and roll of his hips touched that spot within his friend to help him get the most out of climax he knew he was lost only a second before he felt his balls tighten and then came on a groan.

For Jared it was the most mind blowing and fantastic thing he’d ever felt. Not only the strength of his orgasm since he still felt a little shy over that but just feeling and hearing Jensen’s soft whispers as he kissed his neck while still thrusting inside him even as he felt the warmth of come filling him and not feeling odd about that like he once had thought he might.

The strength of his second orgasm along with what else he’d been through had Jared’s body going limp even as he tried to stay awake to reach for his friend but felt Jensen giving smaller thrusts that still electrified his body with pleasure that soon took him over the edge and into darkness with a soft whisper of Jensen’s name.

“Jay?” Jensen felt the change as soon as Jared went limp and at first was fearful that something had happened but as he slowly felt his own climax easing off so he could think clearly he felt the heart under his hand beating strongly and relaxed when he knew his friend had simply been knocked out for a short time from the energy he’d used that night.

“Love you,” he whispered while easing them down onto the bed, carding shaking fingers back through sweat soaked dark hair to see the soft smile on Jared’s peaceful face and pressed a soft kiss over his lips as he eased out slowly and had to quickly run a hand over his friend’s side to soothe him when he whimpered at the loss. “Just sleep, Jay. I’ll be with you as soon as I clean us up a bit.”

By the time Jared’s body had cooled and his mind was able to resurface from the bliss of sex he was aware that he’d been dressed in a pair of soft worn sweats minus the shirt and had been placed under the warm comforter.

He started to tense until a warm arm shifted to bring him closer to the side he was lying against and lips kissed his hair.

“Welcome back,” Jensen’s voice was low and husky still from what they’d just shared but also from a brief rush of leftover emotion as he settled the thoughts of how close he’d been to losing the man currently sharing his bed and his heart. “And Merry Christmas.”

“Hey,” Jared looked up to smile at the slow kiss he was given, letting his lips open as it deepened gradually. “Mmm, Merry Christmas to you too,” he blushed a little as he thought back to what had just happened between them. “Jensen?”

Running his fingertips lightly down the still bare chest to find and hold Jared’s hand, Jensen shifted so his friend was more on his back so he could lean over him; seeing the worry and understanding it. “You were fine. It was great and perfect,” he assured him, bringing the hand up to his lips just because he knew such small acts made Jared both smile and blush. “After we do it more you might even stop passing out…though I am pretty awesome or so I’ve been told by someone.”

“Shut up, Jen,” Jared chuckled, taking the teasing for what it was and also accepting the deeper kiss with a soft sound of pleasure. “I did alright? You enjoyed it?”

“Jay,” pushing up so he could rest on an elbow while watching the younger man’s worried face reminded Jensen that his friend was still so innocent that it made him regret how much he’d missed in life and how much Jared still had to learn as they moved on. “You were great and I would always enjoy anything we do,” he held their hands close to Jared’s heart while softening his kisses while tracking along the strong jaw line. “Even if it’s just lying in bed kissing or holding you or when we’re with Mia…I love you.”

Relieved that he hadn’t messed up, Jared relaxed but couldn’t stop the sudden tear that fell down his face. He glanced up to see instant concern but was quick to shake his head. “I’m fine and I know it’s silly to be crying but…” he paused, leaning into the touch against his cheek. “You and Mia, being here with you, still being here and sharing this moment with you…I was so scared that I’d lose it all that now I…I don’t know how to thank you for giving me this life.”

“You don’t have to thank me, Jared. You give me as much if not more as I give you,” Jensen held his eyes for a moment until he watched the concern slip away to bring the lightness back that he’d always loved to see on Jared’s face. “Now I’m not going to say it’s always going to be smooth sailing because you and I will more than likely have a few fights but that’s also perfectly normal and no matter how testy I get or anything it won’t change that I love you and if we fight…the fun will be in making up,” his smile was teasing. “Okay?”

“Yeah,” Jared slid a hand up to let his fingers card back through short hair while glancing toward the clock. “What time do you think Mia will wake up?” he asked, both tired but not and really wanting to just hold the brave little girl who had been willing to give up her toys to save his life.

Content to nuzzle and kiss along Jared’s neck and throat to get the soft sounds he loved hearing, Jensen’s eyes lifted to the clock in consideration. “On a normal Christmas morning, she’d probably be awake and bouncing on the bed to wake me up but this time she might not get up until…six or so since she was upset,” he smiled as he so easily read his friend’s face. “Do you want to wake her up now, Jay?”

“No, she should sleep. You should sleep,” Jared could tell how much his friend needed that, moving his fingers over Jensen’s face to really take in the deep shadows under his eyes. “When was the last time you slept, Jen?” he asked.

“I’ve slept on and off,” Jensen hedged with that answer mainly because he couldn’t name the last time he’d slept fully and knew once he did crash that he’d sleep like the dead for at least a day. “I’ll sleep tonight…with you,” he kissed the hollow of Jared’s throat to see his eyes flickering as he fought sleep. “You’re going to sleep until the morning probably…unless you want to sit on the couch while I finish decorating the tree before she wakes up.”

“You…you didn’t take it down?” he’d been worried that Jensen might do that considering things and was so glad to know the small tree was still there.

“Mia wanted to but…I told her that we still needed to give you a Christmas,” Jensen sat up, lifting his brow. “So, you want to sleep, make out or…trim a tree?”

Jared laughed at the suggestive wiggle of eyebrows but sat up slowly to see how sore he’d be. “Trim the tree,” he replied before grabbing a retreating arm to pull Jensen closer again. “We can…make out later?” he asked shyly, cheeks still turning a faint pink until he was held tightly against his friend’s chest.

“As soon as she falls to sleep or…I get you alone in a room or closet,” Jensen assured him with a wink, moving to grab clean clothes while tossing some to Jared. “I suppose since you’re ruining my fun of getting you naked again for the moment we should dress.”

“I don’t remember you being this one track minded with sex before, Jensen” Jared chuckled but tried to dress while watching his friend do the same and knowing that watching Jensen’s lean body could become a bad habit if he wasn’t careful.

“Uh, I was sixteen so I was obsessed with sex as a general rule but my main interest was only twelve so that meant  alotta icy showers,” Jensen zipped his jeans but left them unbuttoned to pull a loose long-sleeved t-shirt on that he wore a heavy flannel over while turning to sit to pull his shoes on.

As he did this he took the time to watch Jared carefully dress and made a mental note to start getting his friend used to being casual about things. “I might be taking more of those again too,” he muttered, reaching over to slip his fingers along Jared’s hand. “I also think we are definitely moving someplace warm.”

Jared had started to ask why until the glittering green on Jensen’s eyes shifted to look at him better and he blushed. “You just like doing that to me,” he sat to put his own shoes on while shivering at the feel of lips on his neck.

“I like to tease you because yes, I like to see you blush and also because I like to see you smile,” Jensen told him, standing to extend a hand and once Jared was on his feet he reached up to brush his knuckles along a still slightly pale cheek. “When you laugh or smile and your dimples show it means you’re happy and that’s what I want to know.”

“I’m with you and Mia still. I am slowly accepting that every morning I wake up to you and get to see her smile that I’m home so I’m happy, Jen,” Jared assured him, adding as they walked downstairs in the oddly quiet house. “Mia wasn’t the only one with a Christmas wish. I think I wished just as hard to be able to be with her and you even before I had my memories and…I got it.”

“I think we all got our wishes, Jay,” Jensen told him, stepping into the living room to pause before looking again at the well-lit, fully decorated tree with the angel tree topper sitting beside it as if waiting to be put on while brightly wrapped presents surrounded it. “Umm, were you down here before I got to you?” he asked warily, knowing he hadn’t wrapped those presents because he sucked at wrapping things and he’d just seen his gifts for Mia still in his closet.

Jared looked around the living room to see a soft glow from the fireplace. “No,” he admitted, slipping his fingers through Jensen’s to tug him closer to the tree to notice the two ornaments Mia had made that he knew the child had with her earlier because she’s showed them to him. “She made those she said, she wanted to show how happy she was to have her happy family and to see her daddy smiling.”

Jensen’s fingers shook at he touched the glitter covered ornaments. “She wouldn’t hang them on here because she was angry that Santa was taking you away,” he whispered. “She wouldn’t let me put the Angel on top because she said the angel was sad too but…it didn’t look like this when I went upstairs so if I didn’t fix it and you didn’t fix it then who…”

“Santa Claus,” Jared murmured the smile evident in his soft voice while he reached for the Angel to hold it out to his friend. “You believed in miracles enough to never give up hope on me so…believe in this one, Jen. Put her on?”

Taking the angel carefully to see that it actually looked to be smiling more than it had the previous day, Jensen placed it securely on the top of the tree to plug it in. He stepped back against the warmth and hardness of Jared’s chest while the other man’s arms encircled him as they both took in the perfectly round and brightly lit tree that appeared to have no gaps or holes in it any longer but looking wonderful.

“It’s perfect,” Jared murmured with a soft smile. “Merry Christmas, Jensen.”

“Merry Christmas, Jared” Jensen returned, looking up as he turned so his fingers curved along his friend’s jaw as they shared a kiss in front of the tree. “Guess I better get her gifts down here while you sit down and rest that leg because I’m making you help her open this stuff assuming we can get her disengaged from your neck,” he teased.

It wasn’t easy being quiet when moving several wrapped gifts from upstairs to downstairs but once Jensen was done he collapsed onto the couch to smile over at Jared who had drifted off into a light sleep with a smile on his face.

Remembering the letter from Nic that his father had delivered and since it was technically Christmas, Jensen had grabbed it from upstairs and now took it out to begin to read the short hand written note.

_“‘Jensen. I hope you’re well as you read this. It’s just a short note to tell you what a fine man you grew into and that I know you and Jared will continue to raise that beautiful little girl into a fine and loving young woman because Mia has a huge heart that she got from you._

“‘ _I told you the last time we spoke that no one could take Jared from you unless he chose to go. I was not counting on your mother’s pettiness interfering in that choice but I am a man of my word and I’ve done what I can to ensure that Jared does not leave you. I can’t say how yet but I hope as you read this that it’s happened and that you both will be happy. I knew the first time I saw Mia with him that the choice to send him back was the right one regardless of what other people, including your mother, might think._

_“‘I’m an old man now, far older than even you might think, and even when I’m no longer here my work will continue so that other children, like your Mia and yourself, will get their Christmas wishes. Don’t be sad for an old man as I’m quite pleased to know how many lives I’ve brightened and I am especially pleased and overjoyed to know the last wish I might have granted was to give you back that which you wished and prayed so hard for._

_“‘Move on with your life now, Jensen. Live it for yourself, for Jared, for Mia and the family that will grow. Be who you were meant to be and stop living in the past…and by that I mean get rid of those awful things in your bedroom that Ivy gripes at me about every chance she gets. Take care and be happy. Love, Nic_.’”

There was something in the tone of the letter that bothered the young man but he put it off as the older man’s more eccentric side coming out like it always did but before he could consider it more he heard the first sounds from upstairs and could count in his head how long it would take before Mia would be at the top of the steps calling for him.

“Jay?” he gently nudged his friend’s shoulder, loving how the younger man woke up in a way that was so much like Mia when she first woke up. “Thought I’d give you a heads up that Mia’s up and moving so you might want to wake up a bit.”

“Hmm? I’m awake,” Jared yawned; sitting up to stretch when they both heard the door and then the tiny voice that was just beginning to shake with fresh tears. “She thinks…”

“She probably came to our room and had the same reaction I did when I walked in to find you not in the bed,” Jensen nodded grimly, starting to stand when a hand caught his arm and understood. “You want to get her?”

“May I?” Jared should have known the child would go to the bedroom first and knew that it would scare her to find it empty.

Jensen smiled while he sat back to simply nod. “Go get our little girl, Jared.”

“Daddy?” Mia’s small voice was shaking as she stood at the top of the steps, clutching her oldest bear that she’d grabbed from her Daddy’s empty room. “Daddy? Where’re you? Where’s…where’s Jared? Da…”

“Merry Christmas, my Mia,” Jared hoped his voice was steady as he stepped to the bottom of the steps to see her still sleepy eyes shoot down to his, holding his breath as she rubbed them and then smiled fully the moment her face light up with pure joy.

“Jared!” her squeal of delight echoed through the house as she flew down the steps until she was close enough to launch herself into his waiting open arms. “My Jared! Merry Christmas, my Jared!” she cried while giving him kisses all over his faces and clinging to his neck. “Santa didn’t take you! I’m so glad. I love you! And Daddy…where is Daddy?” she finally thought to ask in between giggling laughs.

Jensen leaned in the doorway to watch them with a warm feeling in his chest as he knew he’d never see anything better than his little girl in the arms of someone who loved her like Jared did. “Good morning and Merry Christmas, baby girl,” he finally spoke, smiling as her eyes shot to his and glad to see them happy again. “I’m told you saw a rare sight last night.”

“He doesn’t believe we saw Santa,” Jared told her in a mock whisper, jiggling her to hear her laugh while he carried her into the living room where her eyes immediately got huge. “I told him we did.”

“Santa was here, Daddy,” she told her father seriously, keeping one arm locked around Jared while reaching for Jensen with the other. “He was going to take Jared but I asked him not to. I even said he didn’t have to bring me any toys ever again and that he could take the ones I did have now if he’d give us Jared forever,” she laid her head on Jared’s shoulder. “He gave us Jared, Daddy! We got our wish forever!”

Lightly touching her soft hair to push it away from her eyes Jensen used his other hand to do the same to Jared’s hair before stepping close enough to hold them both. “We all got our wishes, my Mia,” he murmured, meeting and holding Jared’s eyes with a warm smile before looking back to his daughter again. “It also looks like Santa decided to leave Jay while also giving you some new toys too.”

“Should I open them, Daddy?” Mia asked, obviously wanting to but holding back. “I got my Jared so maybe we should send these back to Santa?”

“Mia, Santa wanted you to have these gifts so it’s okay for you to open them and play,” Jared told her as he hugged her tighter and then eased down to the floor with her in his arms to settle her in his lap. “Let’s see what you got.”

By the time Mia and Jared had gotten through the packages that he didn’t know what they were Jensen knew he’d gone through about five cups of coffee and was still yawning. He was digging through the cookie jar when the back door opened to let Ivy in with bags of what she’d need to cook with that day. “I’m starving and dead on my feet so don’t hit me for looking for sugar I need the energy.”

“You look like hell, boy,” the older woman had nearly not come because she wasn’t sure she could put on a brave front in front of Mia but also knew that Jensen couldn’t cook to save his life. “Is the little one…” she’d started to ask if Mia was awake when an excited shout from the living room gave her the answer as well as another one. “Is that…Jared laughing with her?”

“Santa was by,” Jensen offered with a smile, leading her to the door to peer in to see his daughter and Jared playing with the new teddy bear that Mia had been eyeing in the city for months but had been sold when Jensen had gone to buy it. “In more ways than one,” he looked into her eyes with a nod. “He’s okay, Ivy.”

“Thank Heaven,” Ivy whispered, reaching up to pat his face. “You go in and be with your family. I have dinner to start and I’ll bring out something to snack on if you’re still awake.”

Staying awake was going to be hard but another few cups of coffee had him more alert as he sat on the floor beside his friend while Mia tore into the gifts that he’d wrapped. “Happy, Jay?” he asked, reaching back to grab what he’d gone upstairs to retrieve.

“Sleepy but happy,” Jared assured him, glancing over to blink at the painting. “You…when did you do this?” he asked softly, turning to take the canvas in his hands to stare at it before his eyes began to fill. “This is…”

“A happy family,” Jensen nodded, moving closer so their shoulders touched as he took his first good look at the painting he did the night before. “I know you said you didn’t care what I painted so long as it was something I wanted to paint and this is what I realized last night that I wanted to paint,” he let his fingers brush over the back of his friend’s neck to place a soft kiss along his shoulder. “I got lost in painting it so that’s why you were alone for so long. Is it…do you like it?”

In all the things that he’d painted this was the first time that Jensen could recall being nervous but the moment that dimpled smile looked up to meet his eyes he knew his fears were groundless and then he was laughing when he was knocked over as Jared’s arms went around him to begin kissing him like Mia did in the morning.

“Yes, I love it,” Jared replied in between kisses and laughs. “It is awesome, you are awesome and…Jen?”

“I don’t know how but…we’ll talk about it once we’re settled next year,” Jensen had known the little boy and the puppy would bring questions and while he still wasn’t sure why he’d included them it felt right and still did especially when he noticed that Mia had crawled over to look at the painting. “What do you think, Mia-Lia?” he asked, grabbing onto Jared to pull him onto the paper covered floor with him.

Her small lips pursed as if considering, dropping to her knees to stare before shooting a bright smile at them. “That’s J.T., Daddy,” she replied easily, sighing with a child’s extreme patience at the grown-ups in her life. “Nana said his name will be J.T. and that you and Jared will get him after we’ve moved to my new home where Uncle Chris lives.”

“My Momma talks a lot it seems,” Jared muttered once Mia’s attention returned to her new toys, leaning against Jensen’s chest while still looking at the painting. “Will you paint more like this or will you go back to painting dull and…hey! Ticklish there!”

“Yeah, I know you are, Mr. Honesty,” Jensen chuckled, hearing the doorbell ring but choosing to let Ivy get it since he guessed who it would be. “No, I’m done painting stills and flowers. I may not know yet what I’ll paint or for whom but…it’ll be what I want or nothing at all.”

“Thank God cause frankly those vases of flowers were driving me nuts with how boring they were,” Chris Kane spoke from the door where he’d been standing to take the scene in and to find his voice at how relaxed and natural his friend looked now compared to just a day earlier. “Am I interrupting?” he asked while kneeling to let his goddaughter run to kiss his cheek before tugging him in to see her new teddy bear.

Jared still wasn’t fully at ease with other people so he’d tensed and started to shift away to sit up only to have Jensen’s arm lock around him tighter.

“No, I knew Ivy had invited you to eat with us so I figured you’d be showing up when you thought there’d be food ready,” Jensen replied with a teasing smile, rubbing his hand along the tense arm to let his friend know he was kidding. “So do I have to do the formal introductions?”

“I already told Jared who Uncle Chris was Daddy,” Mia assured him while crawling into Jared’s lap to snuggle closer as a busy morning began to make her ready for a nap. “Uncle Chris, this is my Jared.”

Chris stuck his tongue in his cheek while crouching to extend a slow hand to the young man. Between being in the FBI and working at the clinic he could tell when someone was nervous and Jared clearly wasn’t too certain on trusting anyone just yet. “I thought he was Daddy’s friend,” he blocked the hand that moved to hit him with his leg while holding the curious hazel eyes calmly.

“Oh, Daddy thinks he is,” Mia smiled happily while snuggling more against her friend as he adjusted his arm while reaching out to shake hands. “We share.”

As Jensen fought not to snort and Jared blushed a little Chris just shot his friend a look while shaking the hand that had slowly accepted his. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Jared,” he smiled more upon catching the way Jared held Mia while also leaning more into Jensen’s side. “I also hear that you tell him what boring art he’s been painting.”

“Not…boring. Just a little…dull,” Jared corrected quietly, feeling the need to protect even if he did happen to agree.

“It’s alright, Jay. Chris has always said the same thing you have about those pieces,” Jensen assured him, catching the slightest motion of Chris’s head to the foyer and shifting a little to move. “You and Mia stretch out by the fire and take a nap before dinner,” he kissed Jared softly before giving his daughter one that made her giggle. “I’ll be right back.”

Jared didn’t think he was tired but the second Mia began to yawn he was shortly feeling that way to and chose to take his friend up on his advice of a small nap before Christmas dinner.

“Love you both,” Jensen whispered as he placed a throw from the back of the couch over the pair before stepping out of the room. “I can tell you what he told me but you’ll just want to test me for something,” he began, figuring that’s what his friend wanted to talk about.

“Oh, Ivy told me about Santa coming and while I’m still a little too much FBI to believe that I can’t deny seeing a totally different man than I did when I left here yesterday,” Chris stated, still seeing the exhaustion and knowing Jensen hadn’t slept yet. “You are going to fall to sleep in your plate, Jensen.”

Waving that away, Jensen noticed the other car in the driveway and started to tense only to stop at a touch on his shoulder. “Who’s here?” he demanded. The caution and concern still high and would be for a while yet.

“Someone who wanted to meet you briefly before heading back to New Orleans,” Chris replied, seeing the tension there. “Jensen, I wouldn’t bring anyone here to hurt you or them, calm down.”

“That boy’s had so much caffeine that he’ll be bouncing off the walls before he’s calm,” Ivy scoffed while checking on her dinner and serving her guest coffee. “I’m cutting him off of anything but water to drink until he sleeps a good twelve hours.”

Jensen started to shoot a comment back only to stop at the sight of the petite caramel skinned older woman with braided long white hair sitting at the counter chatting with Ivy. “Oh, I…umm…Chris?”

“Jensen Ackles meet Nicolette DuPree of The DuPree Gallery,” Chris grinned as his friend managed to get his thoughts back to greet the woman. “Nicki’s the main person I’ve been bragging you up to and the one I showed those snapshots of your earlier work to. I told her to ignore those horrid dull things she might have seen in New York.”

“You shush yourself, Christian. Let the boy speak for himself,” she spoke with an accent that was pure Louisiana which Jensen knew would instantly charm his little girl who loved it when Chris let his own adopted accent come through more in his speech. “I certainly don’t want to disturb your Christmas but I’m due on a flight back home this evening and wanted to sit with you and chat about possibly coming down to the Big Easy and seeing if my gallery would have something to offer that might interest you.”

Too much stress and too little sleep was making it hard for Jensen to focus as he blinked until a hand hit his arm. “She’s offering you a contract with DuPree’s,” Chris whispered.

“Umm, I’d love to work with you and your gallery, ma’am” Jensen managed to get out, stunned at the offer.

He’d been in the DuPree Gallery in both New York and New Orleans. That had been the type of gallery he’d only dreamed of one day having his paintings in. Now that he might have the chance it was numbing.

“I…don’t have anything to really show you,” he knew he still had those four paintings that he hadn’t destroyed but those were what he wanted not to paint anymore and what he did have upstairs he wasn’t sure if they’d be right for this gallery either.

“ _Cher_ , I’ve seen all that I have to of your work to know I want you to paint and sell your wonderful artwork through my gallery,” the older woman replied smoothly, reaching into her handbag for a few older pictures of his much earlier work that Chris had seen on one visit. “I’ve also heard you’re very talented in painting a certain style that your former manager disapproved of.”

Jensen tensed again until her hand patted the one that had clenched on the counter. “I…I painted those because it was for me and they weren’t things I ever planned to show or…”

“Kid, Nicki wants more like those,” Chris cut in, seeing the confusion in green eyes as he laughed. “Her New Orleans and Paris galleries have a display room for new and upcoming artists with a flair for painting nudes or more gay work as well as anything else your fingers want to paint…so long as it’s in color,” he put in, rolling his eyes. “I swear if you paint one more flower or landscape that’s dull and boring I am buying Mia a set of drums.”

“Not unless you buy this old woman a set of earplugs,” Ivy shot back, testing her ham with a nod. “Jensen, take the lady upstairs and show her those pieces that only Jared’s seen since it’s too snowy to go to the barn where the other pieces are. Dinner will be ready soon if you can wake those two sleepyheads in the living room and Chris? Make sure he doesn’t fall to sleep before dinner.”

Jared had woken up at the first call of his name to see Ivy standing in the door. “Yeah?” he blinked, rubbing his eyes to notice that Mia was still sleeping and that Jensen wasn’t there. “Where’s Jen?”

“Upstairs showing that art lady some of his pieces,” she replied calmly, noticing but not commenting when he tensed at not having Jensen close but slowly relaxed and knew it would take him some time to adjust. “While I set the table, would you run up and get him?”

“Ummm, is it okay to disturb him?” he asked, stretching as he eased Mia onto the soft rug before slipping the throw over her as he stood. “If it’s business then maybe I shouldn’t…”

“Sweetie, you’re his business too and he’ll welcome you by his side at any time,” Ivy assured him, squeezing his hand as he passed her. “Jared? I can’t tell you how happy seeing you with them makes me.”

“It makes me happy too, Miss Ivy,” he smiled and then went to the third floor. He hesitated a second before knocking on the first door, scuffing the toe of his shoe on the floor before he heard his name called to come in. “How’d you know it was me?” he asked and then winced as he forgot that his friend wasn’t alone. “I mean, sorry. Miss Ivy said dinner was ready and for me to come get you but if you’re still busy then…”

Jensen turned from where the woman was looking through the pieces that Jared had described as awesome to hold out his hand for his friend to join them. “I knew it was you because you’re still the only one in this house who would knock on that door for me, Jay,” he smiled, feeling the tension as he laced their fingers and brought Jared closer to him. “Guess what?” he asked in a whisper that also gave him the excuse to run his lips over Jared’s ear.

“What?” Jared shivered at the soft breath that teased over his skin, feeling a little nervous as the smaller lady hummed to herself and spoke to Chris Kane in some language he couldn’t place.

“I think I have a new contract,” Jensen told him while silently hoping so, nodding to the painting that he’d completed the first night Jared had been home. “She says I have great untapped talent that I should be expanding instead of hiding in neutrals and stills.”

“I still say you’re awesome,” Jared murmured, hoping that one day he’d understand the world of art like this woman must since she saw what he’d always seen in his friend.

“And I will still always take that over any other compliment there is,” Jensen replied, feeling his friend was uneasy with being this close with other people in the room but not caring what anyone, be it people he knew or strangers, thought anymore.

He loved Jared and was through hiding what he felt. It was true that it might cause some headaches at times but Jensen would deal with those as they came and he would not hide it or allow his friend to feel ashamed of what they had in their own home.

“Love you, Jay,” he whispered, taking the younger man by surprise when he kissed him fully and deeply and soon lost himself in the act as Jared returned the kiss with a small whisper.

Chris had glanced up to say something when he stopped to hum low in his throat at seeing the kiss happening. He’d always teased Jensen about not deciding if he was gay or not even though he suspected that if it hadn’t been Jared that his friend would still be single and not exchanging hot lip locks with the tall long haired young man that had made such a dramatic difference in Jensen.

“I think they’re sweet looking together,” Nicolette spoke softly, straightening from where she’d been examining the paintings even though she’d already made up her mind even before meeting the boy. “So that’s his inspiration?”

“I’m guessing so,” Chris debated how long to give before coughing since he didn’t want either man to pass out from a lack of air. “He’s always what drove Jensen before Mia was born. They’re happier than I’ve ever seen them. I just want them away from this place.”

She smiled while patting his arm in a friendly gesture. “You could have signed the boy to your own gallery, Christian,” she remarked, amused as she recalled the passion of a new love and how easy to was to forget when others were present.

“He wouldn’t have signed with me, Nicki,” Chris had tried that shortly after Mia was born and Jensen had got full out defensive on the suggestion. “Which is also why we won’t be telling him that I own half of DuPree’s for at least a couple years or so,” he reminded her, finally making a sound. “Hey! You two want us to disappear or go distract Ivy or something?”

The sudden voice snapped Jensen back to remember that he and Jared weren’t alone but he was quick to grab his friend before he could step back. “Go away, Kane,” he muttered but smiled at the older Cajun woman. “Sorry, you were saying?”

“To you I was saying you have a contract with me if you want it because these are stunning pieces that should be displayed and shown off to the world,” she smiled as she gathered up her coat and purse while gazing at Jared with a mother’s smile to put him at ease before nudging Chris’s arm. “To this one I was saying that I can remember being young and in love. So, I shall leave you to have your dinner and to share this holiday with your family, Jensen” she kissed his cheek before motioning Jared to lean down so she could do the same to him. “Call me after New Year’s and well arrange a time for you to bring this handsome boy and your little girl to visit my city so you can sign the contract.”

“Thank you, Mrs. DuPree,” Jensen told her as they walked downstairs to hear Mia just as she darted out of the living room to throw herself toward him only to giggle happily when Jared’s arms intercepted her to swing her into his arms like he’d always been doing it. “This means so much to me, to us and I’ll be in touch.”

Pausing at the door the older woman took in the loving sight of the honey blond haired child in the arms of a man who she knew loved and adored her as much as her father and knew she’d made the right choice to sign Jensen with her gallery since family of any kind was vitally important to her.

“It’s Nicki and I look forward to it,” she slapped Chris on the arm. “Walk me out to the car,” she ordered sternly while rolling her eyes. “I swear, all the manners I tried to teach you were just wasted.”

As Chris shook his head but walked her out, an excuse he knew to give his friend time alone to settle, Jensen let it sink in before turning to catch Jared’s smile before he reached up to bring his head closer for a slow kiss that had Mia laughing.

“Daddy happy?” she asked after getting her own kiss from both men.

Jensen wrapped his arm around Jared’s waist to walk into the actual dining room that was hardly used while thinking back to what had barely been a few weeks.

He and Mia had been gifted in a way that he’d never allowed himself to consider possible and now he was being offered the chance that would mean he could support his family fully and away from here, something that he couldn’t wait to do.

“Yes, my Mia,” he murmured as Jared leaned into him and Mia shifted so she could hug them both. “Your Daddy is very happy.”

That pleased the little girl. Then she looked into Jared’s eyes as she would so very often before and smiled at the love she could see there. “Jared happy?” she asked, giggling as his just slightly scratchy face tickled her.

“Yeah, baby. I’m happy too,” he assured her, lacing his fingers through the ones Jensen offered as Mia watched them before laughing and looking up at the ceiling.

“The angels are happy too,” she told them, kissing both her Daddy and Jared before dropping down to go find Miss Ivy and her sippy cup for milk but stopped to look back. “Daddy, are we a happy family?”

Thinking back to the first time he’d heard that phrase sixteen years ago to now, Jensen smiled at his daughter before slipping his arms fully around his best friend and the man he would never let go. “Yes, we’re a happy family,” he assured her, voice dropping low while adding softly to Jared. “Forever?”

“And ever, Jen,” Jared murmured, accepting the kiss and neither man saw the sparkle of lights toward the ceiling as a pair of Angels were also happy at the new family and the granted Christmas wish.

**TBC (1 more time)**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a tiny little epilogue left to go.


	15. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nope no warnings I don't think for this one. Just my heartfelt thanks to all of you who have read this or will read this if you were waiting for it to be complete. Thank you for making my first(even though it's technically the second J2 story I've done) feel like a success and in addition to my gen stories and Wincest there shall be more J2 to come as well.

**Epilogue**

**One year later, New Orleans, LA:**

Standing back while the gallery staff adjusted and fiddled with paintings, décor or food, Jensen Ackles couldn’t decide if he was nervous or if the damn tie of his black suit was strangling him but every time he loosened it Nicki DuPree would appear to fix it.

This was hardly his first showing of his art but it would be the first showing since signing with the DuPree Gallery a little under a year ago.

The past twelve months seemed to both fly by and crawl depending on what he was handling. The choice to move to New Orleans hadn’t been in question because both he and Jared had agreed it would be better to make a clean break from his family especially when it began to leak to certain tabloids about Jensen’s ‘gay love affair’ and other sordid reports.

Of course there had never been any doubts who had leaked the news. Laura Ackles had been both furious and bitter that her ultimate goal had failed and also that the deputy she’d hired had taken a deal to incriminate her.

There had only been one moment that Jensen had gone for Ivy’s shotgun and that was the day that his mother had arrived at his house as if nothing had happened just a month earlier. It had taken a call to Seth Welling as well as Gary Ackles’ lawyer to remove the incensed woman after she realized that her rants were having no effect and that her son had made up his mind.

Lawyers and authorities reopened the Padalecki’s accident and with the newly surfaced evidence had proven that Stuart Lawson had been paid by Laura to run the family off the road. Both were facing several charges while Jensen’s mother was due to lose far more in the divorce that Gary filed for.

Jensen had never once considered his father going ahead with it but as Gary told him the one time they’d seen each other as the sale of Jensen’s house was finalized their marriage had been mostly for show for several years and the pre-nup that Jensen’s grandfather had been wise enough to make his son use when marrying Laura assured that she’d get very little except alimony and would never touch the Westins stores.

He’d thought it would be more stunning with everything going on but for Jensen all he cared about was Jared and Mia. He worked hard to keep them safe from all the bitterness from his mother and sister and was only too glad the day Chris had called to say he’d found a possible home for them in an older section of the city.

The two-story old fashioned home sat off the street and was surrounded by trees, bushes as well as a wrought iron fence to allow Mia to play safely in the yard with the new puppy he and Jared had recently brought home from a shelter.

The Lab/Poodle mix had paws bigger than its body right now and Ivy, who had moved with the family, insisted the thing would outgrow Mia before it was a year old but the child had clamped her little arms around it the second she’d seen it and had named it Moe in honor of the other dog.

Jensen had lost track of the times he’d gone in search of either Jared or Mia to find them both curled up asleep after a hard afternoon of playing with the puppy and he’d just gotten used to Jared sneaking it into bed with them when he could.

The move had been easy since it wasn’t hard to switch Mia to a new school and this one didn’t seem to mind that the child had an obviously gay father or that Jared was a vital part of Mia’s life in and out of school.

At first Jared had been nervous to go pick Mia up since he didn’t want anyone to bother or tease her but the first time another child’s mother had asked her who was picking her up and the child just replied ‘my Jared’ and that seemed to have helped to make certain there were no issues or odd looks anymore.

It made Jensen happy to see his daughter making friends where before she’d clung to him and never had any because they all thought she was odd.

He and Jared had done what little work needed to be done to make their new home a happy home, including enlarging Mia’s room to make room for all her toys while Jensen used the large attic as a studio rather than work outside the home in one like Chris had suggested.

He’d painted several new pieces since moving to New Orleans and all of them were bright and happy looking. Some had the realistic look while others were slightly more subdued but Jared had declared them all awesome so that was good enough for Jensen.

Aside from all the hassles with his mother the hardest moment had been a week after Christmas when Jensen had gotten the call from Nic’s son to tell him that the older man had passed away on Christmas Eve night while working in his office.

It had been a sudden heart attack and he hadn’t suffered but had left a note to call Jensen even though the note had said he’d already said his goodbye to the young man.

Jared had been rattled and naturally upset but Jensen had done his best to soothe and console both him and Mia as certain things in Nic’s letter began to make sense and as he lit a candle at the service Jensen had softly promised to do his best to always honor what Nic had allowed him to have.

The move to New Orleans had also been good for Jared. He still had moments when he’d wake suddenly and be confused but on those nights Jensen would just hold him and reassure him that he was fine and that they’d always be together.

It had been two months after moving fully into the house that Jensen had come down from painting to find Mia tracing her letters and Jared pouring over the laptop Jensen had bought for him.

Jared loved to learn and had been talking more seriously about trying to take some online classes to catch him up because it was important to him to have at least a GED and Jensen promised to help him get that soon.

Now it had been a year since Jared had come back to him, that he’d finally gotten the happy family both Jared and Mia longed for and Jensen couldn’t be happier.

Even busy and distracted with the much larger showing, his first with DuPree’s Jensen had arranged a special night to celebrate what they both considered their one year anniversary.

Jensen had made reservations at a restaurant that they both enjoyed in the French Quarter and had dinner with Mia and Ivy and then after dinner he’d surprised his friend by having made reservations for a night in a quaint hotel outside of the city while Ivy took care of Mia and the puppy.

At first Jared had balked at leaving Mia alone since he still had nightmares about something or someone hurting the little girl but after assuring him that Chris would be spending the night at the house then Jared had relaxed and enjoyed the night of sex that Jensen planned out for them.

It still amused him that he could make Jared blush with just a touch or a soft word but Jensen was confident that his friend was getting more used to the physical side of things even though he’d sworn to bash Chris in the skull for taking Jared to a strip club one day while they were waiting for Mia to get out school.

In so many ways Jared was still learning and growing but it was hard for other people to see that since all anyone saw when they looked at him was a 6’4” gorgeous man with a heart of gold and so totally devoted to their daughter.

“Leave the tie alone or I might strange you with it,” Chris Kane warned from beside him, reaching around to fix the constricting thing again. “Nervous?”

“This is so much more than a showing at Ben’s gallery, Chris,” Jensen glanced around to see people milling around the room, looking at his paintings as if they were art and not just decoration. “What if they don’t like my stuff? What if Nicki chose the wrong ones to display or…”

Turning the young man toward the punch bowl, Chris smirked while handing him a glass. “Nicki never chooses a wrong painting and you’ve met plenty of these people so you know how good they all think you are. Calm down and just enjoy tonight,” he urged, keeping his hand on his friend.

“I’m proud of you,” he said suddenly, feeling the sharp eyes shoot to his in surprise and hating that Jensen hadn’t been told that very often in his life. “I am. When I first met you I honestly had doubts if you’d survive the week but you fought back and you’ve made yourself into something to be proud of, Jensen.”

“I survived the clinic because you kept pushing me to,” Jensen replied quietly, looking down into his glass rather than risk allowing his friend to see the rush of emotion that was threatening. “If it hadn’t been for you and my memories of him, I wouldn’t have and then I wouldn’t have had Mia or Jared now.”

“Speaking of which,” Chris glanced around the now crowded gallery. “Where are your shadows?” he asked, knowing that Jensen and Jared had had one of their rare fights over his attending the showing since it still worried the boy about embarrassing Jensen by not being good enough for events like this.

“They’re…” Jensen started to say when he immediately heard and turned toward the sing-song voice of his now six-year old little girl. “There’s my Mia,” he smiled as he knelt to catch her as she carefully ran to him. “Have fun picking out the tree?” he asked her, knowing that Ivy had taken her shopping for their official tree today.

Mia’s smile was bright even though she had recently lost her first baby tooth, an act that saddened both her Daddy and Jared, but had made her giggle when the Tooth Fairy left her five dollars.

“Yep, and it’s pink!” she proclaimed happily since Jared had remembered Jensen’s words a year earlier about getting any color artificial tree even if it was pink. “J.T. picked it out,” she looked over through the crowd with a protective glint of only a big sister.

Jensen smiled as he stood while picking her up to see Jared coming through the smiling crowd with the babbling and chattering one year old boy they’d recently adopted in his arms in matching suits.

It had been Nicki who had approached Jensen about the little boy who had been dropped off at a church just shortly after being born last year.

Several people had stepped up but then they all backed out for one reason or another and as soon as Jensen had seen the baby boy he’d known he was meant for them.

Jared had fallen in love the moment he’d first held the small boy and Mia had just smiled while saying that her Nana and Papa had already told her that she was getting a little brother but she didn’t want to share her room.

The adoption had only hit one snag and again Jensen blamed his mother, who even as she sat in a minimum security facility in California for her role in attempting to kill Jared this last time as well as kidnapping her own grandchild, still sought to hurt them.

The judge in charge had seen through the lies and had allowed them to adopt the boy that Mia had already named J.T and that Jensen named Jared Tristan.

The last name was a little trickier until finally Chris had stopped the bickering and just said to name the boy Padalecki-Ackles if it was that big of a problem and that was what little J.T. was named.

“How come he doesn’t have to wear a tie?” Jensen joked as he noticed his son’s white shirt was already stained with something but adored it while smoothing a kiss over soft dark hair as the baby cooed.

“He had one but he tried to eat it so it’s in the car,” Jared replied with a smile, ducking his head to meet the welcoming kiss. “Have I mentioned lately how awesome you are at this stuff?”

Jensen laughed, letting Mia down so she could pick a cookie off the plate on the table while sliding his arm around his lover’s waist while accepting the baby into his own arms to snuggle him like he still did with Mia at bedtime. “Not today you haven’t,” he returned with a smile, looking around as people actually talked and admired his paintings. “I never thought this would happen, Jay. They actually like my work.”

“Of course they do. Jen, you were talented as a teenager. You’re beyond awesome now,” Jared told him, used to his friend’s touches when they were in public and not as uneasy as he once had been. “I told you if you painted what you loved to paint you’d do great.”

That was what Jensen painted now. Since making his new life he hadn’t painted a single vase of flowers or rocky landscape.

He’d allowed Nicki the use of some of his earlier pieces but most of them he’d hung in their house. The two most important pieces were the one of the lake that he’d painted the first night of Jared’s return and the painting he’d done for Jared last Christmas Eve.

Those two he refused to sell no matter the price offered and they hung the living room over the fireplace. In their Master bedroom, Jensen had painted a portrait of Mia and J.T. to hang as he’d destroyed the broken skis and guitar as well as anything else from that period in his life.

Jared had stood with him as they burned and just held him since they both knew it was a way to end the old and begin their new life.

“Will we be home to decorate the tree so Santa can come tomorrow, Daddy,” Mia asked as she broke off a tiny bit of her cookie to share with her new brother, giggling as he also decided to gum at her fingers. “I want to draw him a picture to thank him for not taking Jared last year.”

As Jared stilled at the reminder, Jensen ran his hand over his neck before lifting Mia up so she could give cookie kisses as Chris wandered off to leave the family to share this moment alone. “I think Santa would like that, baby,” he nuzzled her cheek before letting his hand rest on the small of Jared’s back. “Okay, Jay?”

“It’s still hard to believe it’s only been a year but…yeah, I’m good, Jen,” Jared smiled, seeing Nicki headed toward them and prepared to hand J.T. over to the honorary grandmother type who taken over loving and spoiling both children like a normal grandmother should.

“There are those sweet little ones,” she cooed while slipping her earrings into her wrist purse before taking the already grabbing baby while settling him into her arms to take Mia’s hand in hers. “You two boys mingle and eat. I’m going to go spoil my newest grandchildren a bit before Santa gets to.”

Jensen leaned more into Jared’s shoulder to relax him since he knew it still worried his friend when they didn’t have the kids within eyesight. “Come with me and you can give me your opinion of the new pieces,” he decided, nodding at people who he’d met through Chris and also the gallery.

It was still a standing joke between them about Jensen asking for Jared’s opinion since the younger man still held to his belief that he didn’t know enough about art to give an opinion but still managed to make points to impress Jensen and also Nicki.

As the night wore on, Jensen noticed instantly when Jared was no longer by him and politely excused himself to go see that his friend and daughter were standing just outside the double French doors looking up at the sky until Mia turned to wrap her arms around Jared’s neck with a kiss to his cheek.

It never failed to humble every time he saw Jared with Mia and recognized the love and bond they still shared. He knew whatever he’d just witnessed was something special between them and had started to ease away to go gather up their son when Jared’s voice stopped him. “Jen?”

“Hey,” Jensen took the hand held out to step up to place both hands on Jared’s face while smoothing away a few snowflakes that had gathered on his cheeks. “I was just looking for you two so we can find J.T. and start saying our goodbyes so we can go home to cocoa and cookies,” he met Jared’s soft smile with a kiss while Mia’s eyes were still on two bright stars in the night sky. “Making wishes, my Mia?”

The child smiled happily, pointing to the stars. “That’s Nana and Papa, Daddy,” she told him sweetly while her still tiny fingers curled around the edges of Jared’s hair. “Nana said that since I have you, Jared, J.T., Miss Ivy and Uncle Chris and also Grandma Nicki that it was time for her and Papa to go visit Heaven but that they’d still watch out for me,” she kissed Jared’s cheek. “Jared and I were just saying goodbye.”

“Jay,” Jensen searched his friend’s deep hazel eyes but didn’t see any pain or grief like he feared he might. Instead all he saw was happiness and love shining back at him. “Are you okay?” he asked quietly as they stepped back inside the warm gallery.

“They know I’m happy and that Mia’s safe so…it was time for them to go. I’m glad that they’re at peace finally and I know they’ll still be close to the kids, Jen,” Jared replied, leaning into his touch to press his lips against Jensen’s palm with a smile. “I love you, Jensen.”

“And I love you, Jared,” Jensen returned, seeing his daughter’s eyes were heavy. “Did you make a Christmas wish, Mia-Lia?”

Her smile was sleepy as she looked between them to over to where her new Grandma sat with J.T. “I got my wish, Daddy,” she told him as she hugged them both. “I got my happy family.”

“Yeah, we got our happy family,” Jensen smiled as he gathered his family close to go home to begin their first Christmas in their new home.

**The End**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for reading and as always for your comments. They mean the world to me.


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